Chapter 21:
He wasn't supposed to be doing this. At least, his priority was supposed to be somewhere else. He was supposed to be getting Nieve pregnant. To seal the deal. He was supposed to consummate an unhappy political marriage with a woman who hated his guts. And while his wives had encouraged him to 'make nice' with Hamest, the family wanted the southern border secure–along with Muscle Kingdom's rich farmland. The news that their adversary was interested in those same lands as a way into the protected heartland of his father's dominion made that all the more urgent.
Except that Nieve hated him. Nieve hated him and Hamest wanted him. The Lizard Princess wanted him badly enough to all but beg. Which pretty much meant that Billy rather wanted Hamest more than he wanted anything at all to do with Nieve. "Oh, Billlleeee," wailed the pretty blonde beneath him! He'd tied both her wrists to the bedpost, and he was drilling her good. Head thrashing back and forth, her skin going from a deep crimson to a pale, cream like human skin, Hamest was going crazy. Again.
Nor was she alone.
He had to admit it. Having finally given in and screwed her, Billy had to admit Hamest was a good lay. Crazy in bed like JJ had been and just as hungry for it, she'd been more than hinting that she'd like to be his bitch for tomorrow or the next decade, whatever he wanted. It was really tempting to accept that offer, even though Nieve's folks were expecting a kid to come along real-soon-now. "Oooaaa... B-b-billllyyyy," wailed the nasty cougar. He was in the spot, and it was likely that everybody in the palace knew it. For Billy, that just made it nastier. From doing his best to be discrete about what was going on between them, the big man had come around to enjoying the stares and the looks he got. Fuck it, why not?
Of course, he wasn't using a rubber. He'd only ever used one twice. She was older. She was old enough that getting preggers wasn't an automatic thing like it was for somebody his age. At the same time, he was still rolling the dice. Of course, Bonnie and Betty had been pig-squealing to his dad about the instability of the kingdoms with heirless leaders. After all, Elbow Kingdom and Peanut Kingdom would be a lot better off if Bathilde and Maudie had made some babies. He might very well be solving a problem. The thought was so nasty, the big man shoved his pecker in deep and shot his white-sauce deep in the Lizard Princess's ruined little snatch. Head thrashing, Hamest went over right after him.
Climbing off the slutty princess, the big man said, "yeah... That was nice..." He really couldn't help giving her heaving titties a stroke in possessive fashion. Patting her flat belly, the big man got up, saying, "I better get going." He wanted to find out what was really going on with the mystery army roaming the wilderness. "B-billy," Hamest squealed?! He hadn't untied her! Billy was headed for the toilet, leaving her there, laying in the nasty, wet spot, covered in sweat and sex-juice.
Hundreds of miles to the west, Thor sat atop a ruined building on the edge of one of the great deep-water ports in the south of Engagement Ring Kingdom. Goods of every description passed through this port, and, at any given time, you could find hundreds of vessels here ranging from fishing dinghies to massive steam-powered freighters. As he sat watching, a black limousine rolled up to a warehouse on the largest of the piers. TRR Shipping and Cartage. Yeah, this was the place.
He'd been trailing the fool in the limo since the raid on the science academy, quietly looking into some of his business dealings. Much of it was the typical run of bullshit the rich got up to, thinking nobody would ever know. Drugs. Hoes. That kind of thing. So far, nothing had jumped out. Thor had stayed on the trail, though. Even the dumbest of capos usually kept his real dirt on the down low and out of sight. You could expect to get drilled and end up in somebody's wall if you didn't.
"What are you doing here," announced an unpleasantly familiar voice? A shiver went down Thor's spine. He knew that voice very well. "No Star," The Moon remarked. She was off to his left. Invisible. He'd seen the big cavalcade roll into town. His train had been delayed twice while the vampires and their household moved from the train station and into the castle by the beach. A soft touch caressed his heavy jaw. "Not interested," Thor muttered. Pouty voice, "not even a little?" "We're both married," Thor reminded her.
The mark had gotten out of the car and gone into the warehouse. "Lot of men in there," Candy remarked. Thor's face whipped around. "I can smell them," she said. She could smell their blood and hear their heartbeats. "Your heart is pounding," she giggled. "You're not afraid?" "Of being munched," Thor replied? "Nah. I'm afraid Star will get the wrong idea and kick my ass all over the house again." That had become a serial bummer. He didn't dare even look in the direction of a pretty girl. He'd been tempted to tell this chick to get lost. Now he asked, "how many dudes are in there?" "Hundreds," yawned the vampire in tones that suggested boredom. She'd been tempted to snoop. She liked pretty men. That was very interesting to the detective. "Since you're here...," Thor rumbled.
Back in the Lizard Knigdom, Billy strolled into Hamest's audience chamber to find Olesia waiting on him. "Morning, O," Billy greeted the plump elemental. "William," the younger woman responded. It was about as cold a greeting as could be managed. Something was bugging this girl, because she'd been cold, distant, and even a little cunty the last few days since she'd gotten here. They'd worked and worked well together, but far from being infatuated, Olesia was borderline hostile, and Billy wanted to know why. It helped not at all that he was a little stunned and startled by her new look. Every time he tried to bring it up, though, she basically shut down the conversation. It was crazy, and he halfway thought he ought to let it alone. He had enough troubles as it was. At the same time, the curiosity was eating him alive. What had happened? What did Ingrid do to this girl?
Just as he was making up his mind to open the can of worms, Hamest came into the room, looking pissed. Striding up to him, she lit into him, jabbing him in the chest with her finger. He'd left her tied up for a half hour while he took a nice, leisurely shower, suggesting that he'd been planning to leave her there all day. Naked. Where the maids could come in and find her looking like a whore. With an evil grin, the big man caught her chin with his big right hand and said, "yeah, but you sure looked sexy like that..." The princess stopped in mid-rant, her mouth shutting with a click. "C'mere, baby," he said. "Gimme some sugar..." He grabbed that round little ass and pulled her to him, locking his lips to hers. The angry princess melted. Brushing her long, blonde hair tenderly, the big man said, "be back tonight. Later."
Olesia, who'd watched all of that, set out at the sort of pace that suggested she was pissed. She wouldn't slow down, and she made him have to hustle to keep up if he didn't want to be seen running after another woman. Billy didn't catch up to her until she reached the stables, finding her hitching her saddle-kit onto her wolf. "Ok," he said, "sorry if that offended you..." "She's your mistress, William," Olesia interrupted. Billy shut his mouth, his face going red as her jacket. Nodding, the plump woman said, "she's your mistress. Why should I be upset if you sleep with your mistress?" Though she sounded pissed enough to set his balls on fire. Setting off, she said, "if we're going to scout for this rogue army, we should probably get about it..."
As Billy struggled to figure out what had happened to the sweet demeanor of his friend, the Warrior Princess strode onto the hill overlooking the ugly mass of people beyond the barrier. She'd arrived in the wee hours of the morning, having marched her troops all night long. She found her stepdaughter just as expected–punch-drunk from being awake most of the night. "Well," said the warrior-woman, "you seem to have discovered quite the party." Yawning, Fionna retorted, "what kept you?" "A couple of pesky castles that refused surrender," said Ingrid with a shrug. She wasn't a fan of the peanuts. She'd hungered to smash them utterly, and now she had.
Cocking her chin towards the horizon, Fionna said, "it's going to take a lot more than swords and spears to deal with that." Ingrid bristled. She'd never run from a fight, and she wasn't going to now. "Glad you said that, ghost-face," the Bad Bunny retorted, "because this isn't the kind of fight that needs a strong arm." The older woman frowned, as a sense of unease came over her. Motioning for the older woman to follow, Fionna led the way up to the brow of the hill where a small number of soldiers stood watch with telescopes, scoping out what the enemy was doing.
"We locked the main gates at the east end of the Grey Forest. Only the south and west gates are open now. Ingrid had been a little irritated that she'd had to basically march her troops around the forest. Now she saw the reason. With the numbers they were facing, it would have been all too easy to get plowed under and chased into the very gates themselves. It would have been disastrous for the wood-nymphs.
"They're starving," said Fionna. "They're here because they're starving." Ingrid's face whipped around. "I went out for parley," she said. The older woman cussed her, but Fionna had already heard it from Emeraude and her husband both. "I have an edge," said the Bad Bunny. Maja's charm would literally blip her out of harms way if she was ambushed. Fionna didn't know what its limits were, but the thing had saved her a few times already. "That's bad strategy, child," Ingrid muttered. "Don't start," Fionna rumbled. She'd gotten several ears full already. "Point is," said the Bad Bunny, "they're here because they're starving. She's got them believing there's food inside the barrier–all the food anyone could ever ask for.
Ingrid laughed. The sex-machine had been working her circuits to a frazzle and the kelp beds in Crab Kingdom had been working over time. They were barely holding on. With the zombies gone, there was a hope of a harvest in the spring from Muscle Kingdom, but they barely had food to support the people inside the barrier. It was laughable to think they could feed that horde! "Daddy better start thinking about it," Fionna muttered. "I'm sure that's not the only group like this."
"I'll drive them off," growled Ingrid, as she turned to go. It was Death talking. Ingrid had been in Death's embrace long before becoming his slave. Fionna stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "You can't pay your debts this way, mother," she said. The tall woman stopped where she was. "Death can't cleanse death," Fionna insisted. Nodding at the newcomers, she said, "most of them don't deserve that." Muttering curses, Ingrid stormed off, growling, "conference with your father. Twenty minutes."
The Inner Council was all gathered when Fionna and Patrick walked into the headquarters. Even the Matriarch was present, with her Lawkeeper and Matron of Castles at her side. "There appears to be more than twenty thousands of them," Ingrid announced, as Fionna and Patrick stepped up on either side of her. "More than Bill thought they had," Ragnhild burbled. "How can they have two massive armies like this," Hurletta howled? "Starvation," Fionna replied. "I'm betting the Dipped didn't have time to finish everybody. They..." "...killed off their food supply, figuring they'd eat each other or something," snarled Emeraude. She sounded angry, and Fionna didn't blame her. Grandma Marjolaine had been in league with those things. The Bad Bunny couldn't imagine what that felt like–knowing your own momma did that kind of thing to other people.
In contrast, her father looked... serene. It was eerie. It reminded her a lot of the night she'd realized he planned to suicide himself to take out the Lich. He was eerily calm–more 'New Finn' than usual. Focus, Fi, thought the pretty blonde. This has to be pretty important if he's so focused on it. "Some of those people have done awful things," Finn said. "We can offer to put them up... to build them a camp..." Turning to his wayward wife, the big man said, "I promised you the harvested wood, but I think I'm going to need it. I will compensate you with a further rebate on your taxes..." "I... I can't sell a rebate, babe," Emeraude replied. "And I need supplies to build shelter for my own peeps."
That gave the gathering pause. Biting her lip as if she might well chew it off, Ingrid offered, "I knocked in three small keeps on my way here. If I split some of my force and use my supply convoy, I can bring some of the materials here. It's... stone. Better than the trees would have been." "I'll take it," Emeraude replied. The peanuts were getting fucked on the deal, but the peanuts had been in open rebellion.
Finn took up the thread again, "they have to stay in the camp. For now. We can look at bringing them beyond the barrier this summer when I have some idea how the harvest is looking." Fionna relaxed visibly. "I want to know who committed crimes," Finn said. "I will... forgive some things. People who committed awful crimes will be punished." Fionna shivered. She knew exactly what that meant. "Alright," muttered Ingrid. "I... I better get started." The family signed off. When Ingrid would have stormed off, Fionna stopped her and hugged her. "This isn't going to be a habit," huffed the soldier, as she strode away.
In the wilds of Lizard Kingdom, Billy stood at Olesia's side, as she meditated in the middle of an empty field beside a tiny fire. At least, he was supposed to be standing. In reality, he'd been pacing from the moment they arrived, and it was driving her up the wall. He'd argued with her the whole way out from the capitol about this course of action–doing his best to talk her out of doing something that she already fucking knew was bloody risky. It had been traumatic to be slapped by that demon, and she'd had a couple of ugly nightmares where the damned thing froze her to death over and over and over for the fun of hearing her screams. She wasn't anymore keen on this idea than Billy was.
"I've been getting better at controlling the Ice Tiara," Billy said. He was talking about flying again–going up to have a look around from the air, in spite of the risk of the Entity taking over his mind. It was like the hundredth fucking time he'd said it. "So you really want to give away your body to that specter," Olesia retorted. "I'm sure your father will be sad to put you down, but he'll do it and move on. He's got ice-water for blood." Billy growled, "that's not funny." "Who said I was joking," the elemental retorted? "I'm trying to help you," he said. "You've done nothing but be cunty this whole time." "You're being an overprotective jerk as if I can't take care of myself," Olesia shot back. "I'm a grown woman, if you hadn't noticed." "That's what every kid in over her head says," Billy snapped.
The plump woman shot to her feet, her hair flaring with her rage, but Billy didn't back down. "Ok," she said, "since we're having a fight... the pacing is really fucking annoying. I don't think that there's packs of demons wandering around with every little rogue band in Ooo..." Scratching at the back of his head, Billy burbled, "I think that's the first time I've ever heard you swear..." Olesia stopped in mid-rant. Taking advantage of her surprise, the big man moved closer to her, saying, "I care... Is it wrong that I care about somebody who's been by my side through some pretty crazy stuff?"
The plump girl flushed and glanced away. She'd promised herself she wasn't going to be a typical princess–a fucking airhead staring at pretty boys and wishing. She was going to be a grownup and move on with the life she had. So much for growing up, she thought, because the pain and angst was all back. All he had to say was those two fucking words, and she'd gone all squishy inside like lava. "You went off with Ingrid to help her, not to get fucking burned up," Billy insisted. "You come back looking like she's been starving you to death..."
"I'm doing what has to get done," she murmured, voice thick. It was a good thing he couldn't touch her, because she would have been a goner–on her back, legs open–if he did. As it was, she was having trouble speaking, and her heart was pounding. She halfway wanted to set that fucking cougar on fire, because that should have been her the night Nieve rejected him. Fucking Hamest, who was old enough to be his momma, had gotten there first. "...but you still have to be careful," Billy insisted. "You matter to us. My sister and me. We care about you, and we'd be sad if you were gone. Hell, I'd be really sad because Lina would probably chase me across half the world to kick my ass for losing you." That made her laugh. She laughed and laughed about that, with Billy joining her after a moment.
He could always do that. He'd always been able to make her laugh–to make her feel better both about what was going on around her and about herself. Taking a breath, she said, "I... don't really want to talk about the things I saw, William. You understand?" The big man went very pale, his eyes showing that he knew the kinds of things you saw in a war. "Friends," he offered? "I'd like that, yes," Olesia replied. His customary friendly grin returned, as he said, "ok... let's get back to work." When she was ready to talk, he'd be right there to listen.
As Billy reconciled with Olesia, back in the Candy Kingdom, Nieve returned to the lady's locker-room of Mr. Cupcake's Gym after a long session of circuit-training. She'd despaired of finding a good workout in this mad little town, but she'd lucked upon this place in the news. The place was built into a modern, fresh building of the sort that was common in Bonnibel's mad little kingdom. It was nothing like the surroundings that Nieve was used to in her castle. At the same time, the change was a delightful change of scenery and helped her forget her grandmother's ugly threats. Wearing a delighted smile, the young woman strolled up to her locker to retrieve her belongings. It was time to get home.
Whistling a tune, the young woman popped open her locker, causing a pile of jet-black flowers to spill out. The startled woman jumped back in fright, her face snapping left and right to see who was near. Most of the folk there seemed as startled as she was. Glancing at the locker once more, she spotted the folded note sitting atop her purse. Wearing a frown of puzzlement and anger now, the haughty princess flicked the note open, receiving the second fright of the day.
You owe me, princess. You were to deliver me the Muscle Kingdom, and now you've climbed in bed with my enemies. I expect better.
Bandit Princess
The terrified princess stood there trembling a moment, her face whipping back and forth, as she pondered who could have left the note. There were a dozen women in the locker room, but it could have been any of them. It could even have been none of them. Her fingers crumpled the note. She was staying in the Bridal Suite. Still. She'd done nothing to move herself to the palace–where all the guards and all the protection was. She'd come out here as if she was just out on a lark–having a good time and ducking work. Now she was utterly terrified that it could have cost her life! Crumpling the note, the curvy princess grabbed her bag, nearly spilling the contents on the floor and all but tore out of there. Behind her, one of the women quietly stroked the wad of bills in her pocket. The message was delivered.
Back in the palace, the King of Ooo had moved on to other business. With Ingrid there as a backstop and his daughter checking his wife's uglier impulses, he thought the business at the barrier was well in hand. He was a little bothered that the Bandit Princess had been able to field two armies, but given the nature of those armies, he thought they were still in good shape. As they debated what to do about Sarah's work on the miracle cure for the burned lands beyond the barrier, knocking at the door announced a visitor. Moments later, Lollipop walked in, with Orzsebet at her side.
The Agent Princess looked tired as if she hadn't been sleeping, and Finn imagined that the news she had was both important and hard-won if she didn't bother with her usual shit of sneaking up on him. "The Lady of Spies brings urgent word of a plot in the far east," Lollipop announced. Bonnie waved her forward. Step by step, the nasty bitch approached the council table, stopping finally on the side opposite Finn. Without preamble, Orzsebet announced, "my agents have uncovered a serious plot to create another undead plague..."
Chaos reigned for several minutes, with half the family shouting in fear and rage. Finn shut the noise down with a harsh whistle. "Who and where," he asked? If she was getting straight to the point, he would do no less. "Our adversary," the Lady of Spies replied. "She's concocted a scheme to lay hands on a specimen of the zombie-plague." That news had everybody at the table practically crawling up the backs of their chairs.
"We have to send Billy to stop her," Belle declared. That suggestion earned an immediate rebuke from Ragnhild and the Dowager Princess of all people. Giving Nieve's grandmother an ironic look, the Froyo Princess said, "Billy's tied down in Lizard Kingdom. I agree the threat is severe, but..." "Billy's a wizard," opined Belle. "We can move some soldiers there... Maybe borrow them from Purple Kingdom." Interrupting the Hotdog Princess, Simone said, "this isn't something Billy or anyone else can do. Rose trusts Finn." She'd met the Skeleton Princess. Rose and Finn had great rapport, strangely enough. More to the point, Zombie-Skeleton Kingdom was a dangerous place, where even the water could kill you, and Finn was one of only a handful of people who'd ever gone in and come out again.
Finn sighed, and his eyes flicked to Drew. He'd been trying so hard. Breakfast demanded, "why can't we have Marshall go? He's... He's a vampire." "The Vampire King is neutral," Cherry retorted. Nodding in agreement with Simone, she said, "clearly, if there is great need, our stepson would help us, but this is not yet great need." "I'll go with him," Sarah volunteered. Turning to Finn, she said, "you better go see Drew for some protective equipment. Finn groaned. Usually Drew's protection came with shots–lots and lots of shots.
The meeting broke up then, with Finn heading for the infirmary to find his wife and doctor. Sarah headed for her own quarters to gather up some traveling gear and equipment. She was vaguely aware of Bonnibel following her, but she didn't look back or say a word. She was having troubles with her emotions, and just the sight of her creator made it worse. The sight of anybody that she cared for drove her to distraction, and, ironically, she was starting to enjoy Blargetha's presence more and more. She hated Blargetha. She would have gleefully murdered the younger slime princess, and so she was comfortable with being around the nasty bitch.
Bonnie followed her creation into the tiny room she'd taken for herself and stopped stock still. The room was little better than a cubby with a place for the android to curl up and plug herself in.
Like a closet.
Bonnie felt her heart lurch as she was confronted by signs of her own past misbehavior. "I know why you're doing this," Bonnie murmured. "Do you," Sarah retorted? Resting her hands on her double's shoulders, Bonnie said, "you're hurting, Sarah. I can see it..." The android flinched. She did understand. Taking a breath, the younger woman murmured, "you can't go, Bonnibel. I can't let you go." Sarah would have gone alone, if she could. As far as she knew, the only other people immune to the Zombie Plague were Marshall, his wives, and Princess Beautiful. Everybody else was vulnerable to becoming a brain-eating monster.
Wrapping her arms around her wonderful, wonderful child, the tall princess said, "I know in my heart that I can't... You can't blame me for wanting to see a place I've never seen." Sarah chuckled. She knew. This was going to be interesting for her too. "I'll take samples," she said, as she picked up her bag. Bonnie laughed. She was going to be too busy picking up after Finn and keeping him out of trouble. "We're going to talk after you get home," Bonnie murmured, as the android-girl reached the door. With a sigh, Sarah nodded. Yeah, that was going to be a fun time.
Sarah headed upstairs to the infirmary, arriving to find Drew working their husband over. Stoically, Finn sat on the examination table, as the good doctor administered shot after shot after shot. He didn't even so much as flinch, even as the doctor's hands became increasingly clumsy because her eyes were filling with tears. "I didn't want to do this," Finn announced. He might have been talking about taking out the trash.
"I... why... what're you saying, Drew demanded?! "This feels like a failure," he admitted. Drew's mouth came open at what he was saying. Then, "I... this is who you are." "It's who I was," Finn retorted. "Because I said a few dumb things," the doctor snapped. "You said what needed to be said," Finn murmured. "It was up to me to finally listen." The pretty doctor howled, "but that's the man you are! W-why aren't you angry?! I tried to make you into something you're not! Why aren't you mad about that?!" She'd been wrestling Finn's self-destructive behavior across nearly the entire span of his life. Something, somewhere had changed, and she was terrified of what that could be. "I don't want him," howled Drew! "I don't want 'new Finn'! I want my old Finn back! I want him just like he was!"
"Baby, the old me can't come back," said Finn. "I see it now as I should have seen it a long time ago. You need me to a be a better man than I was, and I have to be that man. For the love of all of you and all my babies, I have to be a better, more thoughtful man. The cost will be too great for me to bear if I don't." Rising, the big man shrugged on his shirt, saying, "I'll be home soon. I'm hoping this is the last time. For all of us." Sarah said not a word as the big man walked into the hall carrying a small package with a water-purifier and a filtration mask.
Orzsebet is back as the bearer of very bad news. Thor discovers that Bronwyn's dad is up to very bad things, and Dr. Princess realizes that she should have been more careful with what she was asking for. No take-backs.