summary: in which larry introduces his children to star wars
i know larry references star trek in the musical but i personally headcanon him to be a big star wars nerd don't me on this
note: there is jar jar hate in this chapter. jussayin' ^.^
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"Connor, let's have a movie night tonight, how does that sound?" Larry suggested over lunch three days after returning from their ski trip.
"Yes!" Connor agreed with a pump of his fist. "What movie is it?"
"Star Wars!" Larry grinned, and Cynthia couldn't help but chuckle at her husband's enthusiasm. He was an avid Star Wars fan and when the kids were born, he could not wait until they were old enough to appreciate the magic of the films.
"Can I watch too?" Zoe asked.
"Sure!" Larry's smile widened and Connor couldn't remember seeing him so excited about something before—except maybe baseball.
"Would you guys like some popcorn to go along?" Cynthia offered.
"Yes!" They chorused.
"Can we have it super-duper buttery?" Connor added.
She laughed. "Well, I don't know about 'super-duper buttery', but I can definitely put some extra butter in there."
"Oh goody goody!" he clapped his hands. "I can't wait!"
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"What should we do for dinner?" Cynthia asked, setting two large bowls of buttery popcorn down on the coffee table as Larry played the DVD.
"How about ordering a pizza?" he suggested as he waited for the disk to load. "That way you can watch the show with us and it's easy for the kids to eat in front of the television."
"Yes! Pizza!" Connor and Zoe cheered. Cynthia often emphasized the importance of healthy eating, which meant that pizza and other kinds of fast foods were treats they only got once in a blue moon.
Just then, the opening theme music blasted through the speakers, making all of them jump.
"Oh! It's starting!" Connor squealed, hugging one of the couch cushions close to his chest in anticipation.
"Daddy! I can't read the words! Can you read them to me?" Zoe pleaded, frantically tugging at Larry's sleeve, afraid that she might miss out.
He read the words of the opening crawl out to them, and Connor interrupted in concern, "Is the whole movie like this?"
Larry chuckled. "No, it's not, he assured him. "This is just the beginning, now watch."
"I'll order the pizza later," Cynthia said, more to herself than anyone else. "It's barely six."
They watched in a silence that was occasionally punctuated by a gasp or cry of surprise from one of the kids. Just after the credits for "A New Hope" rolled, the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," Cynthia said, getting up from the couch to unlock the front door. "Pizza's here."
"How did you guys find the movie?" Larry asked, standing up to stretch his back.
"It was so awesome!" Connor gushed. "The fighting was so cool and I like the lightsabers."
Larry looked so pleased that Connor and Zoe both couldn't help but catch a bit of his excitement. "Well then, let's watch episode five once Mummy gets the pizza. It's called the Empire Strikes Back, and it's my favorite."
Zoe squinted. "No, but we should be watching two. Not five."
"What do you mean?" Larry asked, a little confused. "We just finished episode four, so the next is episode five."
"But we should have started with one!" Connor spluttered. "Not four!"
"No, episodes four to six came out first, so we watch them first," Larry explained.
"Then why aren't they called one, two three?" Zoe asked.
Larry chuckled. "Well, that's because episodes one to three tell the story of what happened before episode four, they were just released later."
"This is so confusing," Zoe muttered.
"But we should still watch episode one first," Connor argued. "If not it'll be like, backwards but not really."
"I know it's confusing," Larry agreed. "But because episodes four to six came out first, they're the classics, so we watch those first."
Fortunately, Cynthia interrupted their extremely confusing exchange with two boxes of pizza. "Are you guys hungry yet?"
"I want pepperoni!" Both kids yelled, leaping off the couch and each helping themselves to a slice as Larry started Empire Strikes Back.
Zoe screamed and Connor almost spat his popcorn out when Vader revealed himself to be Luke's father.
"But he cut off Luke's arm!" Connor spluttered.
"And he, he—Luke is the good guy!" Zoe exclaimed.
Cynthia leaned across the couch to whisper in Larry's ear. "Wait till they find out that Luke and Leia are related." He smirked at her and placed a finger over his lips.
When the movie ended, Connor and Zoe immediately shouted, "Can we watch the next one? Let's watch the next one please, Daddy! Please, Mummy?"
Larry made a big show of looking at the clock. "Oh, I don't know. I mean, it's getting late…" he teased.
"No, Daddy, we need to know what happened Han Solo!" Connor whined.
"Yeah! And what happened to everybody else!" Zoe added.
"Okay, okay," Larry relented. "We'll watch Return of the Jedi."
"But after that, you guys really need to get to bed. I don't want to deal with cranky kids tomorrow," Cynthia firmly reminded them.
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"What? Luke is Leia's brother?" Connor screeched.
"But I thought he was going to marry her!" Zoe cried. "And they kissed! On the mouth!"
Larry and Cynthia couldn't help but dissolve into laughter at their comical reactions.
"Star Wars has so many surprises," Connor said as the movie continued on.
When the show was over, he and Zoe both let out a loud groan. "Alright, time to go to bed," Cynthia quickly ushered them upstairs before they could get a word out. "You can discuss the movie in the morning, you two need to sleep."
They were so spent that they fell asleep as soon as she tucked them in, but the following day the only thing on their minds was Star Wars.
"I like the lightsabers!"
"And then Vader cut off Luke's arm!"
"And that slug monster was super scary."
"Oh yeah, but the Ewoks were super cute."
"Yeah! Especially the babies!"
Larry interrupted their excited chatter with a huge grin on his face. "How would you guys like to watch Episodes One to Three tonight?"
They scrambled off the couch. "Really? Yes! Yes! What's it about?"
"It's about Darth Vader before he turned bad—when he was still Obi-Wan's student," he explained.
"Is there Luke and Leia?" Zoe queried.
"Why don't you wait and see?" He winked at her.
She flopped onto the floor with a dramatic "Aww…"
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"That was so sad," Connor moaned as Revenge of the Sith ended. "Everyone who was good died!"
"Which did you prefer—the classics or the prequels?" Larry asked them.
Cynthia snorted from the opposite side of the couch. "You don't get to disown them if they prefer the prequels, you know."
Larry scoffed. "Are you questioning my parenting methods?"
They laughed while the two children stared in confusion at each other. After a beat, Connor realized that they were expectantly looking at him for an answer. "Oh! Uhh… I like all of them, I guess," he said. "They were super good!"
"I like all too," Zoe agreed.
"The lightsaber fights were super awesome," Connor continued.
"Padme was so pretty," Zoe added dreamily. "I want all her dresses."
"Thoughts on Jar Jar Binks?" Larry began, but Cynthia reached across and smacked the back of his head playfully.
"I like him!" Zoe decided.
"He's super funny," Connor nodded vigorously.
"Yeah! And he's super clumsy and uses a lot of funny words."
Larry feigned a look of horror. "You two like him?"
They nodded, giggling at his facial expression. Cynthia rolled her eyes.
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"Are lightsabers real?" Connor inquired the following morning.
"No, they're not," Larry said. "But they are toy versions."
Zoe's face lit up. "Ooh! Can we buy some, Daddy?"
"What's the magic word?" Cynthia reminded her.
"Please?"
"Why don't we buy some after you finish your lunch?" Larry gestured towards her half-eaten bowl of pasta.
Connor crammed such a large spoonful into his mouth that he nearly choked.
Cynthia sighed at him in exasperation. "Slow down, what have I told you about haste making waste? If you choke, you're only going to slow yourself down."
He grinned sheepishly back at her as he continued shoveling ravioli into his mouth.
After less than ten minutes, Larry had grabbed the keys and the three of them dashed out the door, Cynthia's cries of "Connor! Wipe your mouth! You have sauce all over—ugh!" falling on deaf ears.
In half an hour, they trooped triumphantly back through the front door, each of the kids holding a lightsaber, and Connor still with pasta sauce smeared across his cheek.
"Look, Mummy! Mine is purple!" Zoe waved her lightsaber proudly.
"Mine is green!" Connor said as Cynthia grabbed a napkin to wipe his face clean.
Larry added, "Don't forget the red and blue ones! Let's go have a duel in the backyard!"
Connor and Zoe ran out the backyard door with a whoop, Larry following after them. Cynthia stopped him with a playful tone in her voice. "Congratulations, your children are officially nerds now."
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this chapter feels like a shitpost
i hate it uggghhhh
anyway, tell me what you think of it and what your favorite star wars movie is
mine are empire strikes back and rogue one
AND THE LAST JEDI COMES OUT TOMORROW HYPE HYPE HYPE
also, happy hanukkah to everyone who celebrates it!