A/N: Some pure Linstead here. Hope you guys enjoy it, let me know what you think :)

Jay was in a foul mood when he came back from PT. Normally when he came into the apartment, he sought Erin out because he wanted conversation and comfort. But that day when Jay came in, he walked into the bedroom, threw his bag and cane on the floor and went into the bathroom. This was out of character for Jay, who was constantly picking up after Erin. Jay was frustrated at himself, angry at his lack of progress and upset at the thought of his future. He loved Erin and he was thrilled at the idea of babies, but the further away he got from his brain surgery the more he realised that he might be stuck like this forever. Jay always thought he'd be the kind of dad who played with his kids and carried them on his shoulders, but Jay could just about manage to carry the weight of a baby. Right now he wouldn't be able to hold anything else because he still needed his cane. And they were only the problems he was facing at home, there were more outside, especially with his job. Jay loved his job. He loved getting justice for victims, but he also loved the adrenaline rush of chasing a suspect, the physical aspects of his job helped to release energy so that outside of work he could be calm and untriggered, and that was something he didn't want to lose. But after his last session of PT he couldn't imagine ever being able to apprehend a suspect confidently ever again. Jay sat on the bench that Erin had got installed in the shower because his legs were too tired and weak to stand after PT. After Jay was finished washing himself, he just sat under the water, finally letting the tears flow.

XXX

When Jay emerged from the bedroom over an hour later, Erin was still sitting on the sofa reading, just like she had been when he first walked into the apartment. Throughout the time that Jay was locked in the bathroom, Erin got up from the sofa so many times to go and check on him. But each time she entered the bedroom she started questioning herself and then turned around to go back to her reading. When Erin looked up to see Jay, she could see how red and puffy his eyes were. Erin patted the sofa next to her and waited for Jay to come over to her and sit down. It was a slower process than normal because he wasn't using his cane so he had pronounced limp and could only take small steps because he had nothing to keep him stable. After he had sat down, Erin pulled him into her for a long hug. When she had let go and he had sat up straight, she pulled her legs up to the sofa, sat cross-legged and turned towards him. "What's going on with you Jay? We've had a couple of really good weeks, you seemed happier especially with the news of the babies. But now you seem angry and sad and I just want you to talk to me about it…so what's going on?" Erin said, hoping he wouldn't take her question in the wrong way and that he would just talk to her. Jay used the palm of his hands to wipe his eyes which were still damp with tears, he nodded and then said, "I had this moment today where I felt like I had lost all hope for getting better and then I started thinking about what I can no longer do and what I'm going to miss out on and…" He started to get emotional again and Erin just held his hand and waited until he had managed to compose himself. "It was just when the PT told me that I was doing well, I laughed because I haven't made any progress with my walking in ages. My upper body strength is almost back to normal but it's as if the connection between my brain and my legs is faulty. My legs are weak and my walking requires concentration. I feel so useless because until you, the one thing I've always had is my work. And I can't do that anymore so I get angry and upset at myself because I can't be the man I used to be. So, I try and think about something else. I stop thinking about the past, and I start to think about the future. And I'm so happy about the babies and I love reading up about what to expect when they get here. But then I start thinking about what kind of dad I want to be and how me being like I am now means that I can't be that dad. I mean right now I couldn't walk about and hold both babies. I wouldn't trust myself to stay upright and I can't imagine you'd trust me to stay upright holding them either…" Jay said, speaking faster and faster and not really breathing so when he finally stopped, he took in a large, unsteady breath. Erin waited for him to continue but he didn't, he just sat next to her getting teary eyed again. So Erin said, "Jay, you are the same guy that you were a couple of months ago, whether you can run a mile or not. You are still kind, and loyal, and honest, and goofy, and you'd never do anything to hurt me or the babies. You are still that guy, the same man I fell in love in. So don't be upset about the future. So what, you won't be able to carry both babies and walk at the same time, if we need you to be holding both babies we'll either make sure your sitting down or they'll be in some form of contraption that only needs one hand. We can figure it out and adapt and you can still be the kind of dad you want to be." As she spoke, Jay nodded his head a little. He was listening to what she was saying and was hearing how she would help him be the kind of man he wants to be. Her hope for the future made him happy and he wondered if he would ever feel that hopeful again. But Jay didn't say anything, so Erin kept talking, "And in terms of work, maybe we can talk to Hank, see if you can come back for some sort of modified duty. You'll be able to do everything I can do while pregnant. Only If that's something you want though. Right now, the world is in the palm of your hands, if there's something you want to try and it's possible, you can do it. But if you want to go back to police work, I'm sure Hank will be able to sort it out." Jay was so glad that he'd accepted Erin's opening to talk because she'd seen everything in a different way to him. He had assumed that if he couldn't be the same cop he was, he couldn't be one at all. He never even considered desk duty. Jay nodded and then said, "You know, I hadn't even thought about the other options, but I do think going back to the precinct would be good for me. Other than PT and sometimes food shopping with you, I don't really leave this apartment. We've haven't been to Molly's and we haven't gone out to eat. I feel a little imprisoned in here. So yeah, going to the precinct would be good." That night, both Erin and Jay sat on the phone to Hank, discussing the options for Jay's return to work. They decided that he could start desk duty the following Monday, which would give him four days to prepare. Hank told Jay explicitly that he was not going to be doing any physical work. And if he was tempted and got into trouble then he would be sent back home immediately. The couple got into bed that night feeling different emotions. Erin was happy that Jay had talked to her about his feelings and hadn't shut down on her like he used to, but she was nervous about his return to work. Erin worried about Jay's feelings when the team went out on a bust or to bring in a suspect and he couldn't join them because of his physical condition. Although sometimes he got a bit sad about his current state, Jay's emotions in general were quite upbeat and if he was to return to work, Erin feared that might change. But Jay was ecstatic at the prospect of going back to work, of feeling useful again. He was radiating joy and he wanted to spread the feeling. That was when he decided that on the following Monday night he was going to propose.