Chapter 4:
The complaining was giving Emeraude Mertens a headache. Absolute power was something she'd fought against for a lifetime, but it was looking mighty good right now. In a past life, there would have been maybe a couple of quick murders and a couple of bodies to hide. In the right now, she found herself pounding a fist into a table to cut off the squealing. "Holly," she snapped! "They can't anchor the wall on nothing! You want to just move the hole to another vulnerable place! That does nothing to help us! At least if they push the barrier up against our eastern border, we have a chance to keep our enemies at bay!"
It was, to the Huntress, the best bad option. No conventional army could cross the Wall. With Finn lending them troops, they wouldn't be forcing the gate either. This was actually good for them. They were allowed to charge a toll to pass through the forest. Now the Tesla Barrier would funnel travelers to them. It was another sign that Gemma's influence was having negative impacts on the others. Holly, who was normally reasonable and thoughtful, was showing signs of the same delusional thinking as the others. "If those are your orders, Mother," Holly replied. Evenly, Emeraude said, "they are. Focus your efforts on preparing replacements for the water gates. You may go."
The angry younger woman strode out, all but stomping as she went. It was another sign that maybe it was time to be shed of Gemma. She'd relied on the older woman at first. Gemma was good at working her infuriating subordinates–getting them to be productive and useful instead of their typical childish petulance. But that cuts both ways, doesn't it, thought the warrior-wizard. Simone was right. It's a lot easier to sit down on a throne than to keep one. Her eyes flicked to the little picture above the mantle. Her family. Her best friend. Their husband and kids. She found herself reaching for the phone just to hear a familiar voice.
"Momma," Fionna announced. Emeraude's face snapped over to the door. "We're headed out to the barrier," the blonde announced. She was dressed in a pair of rough, blue shorts under a big, poofy maternity smock. Emeraude would have called them 'mom' shorts. But she's a mom, now, thought the older woman. Fi was in the club. Emeraude had argued with Finn about this. Now the time for arguing was done. "Bill going," she asked? Fionna caught herself from rolling her eyes, and that made the nymph chuckle. "Ok, baby," she said. "Be careful." The pretty blonde gave her a beautiful, sunny smile, as she turned to go.
Fionna headed out to the street outside the Matriarch's residence. Bill was waiting there with the truck alongside his new girlfriend. Olesia. That name was becoming infamous in the Finn-family. The girl was built like a brick shithouse. Fionna found herself wondering what her half-sister, Ember, would look like when she was grown up, because Phoebe was built a lot like Olesia. For that matter, she couldn't help wondering what Mona and Nadine were going to look like. Patrick would have to get himself a sword to chase boys away. Or, more likely, Fionna would teach them to break arms while smiling sweetly. I get to teach them, she thought, as she approached the truck, and the thought brought a smile to her face. It was another epiphany. Why did her dad like being a dad more than being a fighter or a king? He gets to help make something grow into something so much cooler and better, maybe even than he was, thought the pretty blonde mommy.
"I know you spend most of your time out of your clothes," Fionna opined, "but maybe you should invest in some tops that don't bind you up so much. That doesn't look comfortable." The elemental girl blushed to her burning, red-orange hair. Billy bust out laughing, earning himself a withering glare. Having done her shit-disturbing for the morning, the Bad Bunny got into the passenger seat and shut the door. Blushing a little himself, Billy offered, "uh, you going to be ok back here?" Primly, the plump girl replied, "your conveyance is too confined. I'd risk setting it on fire." Without a further word, she climbed into the back of the truck. She was pissed off now. He just knew it. What he didn't get was why his sisters were down on her. Shaking his head at the crazy that was the female, Billy climbed behind the wheel.
A convoy of vehicles joined them as they took the turning for the north gate. Fionna found herself scanning the world around them. She hadn't seen much of the forest when she was here. She'd been too busy running around keeping Berry-Bitch's dudes out. Maja had worked her mojo on some of them, letting them swim under the barricades in the rivers to get around the thorns at the borders. It was a funny memory. The witch had an endless array of tricks in her head. Now those tricks were a resource for them to call on.
"We should learn what we can from Maja," Fionna announced. Billy's face snapped over. It was one of those funny, 'New-Fionna' moments. Certainly, he wouldn't have thought of it. At the same time, if he let himself actually think it through–like a dude was supposed to do–he thought she might be right. Maja the Sky Witch had been doing this dick-dance a long, long time. Their mother had their grampa's memories, but not his lived experiences. More to the point, those memories were very dangerous, especially with the Ice-Crown cohabiting her body. Maja had an untapped reservoir of very-personal experiences. She was, just now, one of only three members of their family to have lived through some of the last few centuries of Ooo's history.
Bonnie's a flighty knucklehead, Billy thought. Marceline's... I can't help thinking Marcie's lost to us. There was a great possibility that Marceline would be drawn into the netherworld of the Night-O-Sphere forever, taking all her knowledge and lived experience with her. Marshall was a babe in the woods by comparison. Fionna's right, he thought. There was a very real risk they would be relying on Maja simply because there was nobody else, even if they couldn't trust her.
"Daddy asks her questions," Fionna burbled. She was staring straight ahead. It was a strange turn for the day, but Billy tuned in and listened as his sister outlined their dad's strange relationship with his mistress/girlfriend/enemy. If the rest of the family was having trouble, the King of Ooo understood what Maja represented. It didn't feel good that it was basically Maja that had convinced Finn that his son should/could be sold out. At the same time, it was something of an eye-opener. His father was becoming more and more of a ruler–a man responsible for more than himself or even his family.
It started with the bomb, and the lich's island, thought the warrior-wizard. Finn the Human had stopped being the big, blue dufus that night. Maybe the change had started before that, but Billy could definitely point to that night as the night he'd had the epiphany. They were holding up the world. What they did mattered on an unimaginable scale. Your life changed too, bud, he thought. He was his father's right-hand. He was married to three women who, together, provided a massive chunk of the army that Billy and Fionna jointly commanded. It was an unsettling realization. His eyes glanced up to the rear-view mirror and the image of Olesia, who was staring all around her at a world she'd only begun to see. He'd been brushing off the bitching and griping about the elemental. Now, he found himself thinking there was more than one reason he should curb her infatuation.
Rolling out through the north gate and onto the plains, they found the small regiment that the Slime Guard had sent. Fionna shivered a little at the sight. She'd fought these guys. Of course they'd been working for the younger slime-sister at the time, so there was that, but it was a little weird calling these guys 'friends' now. Further afield, she could see–and feel–the Tesla Barrier. It called to her. She could feel the way it touched the stones of the earth. "You ok," Billy asked? Nodding, Fionna replied, "fine. Working on the problem." Cocking her head to the left, she said, "go that way. Need to go north." She needed to see–and touch–the ground where the forest ended.
To the south and east, the Queen of Ooo paced off nervous, angry energy. She'd been at it through much of the night, having gotten out of bed twice. The corpse laying beneath the sheets told the tale of the last such event. She still didn't have an answer as to what the hell she was going to do. The barrier was coming down. They'd had an army in place to exploit the opportunity to raid the civilized kingdoms, but she'd moved the army south on impulse to help her raid the Lizard Kingdom. The move had made things easier. She'd been able to hit the library and go to ground. That had let her get out of the city with her prizes with little trouble instead of facing down the Lizard Guard.
"I've only got one asset left," she thought. Rolf was raiding the fallen Berry Kingdom just now. She'd egged him on to do it more to get him away from patrolling the opening in barrier than anything else. She'd offered him lies and rumors to get him to go chasing the supposed treasure in the Berry Kingdom to give her a chance to swarm the defenseless Peanut Kingdom. The chance to raid the Lizard Kingdom library had proven just too tempting though. She'd figured she had plenty of time to get the army back in place, reckoning that her foes would be too busy fighting fires elsewhere.
Rising, she went to the curtains and pulled them back slightly to reveal the early morning crowds of Chocago going about their business down below her on the street. She had another asset–one she was loath to burn. He was very close to Finn the Human, though. Of all her assets, he might have information on what her nemesis was up to. And he had power and reason to bring large numbers of people into the civilized kingdoms. Letting the curtains fall closed, the little murderess came striding back across the room, shouting for her chief henchman.
Fedir came running at her shouts, his face bland and calm as if he wasn't at risk of murder. It was just another day. This was just business. Inwardly he seethed. He'd managed to survive the disaster in Emerald Kingdom by the skin of his teeth. A fair bit of that was down to luck. He just happened to be in the right tunnel at the right time to avoid getting smoked like the rest of the men. His predecessor had gotten burned alive by one of the elementals. Fedir still heard the screams when he lay himself down to sleep.
"Make me an appointment with Kim," muttered Chelsea. "I need to see him. Today." She spoke in those terms when she was on the ragged edge. She was on the edge of violence and controlling herself with sheer willpower. "I will arrange it," he murmured. His voice was calm and soothing. Chelsea found herself calming down. "I made a mistake last night," she murmured. His eyes flicked to the bed and the corpse of the plaything there. "I will take care of it, my Lady," he said. "Is there else?"
"I need Kim's resources," she said. "You understand?" She was calmer now, and he began to pull out of her what she needed. She wanted an army. On this side of the barrier. That was a tall order. The Thief King had managed to grind up seemingly every masterless bad-man in the civilized kingdoms and even beyond. There were few men left, and most of those had gotten themselves pardons for their crimes and gone straight. Criminals were thin on the ground. "There are men east of the Kingdom of Beauty," Fedir said, "but they will be difficult to coax..." She'd wrecked what goodwill there was in his old stomping grounds. She'd brought a lot of men to ruin trying to raid Princess Beautiful's rotting domain. Nodding, she said, "see to it. I'll... I'll arrange for passage."
With that, she rushed off to the toilet–to wash and make herself beautiful. To Fedir fell the job of removing the corpse from the bed. He personally oversaw the two men who moved the body to the room next door. He made sure it was suitably liquidated so it could be disposed of without notice, and then he got the bedding and mattress removed. While his men worked on covering up a crime, he phoned the real-estate tycoon's secretary. By the time he got done, she was waiting on him in the suite's parlor, radiant in a dress in golden silk that played up her pale yellow complexion. She was most beautiful in the way an Emerald Viper was beautiful with its sparkling green scales as it struck or a Death's Head Wasp was pretty with its iridescent wings just before it stung you to death.
"Kim Kil Wan will see you," Fedir announced, as he approached his evil master. Rising, she showed off for him, twisting and twirling to let him look at the dress she wore. "What do you think," she asked? This was part of the terrifying life his predecessor led. She was a temptress, always seeming as though she was trying to seduce you. It was a trap. His predecessor had cut the throat of his predecessor when he'd gotten too close. "Quite satisfactory, my Lady," Fedir offered. "You will, as they say, knock him dead." She smiled artfully, showing the sparkling teeth of a person of means.
"Do you wish to send to the men in the hinterlands," he asked? Stopping in mid-twirl, she pondered that a long, long while. "Should I," she asked? "They can do little where they are," he reminded her. They were shut out of Lizard Kingdom. Nobody in that band of the damned wanted to go back and face death there. "Bring them back north," she sighed. "They won't get here in time to do anything, but at least they can maybe occupy some of his army." It was the move of a ditherer, and he knew it. She was on the edge. She was on the ragged edge, and she didn't know where to go from here. A part of him said 'push', but he wasn't stupid enough to rush into something and get himself murdered. She still had some loyalists in her nasty little band.
They found Kim Kil Wan in his office. The tycoon was seated at his luxurious desk, going over his taxes when his secretary announced his visitor. The dog-icorn was counting something of an ironic dividend at the moment. The Dipped had scorched a lot of his property in the east, burning empty fields down to stone. The irony, of course, was most of the property had been little better than stone to begin with. He'd bought much of it with an eye towards eventually selling it off to build another town. Bonnibel Bubblegum had been making noises about another large town for years before the rebellion, and his insiders in her government had steered him to the most likely site.
The ruthless businessman had bought up empty properties and underperforming farms by the dozen until he had a vast swatch of land. He'd been expecting to make millions of coins selling the land to the Candy Princess when she finally pulled the lever to build her latest vanity project. Much of the land was poorly suited to farming, with rocks and boulders laying much too close to the surface. There wasn't enough soil there to really grow anything of consequence. That little gem of knowledge had enabled his agents and surveyors to ruthlessly underbid the people who owned those plots since none of them had idea the first what was coming.
The rebellion and the Dipped had subsequently derailed all those glorious plans, leaving Kim with a pile of property that was useless for the moment. His sisters had been making idiotic noises about a 'dog town' for their people, but Kim wasn't so charitable as to give up so much money on an empty-minded idea like that. Instead, he'd written off the damage. He'd written it all off on his taxes, taking outrageous advantage of the Royal Accounting Service and their agents' terror of the wilderness. They had no idea his properties had been worthless when he bought them, and now those write-offs were paying the taxes for his profits.
The dog-icorn rose to greet his exotic visitor. "Chelsea," he greeted the flamboyant actress and singer. Striding out from behind his desk, he swooped down to kiss her fingers. "Kim," she greeted him in her usual sweet tones. He wasn't sure what mesmerized him more–that voice, or the plump knobs under her dress. She was put together nice, and even though he got plenty of action, he always found himself hungry to pole Chelsea.
The dog-icorn steered his beautiful visitor to a seat on the sofa in his office, and Chelsea crossed her knees artfully, reminding him of the day she'd seduced him. He'd hit that round little butt from behind for the better part of an hour, then told his secretary to cancel his appointments. It was stupid, and he'd had to pay off his old secretary and get rid of her to keep the secret from his wife. Pat was happily unaware of his hobbies, and he wanted to keep it that way. At the same time, he'd banged this little bitch a few times. It was the perk of a rich man.
In exchange, Chelsea asked little enough. He got her into a posh apartment atop the same building his daughter lived in. He helped her raise money for her opera troupe–for a cut of the profits. And they shared what they learned about goings-on around the civilized kingdoms. She'd been a wealth of knowledge on Engagement Ring Kingdom, and she'd helped him corner the housing market in Warrior Kingdom. The businessman bustled around the room, making up drinks for the two of them. Sitting down beside her, Kim presented her with a glass of licorice whiskey, asking, "so, how may I help you?"
Sipping liquor, the wax-person replied, "with all the disruption in travel, it's getting harder to move my people. I'm looking at canceling show dates." It was bad news and a hit to profits. "Well, I have suggested you consider a permanent venue," Kim replied. He'd suggested it for more than one reason. Chelsea was one of his favorite side-pieces. There was just something about getting to slip her the sausage. Getting to bang her on a more regular basis had its appeal–though he'd have to be careful of being seen in her digs. At the same time, it would have been pretty nice to get more steady income from the Opera Populaire. As one of the silent partners in the enterprise, he was due a substantial share of the profits, but touring opera companies weren't as profitable as he'd thought. He thought part of it was the risk and drama of hauling equipment and people across the wilderness.
Smiling in teasing fashion, Chelsea said, "I've had a better idea..." "Oh," burbled Kim? Smiling at him over the rim of her glass, she said, "I've met a lot of interesting people in my travels in the wild-lands. Actors and jugglers and acrobats..." Interest piqued, he took a sip from his glass and asked, "what's your idea...?" Setting the glass down, Chelsea leaned forward, entering his space, as she said, "an entertainment venue... People have money to spend again... Fun for... low-brow people alongside entertainment for... sophisticated people like us..." Frowning, Kim replied, "hmmm... I admit I've never thought too much about poor people..."
Chelsea smiled, knowing this ass had been born to a father who hadn't two coins to rub together. But that was Kim Kil Wan–forever puffing himself up to meet an image of success. He had the money, but he wanted the respect. "I came to you in hopes you could help me with some... problems," Chelsea murmured. "Oh," he asked? He was instantly derailed from thinking too hard about what she'd proposed. "Well," said Chelsea. "I've heard that this King of Ooo has placed an impenetrable barrier across the north-east border of the civilized kingdoms. I had to go all the way south to the bandit-kingdoms to get home. It would keep my entertainers from coming west..."
"Ah," said Kim, with a nod. His uncle was really kind of an idiot, and Kim scarcely saw what one princess saw in that oaf, much less a pack of them. Finn the Human had been known far and wide for bludgeoning his way through problems, and that hardly seemed to have gotten better since the Lich War. Sitting up straight, the dog-icorn business tycoon opined, "there's plenty of ways around a wall. Let me do some looking." Smiling sweetly, Chelsea asked, "how're things in the capitol? I... hear things." "My idiot uncle is there now," Kim replied. "He's got the devil's luck. Entirely too obsessed with sex, if you take my meaning." Those women had him wrapped around their fingers. It was a wonder he got anything done at all.
With a chuckle, Kim leaned towards her and said, "my sister tells me they've got him going to a shrink. Seems they think he's on the ragged edge." He said it in a delicious whisper, as if it was a very funny thing. Chelsea tittered as if she was the air-head that she pretended to be, even as she filed that information away for future use. When Kim put his hand on her knee, the wax-hustler told him, "business first, Kim. I'll have my agent contact you. I should go... Appearances, after all." He knew. He didn't want to be firing another secretary. That would arouse Pat's suspicion. "We'll have to talk some time," Kim suggested, as he rose to walk his guest to the door.
Outside, the wax-hustler smiled. She was back in the fight. If Kim could slip her army across the barrier, she could find weapons for them. Then watch out! Smiling that sinister smile, the evil creature went her way, passing her chump's daughter in the hall. Bronwyn stared at the wax-witch's back. Her daddy's ho was back in town. Rolling her eyes, she found herself really rethinking her loyalty to her dad. She wanted to scratch his eyes out for cheating on her momma. No proof, she thought, with a sigh. She had no proof of what he was doing. Muttering curses, the hybrid headed up the hall for her lunch appointment.
Kim Kil Wan is dick-thinking, giving our deadly beauties another way to strike at the Finn crew. Meanwhile Billy is working on outgrowing the habit of thinking with his other head. Our Young Heroes are growing up.