Not mine, but a girl can dream.

Warning: language and sexual innuendo, smutish

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Better Man Ch. 5

I woke up with my eyes feeling puffy and itchy, like they were full of sand. My lips were dry and my stomach muscles hurt like hell. Of course my stomach was feeling a little better since there was a large mocha arm thrown around my waist and Ranger's hand was rubbing small circles on my tummy. It was a comforting gesture more than anything, it had no sexual overtones. Well, it is Ranger we are talking about here, and everything about him is inherently sexual in nature. But this felt more like, an 'I want to make sure you are ok,' rather than, an 'I can't wait to flip you over and fuck your brains out' kind of touch.

"Mornin," I croaked out.

"Morning Babe," he said as he leaned over and placed a kiss at my temple. For about 5 minutes that was it. We just laid there, my back to his front, his hand rubbing lazy circles on my stomach. It was nice. I wanted it to last as long as possible, because I knew as soon as one of us said something else, the reality of last night was going to come crashing down. I replayed last night in my head, the scene in his truck, the horrible things he said to me, the wonderful things he said after that, and me yelling at him and slapping him. Oh holy fuck. I slapped Ranger.

I jerked up and turned to face him, a little too quickly. My head throbbed from a crying hangover. I reached out and used my fingertips to touch his cheek gingerly. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was scared. I was scared of getting crated up and shipped to some remote third world country, but I was more afraid that I had lost the best friend I ever had. Big tears finally overflowed my eyes and I jerked my hand back and used it to cover my mouth.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, forcing myself to look him in the eye as I said it. He took the hand covering my face and kissed my palm then held it clasped between both of his.

He gave me an almost smile and said, "Don't pack just yet Babe. I pushed you, and I deserved it. I'm sorry." He brought my hand up to his mouth and gave it another kiss before using it to stroke his cheek, closing his eyes. After a moment he opened them and said, "You could kiss it and make it better though," giving me the wolf grin.

I pulled up onto my hands and knees and crawled into his lap. I used my fingertips to gently brush along his injured cheek and jaw, barely touching the skin. His eyes fluttered closed and I placed soft feather light kisses all over his face, ending with one on his lips. I pulled back and just looked at his beautiful face, relieved that a slap from me probably hadn't hurt him at all, physically anyway.

Quietly I said to him, "I don't care what you said to me. I was wrong and I am sorry." He opened his eyes and looked into mine before pulling me forward and kissing me tenderly. He pulled me in closer and tucked my head under his chin and chuckled, "What am I going to do with you Stephanie Plum?"

Now in the position I was in, straddling his fantastic body, I could think of lots of things he could to with me, to me, for me. But I am pretty sure that wasn't what he was talking about – not at this exact moment anyway, had it been any other day…

"I have enough ideas of my own Babe without you adding to them, but if you'd like we could start a list and work our way through it." He laughed gently. "It's tempting Babe, but we have some things we need to talk about first. Why don't you shower and I'll call Ella to bring up breakfast. What sounds good?" He removed me from his lap and ambled towards the bedroom door.

I licked my lips for a minute, "Waffles with fresh fruit, whipped cream and bacon?" I suggested.

"Babe, lick your lips again and your waffles won't be the only thing covered in whipped cream this morning." He gave me a sexy grin as he headed to the kitchen to call Ella.

I hurried to the bathroom and nearly shrieked when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I know my hair looks good when I work it into the 'just fucked' look; but now I was sporting a look I could only call 'seriously fucked up.' My hair was matted, having been wet with tears before sleeping on it. My eyes were puffy and I had huge bags under my eyes. It was like I had the mother of all hangovers without the fun of getting thoroughly sloshed last night. If I had gotten drunk instead, this morning would be a whole lot less painful. French fries and a Coke weren't going to fix this.

I turned the shower onto just below boiling and stripped before stepping inside. The water did a lot for my aching muscles, but really couldn't do much for the pain I was feeling inside. As much as I would like to live in denial for a little while longer, I knew it wasn't possible. The incident with Ranger last night brought things to the forefront that I couldn't just ignore. It was our second heated discussion in as many days. If we didn't resolve some of the issues that surfaced soon, our friendship might not survive. I may have lots of friends, but only one best friend. He once told me, 'One Ranger is all you'll ever need.' I had agreed with him, but until recently I didn't realize how much I needed him.

I didn't realize how long I had been standing under the water lost in thought until Ranger knocked on the bathroom door.

"You didn't drown in there did you Babe? Breakfast is here."

I hadn't even washed my hair or done any other of the necessary things a Jersey girl does in the shower. "No, I'm good. I'll just be a second."

"Just making sure you didn't need any help. I'm good in the shower," he laughed. "I left some clothes on the counter for you and your make-up and hair stuff is under the sink. Hurry before it gets cold."

I hurried and finished my routine before Ranger came back to assist. I had no doubt he would be good in the shower, or the car, or on the dining room table... I shook my head to clear thoughts of a naked Ranger soaping me up and hurried out of the shower before I changed my mind about using his shower massager.

I dried off and wrapped myself in a towel while I pulled out my basket of goodies from under the sink to do a little damage control with my appearance. I settled for combing through my hair, adding some no frizz serum and calling it good. I pulled on the Rangeman black yoga pants and workout top before stepping out into the bedroom.

What I found took my breath away. Ranger was in his bed, leaning up against the headboard wearing a pair of black sweat pants and a smile. Beside him was a tray full of the most wonderful smelling breakfast ever. God I love Ella. We ate breakfast in bed. I ate slowly, in no hurry to start our talk.

I glanced at the clock. It was nearly 10:00. "Why aren't you working today?"

"Mental health day." He grinned.

"For me or you?"

"Both."

He took the dishes to the kitchen before coming back to bed. He sat back against the headboard and pulled me over to sit between his legs, with my back to him. I think he knew it would be easier for me to talk if I didn't have to look at him. It would be even easier if we didn't have to have the talk at all, but that ship had sailed. Of course having his arms around me for support would also make the conversation a little easier. He grasped each of my hands in one of his and settled them in my lap. It was comfortable. Ranger had been his usual self this morning, touching me, holding me and kissing me. Even though it was the same, it was different. While his touches were warm, they weren't hot. He was applying comfort, not pressure.

"I…" I started and then I stopped. I opened and closed my mouth 3 more times with nothing more than garbled sounds coming out each time. I sighed. "I know we need to talk, but I don't know where to start."

"Where do you want to start?" he asked, letting me take the lead.

"I don't know. There is so much to cover. I feel like you yanked the rug out from under me last night and I am scrambling to find something to hold onto." I felt him tense behind me. His hands still held mine. I moved them so they were wrapped around me, both of us hugging my body. "I'm not angry. I was angry; actually I was pissed as hell." I released one of his hands to reach behind me to caress his cheek as a silent apology. "Maybe I'm still a little angry. But I am a whole lot more grateful."

He squeezed our hands, hugging me again and nuzzled his nose into my hair, urging me to continue.

I guess he was going to give me the floor, give me time to say my peace. Oh great, I thought, because usually the more I talked, the bigger hole I dug for myself. I just hope he was still there afterwards to help pull me back out. I took a deep breath and dredged on.

"Last night we covered a lot of ground. I don't think I can handle it all at once. I think it makes sense to divvy it up into manageable pieces." Look at me sounding all adult and together. Go me! Mental fist pump! I felt him nod affirmatively; guess he liked my plan of attack.

"The first part is about me, well hell, it's all about me." Great Steph, egotistical much? "What I meant to say it that there are things that are about me and Joe, things about me and my family and the Burg, things about me and my job and things about you and me. It is all related, but I need to find a starting point." I paused, waiting for some acknowledgement from him before continuing.

Quietly he asked for the second time this morning, giving me control, "Where do you want to start?" Personally I thought just naming it all was enough for one day, I was already exhausted. Maybe we could pick up where we left off tomorrow. I think I needed a break, and maybe some cheese doodles, or ice cream, or both. I made a move to get up. Ranger didn't let go, he just tugged me back onto his lap and wrapped our arms tighter around me as a show of support.

"Focus Babe."

"I want to talk about us." I really didn't want to talk about us; I just wanted us to stay like this forever, him holding me tightly, keeping me safe and not having to deal with the outside world. It didn't get any better than this. Well maybe if we were naked, that would be better, but that was a whole different discussion.

"Babe." That word can mean a lot of things, this time it meant, stop thinking about sex, it's making me crazy.

"Actually, I think we need to have 2 conversations about us, but I think we can only have one now. The other one has to wait until later." I said hurriedly. He didn't say anything. I don't know how, but I swear to god I felt one of his eyebrows go up. I turned just a little so I could peek, yup – right eyebrow cocked ever so slightly. I wiggled out of his grasp, he didn't want to let go until he saw I wasn't running away; I was just turning around to face him. It would be easier to not have this conversation not facing him. It would be easier yet to not have this conversation at all, but he risked a lot to make me face the reality of my life. I owed him this.

Big girl panties Steph, take deep breaths. "First we need to deal with us as friends, mentor/mentee, Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle." He smiled at the reference to the day we met. Now for the scary part, "The second part is about us, personally, what we want from each other, now and in the future." He nodded, which I guess meant I was supposed to continue.

"Last night, I mean, what started…, ah, I guess I am wondering why?" I asked.

"Why what?" he looked confused.

"Why now?" I clarified.

"You know you frustrate the hell out of me?" He pretended to look cross, but it had no heat behind it.

I grimaced. "People have told me that before." A lot. He leaned over and kissed the end of my nose.

"I just got frustrated, I got fed up." He shrugged. When I made the circular motion with my hand that means 'keep going' he continued. "I tend to be a little protective of you." I gave him the no shit look. "Since the first time in the diner, as soon as we started working together, I put the word out on the street that you were mine; under my protection, which meant that you were not to be fucked with or people would answer to me."

I ignored the caveman tone of his comment knowing I got myself into a lot of shit. I shuddered thinking of how much more there would have been had he not been in my corner, watching my back.

"I try to watch your back, without stepping on your toes." This earned a smile from me.

"It extends to more than just the job. When the burg spreads rumors about you, it pisses me off. When your mother harasses you, it pisses me off. When the cops bet on you, it pisses me off. And when Morelli treats you like shit, it really pisses me off." Wow. I know from personal experience, a pissed off Ranger is not a pretty sight. Well, he is still pretty, but also pretty dangerous.

"Don't call me pretty Babe. It is bad for my image." Oops.

"Most of it I can't do anything about, as much as I would like to make it my fight, it wouldn't be fair to you. First of all, it isn't my place, and secondly you would have my balls." He made a small grimace at the thought. "I don't like it when people treat you badly. They undermine yourself confidence and try cut you down and clip your wings, but I have put up with it." Now he was making me feel all mushy inside.

"But what I can't do anymore is sit back and watch you do those things to yourself. I couldn't sit on the sidelines watching. To do this job, you need to have skills and you have to have confidence in your own skills. You have skills, but you have started to doubt yourself and that could get you killed. Yes, the things I said were harsh. Some of them were mean; some were said because I was angry and hurt. But if I am going to have your back, I need to protect you. Sometimes that means I have to protect you from yourself."

I prickled at his words. "Who are you to make that call?"

"I'm your friend," he said quietly. "One of the things I love about you is that you call me on my shit. You tell me when I am being an ass. It was my turn. You were being an ass."

While I understood what he was saying, I wasn't feeling particularly mature about accepting his words. So I stuck my tongue out at him. He leaned forward quickly sucked it into his mouth, caressing it with his own. Before the kiss could deepen he pulled back, "Don't stick out your tongue Babe unless you intend to use it," he grinned.

"Ass." I teased.

"Right back at ya," he replied quickly.

I took a minute to focus after my Ranger kiss induced fog. "Why last night? Why did you say those things, why now?"

He sighed. Two days ago I would have been surprised to see Ranger sigh. Now it seems to happen regularly. I think I broke him. "I got tired of waiting. I am a pretty patient man Steph. But I was afraid if I waited any longer, I would lose you forever. I could see you slipping away, compromising little by little; getting accidentally engaged? Telling people you played the cello so you seemed like a worthwhile person? You took jobs beneath you to make other people happy – the button factory, the dry cleaner, frying fucking chicken – all for someone else. I thought the more they pushed you, the harder you would push back and for a while you did. I don't know what happened, if it was the Slayers, Stiva, Scrog or one of the other unfucking believable things you have survived, somewhere along the line you lost your fire, your fierceness, and your fight." I would have been insulted by his assessment if it hadn't been right on.

"The fighting," I said quietly. "It got to be too much. I had to fight for my life so often; I didn't have the energy to fight my everyday life. Shit was constantly happening to me; I started to believe them, that it was my fault."

He hugged me tight before speaking again. "You have been through things that would break most people. I've lost count of the number of near misses you've had." He paused a minute before taking my face in his hands and whispering, "Times I almost lost you." He leaned forward and kissed me tenderly.

"Do you know why I offered you a job at Rangeman?" he asked?

"Because I look hot in black?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood. But inside I thought to myself, 'Because you feel sorry for me.'

"Babe, you look hot in anything" he said, before adding sexily "but I prefer you in nothing." Oh boy. "And I would never hire anyone out of pity. In my line of work it could get a lot of people killed." Huh, I never thought of it that way.

"I did it because I knew in order to be successful, to be happy, to thrive you were going to have to make some changes; serious ones. You have had pressure put on you since the day you were born to fit into a very tight mold. You never fit, you were always different. You were meant for bigger and better things. Things your mom and other woman in the burg couldn't even dream of. But that life, their expectations, it was what you knew. Leaving that behind would be painful. But pain builds character." Damn, I hate pain, it hurts, I whined to myself.

Apparently it wasn't to myself. Ranger hugged me to him and kissed the top of my head. "I know Babe, but I have learned that pain is just weakness leaving the body." I hated feeling weak. Right now that is how I was feeling. I was afraid I was broken.

Ranger continued on, I was a little worried he may go hoarse before we ended the conversation. He has said more to me in the last few days than in the two years I have known him. "If you were going to leave the burg behind and live your own life, you were going to need support. While I would be here for you, there are times I have to be gone." I nodded he was often 'in the wind,' which I took to mean 'overthrowing governments of countries I couldn't even find on a map.' Either that or crime was on the rise in Gotham City, or the Joker was on the loose, or the Penguin. He was often gone for months at a time.

"Are you finished musing on my extracurricular activities or shall I continue? He asked with a smirk.

"Sorry," I smiled sheepishly.

"If I was gone, my men would be here for you." I must have had a panicked look on my face. Ranger's men had accompanied me on take downs, once I helped them secure a building and more often than I would like to admit they were assigned to guard my body. I had stunned Hal with his own stun gun. I got Tank kicked in the nuts by a 60 something woman and his leg broken while trying to apprehend a skip. Cal got a concussion after having my sister's water break all over him, passing out and hitting his head on the floor. Just yesterday I initiated Brett, the new guy by getting him bombed by an exploding beaver. I must have been listing my mishaps out loud because Ranger threw his head back and let out a bark of laughter.

"Oh no you don't." I shook my head. "I will break them all and then you will be mad at me. Or you will have to pay them all double to work with me and you will go broke!"

"Babe." Translation – 'you are a crazy woman.'

"My men love you. They don't need hazard pay. In fact they argue over who gets to work with you. They respect your instincts, even if your methods are a little unorthodox." I snorted. That was an understatement. Calling my methods unorthodox was like saying Ranger was mildly attractive. He ignored me. "Most of my men are ex-military. Collectively we have seen more darkness than any man should. You have a light about you that pulls people in. We are a family and would love to have you as a part of it."

Now I was getting a little teary. I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. His hand came up to cup my chin and he nuzzled my nose before kissing my lips softly.

It was all very sweet, but I was still doubtful. "But what if I embarrass you? I mean I blow up cars on a regular basis and occasionally buildings, although usually it isn't my fault. I hardly ever shoot anybody, but I end most days covered in garbage." Now I was rambling.

"Do you understand how much raw talent you have, things that can't be taught?" I nodded no. "Of course you don't. You underestimate yourself." He chuckled, "It is kind of scary, with the proper training you could be amazing. Wait, maybe it isn't such a good idea," he joked. "You could kick my ass."

I was floored, flattered, but floored none the less. He reached over and closed my mouth for me. Somewhere along the way it had fallen open and I was doing a great fish impression. "I don't know Ranger," I hedged.

"Babe, I know this is big. It's scary. I know you are scared. You would have to choose that this is your life, not just something you are doing until something better comes along. I think you are scared of how good you could be at this job and what that would mean. You constantly underestimate your natural talents. Do you understand what a good shot you are? Hell, even with your eyes closed and through your fucking purse! Remember I told you I would never hire anyone out of pity. I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass about this. I want you to join our team."

To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement.

"Part of what I am trained to do is read people. I am very good at it. I think you want this. I don't think you want to be the burg wife, hell I think it would eventually kill you, a little bit at a time. If I am wrong about this, just tell me and I will walk away. If this is too hard, too much, you can't handle it, let me know now. But before you decide let me tell you, I believe in you. I think you could do this, and be good, no, be fucking great at this job. But it has to be your choice. Letting go will be hard, but know I will be here every step of the way." He held my gaze and waited for my reply.

I bit my lip and thought about all he had said. I knew he was being honest with me. Ranger had never lied to me. He may have withheld information, but he wouldn't lie. I wanted to do the job. I liked what I did; I would like it better if I was better at it. I also worried that if I didn't get better at it, I could get dead. Could I do this? Could I let go? Could I take the leap? I wanted to fly. Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. I was already pretty good at missing. If I thought about it too much longer I was going to chicken out. Fuck it!

"Yes." I answered softly, the reality of my choice setting in and what had gotten me here. "Thank you for pushing me; for not giving up on me."

He leaned forward and gave me a tender kiss. He pulled back and grinned at me. He leaned forward again, this time giving me a silly, noisy smack on the lips.

"Great. Now that we have that settled, let's talk about Morelli."

Oh boy!

4,371 words minus title, warning, yada, yada, yada.