Chapter 1: Memorabilia of Nothing.
A dead man lay on a makeshift bed, his chest intermittently convulsing, signifying the yet occupying breaths of life inside his soul.
Wait, wait- no. How was he dead? He was not dead. Not anymore, at least.
The undead man lay on the makeshift be-
What do you mean he's not undead?- It's an imprecise term? Wh- Okay, fine!
Ahem
The previously-deceased-man-who-is-not-dead-now lay on resting place, his chest heaving softly, the movement having a certain intervali-
What do you want now?! The description is drawn-out? Okay, okay, I will correct it this once, but do not interrupt me again!
As was being said prior, the reincarnated soul, who was sprawled on the poor imitation of a bed, squirming like a worthless maggo-
Which part of the 'do not interrupt me" did you not get?!- look what you've done! He's waking up now, I can't continue narrating until the next phase and you know whose fault it is?! YOURS!-
"Why did this have to happen?"
Grumbling, I stood up from the place I had been resting. It was more-or-less something one could call a 'bed', which, along with me, was located in a plain, little room.
All in all, there was nothing worth noting, if you exclude the fact that I had practically no idea where I was.
As such, I decided to do the most rational thing.
Hide under the bed.
*ow*
According to my calculations, my athletic action should've made me slide under the bed without a hitch.
Apparently, I am quite bad at calculating, as the top of my skull hit the wooden floor.
I managed to make a rolling motion, which was efficacious enough to accomplish my goal.
I found myself in almost complete darkness. Just as I like it. What? Light severely irritates my retinae.
Conveniently, a flood of memories and pain and more pain hit my head like a frying pan made of dense material.
I, someone accustomed to severe headaches, found this extremely easy to withstand, and I was able to recover in a meagre amount of time.
24 seconds and 768 milliseconds, to be precise.
Well, at least according to this floating panel.
[Memory retrieval complete.]
[Time elapsed: 24768ms.]
Indeed, a very peculiar piece of... whatever it is
I have to remark, its existence induces quite a bit of paranoia. Have I finally gone insane?
Plausible. Indeed plausible.
Well, only one way to find out.
[Press {OK} to continue.]
[{OK}]
After a few moments passed, my ears were blasted by a robotic voice saying 'congratulations'. In a sickly sweet tone, may I add.
[CONGRATULATIONS, USER#00000001!]
[You have been granted the exquisite opportunity of having the most esteemed position in our programme as the first user!].
[As you have already completed the tutorial, you are ready to start your new existence! Good luck, USER#00000001!]
[Input given name]
[Time remaining: 3e9ns.]
I... uh… I don't do well under pressure and time limits and other kinds of pressure and-
[Time remaining: 0 eons.]
[Randomizing Given Name]
Oh no.
[Statistics]
[Name - Sousuke Ryuki]
[Race - Soul]
[Status - Alive]
[Health - 87%]
[Reiatsu - 0/0]
[Innate Ability - {Gamerism}]
[Alignment - Undetermined]
Alpha ver. 0A.128
..
Thought-provoking.
,
[Universe]
[2829w38hska01, Codename: Bleach]
At that exact moment, my thoughts started swirling, connecting dots strewn all over the place. Dying; Rukongai; Hinamori the possibly-female-harlot-robber; Sousuke; The panel outright saying 'Bleach';
...I-
An epiphany came: a flash of a light bulb made itself known, illuminating the mind's eye.
An epiphanous moment of enlightenment, of venerating thought and mind, sparking a paradoxical festival of immutable logic and immoving faith..!
It all made sense.
Wait, is that a specimen of the serpentes linnaeus suborder?
Hm, It is.
It is?!
As quickly as I possibly could, I rolled away from that hideous monster.
Standing up whilst using the sides of the bed as leverage to quicken my momentum, the creature made its location known with it slithering, remindment of the grim end I would meet if its venomous, carnivorous teeth made itself into my flesh.
And that's when I decided to strategically run away.
As I prepared to flee, I heard a commotion from outsid-
...
Instant stoppage of blood circulation was the reason of this quasi-coma I endured, but nothing to fret, as it was only my face reflected in the mirror.
A more horryfing presence there never were.
"Oi, did you break the bed or something?"
Whirling around, I found myself standing face-to-face with a prepubescent boy, who also happened to have spiky, white hair.
"I'm talking to you, weirdo. And stop staring, it's creepy." He said, making a vaguely nostalgic feeling wash over me.
"A-ah, yes, I realized that." I stammered out the sentence, my heart still beating rapidly because of all the sudden adrenaline inducement.
This horrid face of mine, and-
Sudden sounds coming from beneath the bed reached me, a remindment of the creature haunting me.
Ack! It's there, I see it!
I prepared to tactically flee, but yet again, I was stopped.
By the amazing actions of the boy, no less.
In front of my very eyes, he took the vile beast of demonisity with his bare hand and threw it out of the window.
Heeding me no attention, he proceeded to walk over to the only door, then turned around and said, "Are you hungry?
"No, I'm not." I answered, after a few seconds of contemplation and recomposing myself.
"Well, suit yourself." He remarked offhandedly, "Yell if anything. Don't want you to get eaten by one of those fearsome monsters."
Leaving the room, he left me in complete solitude.
Wait, did he just mock me?
Following him, I found myself getting blinded by the rays of the sun, the warm weather of the outside world inadvertently widening the microscopic pores of my skin.
After recalibrating my senses, I found the white-haired boy sitting outside the house I was occupying a minute ago. He was eating some kind of fruit. Watermelon, I assume.
"You didn't get knocked out. That's surprising." He said when I got close.
He's mocking me again.
"Are you trying to mock me?"
"No?" He answered, continuing to eat his sustenance.
A genuine answer. I'll believe him. For now.
"If you're wondering how you got here, Momo brought you over after you lost your consciousness."
"Momo?"
"Yeah. Hinamori Momo."
He said, looked away from me and continued eating his watermelon.
With that, I considered our brief conversation finished and decided to take my leave.
"Oi, where are you going? You haven't thanked her yet." The boy, whose name was yet unknown to me, indignantly called out.
I briefly looked back. Staying around didn't seem too fruitful, nor did I necessarily care about the preteen and his obstinate wench. Thus, I continued on my path to… wherever I was going.
As if my luck wasn't good enough, considering my newfound ability and all, the aforementioned harlot found herself in my immediate line of vision.
Or was it..?
No, no, it was most definitely her. Her pedestrianism was too unmistakable.
I halted my pace, waiting.
And still waiting.
As her figure got closer and closer, I once again noticed the lack of peculiarities in her visage.
[You have unlocked skill]
[Analysis]
[Level 1 - Grants command {Analyse}, Reveals hidden information.]
[Description - Give your thoughts to the world, and the world shall grant you knowledge you desire.]
Analyse.
[Momo Hinamori]
[Race - Soul]
[Skin color - White]
[Hair color - Dark Brown]
[Eye color - Brown]
[Bio - A normal female soul aspiring to become a . Has a close relationship with . May have lustful and/or kleptomaniacal tendencies.]
Interesting.
"Hey, Shiro-chan! I'm back!!"
Motherfecking shit what was that!?
Wait, Shiro-chan? Is that his name?
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"
I guess not.
In an instant, Hinamori whirled around to face me, her and the supposed "Shiro" seemingly finishing their bickering.
"Hey, you're okay." She stated the obvious.
I offered her a forced smile, "Well, yes. I believe so."
At that moment, her face scrunched up into a grimace and prepared to enounce something.
[Alterant adhered to]
[Due to exhibiting fruitless Paranoia, inability to successfully communicate with given specimens and being called a weirdo, you have been adhered to an alterant.]
[{Schizoidus}]
[Greatly reduces the efficacy of liaison with specimens of similar species.
Inhibits permeability of Emotional Barrie
Reduces susceptibility to humanity]
...
"Did you say anything?"
"N-No, no. Don't worry about it..!" She replied, a quizzical expression adorning her face.
And on that monotone note, I departed.
AN:
Hiareportsyou: Good almost-question.
Slaggedfire: Welp, my bad, should've denoted the funny bits with a laugh track. EDIT: Gone and did that. You'll die of laughter now, I bet.
Diana: ..Did you actually read the first (zeroth, technically) chapter? If so, please lower your standards. "Write a good fic", pfft. As if I'd be able to do that. Well, I'll try anyway.
Sullenwhitedevil: Oh, that. Uh, the mc was having a bit of a psychotic break and the excessive nani usage was a mean to bring him back to dead-life. Not an excuse I made up right now, 100%.
Either way, hope you enjoyed this chapter.
P.S. I absolutely abhor ffnet formatting.