This came quickly. I hope it is received well.
AN EPITAPH OF A LIFE
"I really want to see you."
"You've been drinking again."
Gaara shifted the sound of rustling fabric loud and Sakura had to pull the phone away from her ear. "Sleep it off, Gaara."
And she hung up.
He called again the next night this time with a number she didn't recognise.
"Sakura?"
"Gaara I told you not to call me when you're drunk."
"I need your help."
"You need to get sober."
"Please?"
She sighed. "Where are Temari and Kankuro? You should've called them not me."
"She's out of town."
Sakura waited for an explanation on why his brother couldn't help but Gaara fell silent. "And Kankuro?"
"He…" He sounded like he was moving around on his bed clumsily. "He doesn't want to talk to me."
"And you thought you'd have better luck with me?"
"…Sakura, I…"
"Save it. Don't apologise. Just… get some help, okay? From someone who can."
She heard him sigh as she pressed the end call icon on her phone. Gaara was the only person she'd run to when she was this bad and he'd helped her out so much. Then things happened and their positions were reversed. Suddenly Gaara was the one crying on her shoulder. He was the one holed up in that dark place. It wasn't like he'd lived a life of sunshine and rainbows before this, but this was different.
Gaara gave into the darkness. He lashed out. He hit her in a drunken rage. But before Sakura could hit him back (and she was ready to pummel him for it) he stopped realising what he'd done and fled her apartment and booked himself into the nearest rehab centre.
But it didn't work and he left a month later.
She knew he would call again.
.
.
"Sakura?"
"Gaara…I… what time is it?"
"I don't know."
Sakura rolled over and blinked heavily at the digital clock of her alarm. "Gaara, it's three in the morning. Why are you calling me at three in the morning?"
"I…need your help."
"I sent you those-"
"No, I need to see you."
"Gaara."
"Sakura."
"We talked about this."
"I remember. You shouted and I listened. But we didn't talk Sakura not really."
"You know the rules."
"I-"
"We can talk on the phone, but it's best we don't meet."
Sakura closed her eyes when he let out an involuntary sob. This was so unlike the beautiful and powerful man she'd fallen in love with. Now he was just broken and in a way that having her near him would never fix.
"Not yet," she said. They'd gone over this so many times. "Not until you're better."
"I can't."
"You can."
"Sakura."
"No. You're stronger than this Gaara. We both know you are. The man you were is still in there and you need to find him again. You need to listen to your doctors. Listen to Naruto. You have a support base. Just trust them. Trust yourself. I can't be there with you and you know why."
He knew. And so did she. She desperately wanted to hang up, get dressed, and drive to his place. She desperately wanted to kiss him, make love to him, and hear his professions of adoration that always accompanied that high intensity he got when he fully embraced that he had someone special in his life. Something he'd never had, in this context, before her. She missed the feel of his arms around her. She missed him all over her and inside her. But Sakura needed to let him do this without her. And they both knew why.
His sister was spending most of her time with her fiancé and his brother wasn't talking to him. But Gaara did have people he cared about, and who cared about him. People he wasn't pining over and using as a crutch. Whether he was feeling good or feeling bad Sakura was his reason for that. But she felt the brunt of it every time. He hadn't tried to hit her again but she'd seen the rage in his eyes the last time they were face-to-face.
"What if I can't?"
Sakura sat up and rubbed her eyes. "You can."
"I just need-"
"Naruto will be over your place in the morning. He can help you."
He went quiet. Sakura sighed. "Don't call me this early again," she said.
"Please, I need you. I love-"
It broke her heart to hang up on him again.
.
.
"Sakura."
Sakura started suddenly and almost fell out of bed. Gaara hadn't called her in a month and she was beginning to think he had finally started listening to his doctors. She checked the caller I.D. It was Naruto's phone. He had to have taken it without the blonde knowing.
She sighed. "Gaara I-"
"You don't have to say anything. Just listen."
She sat up, resting against the headboard of her bed and noting her alarm clock said it was shortly after midnight. Lucky for Gaara she didn't have a shift at the hospital the next day until the afternoon.
"Okay," she said finally, rubbing her eyes.
"I thought about what you said. What the doctors said. And you were right that I was just using you as an excuse. My demons are stronger than I thought they were." He sniffed. "I just…I just thought that if I could hold you again-"
"Gaara, don't." Sakura clutched at her bedsheets her heart racing. She shared his desperation. His hopes. But she would not give into them like this.
"It's okay," he said. "I'm not going to beg you to come over I just need to say this."
She nodded. The silence dragged on before she remembered he couldn't see her and she croaked out "go on."
"I wanted your scent and your body to take the place of my strength. I didn't think I could do it. Kankuro…" He sighed. "He said…he said I…he told me I was pathetic and uh that of course you didn't want someone as useless and disgusting as-"
"Gaara." She hadn't meant to interrupt. A sob forced its way up her throat at the knowledge that Gaara's own brother would say that to him.
"He told me to kill myself."
"Please don't," she cried.
"I'm not going to Sakura. I didn't say this to upset you. I said it to let you know that I'm stronger than that now, like you told me I am. Like Naruto told me to be and the doctors..."
He said it because he's getting better?
Sakura wiped at her eyes. "I know you are."
He laughed softly and she sniffed reaching over to her bedside table to grab a tissue. It was good to hear a genuine laugh from him.
"I'm going to see her tomorrow."
Sakura inhaled deeply, holding her breath for a moment thinking he was going to continue but he didn't. She let it out in a rushed "when was the last time?"
"The funeral."
He hadn't been to his mother's grave since the funeral. Sakura closed her eyes. "Is someone going with you?"
"Naruto."
"Tell him I said he has to give you room to speak without being overheard," she said. "And to not bother you to hurry up."
"I will."
"Gaara?"
"Yes?"
"I love you too," she said, before hanging up.
.
.
Two months later saw Sakura scrunching up her hands nervously as she sat and waited. A waitress passed by and she ordered a strong latte forcing herself to smile. This coffee shop was the perfect neutral place to meet with Gaara but it felt so open and exposed.
She felt so open and exposed.
They'd been talking on and off on the phone and she was happy with his progress: Naruto confirmed all Gaara's sober claims and that this new psychiatrist of his had given him the go ahead to meet with Sakura. She was no longer his crutch but she worried seeing her might derail everything he'd been working towards.
"He's been working towards you Sakura," Naruto had told her. "Just in a healthy way this time."
She hoped so.
A few minutes after she started sipping on her drink, Sakura spotted him and she had to lower the cup to hide her trembling hands. She stood up as he approached drinking in his appearance. He looked better: his choppy locks were still slightly messy but clean those jade eyes sparkled with life again and he walked with a strength she hadn't seen in him in a year. His hands in his pockets Gaara gave her a nervous smile.
"Hi."
"Hey," she said wondering if she should step over and hug him or something.
"Have you paid for your drink?" He asked still standing there three steps away from her.
Sakura nodded.
He held out a hand to her and she took it. "I want to show you something."
Were they moving too fast?
But it felt so natural as he pulled her along gently and glanced back at her with that genuine smile she loved so much. The brash cocky Gaara was back but that underlying gentleness that always made her feel protected when he held her, that was what sealed her decision to just let him lead her on.
They walked for ten minutes without talking just enjoying each other's company. It was nice.
Eventually they made it to the beach and she realised what he was doing.
"Gaara, I-"
"It's okay. I can come here now."
His mother had been killed by a mugger on the beach over a year ago and the place had shut down for a while.
"Look." He pointed to a marble statue she'd never seen before. "It's in honour of her."
Sakura ran a finger over the epitaph. "In loving memory of the innocent souls taken too soon."
She sniffled as he embraced her.
After a few minutes he cupped her face with both hands. "I can move on with my life now." He smiled. "With you."
"Yes." Sakura stood on her tiptoes to connect their mouths in a gentle kiss.
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