summary: Connor & Zoe talk

i am so so sorry for my long hiatus, i was busy preparing for my trinity grade 8 speech & communications exam (i just got my results back and i got a distinction award so yayyy i'm over the moon honestly) and then i got sick and i'm just recovering from a really bad allergy reaction SO THAT WAS FUN

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It was in the middle of June when Larry got a phone call from Texas in the middle of the night. His mother had passed away from a stroke.

The four of them flew down for the funeral, and spent the week at Larry's borther's house of the week, as they finished up some last-minute arrangements. When they finally flew back home, the weather was arm enough for Zoe and Connor to do one of their favorite activities—stargazing.

One night, neither Connor or Zoe could sleep, so they crept out to the backyard with their blankets and stuffed animals. The night sky was clear and there was a cool breeze blowing. They laid their blankets side by side on the grass, sitting on top of them.

"Look, Zoe, that's Orion," Connor whispered, pointing at the constellation. He had been going through a phase of loving astronomy, spending hours at the library devouring books all about space.

Naturally, Zoe wanted to do everything that her big brother did, and also became interested in astronomy, always begging him to share fun facts about the different planets and stars.

"One day, I want to be an astronaut and explore the stars," she murmured, lying down on the blanket.

Connor lay down, too. "You can't go to the stars, silly. They're great big balls of super hot gases."

"Is that what stars are really made of?"

He nodded. "That's what the encyclopedia said."

"There was this book I read where the girl in the story said that stars are the souls of the people who have died. They live in the stars so they can watch over us, and protect us."

There was a moment of somber silence between them. They both thought back to their grandmother's funeral.

"Do you think Grandma is in the stars?" Zoe finally asked.

"I don't know…" Connor admitted. "But it's like, a nice thought."

"Where would you like to be, if you could be a star after you die?" she asked, after another short pause.

"I want to be in the darkest parts of the sky, because then people will be able to see me more easily," he finally decided. "What about you?"

She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, thoughtfully replying, "I think I want to be with the other stars—maybe part of a constellation. Then we can talk to each other every night about what is going on down here on Earth. Because being just one star on your own sounds kind of lonely."

Connor nodded. That sounded a lot like what he thought she would say. Zoe always liked talking with people, and she made friends easily, because she was sweet and nice. Not like him. He was awkward and skinny and weird, and he always got angry at people or did something stupid.

Maybe that was why he liked reading books so much, because stories were so much cooler than real life. Like, he could be Spiderman, and live a life full of adventures and saving people, instead of having to go to school and do his homework. His favorite book was The Little Prince, and both he and Zoe had read it to each other dozens of times.

"Do you think Asteroid B-612 is real?"

"I want to believe it," Zoe smiled. "Even though I know it isn't. because sometimes it's much nicer to believe the things in stories than in real life."

That was true. Connor thought that Zoe was very smart, and many times he himself had also wished that he could just be a character in a story, instead of having to live in this life, because real life kind of sucked.

One small blessing was that he had finally convinced his parents to take him out of Little League. Larry hadn't been thrilled about it at all, but he was becoming too busy with his job, and Cynthia had put her foot down on taking Connor, since it overlapped with her book club. Maybe another reason was due to how awful of a player he was—he'd spent probably half the time benched, much to Larry's chagrin. The last straw finally came when Larry's mother passed, and the family became rather overwhelmed with packing, flying down, and funeral arrangements. But for whatever reason it was, Connor was no longer in Little League, and honestly the happier for it.

Next to him, Zoe yawned, and Connor realized how sleepy he was getting too.

"I'm going to fall asleep now," he announced, cuddling his stuffed zebra to his chest. "Goodnight, Zo-Zo."

"Me too, Connor," she replied sleepily. "Goodnight."

Connor rolled over onto his side, away from Zoe, as they both tried to fall asleep. But despite feeling exhausted, Connor couldn't stop thinking about what some of the relatives had been talking about during the funeral.

Most of it had been of them sharing memories of how good and sweet his grandmother was, with Larry and his brothers talking about how great a mother she had been. Connor only got to see her every few Thanksgivings, so he hadn't really gotten to know her, but one phrase in particular had stood out to him.

"She'd passed away peacefully, in her sleep."

In her sleep.

To Connor, that was kind of creepy. That people could just go to sleep and never wake up again. It almost made him afraid of going to sleep. Even though he was nine years old and knew that going to sleep wasn't something you had to worry about. Besides, he reminded himself, that was only for old people, not for young kids like him.

But even as he drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help but wonder how he might die one day, many many years later, when he was finally an old man. And then he wondered if it was very strange for him to be so preoccupied with such thoughts.

It was just slightly past one in the morning when Cynthia woke up and went to check on the children, as she usually did each night. When she found the door to Zoe's bedroom ajar and her bed empty, she initially assumed that Zoe was simply sleeping over in her brother's room. But when she found Connor's bedroom empty as well, she experienced a brief moment of panic before the backyard came to mind, since they had often slept outside the previous summer. Hurrying down the stairs and ito the yard, she paused for a moment at the threshold.

Connor and Zoe were sprawled out on their blankets, sleeping soundly. The sky was cloudless and a light summer breeze ruffled her hair as she picked Zoe up and carried her up to her room, before returning to fetch Connor. When she tucked him into his bed, he stirred and mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep. She tenderly kissed him goodnight, shutting the door behind her as quietly as possible.

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anyway this chapter is kind of a filler, too short, unedited bc time, and honestly just a mess and i don't really like it. but? um? comment? motivate me? i'm so sorry i've been absent so long

i won't be posting in july since i'll be visiting the u.s. for a conference BUT I ALSO HAVE TICKETS TO DEAR EVAN HANSEN AND WOW I'M HONESTLY FREAKING OUT?
so expect a post on that once i've seen it!

meanwhile u can follow me for updates on my tumblr ( thewickedverkaiking)

last but not least happy pride 3