A/N: some conversations about the future for Linstead. Let me know what you think :)
Jay had been home for a few weeks when he started to notice Erin's symptoms. She had been avoiding coffee, but she tended to do that when she was stressed because the caffeine made her feel worse. And even though she was trying to hide it, it was the third consecutive morning that he had heard Erin being sick and those together with her doing desk duty at work, all concerned him. She had told him that she wasn't focused enough to go in for busts or to go and apprehend suspects, but that didn't sound like Erin at all. One of the parts of the job she loved the most was how the action distracted her from her real life. It was a Sunday morning, and Jay was sitting at the table and drinking a hot squash. Erin was in the bathroom and he could hear her being sick, but she had tried to cover the sound by turning the tap on. When she returned to the table to drink her tea, Jay looked at her, pondering whether or not to ask his burning question. He decided to do it, so he cleared his throat to get her attention and then said, "I want to ask you a question and I want you not to freak out." Then before she could say anything, he blurted out, "I think you're pregnant. I mean you been sick and you're avoiding coffee and doing desk duty, and the only thing that fits is that you're pregnant." Erin looked at him wide eyed, shocked that he had figured it out especially as she thought she was hiding it well. "I…. am…. pregnant. I mean, I think I am. I did a few tests before you got shot but everything has been so hectic that I haven't really done anything about it," she said. Although by Jays reaction, she realised she had phrased what she wanted to say badly because he misunderstood her words. He quickly responded with, "I didn't know that getting rid of it was something you were thinking about. I mean I know you don't want kids, but I know that you know I love kids and I've always imagined myself having them. So I'm not sure how I feel about you 'doing something about it' without talking to me." Erin wanted to interrupt to tell him that she didn't mean get rid of it when she said do something, she meant sort out an OB or get a blood test. But she didn't have a chance as Jay continued to say, "and I know that the good guy thing to say is that it's your body and your choice. And I do think that, I mean it is your body and you do get to choose what's happening to it and I get that pregnancy is a massive shift, but that baby is half mine. I'd at least like to talk about it before you do anything." By the end he had started to get flustered and was beginning to hyperventilate and not get his words out well. So Erin held out her hand as if to stop him and then waited for him to calm down. The she said, "Jay, when I said I had done anything about it, I didn't mean an abortion," at the he visibly became less agitated. Then she continued, "I meant that I haven't had a blood test to confirm it and I haven't lined up an OB and I haven't got any prenatal vitamins. I promise, if I was considering getting rid of it, I would have told you first. I would have talked to you about it." She walked around the table, sat down on the chair next to him and held his hand. "I wasn't trying to keep anything from you. I just wasn't entirely ready to face it myself. And it's funny actually, you were right when you said I never wanted kids. But being with you has kind of changed my mind. There are times when I see you with kids and I can't help but imagine what our kids would be like, what they would look like. When I think about our future now, I see summers in the cabin with kids running around outside, doing the school run before roll call, even a house and a white picket fence. All things I never imagined I would get because of who I am, because of where I came from. But you have given me that, you have given me hope for a future that I never thought I'd get. So now you know, maybe we can start preparing for it." Jay smiled at that, glad that she's able to see a future with him. "Well the first thing I think we should do is go to the hospital and get a blood test to confirm before we do anything else," Jay said. He slowly got up and moved into the kitchen to get her car keys and coat. Then he handed them to her before he put on his own coat so they could both make their way out of the apartment and start their journey to the hospital.
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When they got to the hospital the couple found Dr Manning and asked her to run a blood test because they thought there was a chance Erin could be pregnant. While Natalie was taking the blood, she asked Erin a couple of questions about her symptoms and how long they'd been going on for. Erin answered her questions but made a request that the test be done under the name Jane Doe. They knew so many doctors at the hospital and she didn't want anyone to see her name or the results. Natalie took the vials of blood and told Erin and Jay that the results would take a few hours. For three long hours the couple sat in a side room, not really doing anything other than waiting for the results. When Dr Manning finally came back with the results, she confirmed what they thought. Erin was pregnant and by the looks of her results, she was around nine weeks. The two left the hospital hand in hand, with the knowledge that they'd be returning in two weeks for an ultrasound where they both hoped they would hear the heartbeat.
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When they were in the car on the way home Jay started talking rapid fire about all the things they needed to do. "The first thing we've got to do is sort out the guest room, to get it set up for the baby. I mean the apartment is barely Jay friendly let alone baby friendly. What are we going to do with the big bed in there? We don't really have the space to store it and the room isn't big enough for the bed and a crib and changing table. Maybe we should buy somewhere bigger, you know earlier you said you saw us with a house and a white picket fence, I guess we can start working on that now. You know babies come with a lot of stuff. When there's just us the apartment is spacious but with a baby and everything they come along with, I reckon it will feel very full quite quickly. Oh! And it's good you've been doing desk duty, I suppose you'll have to tell Hank otherwise he'll begin to question why you're chained to a desk," he said, all while smiling, the happiness about having a baby radiating off of him. "Jay I don't want to tell Hank…" Erin said. Though Jay quickly interrupted her when he said, "Erin, he's your dad and your boss. You have to tell him. It won't be too long before he figures out for himself. I mean I don't know what you've heard but from what I've heard, pregnancy comes along with a couple of changes and some are them are quite visible." Erin let out a laugh at Jay's sarcasm and then went on to continue what she was saying, "If you would have let me finish, I was going to say that I don't want to tell Hank yet… I want to wait until I'm at least twelve weeks. You heard what Natalie about the first trimester, once we're past it then it's unlikely we'll miscarry. But until then you never know. Plus I'm a lightning rod for bad luck, so I'd rather wait to tell him because I can't imagine telling him and then something going wrong. Now onto what you were saying about the apartment. I love my apartment. It's the first place that I've had which I could call my own and then when you moved in, it became the first placed I've ever lived with anyone in a committed relationship. This place holds a lot of firsts for me, so I think giving it up will be difficult. But we can assess the situation in a couple of months once we've bought some of the stuff a baby needs and then if we think it's necessary to get a bigger place then we'll start looking." By the end of her monologue, she had pulled up outside their building, so instead of continuing the conversation Erin offered to put the kettle on.
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After confirming that she was pregnant, Erin seemed to be feeling the symptoms of her pregnancy at a far greater intensity. Throughout the afternoon Erin was sick five times and by dinnertime her sense of smell was so heightened that she could only eat a piece of dry toast as anything else made her extremely nauseous. After eating, they both went straight into the bedroom, hoping that relaxing would make them both feel better. Erin was quite low on energy, so Jay took the opportunity to look after her like she had been doing for him for the last month. Although he was slower than she would have been, he made her drinks, brought her crackers and made her hot water bottles, though he could only bring her one thing at a time as his walking wasn't stable unless he used his cane. When he brought in a cup of her favourite herbal tea, she thanked him with a tired smile. He placed a soft kiss on her cheek and then said, "I like taking care of you, you know. Practice for being a house husband." And though she could tell he was joking, there was a slight tinge of resignation. As if all he could do was be a house husband because he'd never be able to return to police. The thought made Erin sad because she knew how much Jay loved being in intelligence and she saw everyday how much he valued being able to help people. So she tried to comfort him by saying, "You can be more than a house husband Jay. You can come back to intelligence, even if your strength doesn't come back you can still do what I'm doing now, you can still talk to suspects, you can still do detective work if you want to. I mean tonight alone you have proved just how capable you still are. And I know you like to take care of me, but I like it better when we take care of each other." Jay moved his hand until his pinky finger was touching hers and then he whispered, "I don't know how to be a dad." Erin turned her head towards him, leaned over until the tips of their noses were touching and whispered back, "I don't know how to be a mum, but maybe we'll be able to figure it out together."