Chapter 13:
Bronwyn came into her father's room wearing a natty skirt and blouse combo in soft, shimmery silk. To her mother's eyes, she was dressed like a girl on the make. Her purple skirt hugged tight to her hips, and yet the hem flowed and danced with every step she took, showing off her long, lean legs. The shimmery, red blouse she wore hugged tight to her plump bust, and the square cut opening showed abundant cleavage. It was quite abundant considering she had two pair of heavy-duty knockers. Her long, golden hair had been teased out and hung to her waist in twists and curls. She looked like she was on the prowl.
Her dad looked flustered.
"Why aren't you ready," Bronwyn burbled? Her mom had always been the long pole in the tent when it came to being ready to go. Pat Rainicorn liked to dress to the nines. She liked every face to know that she was a wealthy woman. From the elaborate hair-dos to the beautiful dresses, the party-bear was a walking symbol of Kim Kil Wan's wealth. The man himself? Like most any man, he was up and ready to go at a few moments' notice. Today he was half-dressed, and he had his phone in his hand. His eyes flicked to Pat, and Bronwyn knew immediately that this was about Barry. Her second-cousin was fucking up again. Still.
Striding forward, Bronwyn slipped his phone out of his hand, and reached for his tie. "Hey, mom," she said. "Why don't you go down and check on the car?" Rolling her eyes–these two seemed to think they were sooo clever in trying to get rid of her–the plump she-bear turned, picked up her purse, and headed out. Eventually they'd get around to telling her what the fuck it was that Barry had done to vex her husband this time. She'd been covering for the idiot for years, and she was getting to the point where she was ready to tell Vivi to go hang. It wasn't like she could keep that jackass on the straight-and-narrow.
When the plump party-bear was gone, Bronwyn bent to the task of putting her dad's tie on, as she quizzed him on what was going on. "Barry's run into trouble," Kim muttered. Bronwyn chuckled. When wasn't Barry running into trouble? She'd noticed that the number of men coming through the Grey Forest had slowed to a trickle. She'd sent a series of threatening messages up there and gotten no response. "He's dead," Kim announced. Bronwyn's jaw dropped in shock. Nodding, Kim said, "he was caught with some man's wife..." Rolling her eyes and shaking her head in disgust, Bronwyn muttered, "figures. Always thinking with his little head." It was bound to catch up to him sooner or later. She'd come close to cutting his balls a time or two herself when she caught him staring down the front of her blouse.
"Right," muttered Bronwyn. "I'll take care of it." Just like that. Kim frowned at her. "I'm planning to be a partner, daddy," she reminded him. "This is a job for a partner. Somebody has to go unfuck this thing and haul his carcass out of there." With a sigh, Kim asked, "what do I tell your mom?" With a shrug, Bronwyn replied, "tell her something came up. I had to go take care of it. We'll... We'll have to get on the phone and figure out what we're telling Vivi."
Kim headed down to the car to find Pat waiting on him with that 'you're going to catch hell' expression on her face. The dog-icorn put on a smile, hoping to avoid the looming confrontation. "So what's he done," asked Pat? Kim knew who 'he' was. "Well," demanded Pat? Kim motioned for the driver to get the door opened, but Pat was up for a fight tonight. "Are you going to tell me," she asked? Kim took her by the arm and steered her for the door, pointing out, "we'll be late..."
Smoothing her skirts, Pat sat herself in the far seat, with Kim settling himself right behind her. As the driver shut the door, the party-bear looked around, asking, "where's Bronwyn?" Kim replied, "she's gone off to settle a problem..." Pat's jaw came open, and then she started shouting. Kim tried to soothe her, but Pat was having none of it. "Our daughter's almost thirty," she howled! "When's she going to be able to settle down?! When am I going to get grandkids?! You sucked her into that fucking business of yours, Kim! You're responsible for the fact that we have no grandkids!" Kim fired back, "she's learning to take care of the money I'll leave her when I'm gone, Pat! That's important!" "It's important for Bronwyn to give up her chance at meeting a good mate for fucking Barry," Pat shouted back?!
The dog-icorn suffered through that brutal dressing-down for a long, long hour as the car wended its way across town and through the massive security-cordon outside the event venue. It was hard to believe his idiot uncle had the power and money to afford something on this scale. His mind kept harkening back to the day he'd sold the tree-house out from under his father and uncle just to teach his father a lesson. The pair of them had been down-and-out, and he'd finally relented after realizing that his father was simply a hopeless fool. He'd honestly expected that the pair of them would end up on the streets somehow or dead from one of their endless idiotic adventures. Now this man whom he'd thought a fool was King of the world.
Seeing her husband staring out the windows at the sights around them, an irritated Pat complained, "Bronwyn could be meeting a prince! Instead, she's looking after Vivi's idiot husband!" "He's fucking dead, Pat," Kim shot back! "Do you think we should just leave him laying on a slab in the Grey Forest?!" Pat's mouth shut with a click. Rolling his eyes, Kim said, "we were trying to figure out how to break it to Vivi, but since you have to know, somebody murdered him. Bronwyn's gone to get his body back, so we can at least get him to a funeral parlor. Don't you think we owe Vivi that much?"
Now the idiot broke down in tears–as if she really cared that much about the jackass. Sometimes he wondered if she even cared that much about Vivian. He was at his wits-end. Blowing out a breath, he apologized, saying, "I didn't mean to hurt you, Pat." "Poor Vivi," Pat howled, as if on cue. "W-what're we going to say to her? H-how did he die?" Kim glanced away, muttering curses. And that told his wife everything she needed to know. "How did he die, Kim," she demanded? Rolling his eyes, the businessman admitted, "he was cheating on Vivi with some other guy's wife. Looks like the guy caught them... and... got upset." It was all fake tears and feminine outrage now, but at least she was off his back.
Meanwhile, inside the Gumbald Arts Center, a nervous Billy the Human stood before a mirror, his hands shaking. "You've been through this before," Ragnhild tutted, as she shaved his face. "Four times," Abeiuwa chuckled. They were having a laugh at his expense, which was helping precisely not at all. "I wanted to be part of those other times," Billy muttered. "I don't see why you don't grow it out," Noemi suggested. Which she'd suggested on numerous other occasions. She liked beards.
Ragnhild gave the plump woman a dirty look, suggesting she was pushing. It was another of those unhappy epiphanies. His dad went through this. A lot. From his moms fighting over cologne–Cherry liked cologne and Bonnie hated it–to his original pair of moms fighting over boxers vs. briefs, his dad got pulled in a literal bakers' dozen directions at once. And some of those women had the power to make Finn howl. Now he was getting it. Noemi liked facial hair. Rags wasn't a fan, and, for Abeiuwa, it was a big 'meh'. He wished somebody would break the tie, so he could figure out which side to fall on. And that was another thing that was bugging him. His life was becoming about making them happy. He was getting consumed. Rags' voice was soothing, as she said, "we're doing fine. This is all going to work out just dandy, honey." He nodded, but he wasn't sure he believed it.
When she'd finished shaving him, the Frozen Yogurt Princess washed his face and combed his hair. Noemi moved in to help him get into his suit, and Rags finished things off by tieing up his tie. He was as ready as he was ever going to get. It was time to go down and face the music. One by one the trio came forward and embraced him. Ragnhild gave him a somewhat prim and proper kiss. Noemi pressed her big grapes into his chest and tried to tongue out the inside of his mouth. Abeiuwa was dirtiest of all. Pressing her hard body against his, the Princess of the Southern Jungles tried to give him a killer hard-on by grinding her hips against his. Yeah, he was screwed, and going in deeper every day.
Elsewhere in the sprawling event venue, the Lizard Princess stood on an upstairs balcony, staring down at the veritable sea of Royalty that had shown up for the gathering. Her face was turning all sorts of interesting colors at the sight of women–rivals–she hadn't seen in years. Bambi the Deer Princess from over the Western Ocean was here with her idiotic besty, Tequila Princess. Slutty Pirate Princess was here and glaring daggers at the Matriarch of the Water-Nymphs. Even fucking Lamprey Princess was here, looking like she'd swallowed a medicine ball. She was maybe a few weeks out and still here prowling around like she was looking for dick.
Competition. Soooo much competition.
As if to punctuate that thought, a familiar face came around the corner. It was the little elemental bitch. And, shockingly, it looked like she'd been losing weight–lots and lots of weight. "Well, hello," Olesia greeted the jealous lizard-woman. Hamest flushed at that cheery response as if she'd been slapped. The plump girl was dressed in a body-hugging dress with the barest of straps to cover those heavy-duty tits of hers. She looked like a fucking walking heart-attack.
Before the claws came out (both literal and figurative), a loudspeaker announced that the wedding guests should take their seats. In short order, the pack of princesses and various hangers-on and functionaries were headed for the door to the Lolly Bubblegum Conference Center–the impromptu chapel chosen for the day's blessed event. With a smile and a jaunty wave, the plump elemental woman turned and headed for the stairs to join the queue.
Chaos reigned as the surly princesses jostled with each other to get into the wedding venue. They were very important people after all, and they expected to be treated as such. That left their entourages jostling in the doorway to the venue. Breakfast Princess did yeoman service smoothing the ruffled feathers as she rushed back and forth to get them all seated. In spite of Ingrid's suggestions that she was part of the Royal Entourage of the King of Ooo, Olesia found herself hanging out near the very rear of the room, in the same row as the fashionably-late Rainicorn family.
A very nervous Billy the Human arrived in company with the three Princesses to whom he was currently married. The big man looked paler than usual, and Olesia felt sorry for him. He looked like he was going to a hanging instead of a wedding. Maybe it's both, she thought, as she eyed the antics up at the front of the room. Ragnhild looked resigned. Abeiuwa looked smug, and Noemi... was amused.
As the wedding march began to play, the Princess Dowager of the Muscle Kingdom stepped forward to conduct the ceremony. Billy grew paler, seeming to flinch with every note played. At a slow, measured pace, Nieve came down the aisle, dressed in traditional white, and she almost appeared to be torturing the Ice Prince, as that walk seemed never-ending. And then, after a seeming eternity of the young hero staring around him like a cornered rat, the bride-to-be arrived at the altar.
The ceremony was blessedly short as Royal Weddings went. Olesia thought that many of the princesses were disappointed by the lack of pomp. At the same time, she thought it was a mercy for poor William. He fumbled his way through the whole thing as if he was being led up to the gallows, and he twice managed to flub his lines and stutter through the entirety of the 'I-do's'. Disappointment was short-lived though. There was rich food on offer in the great atrium of the convention center.
The pack of princesses and their vast entourages went filtering out into the grand hall to find table after table of refreshments and three well-stocked bars serving just about anything a sentient on Ooo could want. The Royal Family followed after at a much more sedate pace. For some, this was hardly a reason to celebrate. Finn was feeling it. He'd sold his first-born child for power, and he wasn't happy, even if his wives felt it was perfectly acceptable. Billy himself was in a state of shock. He'd just gotten married to somebody he didn't really like. He was supposed to go sleep with Nieve. He was supposed to conceive a child with her. And a large piece of him would rather have slept in the park alone.
Fionna's mind was going a half-dozen different directions at once. She could see her brother's distress, and that bothered her. More to the point, she had two daughters who could find themselves married off like this, and she was terrified of seeing them in the kind of abusive situation her grandma sometimes talked about from the 'old days' before the Mushroom War. Add in the fact that Star was having complications from the issue of small belly/two babies, and she was a bundle of worry. That didn't even get into the brittle mood Patrick had been in the last time they'd spoken on the phone. She wanted to get back to the Grey Forest, finish up business there, and get him home.
Of course, there was something that needed to get done right now. "C'mon, twerp," rumbled the tall girl, as she grabbed for Star's hand. The little nymph bristled at being called a twerp, but Fionna wasn't taking 'no' as an answer. She dragged her little sister off in the direction of the locked-down exit the Palace Guard was keeping for the Royal Family. "W-where're you taking me," Star demanded? "Home," Fi replied. "You saw the wedding. Now you're going home to bed." Star opened her mouth to complain, but a muscle-spasm in her aching back put paid to the griping, and she ended up going along to get along.
As several of the Royal Moms milled around in the exit of the hall, chatting, Odessa came bustling through, leading the 'happy couple'. She was bound for the elevator up to the penthouse suite, where the pair were going to change into something suitable for the usual post-wedding meet-and-greet. Lollipop wasn't sure who looked more unhappy, Bill or Nieve. It was going to be an interesting wedding night for certain. Then Bonnie brushed past, looking just as unhappy. Her town, her rules, and Odessa got the job of performing the ceremony. Her face a study in angst, the candy-monarch turned left, headed for the stairs up to the balcony. To fume.
Indeed, Bonnibel Bubblegum swung past a refreshment stand, grabbing the handiest glass she could find of something strong. Gulping it down in one go, she wiped her lips before grabbing two more glasses and storming off again. She left a startled bartender staring at her back. It was never good to see an angry Royal. Finn stopped right where he was and stared after her. It was Simone who'd decided who was going to perform the ceremony for her child, and Bonnie had been in a snit since the decision got announced. For somebody who liked to tout her diplomatic credentials, she was one of the most undiplomatic people around.
Before Finn could even think of rushing after her, Margarida Quintana, the Queen of the Water-Nymph Confederation stopped him, saying, "I would still like to talk about the matter I tried to broach earlier..." Smoothly, Simone stepped in, saying, "I'm not ready to entertain the forcible marriage of another family member, just yet. We can talk, but you'll have a tough time convincing me..." Betty joined the affray moments after that, sparing the big man the ugly of having to deal with this just now. He turned back to look for Bonnie, finding that she'd gone up the stairs–and now Cherry was gone too.
Betty and Simone led Margarida away, bound for the refreshments on the far side of the hall, and Finn knew exactly what that was about. He was disturbed by this whole thing. They thought they were sparing him. But you couldn't be spared when they were discussing marrying your kids off like this, could you? As if in ugly reminder, Ragnhild, Abeiuwa, and Noemi came out just then, and the trio turned and headed for the elevator. Hurletta came up alongside him and took him by the arm, saying, "you haven't eaten in hours, Finn. Let's get you fed."
Up on the balcony, Bonnie downed the first of the two shots of chocolate liqueur. Tossing the glass aside, she raised the other to her lips. Cherry rumbled, "huh... that was me a few years ago..." Bonnie's face snapped around, a blush suffusing her features. Striding up alongside the tall woman, the little gangster stared over the side of the railing as if staring into an abyss. "I spent a lot of years at the bottom of a bottle," she said. Bonnie put the glass down, feeling the taste of the liquor turn to ash in her mouth. She'd forgotten all about this woman when her husband was buried.
"I didn't come up here to make you feel guilty," Cherry said. Though she'd done a pretty good job of it. "You're going through some stuff," Cherry opined with a shrug. "I'm trying to steer you away from the mistake I made." "Ok," muttered Bonnie. "I don't get you." She glanced down at her little nemesis with a frown. "Where did I go wrong," she murmured? It almost sounded like she was ready to take the small woman apart to see what made her tick. "Maybe I'm the one you got right, Bonnibel," Cherry retorted. Looking up at her frenemy, the little woman said, "maybe I'm your wake-up call, Bonnie. Maybe the world isn't the perfect little garden you hoped it would be." Bonnie's right hand clenched into a fist. "Maybe we should have that fight," Cherry chuckled. "We've got a lot of things we could fight over."
The tall woman stood there a moment, staring at her. Taking a chance, Cherry reached out and took the glass from her fingers, setting it aside. "Walk with me," she whispered. "Come take a walk with me." The tall princess wavered a moment. Deepening the risk, the fallen lawyer took her former overlord's hand and started walking. At first she was half-dragging the older woman. Then, as the princess slowly relaxed, they began to walk normally. Shadowing them, the two bodyguards exchanged smiles of relief. No Royal Fight today. Separating the King's wives when they got to fighting was every kind of not fun.
Meanwhile, the bundle of nerves and terror that was Bronwyn Rainicorn sat strapped into the seat of her dad's hired airship as their hired cyborg brought the thing down through an evening rain-storm. She hated this thing. Most often when she traveled, she took the car. That had become a problem with the unrest and fighting of the last few years. Even beyond the risk of running into wandering monsters, there were masterless men wandering about making trouble. They'd stopped several cars going back to Cocoa City and robbed the occupants. Her dad had hired this airship at an exorbitant rate, and this had become the cost of doing business.
It was crazy on its face. Her grandmother could fly. Her great-grandparents could both fly. And she was terrified of flying. Or rather, she was very terrified of crashing. Strangely, when they were high in the sky, the fear subsided some, but the closer they got to the ground–and landing–the more her mind wanted to conjure some last minute incident that would smash the plane and take her life. The pilot was no help at all. He spoke not at all to her beyond a few scattered sentences, and unlike some of the others they'd dealt with, he preferred simply to plug himself into the machine, eschewing the various hand-controls. Her father believed it made him a better pilot–less likely to make mistakes. Bronwyn feared the opposite was true. What if his mind wandered?
The pilot brought the machine down, down, down through the clouds, exchanging sparse words with the tiny contingent of his people there on the ground. The field was rough, as so many of the places they did business. It was just enough cleared and open space to land a flying-machine, and that was it. Fortunately, his machine was equipped for short take-offs and landings. Flaring into a hover, he eased the thing down among poorly-cleared tree-stumps and ruts.
Moments later, the hybrid found herself walking down the airship's ramp into a chill evening rain in the Grey Forest. The sexy, short, leg-baring skirt around her hips had been something fun to wear when she was going to her adopted-cousin's wedding and looking to meet thirsty dudes maybe looking for a wife. Standing in an icy rain with a chill wind blowing out of the north made it a trial and left the plush puppy feeling prickly. Fucking Barry. That was all she could think of, as she contemplated the party she was missing. Fucking Barry was the reason for this. A part of her would have set him ablaze instead of giving him a funeral–and maybe tossed Vivi on the pyre too.
Shaking her head and muttering curses, the hybrid hefted her bag and went flouncing down the walk, broad hips wig-wagging thanks to the six-inch heels she was wearing. Up ahead, the supervisor of this little disaster stood waiting under the cover of the rattle-trap of a terminal the nymphs had slapped together here. She hated coming to this place. She hated nymphs with a passion since she'd caught her father banging one when she was a teen. She'd never ratted him out on the subject, but it had been a sore point with her for years.
She would have admitted to rationalizing it. She'd blamed the nymph rather than her father and his philandering habits, and even now she wanted to blame the bitch Barry was banging rather than Barry himself. But here they were. "Patrick," she greeted the Ice-King's son. "Bronwyn," Patrick replied. Unlike the run of dudes, he didn't stare relentlessly at her tits, which was something of an oddity. Then again, she would have had to admit that Fionna's were plusher. "Let's get this done," she rumbled, as she brushed past him, heels click-clacking on the rough stone porch that served for a boarding-gate.
Back in the Candy Kingdom, Hamest the Lizard Princess stood figuratively on the outside of a strange, fenced-in area where the 'happy couple' were greeting a select list of guests. She'd been plainly and clearly excluded when the likes of the Pirate Princess were within the little gathering, pressing the flesh and mercilessly flirting with the groom. It was a pointed sign that, though they'd put up with her sleeping with their husband on the down-low in her own kingdom, Ragnhild, Abeiuwa, and Noemi were putting up barriers against anything more than that. Feeling the weight of a depression taking hold, the cougar had gone upstairs to the balcony to stare wistfully at the one she wanted.
"Looks like we're both on the outside," Olesia murmured. The unhappy cougar looked up at her with a bleak expression. Laying an arm on Hamest's shoulders, the plump girl said, "got myself all dolled up for this..." Hamest was momentarily startled not to be burning alive. And then she noticed what had been there before her eyes all along. Leaning on the balcony, Olesia chuckled, "there's a way to have what I want. My cousin found it first." As the lizard-woman stared in shock, the plump girl told her about Phoebe's miracle cure for the burning flame inside her.
Down below, Finn the Human found himself strangely at loose ends. Hurletta had led him away from the unpleasant scene with Margarida, but then she herself had gotten dragged away from Finn to deal with some complaints from Aysun. Bonnie and Cherry had gone off somewhere, which was strange on its face given that they weren't exactly friends. Simone and Betty had closeted themselves with the leader of the water-nymphs. Drew had gone off after Fionna to give Star a good looking over, and E had gone with her to look in on her first child–and maybe get a looking over herself.
Beeps was rushing around making sure that nothing went wrong this evening, with Lollipop helping out wherever she could. Nadia had already gone upstairs to pack for her trip home. That left Phoebe, Sarah, Ingrid, and Strudel as the only Finn-wives still in the room. The big man scanned the scene, looking for Phoebe. Spying the elemental, he headed off, weaving his way across the room, bodyguard in tow. He wanted to talk to her–to lose himself in the connection that they'd somehow, against the odds, managed to rekindle.
As he approached, he found her talking to Purple Kingdom's ambassador. It was clear from her expression that she was annoyed. "Hey," he greeted her. "Busy, babe," she replied. "Talk later..." With a sigh, the big man turned and headed off in the direction he'd last seen Ingrid, his latest and greatest 'project wife'. The soldier was closeted with a half-dozen of his other generals, including Hurletta's Minister for War, and they were talking about the campaign against the Peanuts. Hearing the snippets of discussion, he decided that he wanted to be somewhere else. Ingrid could talk about killing people for hours, but his heart wasn't in that tonight.
The King of Ooo found himself hunting around for Sarah and Strudel, searching for two people who he thought should have been all but impossible to miss. It was crazy on its face, but a man with fourteen wives–fifteen if you counted the Sky Witch–was alone at his son's wedding reception. It was as he was crisscrossing the hall for the fourth–fifth?–time, a voice called out to him.
Finn turned to find himself facing the Opera Populaire's master. He'd met the humanoid the previous evening at the masquerade ball, and they'd chatted for a few minutes. Finn had been a little intrigued by the stranger at the time. He had blue skin and an accent similar to Orzsebet's, and the King couldn't help thinking of his missing spymaster, wondering what she was up to. Now he found himself fighting down his irritation. He didn't want to deal with anybody. He wanted to spend time with the people he loved.
"Allow me to introduce our prima donna," announced the humanoid. Finn glanced down to his companion. The face was strangely familiar to him. She was petite and curvy–like Cherry–with plump knockers that looked big on her small frame. She was a fetching woman with pale yellow skin and hair, a long, narrow nose, and fine features. A mole on her left cheek completed the look.
Finn graciously offered to kiss the lady's hand. She smiled prettily at him. Before her boss could say another word, one of his other employees called him. "Your pardon, sire," said the humanoid. "I should see what he wants..." The opera manager rushed off, leaving the King with his pretty Meistersinger. Smiling up at him, the little woman suggested, "does the King dance?" Puzzled by this development, the King replied, "uh..." He indicated his arm and the sling it now hung within. "Nonsense," she said with a pouty little smile, as she took hold of his other hand. With a sigh, the big man followed her to the dance floor.
Finn meets the enemy, and Billy gets sold, while Bronwyn puts on her big-girl skirt and goes out to handle the bidness.