summary: in which connor and zoe have their first dance recital

this chapter was a bitch to write but it turned out to be super long compared to some of my others? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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"Is that real makeup?" Connor asked, gesturing to the makeup palette Mrs. Davidson held in one hand.

"Yep," she replied without missing a beat, as she continued applying foundation to Luke's face.

"Why does he need makeup? He's a boy!"

"So that the spotlights on the stage don't make me look weird," Luke explained.

"Do I need makeup, too?"

"Yes, you do," Mrs. Davidson said. "I'll help you with it once I'm finished here."

Connor frowned, looking at himself in the mirror, at the bag of makeup sitting on the table, at Luke getting his makeup on, then back at himself again. "But… I'm a boy…" Boys weren't supposed to wear makeup. It was like how Larry said boys shouldn't wear dresses or nail polish. They were for girls.

"Boys can wear makeup, too," Mrs. Davidson said. "Actors and dancers wear makeup all the time, because if they don't, the lights on stage will cause them to look washed out."

Connor nodded, only half-convinced. He had never seen boys wear makeup before. Larry certainly didn't wear any. He wondered what Larry would say when he saw him with makeup.

"Okay, Luke, can you do your eyeliner? I'm going to help Connor get his makeup on," Mrs. Davidson continued, snapping the foundation palette shut.

"Sure," Luke said, digging through the makeup bag until he had found the eyeliner pen.

"You can do your own makeup?" Connor asked, rather shocked.

"I'm still learning, but I can do a little bit of it by myself."

"Luke competes and performs quite frequently, and it's easier if he learns it himself," Mrs. Davidson explained. "Anyway, it's your turn." She motioned to an empty chair which he dragged over, sitting in front of her.

"It's so ticklish," he giggled, as she picked up the brush and began applying the foundation.

"Luke used to say the exact same thing." Mrs. Davidson smiled. "It does feel a little funny at first. Now, you have to hold very still while I apply the eyeliner."

"Why? Where does it go?"

"On your eyes, right here," Mrs. Davidson pointed to the eyeliner she was wearing.

"You'll poke my eyes!" Connor squeaked, aghast, as she uncapped the pen.

"I'll be very careful," she assured him. "You don't have to worry, Luke still sees perfectly with both of his eyes."

Connor let out a nervous laugh, still wary of the pen that she was holding. "Do I… do I really have to wear that?"

"I'm afraid you do," she said apologetically. "I promise I'll be super careful, but you'll also help by sitting as still as possible."

And he did. Although it was a rather terrifying experience that required him to keep his eyes wide open even when he was sure she was going to poke them. And while she didn't—thankfully!—he still breathed an audible sigh of relief when she was done.

Just then, Zoe skipped over, in full costume and her face covered in colorful stage makeup. "See, Connor, my butterfly makeup! And costume!"

"Great job on the makeup," Mrs. Davidson noted. "That doesn't look easy at all."

"Am I a qualified makeup artist yet?" Cynthia joked.

Mrs. Shapiro swished into the room. "Okay kids, the recital starts in five minutes. If you could all just finish up here and let your parents take their seats, that'd be great."

Cynthia handed Connor the program slip. "Your dance is around the middle of the recital, Zoe's is near the start."

"What about Luke's?"

"Mine is towards the end," Luke piped up.

"Are you nervous?" Mrs. Davidson asked.

"Yeah," the three of them nodded.

"It's our first recital," Zoe said, gesturing to Connor and herself.

"You'll all do great, I know it!" Mrs. Davidson cheered, and they all took turns giving her a high five.

"Will Daddy be coming?"

"Yes, he got here around five minutes ago."

"Remember to take videos, okay?" Zoe reminded Cynthia.

"Of course!" she called over her shoulder, as she and Mrs. Davidson headed out into the audience to find their seats—and their husbands.

Zoe went to sit with the five other girls she was in the group dance with, all of them wearing the same butterfly makeup as she was.

Connor looked around the room. There were teenage girls in pointe shoes and tutus, their hair tied back tightly in a neat bun; there were other girls wearing more elaborate or colorful makeup and costumes chatting near where Zoe and her friends sat; at the back of the room, there were two twins sitting next to each other, and Connor was pretty sure that they couldn't be older than four or five.

Sometimes, he wished that he'd been able to start dancing earlier.

And then he noticed something else.

"We're the only boys here," he commented softly to Luke, suddenly feeling like they were both sticking out like sore thumbs.

Luke glanced around the room. "You're right," he nodded, a little disappointed as well. "Wait, no," he nudged Connor's shoulder. "There's a boy over in that corner. He's doing tap, I think."

"Ohh, yeah," Connor said, only just now noticing him.

The boy was probably a year or two older than them, and he had his nose buried in a book.

Connor didn't know how someone could read a book before a performance; he was so nervous that he wanted to get up and walk around. But he couldn't do that, so he just sat in his seat and wiggled his legs and toes.

He could hear Mrs. Shapiro onstage, welcoming everyone to the studio's year-end recital, then announcing the first performance item. The group of teenage ballerinas filed out as the audience applauded, and a few seconds later the music began.

Connor didn't have a very good view of the stage from where he sat, so he turned around to see what Zoe was doing. She was still chatting with two other girls, but he could tell from the way her fingers kept playing with the ends of her costume that she was feeling nervous, too.

He nudged Luke. "Do you still get scared? Even after performing before?"

"A little," Luke admitted. "I always feel a bit nervous before any performance. But competitions are scarier, because there are judges, and they take off marks when you make mistakes. And it's also more stressful, because you want to win."

Connor nodded.

And then it was Zoe's dance. She and the other performers shuffled onstage, Connor mouthing a "good luck" to her. She didn't see him.

He slipped quietly into the wings to watch them perform. At first, it was a little hard to pick her out among the six girls, all the same height, and in identical makeup and costumes. But he knew how to spot her—she danced like nobody was watching.

Zoe always danced like it was her last dance, even during class or in practice. She always danced like she was having fun, sometimes sacrificing technique for expression. He loved watching her, there was always a freedom in her dancing that he could never seem to attain.

Connor was always technical—too technical, Mrs. Shapiro would sometimes say. He loved dancing, but often found himself focusing more on pointing his toes, or nailing his pirouettes, instead of expressing himself.

They were opposites. They had always been.

Zoe's dance was over quickly, and Connor made sure to clap super loudly for her as she made her way offstage.

"How'd I do?" she asked him as she went back to her seat, slightly out of breath after her performance.

"You were so good!" He enthusiastically praised, nearly forgetting to keep his voice low. "Very, very, very good."

She beamed at him, reaching forward to give his hand a quick squeeze. "Thanks, Con."

And then it was his turn to dance all too soon.

He felt a sudden rush of queasiness as Mrs. Shapiro announced his name and solo, but as he got up from his seat to head onstage, Zoe gave him a loud cheer and Luke flashed him two thumbs up, and he smiled back, taking a deep breath and trying to calm his nerves before stepping onto the stage.

What if he messed up somewhere? What if he fell down? Or forgot his choreography?

What if he made a really bad mistake and embarrassed himself in front of everyone here and Larry wouldn't let him ever dance again?

In the two brief seconds before the music began, he scanned the audience for his parents, but didn't spot them. The lights were so bright he couldn't see anyone beyond the third or fourth row.

He wondered what Larry was thinking.

Larry had never really seen him dance before.

And then the music began, and his dance was the one and only thing on his mind.

The only thing he was focused on were the music, his steps, his leaps, and his turns.

It was only when he finished and everyone clapped that he remembered where he was.

He hadn't forgotten his dance. He hadn't made any bad mistakes.

Bowing and then making his way backstage, he found himself half-tackled by Luke. "Dude, your dance was amazing!"

"Really?" he blinked in surprised. "It was good?"

"Super-duper good," Zoe assured him. Connor grinned, proud of himself, and delighted that he had done well at his first recital.

He wondered if Larry had been watching, and if he would finally see how much he loved dance, and how he good he was at it, and maybe he would allow him to continue dancing.

The other dancer, the boy with the tap shoes, was performing now, and Connor loved the rhythmic tap, tap, tapping of his shoes against the stage.

Maybe he could convince his parents to let him learn tap, since they would have seen that boys could dance tap as well.

It was worth a shot.

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When the recital was over, the three of them gathered together for pictures, clutching the bouquets of flowers their parents had presented them.

"You all did great!" Mrs. Davidson gushed. "Well done!"

"Thanks, Mrs. Davidson," they said, blushing a little at the compliment.

"I got it all on video, well done, everyone," Cynthia said, tucking the camera into her bag.

"Where's Daddy?" Connor asked.

"He had to use the restroom, he should be back soon."

"Did he like my dance?"

"Oh, of course, I'm sure he did."

"Did you see the boy who did the tap dance?" he continued. "I liked it a lot."

"Oh, yes!" Mrs. Davidson said, "He was very good. In fact, Luke's starting tap lessons next month."

"Really?" He turned to Luke, a little jealous. "You never told me."

Luke laughed a little sheepishly. "I keep forgetting to."

"Mom, can I learn tap, too?" Connor asked, tugging on Cynthia's sleeve.

"I'll have to discuss it with your dad," she said absent-mindedly, and he was pretty sure that was the end of the discussion, since Larry most likely wouldn't actually want him to do any more dancing.

"Daddy! What did you think of my dance?" Zoe exclaimed, running towards Larry as he approached their little group.

"It was very good, my little butterfly," he laughed, scooping her up in his arms and causing her to shriek with delight.

Connor was about to ask the same when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw it was Mrs. Shapiro.

"You did so well, Connor," She said, and Connor couldn't help the broad smile that spread across his face. "This was honestly one of your best dances this year."

"Thank you, Mrs. Shapiro," Connor beamed, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet.

"Hey, we have to go," Mrs. Davidson informed Cynthia. "We're taking Luke out for pizza to celebrate, it's a little after-show ritual that we have."

Cynthia smiled and nodded. "Sure! We're actually taking the kids to A La Mode, so I'll see you next week!"

Connor waved to Luke, and followed Cynthia to the car, Larry just behind them, still carrying Zoe.

"What about my makeup, Mummy?" Zoe asked, as they buckled their seatbelts and Larry pulled out of the parking lot.

"We can take it off at home, for now, you get to be a butterfly," Cynthia replied, and Zoe giggled.

Deciding that it was now or never, and simultaneously wanting to get it done and over with, Connor finally mustered up his courage and asked, "What did you think of my dance, Daddy?"

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tony nominations are out and im so excited except that my girls caissie levy and barrett wilbert weed were both robbed :(

anyway!
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