A/N: One thing that struck me as peculiar is the way that canon depicts Roxas' recollection of Sora's memories. Roxas calls Sora 'the boy in red', as though he's viewing things from a observer's perspective. It makes him very detached from those memories, because he's effectively watching someone else go through them rather than experiencing them himself.

I don't like that interpretation. It doesn't any sense at all. Roxas should be reliving those memories from Sora's POV – which means he also remembers the emotions attached to them. I've tried to make that clear in the previous chapter when he recognises Riku, but it'll be more explicit when he recalls Kairi as well. Gonna play with the idea of transference and memory resonance. If you've read any of my NieR: Automata fics featuring the resident couple 2B/9S, you'll find that this is something of a recurring theme.

Also, I've headcanoned that Nobodies are physiologically identical to humans. They bleed, so they must have a functional circulatory system, which means they have a heart. Or the physiological equivalent. It's the metaphysical vessel that they're missing. Of course, Roxas doesn't realise that he's already grown a new heart…

Thank you for reading, and especially those of you who have left a review! Reviews keep me happy and motivated :-)

xxx

3. Snarl of Memories

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The room is overwhelmingly white.

Roxas squints, unaccustomed to so much brightness. Though the crayon drawings pinned to the walls break it up, the lack of colour permeates everything else: the ceiling, the furniture, the curtains. Even the girl sitting at the end of the table is pale enough to blend into the décor. Her fair complexion and straw-blonde hair barely differentiate her from her surroundings, and her ivory slip of a dress may as well be camouflage. But she does have one stand-out characteristic: eyes the same shade of indigo as Xion's.

Said eyes are flitting between him and Xion now, a strange sheen in them that speaks of preternatural knowledge. Her voice contains the same mysterious quality, tinkling soft and silvery as she greets them:

"Hello Roxas, Xion."

"Uh, h-hi there?" Roxas garbles out, taken aback. Though their host doesn't look like the type to start a fight, he hadn't expected to be exchanging pleasantries with her.

Xion returns the greeting with rather more dignity. "Hi Naminé."

"You know," the blonde girl continues cordially, "I've been waiting a long time to meet you two."

Having only learned of her existence a scant half-hour ago, Roxas can't say the same. "Who exactly are you, Naminé?"

Something dark flickers across her face and disappears in the next instant. "I'm a witch with powers over Sora's heart and memories, and those of people connected to him."

Roxas nods. That description makes sense, given how Naminé had recognised him and Xion as soon as they'd set foot into her room, and unannounced at that. But unless he'd missed his guess, it's not something that she takes any real pleasure in.

"Does that mean you know all about Roxas and I, then?" Xion asks.

"I do."

A furrow forms between Xion's brows. "Naminé, there's something I've been wondering about. If I'm meant to be a copy of Roxas, how come I'm not more like him? Or Sora?"

Naminé's eyes have a knowing glint to them, as though she had anticipated this question. "That's because you're not Roxas or Sora, but rather Kairi as Sora remembers her. Perhaps it can even be said that you're Roxas' idea of Kairi."

"Kairi," Roxas tries out the strangely familiar name. As it rolls off his tongue – filling him with a sharp, inexplicable pang of longing – the cobwebs in his mind clear away. "Oh! She's the girl in Sora's memories who looks so much like Xion, but with red hair."

"It's more accurate to say that Xion looks like Kairi," Naminé remarks with a thoughtful purse of her lips, "rather than the other way 'round."

"'Cause Kairi's the original, I guess?"

"That's right."

Pressing his chin against his knuckles, Roxas muses over Naminé's revelation and what it implies. "So you're saying I've somehow… made Xion the way she is? Like a reflection of Kairi?"

Naminé tilts her head, something that's halfway between a nod and a shake. "Xion formed her own identity over time, one distinct from Kairi's. But she didn't have any features to begin with, and it was her exposure to you that gave her this appearance."

Roxas turns towards his best friend, towards the choppy black bangs and indigo eyes that he finds so indescribably precious. Xion doesn't seem to notice; her gaze is clouded over in deep thought. Unable to resist the impulse, he superimposes the hazy memory of Kairi's face over hers. The resemblance is so uncanny that he cannot believe he hadn't noticed it until now.

Is Xion the manifestation of his unconscious desires? A carryover from his forgotten past as Sora, wanting to be with the one he treasured most? Had he unknowingly longed for Kairi's presence so much that he'd shaped Xion into her likeness?

Although he has much to learn about feelings and their complexities, Roxas knows that Sora cares for Kairi more than anything else in the world. There's always some emotion that saturates his memory-dreams of them together, which have become more frequent and vivid as his strength diminishes. Having run up against the blank wall of oblivion for so long, Roxas doesn't feel like he belongs in these memories anymore. He's hardly different from a spectator, now.

Nevertheless, he remembers—

(contentment, when he and Kairi had sat side-by-side on the paopu tree, watching the sun set on the watery horizon—)

(fear and shock, when she was swept, ghost-like, into and past his arms—)

(breathtaking relief, when her comatose body twitched as he reached towards her—)

Not only are these feelings proof of Sora's devotion to Kairi, they also seem to have bled across to Roxas' relationship with Xion. Had he been reenacting his past with her all along, without realising it? That would explain so many things. Now that he thinks on it, what Sora feels towards Kairi is not unlike what Roxas himself feels towards Xion.

There's the way he unfailingly gravitates towards her, drawn by an initial spark of familiarity that had become warm and comfortable over time. There's his protectiveness of her, the fact that he'd do anything to keep her safe and make sure she's okay. And there's his wish to see her happy – to be the source of her happiness – and remain evermore by her side…

These feelings, do they make up what 'love' is?

Xaldin had dismissed love as 'cloying nonsense' at the same time as he'd acknowledged its power. But it's something that neither he nor Roxas would ever grasp, due to their lack of hearts. (As the days went by, Roxas had become less and less convinced of that argument.) Axel, on the other hand, had described love as something special that happens between two people.

There's definitely something special between Sora and Kairi. One would have to be blind and deaf not to see that.

If Sora loves Kairi, does this mean that Roxas loves Xion?

And if he does, has this realisation come too late, for their time together is about to end? Has Roxas made it all this way – finally discovering that he is capable of love – only to be robbed of all further opportunity, robbed of his very beloved herself?

It's an unbearable thought, one that leaves him choking on regret and bitterness at a future that would never be realised. Desperate for a distraction, Roxas seizes upon the nearest subject: Naminé.

The agonised beats of his nonexistent heart slow down as he focusses on their mysterious host. There's something about her that itches at him. He doesn't quite recognise her, but she doesn't feel completely foreign either. Though her hair may be several shades too light, closer examination would reveal that she has the same heart-shaped face as Xion – as Kairi.

Why is that?

Taking a moment to gather himself, Roxas breaks the pensive silence. "Naminé?"

The indigo eyes that meet his are hauntingly familiar. "Yes, Roxas?"

"I can't help but notice you look like Kairi too," he points out in his typical blunt manner. "You're not another copy like Xion, are you?"

Naminé shakes her head. "No, I'm just a shadow of Kairi." Her voice is tinged with unhappiness.

"Are you her Nobody, then?" Xion pipes up, giving the other girl an astute look.

Naminé responds with a small, close-lipped smile, an expression that Roxas has seen many a time on Xion's face. It makes their resemblance to each other – and Kairi – all the more striking. "You figured that out pretty quick."

Another silence follows in the wake of her reply. Roxas blinks once, twice, three times. Among the many revelations dropped onto him today, this one had come completely out of left field.

Aren't all the elite, human-like Nobodies already gathered into the Organisation? Clearly, Roxas is mistaken. It's short-sighted of him to assume that only thirteen of them exist. Of course there would be more out there; the Organisation need only recruit enough members to fill up the numbered seats. Loath as he is to admit it, Xion had been no more than a lowly extra. Were Naminé among their ranks, it's likely that she wouldn't be treated any better.

But how had she come to be in the first place?

Her self-described powers aren't like anything Roxas had ever heard of before, so she must be a special case. Did something unfortunate happen to Kairi, causing her to leave her Nobody behind? Or was Naminé born of some weird process that allowed hers and Kairi's simultaneous existence, like his and Sora's? If so, is she another victim of his and Xion's circumstance, someone doomed to rejoin their original self and disappear?

Thinking about this makes Roxas' gut lurch uncomfortably.

"Kairi is alive and well," Naminé supplies, as though she'd read his mind. "One day, I'll have to go back to her too."

That confirms it. So, Naminé is truest of their Nobody kin, united in the same tragic fate. "You're not very different from us, then."

She gives a sombre nod. "That's right."

"Then you oughta know how we feel!" Roxas bursts out. Though Naminé is merely a stranger – and one on the enemy's side, no less – he can't help but feel betrayed by her. "Why are you going along with this? Why are you helping Riku to wake Sora up?"

Naminé folds earnest hands over her breast. "Because the worlds need Sora. As a Keybearer of Light, he carries great responsibility. And he's connected to so many people, friends and allies who miss him dearly." Then her expression changes, and Roxas can hear the mix of guilt and reverence in her voice. "Not to mention I owe so much to him. He was the first person to show me kindness. He forgave me and protected me, even though I did horrible things to him."

It's clear she'd undergone some sort of life-changing event with his other self. But Roxas suspects something else. If he had managed to inherit Sora's feelings for Kairi – transplanted though they are onto Xion – it would make sense for the reverse to happen with Naminé.

"You care for him."

"I do." Her reply is quiet, but there is real conviction behind it. "I promised him I would wake him up."

"And you're willing to sacrifice me and Xion to do that," Roxas finishes for her, feeling resentment bubble up inside his chest.

Naminé's eyes are cast in shadow. "I know it's awful, and I honestly wish there were some better way," she admits, setting her hands down on the table. "But not everything is lost for you, Roxas. When you join with Sora, you won't be gone. You'll become whole. But Sora will be the dominant personality, while you linger in the background."

Riku had provided the same answer in different words. "So I'll be trapped in a body I have no control over?"

"It's more like you'll be sleeping inside him."

Roxas huffs. What is that but some half-baked excuse of a life? Still, it's leaps and bounds better than what his best friend is about to face. "But Xion will just disappear instead?"

"Sadly, yes."

"Why are things so… final for her?" If Xion's demise cannot be avoided, Roxas would at least like an explanation why.

When Naminé answers, there's a heaviness to her voice, one that can only beget bad news. "You're Sora's Nobody, whereas Xion is a replica made up of Sora's memories. It is these memories that have given Xion her form and identity. Because of that, they are tied to her existence. Stripped of them, Xion will fade away, since she has no longer has anything to tether her to the world."

Naminé drops her gaze onto her hands, unable to maintain eye-contact. "Unfortunately, there is another consequence of this. When Xion returns to Sora, the memories that make her up will come apart. This will cause the memories that everyone holds of her to come apart, too. In short, they'll be rewritten as though she'd never been in them. No one will remember her." She shakes her head in despair. "Even with my powers, I won't be able to salvage a single memory of her."

It takes several seconds for Naminé's words to sink in. When they do, Roxas finds himself shaken to his very core. "So you're saying that not only will Xion vanish, I'll also forget her?"

Naminé is still refusing to meet his eyes. "I'm terribly sorry."

Rounding on his best friend, Roxas demands, "Xion, did you know this?

The expression on her face looks far too much like acceptance. "Not the reason behind it, but I expected something like this, yes."

"And you're okay with it?" he persists, incredulity mixing in with his horror.

Xion's lips flatten into a grave line. "Coming to terms with it took a while, but I know it's the right thing to do."

Overcome by the urge to shake much-needed sense into her, Roxas steps forward and claps his hands around Xion's shoulders. "The right thing? Like hell it is!" he exclaims, his voice rising to a wail. "There's nothing right about forgetting you! You can't seriously want this!"

But his emotional display fails to dissuade her, and her eyes remain steady on his. Resolute. "Roxas, it has never been about what I want. Only what I must do."

God, how that statement hurts. "Xion…" He topples forward, his forehead coming to rest against her shoulder. "Xion, I just can't do this." His words come out ragged, and tears spill unabashedly from his eyes. "I can't let you go and forget about you, too. It'll be like losing you forever."

Xion doesn't reply. Roxas can feel her hand's gentle weight on the back of his head, her fingers curling into his hair. Were this another, happier occasion, he would have revelled in her touch. But it does nothing to console him now.

They stay in this painful stalemate for a full minute, neither able to let go. Then Naminé's tentative voice interrupts them:

"Roxas, Xion, if I may… say something?"

"Go on," he hears Xion say.

"There is something I can try. I might be able to untangle Sora's memories from you and Roxas. This will, in theory, allow both of you to live. Convincing DiZ to let me do it will be really difficult, though."

Roxas snaps his head up. Naminé's offer has kindled a flame of hope within his chest, so bright and painful that he finds it hard to breathe. "There's a way to let us… live?"

"I think so," Naminé replies with a hesitant nod. "But it's not a guarantee. And I don't know what the side-effects are. You could potentially lose all your current memories, and start over a blank slate. Not to mention it'll be a long and drawn-out process, taking at least a year."

Separating himself from Xion, Roxas dries his eyes on his sleeve. "I'm willing to take that chance. I'll take anything over forgetting Xion—"

"No, I'm afraid that won't work," Xion cuts him off, to his surprise. "Because of me, Roxas is already living on borrowed time. If we have to wait a year, he won't survive it. The whole point of giving myself up is to prevent that from happening. Without Roxas, Sora will never be complete. I'm the expendable one."

It's nothing short of devastating, the prospect of being given salvation only to have it snatched away in the next instant. Across the room, Naminé's face falls.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think about that."

"Thank you for the offer anyway," Xion returns, all unwavering politeness.

This makes the other girl grimace harder. "There must be something I can say or do to make things better…" Then inspiration lights up her eyes, and she turns to meet his gaze. "Roxas, your memories of Xion won't be permanently erased! Even if you forget her at first, you'll be able to remember her later on."

"That's… possible?" he says warily.

"Yes, I'm sure of it!" Naminé continues with an excited clap. "Think of memories like links in a chain. Recalling one memory leads to recalling another. After Xion returns to Sora, the links will will form a different chain, be arranged in a different order. But your memories of her will be still there; their links will simply need to be put together the way they were before."

Unbidden, hope swells inside him once more. "And how can I do that?"

"Though the memories themselves may fade, physical reminders – like a picture, or a note – won't. Maybe you can use that to jog your memory?"

With the suddenness of Thunder magic, it strikes Roxas that he doesn't just have a note – he has pages upon pages of them. "My diary!" He pats his left pocket, and comes into contact with a reassuring rectangular shape. "I brought that with me."

"Reading your entries ought to help you remember," Naminé says encouragingly. "If Xion were to leave you a memento of some kind, that would also help."

"But wouldn't that mean Xion has to return to Sora first?" he points out. This strange amnesia would only take effect once Xion is gone. In order for Roxas to retain his autonomy so that he can forcibly remember her, Xion must therefore leave him behind and face her end alone.

And he must therefore bear the burden of her passing.

Naminé gives a solemn nod. "It does. You can go together, if you prefer. But you'd forget Xion when you reawaken as Sora."

Roxas shakes his head. "No, that's unacceptable. Even if it hurts – no matter how much it hurts – I won't give up her memory." Turning to face his best friend, he presses a sincere fist to his chest. "I swear to you, Xion: I will remember you."

Xion's eyes fly wide. "Roxas…"

"I won't let you fade away into nothing," he carries on, determined. "You deserve so much more!"

A wobbly smile forms on her lips, and she blinks in rapid succession, clearly holding back tears. "I'm really glad you think so."

Roxas studies her face, mesmerised by the play of emotion across it. With the final hour almost upon them, Xion is prettier than ever to him – beautiful, even. As his eyes roam over each dip and curve and freckle – committing them all to memory – one thing becomes clear to him: he'll never let her go.

Whether in life or death or nonexistence, Roxas will always treasure Xion.

All that's left for them now is to confront the inevitable. And the wan, fragile-looking girl seated at the opposite side of the room is their guide. It's ironic how she is laying down the path before them, given that she will walk their very footsteps when her time also comes.

"Naminé," Roxas begins, looking her in the eye, "there's something I wanna know. I realise you owe it to Sora to wake him up. But how can you accept all the horrible things that must happen in the process? Doesn't it bother you? You're a Nobody just like us! Don't you wanna be your own person, too?"

There is no humour in Naminé's replying smile. "If I could be my own person, that'll be a wish come true. But I'm a mistake. I don't deserve to exist in the first place."

"Why do you and Xion keep saying that?" Roxas groans, shaking his head in disbelief. "We do deserve to exist!"

"We don't have a heart," she points out, her expression wooden. "We're just… freaks, empty shells, the by-product of something gone wrong."

"Do you honestly believe that?" Roxas places a hand over his chest, where he can feel the steady thrum of a too-convincing heartbeat. "Heart or no heart, we can still feel things!"

Naminé shakes her head. "Maybe we can, Roxas. But that doesn't make us real people."

"What makes someone real, then?" he argues, gesticulating fiercely.

"Real people are those who come into the world naturally. People like Sora." Naminé sounds certain, if joyless in her answer.

"So, because Sora is a real person and we're not, he's automatically more important than us?"

When Naminé fails to make an immediate comeback, Roxas expels a loud sigh. "Yeah, you and I have figured there's no way around this. But Naminé, is what I'm asking for really too much? All I want is to be me, to hang out with my best friends." His shoulders droop, and he cannot help the forlornness that creeps into his voice. "Why are we being punished for simply existing? Do we not deserve to live? Are our lives worth less just because we're not the real thing?"

The look Naminé gives him is filled with profound sadness. "I wish I had an answer for that," she says eventually, voice quiet.

In this moment, a dark corridor materialises next to Naminé, cutting off any reply Roxas might have given. Stepping out from it is a cloaked man in red and black. Though there are elaborate designs stitched into his clothing, it is his face that draws Roxas' attention. Swathed in a multitude of red bandages, it leaves nothing to be seen but his lips and a piercing orange eye.

He directs a stern frown at the blonde girl. "Enough chatter, Naminé." His voice is deep and imperious, not unlike that of the Organisation's Superior. Then he turns towards their audience. "Roxas, you and Xion are the missing pieces to Sora's whole. But he was never meant to be broken in the first place, just as you were never meant to exist."

Recognising hostility, Roxas clenches his fists and glares at the newcomer. "Is that supposed to convince me?"

"You will return to Sora, one way or another," the bandaged man counters, undeterred. "It is the only rightful path ahead of you."

As he had done before with Riku, Roxas bares his teeth rebelliously. "Not if I have any say in it!"

This prompts the newcomer to change tactics. "Will you die as a tool of the Organisation? Or will you fulfill your purpose, the purpose you know to be true?"

"DiZ, please," Naminé implores, tugging on the man's sleeve. "Give him some time to think on it."

He shakes his head at her, impatience evident. "Time is a resource we do not have, Naminé. But here you are, wasting it on useless semantics, giving undue trust to our enemy." Turning back to Roxas and Xion, he meets their gaze with an accusatory orange eye. "You two – you have led the Organisation to our doorstep!"

Roxas stiffens in alarm. "They're here?"

"No, we ran away!" Xion exclaims, waving a hand frantically. "They must have tracked us down!"

He shifts, facing his best friend. "Xion, I'm pretty sure it's Axel. He received absolute orders to capture you."

"I can't let him take me back to the Organisation, Roxas," she pleads, urgency writ across her features. "You know what they'll do to me. I'd rather die. I'd rather be forgotten."

Roxas gives a sharp nod. However much he may hate her sentiment, he wants to stay supportive of her. "Let's go face him, together."

Returning his nod, Xion accepts his proffered hand. With his free one, Roxas opens a dark corridor, leading them both through it and out of the mansion.