Chapter 3:
"I'm pleased you're ok," Fionna murmured. Maja grunted something seemingly hostile, in spite of the fact that she had summoned Fionna. The witch was bustling around the former storeroom picking up odds and ends. She'd been working on something when Fionna got here, but she'd put that aside when the younger woman came through the door. "I understand that you're going to move the barrier," Maja rumbled, as she put a small flask of emerald-dust on the table. "We left the opening there to permit access to the wild lands and keep the peanuts occupied," Fionna replied. "Since the peanuts aren't cooperating, father has to make alternative plans."
As she watched, Maja mixed up the various chemicals on the table, and she could feel the witch drawing power from the air around them. Having learned a thing or two from the Grid-Face Princess, Fionna had become attuned to when wizards were doing that. A part of her was a little nervous about that. Maja was dangerous and unpredictable (still). Her face was completely unreadable as she continued to work at whatever she was doing. "I've been looking in on my little brother," Fionna murmured, "since you weren't able. I... I'd asked Star to do it, but now I guess you can do it yourself." "Children shouldn't be in prison," Maja muttered. "Children should be with their mothers," Fionna replied.
Maja said nothing to that. Fionna could feel her drawing more and more power, focusing it on whatever was in the crucible on the table. Finally the power seemed to reach its peak, as Fionna nattered on about what little Chiang was doing these days. Using her powers to make the heavy, ceramic flask float, Maja poured the contents of the crucible into a bit of clay that had been shaped into a mold of some sort. Fionna hadn't really even noticed that when she came in. Now she gave it her full attention, as Maja pulled the heat out of the thing, fusing it before Fionna's eyes.
Setting the slowly-cooling crucible aside, Maja began to crack open her mold as Fi watched. Minutes past into eternity as Maja quietly chipped the clay away to expose what she'd been making. It wasn't exactly what Fionna expected when she came down here. Honestly, she'd just been surprised and pleased to be hearing from the witch. It was a morale boost in a time where it felt like things weren't ever going to get better.
"It's warm," said Maja, as she handed the thing to Fionna. It was a crude pendant of some kind. Holding it up to the light, Fionna was a little surprised to find herself holding what appeared to be a green rabbit's foot. "That will help you," said Maja. "Now. We're even." "I didn't protect you for that," Fionna retorted. "I don't like debts," the witch muttered. Fionna laughed at her. When the witch glared back at her in anger, Fionna merely hugged her and kissed her cheek, saying, "I'll tell Drew to bring Chiang by. I'll see you later, Mmms." Without another word, she turned, picked up her bag, and headed for the door. "And wear some damned armor," Maja shouted! "Not a glob-damned dress!" Fionna gave her a jaunty salute as she slipped out the door.
Heading out to the courtyard, Fionna went over all the things she had to get done. Nadia joined her as she was crossing the atrium, her mind on the past. Her life had irrevocably changed the night Bon took up with Frenchie. Her stepmother had tried to make her see reason, but she'd had a lot of trouble with it. A lot of the problem was immaturity. She knew she'd been immature and completely unprepared to live as an adult. She'd still been a child in a woman's body–still in school in more ways than one. She'd been guilty of anger and even hatred towards Emeraude back then. She'd hated the older woman for thwarting what she saw as her future. Now she realized that the notorious Huntress Wizard had only been trying to help her cross that last threshold into adulthood. And it was a good thing she did, thought the Bad-Bunny. She'd only barely been ready for what was coming down the road.
"I don't like this," muttered the stacked princess. Fionna snorted. She'd been hearing nothing but that since this decision got made. She'd heard it from all the moms–every last one of them. The only one she hadn't heard this from was Maja. The witch... was far more practical. Fionna found herself fingering the strange charm in her pocket. Centuries of living hard with every hand turned against her had taught the witch a very valuable lesson that Fionna found she'd only scratched at. The world was going to keep on trucking on. You could try to shield your family from it, or you could prepare them to do their piece. Prepare them, and be thankful for the help, Fi, she thought.
"We're going to go over the plan on the way over," the Bad-Bunny announced, startling the pretty princess. Fionna gave her stepmother no chance to freeze up, as she immediately launched into a discussion of how they were going to get this done. Step by step by step. Nadia could only follow along, tracking the thread of the conversation, as she wondered how logic had failed her when the woman who had always been least able to manage clear thinking was as clear as a cloudless sky.
The plan was hardly the sort of thing Nadia looked at as a plan. A plan typical of her folk usually involved intricate scientific analysis, days of measurements, and consensus–lots and lots of consensus. Fionna's plan mostly revolved around the timing of events that she had already decided on. She was going to move the anchor for the northern stretch of wall as close as she physically could to the edge of the Grey Forest. It would take her a couple of tries to get it close without setting fire to the forest, but a guard-force of slime-dudes would hold down the opening in the border until she had things figured out.
When she knew where to put the northern anchor, she'd rebuild the entire stretch of nodes, running them down deep as she could to make them almost impossible to remove by any conventional means. That work would take a couple of days all on its own, and the northern barrier would be down the whole time. Once the northern barrier was in its new configuration, she'd take a truck south to move the southern wall.
The devil, as always, was in details Finn typically glossed over. "I want you to do the switch to the new powerplant while its down," said Fionna. The Grid-Face People had been working on Fusion Engines to power the barricade since the Dipped got put away. Now the new machinery was ready. The old fission reactors would be placed in standby. They had machinery to switch back and forth, but the whole works had to come down to get it running. And Fionna wanted to do it now. Nadia thought she was mad–a notion not hindered by the young lady's habit of dropping giant words in the middle of her typically earthy diatribes.
Up ahead, a nervous Billy the Human stood waiting alongside an airship. He was raw with his unhappiness. It made Star chuckle. "So how many times did you try it," she asked? They'd all secretly been out to the old battlefield in the grasslands. They'd all tried building and rebuilding Tesla nodes, even some of the moms. The only people able to consistently do it with anything like speed were Fionna and Shoko. Swapping one pregnant mommy for another hardly made sense. Fionna was going, and Star had made her peace with that. Bill gave her a dirty look that told her all that needed saying without his saying a word.
Of course Bill had quite a lot going on just now. His wives had decided he was going to marry Nieve. They'd decided it was expedient to share Billy's life with somebody they despised–just as they'd let Hamest enter their lives. It was something crazy-mysterious for Star, hinting at how her family had gotten started in the first place. The whole business had gotten her thinking. If Billy could get himself almost married off against his will, what did that say for Fionna? Or Star herself?
Adding to the drama was the fact that the Lizard Princess insisted on hanging around and getting underfoot. She swore up and down that she was here merely to find her missing books, but she kept on looking for them in Billy's office. Noemi had twice told her off. Of course, as Star reflected on that, Olesia Okonski came strolling around the back of the airship, wearing a natty divided skirt in blue under a tight blouse that did little to hide the basketballs she was smuggling. She called the outfit 'adventuring attire'. Abeiuwa called it something else. It was a subtle reminder of the far bigger threat to Billy's peace that was waiting in the wings.
Olesia was the proverbial 'sweet, young thing'. The gaggle of cougars was already jealous of her presence. Far from being a hindrance, the fact that she was an elemental–and would live centuries–was a sign to them that she could give Billy the things they couldn't. After all, not only was he much younger than his wives, but Billy was an immortal wizard. That was how his wives saw things, even if Billy thought the idea of an ice-wizard romancing an elemental was absurd.
Rumors suggested Ragnhild was taking polysorbate-80 again, and Noemi would go ballistic anytime the young woman's name got mentioned. An oblivious Billy did nothing to chase the plump girl away. He was absorbed with work, and when he wasn't doing that, he was wrangling five kids of his own. Star had often wondered how her dad got jammed up in the trainwreck that was his life. Now, as she observed her brother's world from the outside, she thought she was watching the wreck in motion. Olesia was going to get into Billy's pants someday. And there might well be hell to pay afterwards.
Seeing where his sister was looking, Billy announced, "firepower and reconnaissance. We're vulnerable while the wall's down..." And only Fionna could make the decision to bring it back up. Star nodded sagely. Yup, the pretty girl with the big tits was just extra help. Seeing the car with their sister pull up, Star dragged his face down to hers to kiss, announcing, "be careful, big brother." Passing Fionna, she announced, "have a fun trip, dweeb..." "Enjoy the hangin' out, twerp," Fionna reflexively retorted. The strange conversation left Nadia staring until she realized they were saying goodbye.
Striding up to Billly, Fionna announced, "what? No lizard-cougar?" Billy blushed to his hair. His sisters were just as bad as his wives with needling him about that. It helped not at all that Hamest had tried inviting herself along until Finn pointed out the fact that there were no libraries or antiquities nerds in the Grey Forest. There was nothing she could spin into an excuse to invite herself along. Hugging her brother, Fionna hefted her bag and climbed the ramp. It was time to go.
Late that day, as the kids were winging their way east, Sarah walked into the nursery to find her husband there, cradling little Nadezhda, as he went about the job of changing her. "I though you'd be at the Botanical Gardens," she burbled. The big man's face twisted with emotion, and she knew it felt like piling-on. He'd been unhappy with this from day one, and she was all but suggesting he'd basically bailed on the whole thing in spite of the family's joint decision. In even tones, Finn said, "Rags has everything in hand. This is going to affect her more than me." That was how he saw it. Ragnhild, his once and former girlfriend, now daughter-in-law, was taking the hit for this.
In brittle tones, the big man muttered, "anyway, I promised to spend some time with Hurletta today, so I'm seeing the kids early." Sarah nodded. Without a word, she moved off to gather up some more supplies. There were babies to change. When she came back, Van was clinging to Finn's pants-leg, while Finn stood there holding his son's broken toy. A blanket moratorium had been put in place on buying new toys for the kids. When a toy got broken, it stayed on the shelf in plain sight until Finn found time to either repair it, or a month had passed. The entire pack of wealthy moms had been very upset with that–all but one.
"Why is Nadezhda's crib in a separate room," Finn asked? Sarah glanced away. Nadia was one of her two best friends. And Nadia was rather creeped out by the mini-Rusalka. "No more isolation," Finn rumbled, as he fumbled with the broken toy. His tone brooked no disagreement. Sarah nodded. She'd tried to convince Finn to let her fix the toys, but that had gotten shut down almost as fast as the buying of new ones. The lesson didn't take if Sarah used her super-human abilities to just fix the toys as fast as they got broken.
"Sometimes the nursemaids have visions when they're in here," Sarah murmured. He knew where she was going with that as soon as the words got said. Baba-Yaga's heir was the source of the visions. "Baba Yaga isn't going to do something to harm a child, Sarah," Finn muttered. "She visits her grand-niece and sings to her sometimes." He knew it because Talia had told him. She'd told him that she would look in on the little girl to see how she was doing. It was a pointed reminder of just who and what they were screwing around with. Honestly, Nadia should have known better. Things had been getting better between her and the Rusalka. She shouldn't be risking that on feelings.
The pair worked at changing babies, while Van did his best to be underfoot the whole time. He wanted his toy back. Finn made him wait. That was a lesson he had to learn. His siblings mattered too. As the King of Ooo diapered the latest heir to the Candy Throne, he asked, "how often does she come to look in on Rosie?" Sarah flushed to her hair. She knew exactly where that was going to go. "I see," Finn muttered, "and how often is she down in the lab?" Sarah dared not answer that question either, even though she knew that human speculation would take over if she didn't. It was Bonnie's illicit escape. She'd come down to the lab and lose herself in scientific endeavor, bouncing thoughts and ideas off her double. Sarah had tried to steer that early on, but it was hard when she knew just how much Bonnibel missed having her fingers on a set of test-tubes.
"I have some work to do in the lab," Sarah said. "I guess I'll leave you to it." Without another word, she turned and headed for the door. He had been a little cranky when he came in. He'd taken it out on the first face he saw, and he felt bad about that. "Thank-you for the help," he said. "Thanks for all you do to keep this thing going." Taking a deep breath, the android-girl opined, "she needs the escape..." "I don't care about the escape," Finn rumbled. "It's the neglect that's bothering me. Of all the things I'd accept her neglecting, Roseline isn't one of them." "I... I'll talk to her," Sarah sighed. She knew Bonnie's handicap. Hadn't her creator said as much? Shutting the door behind her, the android girl left her husband with his kids.
The distraught android headed for the stairs to the lab. She had been seeing more and more signs of such troubles among the members of the family. The strains were all still there. Cherry hated Breakfast, who was at war with Strudel. Ingrid was their pariah–a woman who'd been the servant/slave of their great enemy, and Lollipop was their jester, spending far too much time on things that did little to help their cause. Marceline was an absentee mom, and Bonnie found her own child boring.
That last was the most painful part of their world. Bonnibel Bubblegum hadn't found her children interesting until they were damned near grown up. For much of their lives, she'd been a disinterested force of ill-humor and random acts of discipline that often seemed to come from nowhere. Sarah suspected that many of the moments where Bonnie had chosen to wield her authority over her heirs were as much about spiting Finn and what he thought was right than anything else.
Boniface and Shoko had become interesting when they grew old enough to assert themselves–and when the chore of looking after them was mostly finished. Sarah herself hadn't become interesting until she grew a pair and asserted her rights as a person. You have to change, the android thought, but she hardly knew if that was directed at herself or Bonnie.
Arriving in the lab, she found her newest problem waiting on her–and getting into things. She wanted to slap Finn for dumping this bitch on her, when Sarah would gleefully have wrung her neck for some of the things she'd done. It was the slime-guard who'd tried to murder Bonnie, and it was Blargetha's orders that had sent them here. When you got into the trauma Nadia was still dealing with, and the damage wrought to the Candy Kingdom, Sarah wasn't a fan. "Your laboratory is a mess, Bonnibel," the slime-woman burbled. "It's a sty in here. I'm amazed that you get anything done at all."
"I wasn't expecting company," Sarah retorted, "and you're not here for the conversation." Blargetha gave her a smile and said, "well, since I'm working here now, would it hurt to have your butler come by? Hmm?" Sarah glared at her. If Finn didn't need this bitch... Picking up odds and ends–even the week-old remnant of one of Sarah's lunches–the slime-person burbled, "so Finn needs flying weapons, hmm? He's got an army of elementals..." "Finn isn't as cavalier with other beings' lives," Sarah retorted.
Blargetha took a sniff of the stub of sandwich before swallowing it whole. It was the kind of gross display that Finn had laughed about when he was talking about his memories of Hurletta. For a slime-person, mold just added flavor to bland food. Munching on the moldy sandwich, Blargetha said, "don't supposed you'd let me use that robot..." It took a moment. "Most sophisticated thing I've ever seen," the slime-person admitted. "I wouldn't have made a double like that..." She chuckled, and, in a conspiratorial whisper, added, "if I'd known it was so life-like, I'd have done the swap. A little programming, nobody'd have known. I could probably have been the power behind the throne for..."
The arrogant witch didn't realize the other woman was moving until Sarah was practically sharing her dress. "My name is Sarah," she growled, voice low and dangerous. "I personally have a number of reasons for wanting you dead, princess. Finn needs you alive. For now. Know that I'm perfectly capable of pulverizing you should you cross me." Blargetha let out a squeak of fright, and she all but leapt back from the android. "Now," said the android woman, "what do you need? To start with?" With each word she spoke, she closed on the hapless princess, keeping up the terror. Sarah knew it was immoral, but it felt so good to take out her frustrations on someone who desperately needed to be brought down a few pegs.
Finn was sitting in a chair, singing to the kids when Lollipop appeared for her stint at looking after babies late that evening. She was a little startled to see him because he'd missed dinner. Everyone had assumed he was working. "It's crazy every time I see you doing that," she opined. Finn chuckled, "since the nano-bug thing happened, it works better. Listen..." As the candy-treat looked on in amazement, the big man warbled like a bird, making the kids giggle. It wasn't the first he'd demonstrated the gadget stuck in his throat, but the context shocked her and made her sad. Changes. Betty was right. Fighting back tears, the former model moved in, plucking Van and Rosie off Finn's lap. With a sigh, the big man said, "I guess I should go..."
Rising, the big man checked himself over just to be sure there were no specs of baby-goo on him anywhere. Giving his lady a kiss, he headed out to meet his bodyguard. Morale much improved, the King of Ooo headed down to the garage to find the car warmed up and waiting. "You look like a man who got some," announced the bodyguard. "Not like that, man," Finn said. "Was with my kids." Nodding, as he opened the car door, the bodyguard replied, "ah... Got it." Shutting the door, the bodyguard hustled to the front seat and settled himself as Finn rummaged through his bag for the work he'd put aside. The budget was doing better. There was no longer red ink everywhere. Dudes were getting paid. People were getting back to their homes. He even found a report from Sarah on a possible way to restore the land the Dipped had destroyed. Promising himself that he would thank her the next time he saw her, the big man settled in for the drive to Hurletta's hotel.
The hurly burly of Bonnie's capitol was slowly returning, with cars, trucks, and bicycles everywhere. The stores that were open were full. Spying a lollipop-person, he found himself thinking of his wife and their shared past. She'd been one of the first girls he'd ever met. He'd found himself kind of hungering for candy-people when he got to the age where girls weren't icky anymore. It was a wonderful part of his past, and he found himself already sad to be leaving this place. The feeling was stronger even than when he'd been chosen as Warlord of Ooo. Back then, he'd always, deep in his heart, believed he would get home to the treehouse. Now, he was choosing to leave, and it made him sad.
"Triscuit Arms," announced the driver. Shaking off the mood, Finn put the bag away and slid across to the door. He all but bounced out of the seat when his bodyguard opened the door. Striding through the door, he stopped short on the far side as he caught sight of the person he'd come to see. Hurletta. Dressed in a shimmery, hip-hugging blue dress with a strategic cleavage window centered at the join of her new collar-bones. Instead of her crown, she was wearing a golden hair-net, and she was smiling softly. Striding forward, the big man took her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss in flirtatious fashion, which made her giggle. It was a pleasant change from the way things had been between them and a return to happier moments of the past. Taking her arm, he said, "I'd be delighted if you'd accompany me, my Lady." The Slime-Princess blushed and giggled, as the pair stepped off.
In the east, Chelsea the wax-hustler picked up her phone and glanced at the number. Gemma. What the fuck did she want? Flicking her phone on, she opened with, "you fucked up. You were supposed to deliver the Matriarch. You delivered us nothing, and you didn't even warn us that fucking Finn was in the mix." Gemma, who was taken aback by the bile she'd just been subjected to, stammered and stuttered for a moment. "Well," Chelsea demanded? "What the fuck do you want? I have half a mind to put a TOS on your ass."
"Fionna the Human is here," the nymph burbled. That gave Chelsea pause. Getting a grip on her emotions, Gemma replied, "I didn't know Finn the Human was there. I got chased away by the Mafia Princess. She had her thug of a bodyguard bum-rush us to the airport. I had that bitch in sight of Emerald City..." Chelsea cut her off. "What the fuck is Fionna doing there," she demanded? She was interested now. Gemma set the hook. "I'm not entirely sure. Her brother's here too. The Grid-Face people are here in force, and their princess is meeting with the Matriarch and her cabinet."
"The barrier," Chelsea burbled. There was only one reason that Fionna would be there with a pack of Grid-Face people. They were moving the barrier. "Fuck," she howled! She chucked the phone across the room. All Gemma could hear was the sound of the thing tumbling across the wooden floor, then nothing. It was several minutes before the wax-hustler called back. "When are they moving," she demanded? "I don't know," Gemma replied. "They only just got here, and I wasn't invited to the meeting."
"Do they know about you," Chelsea demanded? The nymph shivered. She'd never considered that. "Emeraude is naive in her way," she replied. "I don't think it would occur to her..." Chelsea interrupted her, "find out when they're moving the barrier. It's essential." Without a further word, she hung up on the nymph. After, the wax-hustler sat there staring down at her phone. She was out of position. She'd moved her army of the damned south to Lizard Kingdom, and now she was out of position to attack the barrier while it was open. This was going into the ditch! She needed to figure out what she was going to do when Peihong found out.
Finn's morale is improving, though the family is clearly not out of the woods yet. Fionna's off to move the Tesla Barrier, and it seems for once the good guys are ahead of the toxic twins. And, of course, a little flash of temper to let you know that Sarah is more than just 'robot-Bonnie'.