Chapter Eight- Kawaki
Staring out over the ocean as the sun rose, I found myself still at a loss after Boruto suddenly kissed me. It was so unexpected, so quick and apparently accidental but it happened… and I'd never felt more confused about anything. I could only imagine how he must have felt after doing it and running off like he had. I wanted to stop him. I wanted to go after him, but I couldn't. I couldn't move. It had been hours since then, and I still hadn't moved.
There was so much on my mind. Why he did it… if it just happened or if it was something he had wanted to do for a while. I had no idea how he felt… but I didn't know how I felt either. Why didn't I push him away? Why didn't it repulse me? Boruto was precious to me… but he was like my brother… my best friend. Right? I wasn't sure of anything anymore.
The more I thought it over, the more confused I became and I eventually realized I wasn't going to figure it out on my own. I was going to have to talk to Boruto and find out why he did it… what it meant. I pulled my knee up and rested my arm on it, sighing deeply while absentmindedly watching the dolphins pass. It was a beautiful sight, but even it couldn't calm me after what happened.
Did Boruto like me… romantically? Did I… could I actually like him too? I started remembering small things that I'd paid no mind to before. How important he was to me. How I'd rather be with him than anyone else. Even girls. How much I wanted to protect him and make him happy. He was the only one. But I'd never thought of my feelings as anything more than friendly. He was my best friend. When I realized that I wouldn't mind us being more than that, I finally got up and jogged to my hideout to smoke.
His lips had pressed against mine so naturally, and they were much softer than I would have thought. My heart always swelled when he looked at me so excitedly, so happily. That's how I wanted him, always. But now… he was probably sad. I'd hurt him without even meaning to and I didn't want that. I knew I needed some time to collect my thoughts and sort through my feelings, but I didn't want him to suffer in the meantime. I didn't want him to avoid me and I wouldn't do that to him.
After I smoked, I jogged home and went inside. I needed a shower and had yet to go to sleep, so I was ready to crash. Hinata stopped me right when I reached the stairs and frowned when she got a good look at me. She scolded me for being out on the beach all night and I apologized. She sighed but let me go without giving me a hard time and I told her I was going to shower and sleep for a while. She walked off, fussing about me skipping meals and I smiled on my way up to my room.
When I went to pass Boruto's room, I hesitated, but I couldn't face him yet because I didn't know what I was going to say or do. I wasn't mad at him, not even close and I didn't want him thinking that but I still couldn't bring myself to see him right now. So I padded to my room, took my shower and fell into bed, passing out in a matter of seconds.
I woke up hungry and forced myself out of bed and into my bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, instantly remembering the brief kiss Boruto had given me. I checked the time and frowned when I saw it was already early evening. I'd slept all day and because of that Boruto probably thought I was avoiding him for sure.
Once I finished brushing my teeth, I hurried downstairs to get something to eat, not bothering to get dressed. I couldn't think straight on an empty stomach and as soon as I slid into the kitchen Hinata swatted me with a wooden spoon.
"Ow, mom!" I groaned even though it really didn't hurt and she looked disappointed in me.
"You missed dinner and so did Boruto. I swear, you two… these late nights are getting to you."
Boruto hadn't come out of his room for dinner? I frowned at this, apologized to her and went to the refrigerator right before she handed me a plate. She was always so considerate. I thanked her and ate the whole plate in record time and drank a whole glass of lemonade before getting up from the table.
"Take this to Boruto." She ordered in her no-nonsense tone, handing me another plate.
Shit. I knew I couldn't refuse her… and I supposed I couldn't put it off anymore anyway. I had to make sure he was okay. I grabbed him a bottle of water before heading up the stairs. When I made it to his room I took a deep breath before opening the door. I'd never knocked before and I wasn't going to start now.
I walked in and found him looking out his open window. His gaze moved in my direction but he didn't look at my face. I frowned at the worried look he had on his face and found myself wanting to reassure him now more than ever.
"I brought your dinner." I said as I carried it over and set it on his nightstand along with the bottle of water. "Did you just wake up too?" I asked, hoping if I started a conversation he wouldn't worry too much.
"Yeah." He said and was quick to take the plate. "Thanks."
"No problem." I sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. "It was pretty good… as usual. And I was the one who got whacked with a spoon so thanks for that."
He bit his lip, holding back a laugh. "That's . . . a shame."
"You suck at lying." I rolled my eyes and leaned back on his bed, laying on my side facing him. I rested my face in the palm of my hand, watching him as he started to eat. He was going through the plate as quickly as I had, which was a good sign. He had an appetite.
He set the plate back on the nightstand when he was done and drank some of his water. "Are you alright?" He asked and finally looked at me.
I couldn't believe he was asking me that. "Are you alright?" I countered.
"Kawaki." He said seriously. "I just . . . it'll be alright. Nothing has to change between us, you don't have to worry. I don't want you to feel awkward . . . or uncomfortable with me. You know?"
I scratched my chin while I thought over his words, trying to figure out what he was feeling. He was the one worrying about how I felt, but what about him? He had to actually like me if he was saying things the way he was. That's how it sounded… or was I reading too much into it?
"I can keep my feelings in check." He promised. "This time . . . I know I can."
So he had feelings… for me. I wondered how long he'd actually been keeping them in check and how hard it must have been… considering he'd done a great job until now because I was completely oblivious. He must have been rubbing off on me.
"You kissed me." I said, studying his face. If he thought I could just forget it, he was crazy.
He looked away, blushing a little. "I-I did."
"Did you mean it?" I asked then, anxiously anticipating his reaction.
He glanced back at me, brow furrowing. "Well . . . well yeah."
"Really?" I snorted. "Didn't feel like you meant it."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He huffed, starting to get upset.
Seeing him get worked up about it was all too amusing to me. Facing him like this made it obvious that I liked him too. Maybe I always had and I just hadn't realized it. I didn't know. But now I did. He was really adorable, cheeks puffed out as he glared at the wall.
I sat up and sighed, watching him closely. "I think I could show you better than I could tell you."
That caught his attention. "Huh?" He voiced, blue eyes looking at me in confusion and disbelief.
As soon as he looked away from me again I made my move, leaning forward to wrap my arm around him and yanked him down onto his back. His eyes went back to mine, wide, startled and his face went red at the proximity. Looking at him now and feeling how I felt, I wondered if it was similar to how he felt when our roles were reversed. But this wasn't so abrupt. He thought he meant it, but I had to let him know what meaning it really felt like.
So I laid over him, most of my weight on him as I moved my lips to his. Boruto hesitated for only an instant before he returned the kiss. My fingers threaded into his hair as I kissed him deeply, more passionately than I'd ever kissed anyone. I couldn't believe how right it felt and how truly soft his lips were against mine. I didn't want it to end, and it wasn't long before I slipped my tongue between his lips, seeking out his own.
He gasped, hands holding onto my biceps while he shyly met my tongue with his own. The feel of his piercing made me groan and it was then that I realized I was getting carried away so I slowed down and kissed his lips once more, softly, before pulling away. I gazed down at him, amazed at how great the kiss felt. Unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. Boruto was breathless and in a daze, even cuter than he normally was.
"Did it feel like I meant it?" I asked, voice husky.
"Y . . . yeah." He said, trying to process what just happened. "I didn't think that you would . . ."
"Didn't think I would what?"
"Kiss me." He answered softly.
"Okay." I smiled as I lowered my lips to his once more, this time kissing him soft and slow but without lingering.
He giggled when the kiss broke, eyes shining. "You tricked me."
"I would never." I huffed, smiling as I moved to lay beside him. "But you know… nothing has to change between us. I don't want you feeling uncomfortable or anything."
"Are you making fun of me?" He pouted and pushed my shoulder. "It's . . . surreal. I was ready for rejection." He confessed.
"Did you cry?" I asked, wanting to know how he felt when he ran away from me.
He hummed. "Not because of you . . . but because I thought I ruined everything." He said honestly.
"You're still my best friend. No matter what." I told him, turning my head to look at him. "I didn't know you felt anything like that… and I didn't know I did either."
"I'm still in shock." He admitted. "I was being difficult because I was frustrated, I didn't know what to do. I was so sure you wouldn't feel the same way." He said and then narrowed his eyes at me playfully. "And it's your fault I kissed you on the beach."
This was more news to me. "How's that?"
"You were laying there looking all smug and . . . and I couldn't help it." He told me.
"But you were able to help it… for how long?" I asked, needing to know how long he'd know he had feelings for me.
He thought for a moment, trying to remember. "The last couple years have been the hardest, but when I realized I saw you as more than a friend . . . I think we were fourteen."
"What?" I frowned, unable to believe that he'd liked me for that long. "No way." It didn't make sense. Surely, I would have noticed long ago.
"I just saw it as a crush!" He insisted, embarrassed. "I didn't think about it seriously until later, until my feelings grew stronger. I put it off and that didn't go so well . . . it's why I had pushed you away."
Suddenly everything was making sense. "I can't believe you did that. But I guess… I understand."
"Sorry. I was trying to be nicer to you . . . even after you kissed that girl." He said bitterly.
"Would you let that shit go? I didn't even kiss her, she kissed me." I grumbled. "That reminds me though… you went inside with that girl. What happened?"
Boruto started playing with the blanket and sighed. "It was horrible. I could barely stand it when she touched me and I got up and left when she tried to kiss me."
"Really?" I rolled onto my side to face him and laid my hand over his. "So you don't like girls then?"
He shook his head. "No."
"Oh." I sighed. "So you just like guys then…"
"Yeah . . ."
I frowned at that, unable to help thinking about all the time he'd spent with Metal and Shikadai… sometimes he even spent the night with them. Did he like them too? "Oh." I managed to say but couldn't come up with anything else. I didn't like the thought of him liking other guys.
"And you like both?" He asked hesitantly.
Did I? I didn't think so… I'd never felt attracted to any guys before but when I thought about it, I'd never really felt attracted to any girls either. "I don't know." I think the only thing I liked was Boruto, but I couldn't tell him that.
"So you just like me?" He asked happily, part of him teasing and the other hopeful.
"Well… I guess." I muttered.
He grinned widely. "I just like you too."
"Don't lie to me." I huffed. "You like other guys too. Or you're attracted to them anyway."
"What guys?" He asked in confusion.
"You said you like guys… like your little friends." I grumbled.
"I said I like guys as in I'm gay." He corrected. "If you're asking who I like then it's always been one person."
"Whatever." I scoffed and rolled over to face the wall, face heating at the thought of him only liking me. I guess we were both weird. And I was okay with that.
He sat up and it was quiet for awhile before I heard him open his water to take a drink. "I should probably show my face before mom comes up here to get me."
"Yeah, you should. Let her know I brought your food."
"Okay." He said and grabbed his plate, taking it with him as he left.
I took a deep breath once he was gone, wondering how the hell everything had changed so drastically in less than twenty-four hours. There was no way for me to know what would happen between Boruto and I, but I was sure we would make it. Because our bond was strong. We meant so much to each other and neither one of us had any intention of fucking that up. Still, this was a lot to take in and I wasn't sure where we would go from here, but I was actually pretty excited to see.
After a while I made myself get out of his room and return to my own, finding no reason to take over his space. Maybe he needed some time to think and he'd want his room to himself anyway. I wasn't sleepy after sleeping the entire day so I just laid in bed forever, staring at the ceiling while dreading school the next morning. I hadn't moved since I got in my bed and didn't even when Boruto opened my door and walked in.
"What are you doing?" He asked curiously.
"What are you doing?" I asked back, as if what I was doing wasn't obvious.
"Seeing what you're up to." He said simply and then added, "Do you wanna go to the boardwalk?"
I looked at him then before rolling my eyes. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
He looked out my window and shrugged. "It's not like we haven't done it before. But I guess you're right, we have school tomorrow."
"Yeah. And Mondays suck." I sighed and stared back at the ceiling.
He chuckled. "Goodnight, Kawaki."
"Goodnight." I said and watched him leave before rolling onto my side. This was crazy… but I liked it.
Not much changed between Boruto and I in the next several weeks. It was like we were still just best friends… but sometimes we kissed. It got a little intense at times, but nothing I couldn't handle. I really liked kissing him though and it was a little distracting. Sometimes I felt like he was purposely trying to distract me, especially when I was in the middle of doing homework.
It wasn't long before I started looking for those distractions though and I found myself feeling more for him than I ever thought possible. I watched him often and wanted to be close to him all the time. One night that urge nagged me until I ended up going to his room to sleep with him. It was a school night but we still stayed up half the night, sharing sweet kisses and holding each other until we finally fell asleep.
Things were going good. We were happier than we'd ever been before and then without warning, everything fell apart.
It was on one particular dreadful Monday when school was almost over that I was called to the principal's office. I never got myself in trouble at school and my grades were great so I didn't know what it could have been for and nothing could have prepared me for what awaited me in that room. My aunt was there, and a deputy. The sight of them alone had my whole world crumbling, but I didn't fall apart until I found out what they had come for.
My aunt put on a good show, faking tears about how she'd been looking for me because I hadn't been home and though I tried to tell the deputy that I'd moved out, he said I wasn't old enough and that I had no choice but to return home with my guardian. I couldn't accept it. My home was with Boruto. With mom and dad. With Himawari. They were my family and that's where I wanted to be.
I wanted to run away, but I wasn't given the chance and I didn't even get to talk to Boruto before I was escorted out of the school and taken to her house. The cop drilled me for a long time, telling me I'd be locked away again if I tried to leave home and while I didn't want that, I didn't want to be taken away from my family even more. I hated to do it, but when I went to school the next day I'd have to tell Boruto to get his parents to save me. Somehow, they'd figure out a way.
But the next morning when I woke up and got ready to leave for school, my aunt stopped me. She spilled the real reason for coming after me and taking me away from everything I cared about. Because every so often, child protective services checked in on me and they hadn't seen me once during their last several visits, they were giving my aunt a hard time and started to consider me missing. And if I was missing, the checks she received that should have been mine were going to end.
She wasn't going to let that happen and she even went as far as to say that to keep me from leaving again, she was forcing us to move away. I couldn't believe her, she was despicable and I needed to escape. But she threatened me, said if I tried anything she would hurt herself, call the law and blame me for it. Out of everything that had ever happened to me in my life, this shocked me more than any of it.
Hating her was easy, escaping her was going to be hard. There were a few more months before I'd turn seventeen and be considered an adult and only then could I get away from her for good. I wasn't ever allowed to return to school and that same day was forced to leave with her on a train that took us hours away. The only belongings I had was my bookbag, my wallet and my cellphone but I hadn't cut it on since I'd been taken from school. As soon as I got a moment away from her though, I would. I had to call Boruto. I had to let him know what happened.
When we arrived at the foreign place that was in the middle of nowhere and way too far from the beach and my special place and my precious family, I was crushed. I couldn't believe this had happened to me. I even tried to reason with her, promising to come stay with her on occasion if she'd let me go back. But she refused and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't imagine going months without everything I loved.
I was shaking when I was finally able to turn my phone on to call Boruto. He'd left dozens of voicemails on my phone and had texted me so many times. I knew he was worried sick so I didn't waste any time in calling him. He breathed a sigh or relief as he answered my call and I explained everything quietly, with as much detail as possible. He was upset and angry which only made me feel worse.
"Please don't worry about me… I'll be fine… and I promise, we'll be back together soon." That was all I could say before my emotions got the better of me and I hung up.
My aunt found out about my phone the next day and destroyed it, determined to ruin my life in any way she could. I was once again enrolled in homeschooling so I could never leave her home. She never left the house to give me any chance of escaping and she was stupefied with alcohol every day, all day. I wasn't sure what kind of person she was. But I hated her.
The summer was coming up and I spent a lot of time thinking about all the fun Boruto and I could have had, but instead I was being held hostage by a money hungry bitch. I was depressed and I couldn't even draw to pass the time because the only sketchpad I'd had in my backpack had only one blank page inside of it. I stared at that blank page day after day, until one day I got an idea.
I spent two whole days making it perfect and figuring out exactly how to go about it but when I completed it, I knew it had to work. My aunt was in the bathroom, her current boyfriend drinking on the couch. It was the only chance I had, so I went with it. I went over to him, the paper folded carefully in my hand.
"I want you to do a favor for me." I told him and gave him a look when he rolled his eyes. "I'm serious. If you do this for me, I will give you all the money I have."
He snorted and looked away as if to dismiss me but when I flashed a few grand at him, he got interested. It was my only hope, so I gave him the money and the paper, with instructions on what to do with it. He could have just run off with the money but considering I offered him double that once I knew the job was completed and he saw how serious I was, I felt like he'd do as I asked. He left right away and I watched him go, my heart speeding up with hope.
This had to work. Boruto cared enough about me not to forget me no matter how long it had been. He cared enough to know exactly what I needed without words. I trusted him more than anything and I missed him like crazy. If I didn't get away… if I didn't get back to my family, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it. I'd never been so miserable before in my life.