Day 6: Part 3

Fire and Compromise and Jesus, Tanya's Obnxious

Oh my.

It was the first complete and vaguely coherent phrase that flitted through my mind.

This isn't right was the second, but in an instant it was pushed down by the third.

Jasper.

My instincts demanded I run, forcefully push him away from me and break this unwarranted kiss. But two equally important measures prevented me from doing so.

First, I was still completely incapacitated; his body, pressed so closely to mine, prevented me from even considering the use of physical force. I could feel the tightness of his lithe body and the contractions and then relaxations of his muscles as he moved around me.

And second, the kiss had set my body on fire.

A deep growl began to build somewhere in Jasper's chest and with this delicious and all-consuming closeness, I could feel actually feel the muted vibration of it.

"Kiss me," he demanded, his words sounding like a hiss as they exited what little space was left between his clenched teeth. "Kiss me."

And I did. Against my perplexed mind, my instinctual repulsion for him, and my traitorously calm heart, I did. And I cried.

This man, tied to the earth by all that was human, and who lived in a perpetual state of manipulation and condescension, was moving his mouth over mine in such a controlled and exact manner that I couldn't be sure whether he was kissing me or the line of subs before me. As our lips moved together, and as the hot tears continued to run delicate streaks down my face, I found my place in the world.

Emmett, sweet and carefree and so loving, was too practical and too easily counted me as his little sister, would leave me wanting. James, while more domineering and more in tune with my more intimate needs, was too aggressive and semi-violent to ever been the stable Dom I required. But Jasper, intelligent and unbelievably sexy, was deplorable in the most accurate sense of the world. He was an asshole. An arrogant and self-entitled bastard who lived only for himself.

But he could stop three years worth of panic attacks.

And that's exactly what I needed.

"Jesus, Bella," Jasper groaned against my mouth. I imagined my name as a ball of air collecting in his lungs and rolling forward slowly across his tongue and through his lips.

He shifted his body so he could press the entirety of his chest against mine. He dropped my arms and I was aware of my slenderness when he encircled my waist with his. Obediently, I wound my arms around his neck in response and was met with the passionate moan of sheer joy as I toyed with the soft curls at the nape of his check. I lifted the back of his shirt so I could feel the taunt muscles in his back. His mouth tasted both bitter and sugary, like semi-sweet chocolate and cream. He brought both hands to my face, gripping my cheeks between his hands. I was momentarily shocked by the softness of them. I expected the same rough, used hands that his brother had. But that was the difference, I supposed. Edward, while a keen intellectual, still worked regularly with his hands. And Jasper, even more of an intellectual, retained and exampled his intelligence only through his mind.

Jasper's deft fingers reached up the hemline of my shirt until his hand was completely under the clasp of my bra. He pulled me to him and it was then that I completely gave in.

It had never quite felt like this; I'd never felt quite this way when kissing a man before. The fevered passion, the angry groping and kneading of flesh, everything. It was both uncomfortable and exhilarating. I thought of both James and Edward as Jasper ran his tongue against my lower lip and I opened my mouth for him. It must have been a mix of facets: the untouchableness of him, the hate that poured from every pore of my body, and the constant fever I felt spreading through me like a sickness.

Kissing Edward was good. Everything about Edward was good. But kissing Jasper made me feel like the entire world was on fire . . . like everything was going to get caught up in the flames and burn right along with me.

I was so lost in the moment, desperate to feel this unreachable man close to me, to want me. And so it took Tanya actually speak or me to realize she was there.

"Jasper," she whispered.

I pulled away from him and looked towards the open door of the den.

"Tanya," I said in a quiet breath.

"Jasper?" she repeated.

With my arms still around his waist, he exhaled his breath in a short breath and turned his head towards the ceiling. "Tanya."

"Y-Yes, Master?"

"Please wait for me in the bedroom. I will be there in approximately five minutes."

I waited for anger to take hold of her expression. I wanted her to be angry; to denounce Jasper and kick him in the back of knees for being such an insufferable asshole. I wanted to watch him fall and twist in agony as she exacted the revenge he deserved to get. In the same instant, I wanted her to forgive me for taking away the only source of comfort she had.

But I couldn't convey any of that with a single look, so instead I only wore a mask of neutrality. After a few seconds of a blank stare in our direction, she turned and headed away from the den.

Jasper looked down at me.

"I want to be your sub," I said.

"I already have a sub."

"I want to be your second sub."

"I do not need nor do I want another sub."

"But you said – "

"I just said everything you need to know."

I squared my shoulders. "I don't exist well in limbo, Jasper. Make up your mind."

We stared at each other for a moment before he unwound his arms from my waist. He took a step back and righted the hemline of his shirt and smoothed the fabric of his pants. I watched him silently as he rounded his desk and picked up his phone. He sat down in the leather desk chair and reclined slightly while punching in some numbers on the phone. He opened his desk drawer and took out a legal pad and a pen.

As he waited for whomever he was calling to pick up, he finally looked at me. He raised a single eyebrow, as though surprised I was still here, before returning his gaze to his legal pad and making a flitting motion with his hand.

He was dismissing me.

And I'd never wanted anything more than to stay in that room with him.

I slept for the rest of the day.

Well, actually, I did more staying in my room than actually sleeping. I took two showers, the first to wash myself, and the second just to spite Tanya.

When I was done showering, I went into the absurdly large closet and ripped all the clothing off their hangers. Then I felt stupid, so I spent two hours picking them back up and trying to remember where they all went.

"Ugh, more tweed?" I mumbled, tossing aside a disaster of a jacket that included hobo patches on the backs of the elbows and a series of buttons so large they covered the palm on my hands.

I spent one hour flipping through the television channels, trying to find something, anything, to watch, and settled on a judge show that was just interesting enough to warrant my attention.

After that, I spent an hour delicately painting each fingernail a horrendous shades of pink and red, making sure that none of them matched and they all looked ridiculous.

Then I decided that I was bored of being an insolent five-year-old when my stomach began rumbling. So I stalked, cat-like, down the third floor corridor until I reached Jasper's room. No noises were coming from it, so I stealthily tiptoed my way down both flights of steps until I reached the living room. No noise. I sneaked past it, making sure to hide in the shadows despite how brilliantly bright it was outside, until I reached the kitchen. I crouched, like the lithe cat I was, and peered around the wall. No one.

I straightened myself and took a few steps in the kitchen . . . only to find Jasper standing, with a cup of coffee in one hand and his cell phone in the other, staring at me as I entered.

"It was a valiant effort," he said, without amusement.

"I'm only a part-time ninja," I said. "Out of practice. You know how that goes."

He bowed his head towards a folded note propped up against the wicker fruit basket on the counter. In tidy handwriting, my name was printed across it in bright blue ink.

"You can't just tell me what it says?" I asked. "You're really going to stand there and watch me read it?"

He didn't say anything, just continued to look at me, so I sighed dramatically and picked it up.

Bella,

Tanya and I are going out for the evening and then out of town for tomorrow.

The house is yours to use as you please.

The House Rules still apply.

"That was a mouthful," I said, nodding. "God, I already forgot what it says. Good thing you wrote it down."

He took a slow sip from his mug, his eyes and forehead far above the lip of the cup, and commenced staring.

I took a deep breath and puffed out my cheeks as I exhaled. "Well, this is awkward," I said. I thought briefly of trying to stare him down, but, completely disinterested in the thought, just shrugged and said, "So is it now we have the super awkward conversation about what happened this morning or is it something that we ignore for a while, while having forced, polite chit-chat whenever we run into each other?"

He didn't respond, so I went outside.

I lit a cigarette and felt hot under the weight of my jacket. A fire, that same fire that enveloped my body as it had earlier this morning, made me want to run back into the house and suction myself to his body.

I rubbed my legs together as my vag began to respond to the thought.

"Not now," I hissed at it. "Behave."

My phone began to ring and I spent a few long seconds trying to dig it out of one of the thousands of pockets of my jacket. I looked at the LCD screen.

Tanya.

I opened it, shut it, and put it back in my pocket.

"That was quite rude."

I sighed and pressed my head to my knees, burrowing my face in my jeans. "If you've come outside to stare at me, Jasper, just leave. It makes me feel like I need a grown-up."

"She wishes to speak to you about what occurred this morning."

"Well, I don't really wish to speak to her," I said. "In fact, it would be just all right if we were never in the same room again."

"Bella."

"What?" I mumbled, pressing my face further into my knees. My pants smelled wonderful. Like a mix between an open field, wild flowers, and . . . cleanliness. It had been more than a while since I was aware of the state of my clothing, and a tight knot of something resembling guilt bloomed in my chest.

I lifted my head. "What, Jasper?"

"Tanya enjoys your company immensely."

"Ha," I said, reaching over towards the ashtray and tapping the top of my cigarette into it. "Please, the only thing Tanya wants right now is to rip my eyeballs out."

"Hardly," he said. He paused for a moment and, against my will, I glanced up at him. He was propped up by his shoulder against the edge of the enclosed porch, one arm holding his mug to his chest, the other crossed on top of it. He looked self-confident, as though he was both aware of how his body looked and enthralled by the vision of it in his head.

My body began to burn again.

"And?" I prompted.

"Tanya is upset, of course. And I can see you have surmised as much. However, Tanya and I spoke at length today, while you had holed yourself in your bedroom, and we have reached an understanding."

I didn't like that. "You've reached and understanding or you said what's going to happen and expect her to follow it? Because as much as I respect you blah, blah, blah, you're not the only one I live here with."

"An understanding, as I have just said."

I fought the urge to bury my face back in my jeans. "Okay. Did she, uh, well, tell you about everything we said last night? In the kitchen?"

"She did."

"So why aren't you kicking me out?"

"Do you wish to be?"

"No."

He sighed deeply, as though preparing himself for an argument. "Tanya understands your purpose here, Bella. I assured her I was uninterested in obtaining another sub." He chuckled softly. "And while I do not think she quite believes me, she has agreed to not only allow your presence here, but assured me she would maintain a healthy level of camaraderie with you. I suggest you do the same."

"Why the hell would she agree to that?" I snapped.

"Because she loves me, Bella," he said simply, and without effort.

"But – "

"And, if I am not mistaken, I believe you too once did things that seemed unnatural in order to appease the one you loved."

I clenched my teeth. "It's not the same thing," I said. "James was an aggressive asshole."

I turned to look at him. He was smiling softly.

"Right," I said. "Well I suppose Tanya and I aren't that different after all."

He bowed his head. He was amused again. "I suppose not."

I took a long, lazy drag of my cigarette and blew the smoke up at him. "So, how are things going to be different, then? Am I going to be here as a sort-of-sub? Or is it going to be just like it had been the past few days? New House Rules? Or what?"

"That, Bella, is entirely up to you."

I masturbated to the sound of his voice that night.