Chapter 7:
"He's marrying his son to that musclebound cunt," the wax-woman announced. The ogress knew who he was. It was a reminder of the dangers in Chelsea's obsession with Bonnibel Bubblegum and Finn the Human. That obsession with hurting those two had cost Peihong's brother his life. Still this was news to the Bandit Princess. Interrupting Chelsea's tirade about burning the entire Candy-Kingdom, the ogress asked, "how do you know?" Their agents in Muscle Kingdom had all been liquidated. "They posted advertisements. There's to be two weeks of festivities." "Perfect," opined the ogress.
That set the mad little murderess off. "He'll be busy," said the ogress, "and we'll be moving on the bunker in Jungle Kingdom..." She already had a local agent who was specialized in breaking into impenetrable vaults. Finn and his allies would be partying. They'd be an ocean away when the caper went down. "You're moving too slowly, Peihong," the wax-woman growled! "He's getting stronger! He's getting stronger every day!" Rolling her eyes, the ogress replied, "a time for everything and everything in its time, Chelsea. If I move too fast, we go up against a man who can literally move time as it suits him. I won't fight that for your revenge fantasies."
The madwoman finally quit bitching. Calmly, the ogress reminded her, "the books, Chelsea. We won't have a bomb to lob at the Candy Kingdom if you don't bring me those books. I have a scholar lined up to translate the texts and show us how to build the bombs. I have a chemist lined up who can make us explosives. I need the books to show us the way. You've been putzing around wasting time on the Peanuts. Get busy. Get those books before we get plowed under." "Ok," Chelsea muttered. "I'm on my way west to Turtle Kingdom now." It was a small lie, but she doubted the wench was keeping close track of her movements. "I'll expect to hear from you in a week," said the ogress, as she hung up the phone.
In the Grey Forest, Barry Baines, HR Specialist for Taylor, Rheinhold, and Rainicorn, stood chatting up a pretty nymph-girl. His cousin-in-law's hubby was missing out. While Kim was on a cruise with the ball-and-chain, Barry had been having a cracking good time since he'd arrived, partying late, rising from bed later, and generally living the good life. He had been working on the nymph since he got here. Wood-nymph snatch was best in the world, and he'd been slaying it left and right since he got here. This girl had been playing hard to get, though.
"Barry Baines," announced an annoyingly-familiar voice, "what are you doing?!" The party-bear flinched. As the nymph made tracks, the older man turned to face his boss's rotten kid. There was a time he'd had a hunger to bang his wife's second-cousin. With not one but two sets of plump knockers, the little bitch was a fucking sight to see, so he thought he could hardly be blamed.
Of course she was a certified ball-busting bitch.
He'd had no idea she was coming. He'd figured when Pat dragged Kim off for vacation, he'd get himself a vacation on the company's dime. Now this. As Kim's kid came storming across the road, weaving through traffic, he sized up his chances of dodging a fight. Valerie was an official. He could say he was trying to speed up the process.
Bronwyn glared at the idiot as she approached. Men. Always thinking with their balls. "You've only managed to process twenty men through the gates," she grated. "You're behind schedule. TRR needs two-hundred in just two weeks time. Why are you dawdling?" "I was talking to Ms. Augustine. She works for Matron Voletta who controls the guards at the gates." "You mean Lawkeeper Voletta," Bronwyn growled. Barry cursed his slow tongue. Naturally the little bitch had somehow learned who was who in this place. Bronwyn stormed off after Valerie Augustine, round ass swaying rhythmically with every step. Barry could only follow in her wake, wondering if it was too late to take Vivian on a cruise.
They found their quarry conferring with a handful of slime-people, which was odd enough. Bronwyn would never have guessed she'd find slime-folk here. The purple-skinned nymph glared at the wench as she pushed into the small gathering before the gates. "Is there something I can help you with," Valerie demanded? Coolly, Bronwyn said, "my company's factor has been attempting to bring our hired workers through this facility. I demand to know for what reason you deny his request." "This facility has now become a border post," announced Billy Mertens. "It is the border post."
The plush puppy turned to her relative and greeted him with, "William..." "Bronwyn," Billy replied. "What are you doing here?" "I could ask you the same," Bronwyn retorted. Scratching his head at the surprise of this development, Billy said, "I'm getting the border locked down..." Nodding at the slime-people, he added, "these are my troops." Nodding, Bronwyn declared, "then I guess I'm negotiating with you..." Billy sighed. It appeared he was in for a long day.
Back in the capitol, Peppermint Butler was deeply involved in his illicit hobby. He'd claimed the empty tower on the southeast corner of the palace because his master had stopped going there not long after the death of Finn's previous incarnation as Shoko. The place had been sealed up and gathering dust for centuries. The odds and ends that the long-dead thief had left behind in the space had been of little import other than as trophies until the truth of Finn's existence on Ooo came out. Now they were of intense interest to the necromancer.
The evil wizard often pondered the possibility of using them as bargaining chips with this or that evil entity. Of course, a lot of that had gotten turned upside down with the demise of his protector. He couldn't hide in Death's domain any more. He'd been dodging and ducking some of the demons he'd slighted for over a year now, and that was ratcheting up the temptation quite a bit. At the same time, with Marceline in control of Hell, that was a risky gambit to pursue. A lot of the usual suspects were terrified of the new Dark Lord and would have wanted nothing to do with such a bargain.
Today's business was different though. He owed another magician a big favor, and he was struggling for a way to fulfill said favor without getting deeper in hock with powerful entities that already wanted his soul. He still had some of the deadly Wildberry toxin that his master had collected from the dead clones in the basement. That was valuable. He wasn't happy to give it up, but he needed something to get Holgack the Destroyer off his back.
"So it's true," murmured a familiar voice.
The evil magician spun about to find, not his master, but her strange creation standing there. "Ms. Sarah," the necromancer rumbled. "I'm off duty. Is there something you need?" "How is it that you're always able to tell us apart," the android-woman murmured? Finn could do it, but he'd been intimate with both women. The necromancer chuckled. "You don't have an aura," he replied. "You're like a great big dead-zone."
Striding through the secret door, the android-woman gave it a good look. "She didn't give me memories of this place," Sarah muttered. She'd only found out about Shoko's room by listening to palace gossip. It seemed half the servants knew this room existed, though none seemed to have ever been inside. "She didn't want the memories herself," the Butler retorted. "She was a mess for decades after that." "And you're using her handicap as a way to hide your laboratory," the android-girl rumbled. Peppermint Butler rolled his eyes. His nominal allies were developing an irritating habit of blackmailing him.
Sarah confirmed his guess with her next words. She was standing next to the mechanical arm that her creator had built for Shoko centuries ago. It's metal was faded, and the rubber cup that sealed it to Shoko's stump had long ago rotted away. Entropy. "I want to see how you do it," she muttered. "Do what," the evil butler replied. "Don't play with me," Sarah growled. "I'm not Bonnie. I don't have the same emotional handicaps..." "The threat," he rumbled. Her face went hot. Yeah, she was threatening him. "I want to know how you make a portal to Hell," she muttered.
"You already know the answer," the necromancer replied. "You've got enough of the master's memories of Marceline to know about the time Marceline showed her the incantation. Are you having trouble getting yourself to believe it's true? Or is it that you lack a soul and can't complete the ritual?" She was halfway across the room in the space of a breath. Only Finn or Fionna would have moved faster.
"I'm not afraid of you," he said. "I'm done summoning up demons. The game's gotten more dangerous. If you want to go to Hell, you'll have to find somebody else or learn to manage it yourself." Her eyes were hard, as she said, "you're a terrible liar, Peps." With a shrug, the necromancer replied, "I'm a man with problems of his own, Sarah. Things are stirred up right now. Come back some other time. Maybe I can help you then." The android spun on her heel and stalked out. At the door, she said, "this is going to burn you someday, Peps. You can't play this game forever." He chuckled, "I've been playing it since before you were born, Sarah. I think I'll be playing it a fair bit longer."
Her mind still in turmoil, the android-woman found herself wandering the halls for over an hour, barely seeing anyone. She passed French-Toast, startling the breakfast-person in the hall. She nearly walked over one of the maids. She was struggling with something she didn't really understand, and she wasn't sure she wanted to talk to Bonnie about it. Half of her feared that she was broken somehow–that if she brought it up, she'd end up deactivated and laying in that closet again.
She'd hit upon the idea of talking to Marceline–of sharing her fears with the former Vampire Queen. Trouble was that Marceline's visits with the family had become wildly unpredictable. Her father, never a creature of reason or rules, would simply get up and decide he wanted to go play golf–leaving his daughter holding the bag for days and weeks at a stretch. If Sarah wanted to see the Dark Lord of the Night-O-Sphere, she had to go to Marceline in person. There's no reason that this is dependent on a soul, Sarah, she thought. There's nothing saying that the portal is opened by splashing bug-milk on the ground. If anything, logic says that the ritual is just a way of attracting attention from whatever or whoever does actually open the portal. She found herself standing in the kitchen in front of the fridge, with little idea how she'd gotten there. "Just do it, Sarah," she muttered. "What's the worst that can happen? Nothing?"
Back in the Grey Forest, Bronwyn followed her second-cousin into a small room within the bowels of the gate-castle. She'd been haranguing the big man for the best part of an hour, and Billy had finally decided to take it off the streets. There was little point in damaging his reputation or hers by arguing in front of the world+dog. They found Fionna sitting there with Princess Nadia, talking in low voices over a rather thick, dusty tome. Billy grimaced at the sure and certain sign that 'New Fionna' was in the house. Bronwyn, for her part, stared wistfully at her second-cousin and her obvious pregnant state. She was older, and she'd come from a wealthy family. And she had no husband and no kids of her own. Not even a boyfriend.
"Ooo to Bronwyn," Billy announced. The plush-pup's face snapped around to his. Billy motioned for her to have a seat. His cousin pulled a chair and sat herself. Billy sat down across from her, as, across the room, Nadia talked her way through a lengthy discussion of materials science with her stepdaughter. If you'd asked the stacked cyborg what she'd be chatting about with this young woman, it would be video games or boys or something similar.
Nadia chuckled, "you're a lot more interested in this than you were the last time I tried to teach you the sciences." "Father won't live forever," replied New Fionna. "I won't have time to learn these things later." The stacked princess goggled at her. Fionna was still speaking, and she reminded her stepmother, "I can't depend on you or Bonnie to be around. I have to be able to manage things if I'm all that's left." Seeing how Nadia took that, the Bad-Bunny said, "c'mon, mom. Don't freeze up on me. I need this." And she reminded the older woman of the day Finn had been left alone of all the people in the Candy Kingdom trying to mix up a cure for the zombie plague Cinnamon Bun had inflicted on the candy-folk. He'd been completely out of his depth, and it was a miracle the world hadn't ended that night.
It was utterly, ruthlessly logical. Nadia had been neutral in the great debate the night Patrick Petrikov admitted to what he'd done to 'fix' his wife. She'd seen it from both sides. On the one hand, she agreed with the young man about the dangers of a wife who scarcely understood that she was supposed to be taking care of herself to protect the baby in her middle. On the other hand, she didn't like the somewhat coercive feel of the whole business. Now, a little piece of her died as she was forced to confront the massive loss of innocence that Fionna had been forced to undergo. Her mouth opened, but she shut it again in the face of Fionna's utterly calm face. What was she going to complain about? This wasn't her body. "Ok," she said. "We're going to get you squared away. This isn't easy for us either, you know." The Bad-Bunny gave her a sweet smile, showing hints of the old Fionna.
Across the room, the prickly hybrid immediately started in on Billy with the same irritating and demanding behavior that she'd shown outside. It was all about TRR and her daddy's money. If Fionna and Star were daddy's little girls, they weren't alone. Billy was happy to give it right back to her though, offering her a sharp retort. "Don't be cunty, Bronwyn," he told her. The plush-puppy bristled. "You're here working this for your dad's business," Billy said. "I'm working this for the good of all the people in the civilized kingdoms. I think that trumps your dad's millions." Kim's only child shut her mouth and stared at him a moment. Then, softly, she said, "I need this, Bill. I want to make partner, and I need to put in work. It's as important to me as this is to you." "Then let's see how we can skin the cat, B," he replied. "We can figure this out."
The dickering went hours, with neither side gaining much of an advantage. Fionna and Nadia finished up their conversation and left, headed out for lunch. The hard reality was that Bronwyn really wanted too much. She wanted carte blanche to bring an unlimited pack of question marks through the figurative gates of the civilized kingdoms. That was something Billy could simply not agree to. As the big man was considering just telling her off and getting up from the table–he was hungry as fuck after all–a familiar voice called out to him.
The big man swivelled in his seat to see Olesia coming through the door dressed in her traveling gear. "O," he greeted her. His eyes were all over her, and that made her feel a little warm. It was only when she set her bag down that he realized she was carrying it. "Uh... are you leaving," he asked? It was the sort of unhappy-surprised tone that told her that she was getting under his skin. The plump girl gave him a smile and said, "you don't need me at the moment, and Princess Ingrid does." The big man wanted to hug her. He'd come to like her rather a lot. "I'll miss you," he offered. Smiling prettily, the plush princess replied, "I'm sure you'll see me again. We still have to finish the permanent barrier in the spring, right?" "Sure," Billy replied.
Bronwyn rolled her eyes. Pussy-hound. Why were men so eternally hungry for pussy? His brain had gone to mush the minute this girl came in, and it wasn't like he could even do anything with her. At least if he still wanted to be able to do anything after that. With a warm goodbye, the plump girl turned to go. Billy stood there a moment too long, watching that swaying butt, as she sauntered out once more, and she caught him at it when she glanced back. Unaccountably, that brought a smile to Olesia's face. Bronwyn was all but laughing at him when he turned back around.
Twirling a locking of her golden hair around her finger, the plush-puppy chuckled at him, "you can't even hit it, but you're drooling anyway." Ignoring the jab, the big man said, "I can't let you bring in a horde of people, B. Why do you need so many anyway?" That question, honestly, gave her pause. She didn't know. She really didn't know why her dad wanted so many. "There's a shortage of unoccupied hands," she lied. "You know a lot of people lost their lives in the war." He knew, but he'd thought most of them were in the Wildberry, Peanut, and Elbow Kingdoms.
Calmly, the big man said, "you can't bring in all these people and then skate on responsibility for them, B. I can let you bring in a few that way, or you can sign off on the pack. One or the other. These guys are gonna' have to go out of here with you. They'll have to go straight south out of the Grey Forest by bus on your dad's dime. They're on probation for now. They'll need to carry their papers wherever they go for the next year, and you guys will be responsible for them. After that, they're free to go. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."
Bronwyn thought long and hard about that. This was a risk. This was a very real risk. If one of these clowns did something stupid and decided to hurt somebody, that would be on her dad's business. At the same time, she wanted to make partner. That meant making tough and risky decisions–and eating the consequences. With a long sigh, she said, "ok. We'll do it." "Let's get the agreement written up," Billy said. "We'll both sign it. We'll get the names down of the people you're taking, and you'll be on your way."
As Billy dickered with his irritating second-cousin over the details of how she'd take responsibility for the men her father had agreed to bring into the kingdoms, the would-be Prince of Nuts was dickering with the devil in the ruins of a former factory in the blight that had been the Wildberry Kingdom. They'd found the creature in a glass mixing vat. Rolf had immediately sworn his officers to silence and had the two hapless soldiers who'd found the terrifying thing butchered to keep the secret. The creature had been chasing the some of the factory's now-deceased workers across a platform when his evil powers had dissolved the very structure on which he'd stood, dropping him into the mixing vat. He'd been here ever since.
"Back again," the darkness burbled? Rolf flushed. He'd sworn he wouldn't come back here. At the same time, he'd done nothing to reseal the prison. "How can I trust you," the desperate noble rumbled? Transforming back into his fair face, the evil entity rumbled, "that's sort of on you, Your Highness. I've told you what I bring to the table. I only ask... for the occasional victim. I have... appetites, you see." The peanut-prince had done a great deal of soul-searching about this. The idea of handing people over to be dissolved was a horrifying idea. At the same time, he needed an edge. News that the enemy was closing the barrier meant that he'd be fighting on his own against the combined might of four or more kingdoms at once. He didn't have that kind of manpower.
"I need a guarantee," said the peanut-person. "That you won't try anything... that there'll be no attempts to slaughter my people." The creature smiled a sinister smile. He was offering no such guarantees. They wouldn't be here, if this man wasn't desperate as fuck for any sort of advantage over his enemies. These creatures would have told their overlord about what they'd found, and there would be a wizard here in this room right now to slaughter their unhappy prisoner. The very fact that this man kept coming back told of increasing desperation. It was only a matter of time. "I'm tired," the creature replied. "Why don't you come back when you're ready to deal?"
Meanwhile, Marceline Abadeer-Mertens lay basking in the afterglow, having gotten laid for the first time in months. She'd been snowed under with work, unable to see her family, and, with Finn and Bonnie both wrapped up in undoing the mess her dad's golfing-buddy had left, she'd been rather lonely. Until today. The surprise visit had found the Lady of Darkness feeling cranky and abandoned. That had quickly gotten turned on its head, with the pair spending hours rolling around between the sheets as if they hadn't seen each other in years. Of course, just as with Bonnie, the wild pleasure of the sex had given way to a strangely bitter aftertaste.
She was sitting at the edge of the bed staring into space when it had always been Bonnie wanting to cuddle after getting it on. Of course she wasn't Bonnie–a little factoid that Marceline had been struggling to get used to. This woman had her old girlfriend's face and mannerisms. She knew how to touch the former vampire in all the ways that thrilled her. And yet she was so damned different. "Ok," said Marcy. "You conjure up a portal to hell to see me, fuck the shit out of me, and now you want to sit there and brood..."
Sarah flinched. Sitting up, the Dark Lady of the Night-O-Sphere slid over behind the heavy-duty hottie. With her legs hanging off the bed on either side of her lover, Marceline rested the long fingers of her hands on either shoulder. No reaction at all. Yeah, something was up. Sliding her hands down onto the android-girl's plump knobs, she said, "so what gives..." "Something's wrong with me," Sarah admitted. Glancing at Marceline, she explained, "I don't understand. Logically, I have everything. In Simone and Nadia, I have two of the best friends I could ask for. When Finn's out of touch, and I'm feeling needy, I have Bonnie, I have you, and I have Betty. I'm in the lives of two-dozen wonderful kids... So why do I feel like it's all going wrong...?"
Marceline sighed heavily. She sounded like Marceline herself on a bad day. Putting her lips to Sarah's ear, she whispered, "maybe Bubblebutt did too good a job with that soul-crystal business..." Suggestively, the demoness took a big huff of Sarah's scent, causing the android to shiver in terror. Pinching her nips, the Dark Lady said, "what you feel is the fear of loss that you know is coming..." Teasing the android-girl's ear with her tongue, she said, "you felt what it was like to lose–really lose–what you loved the night that shitbag killed Bonnie. You saved her, but now you have doubts..."
Switching to the other ear, as she continued to tease her lover's flesh, Marceline said, "it's the curse of immortality, pretty baby. You won't ever die, sweet Sarah. But Finn will. Those cute kids will. And you'll have to watch it..." It was a horrifying epiphany, and Sarah shot to her feet. Spinning around, she cussed Marceline. "Cuss me all you want, Sarah," Marceline cruelly laughed, "but you know it's true. In fact, I imagine you can't help but know it." The android's lovely face was frozen in a rictus of anguish, telling the demoness that she'd scored a hit there. "You always do this," howled Sarah, just before snatching up her clothes and running off! Marceline's laughter nipped at her heels as she ran.
Picking up the pair of filmy pink panties she'd left behind, Marceline lay back, breathing her scent. Sugary, like Bonnie's, but with a hint of something else. She needed to have a talk with Bonnie about some things. Sarah's problem got put on the pile.
Bronwyn, Bronwyn, Bronwyn... What HAVE you gotten yourself into? And Rolf the Peanut-Prince is about to seriously fuck up. And poor Sarah. Loss and regret is a bitch.
Figured I'd give you guys a twofer since some of you are more into the story than the lemons. :)