Chapter 29:
"Somebody got laid," Talia murmured, as Katsumi came striding up out of the early morning sunlight with Billy in tow. Finn flushed to his hair. The kitsune was walking funny–rather like somebody had worn the pussy out last night. He'd repeatedly warned his son about the consequences of screwing around with women like the witch. While it was often difficult to avoid these little entanglements–and escape with your balls intact–this was certainly not the time to be rolling the dice. They had a mission to finish, and the two women were both prickly as prickly got. Indeed, Talia, in typically cunty fashion, set the tone for the discussion by asking, "did you get good sleep, Katsumi?" With a glance at Finn, the kitsune retorted, "fine, thanks. And you?" "Not that kind of deal," Finn rumbled. "Let's go in and talk..."
Far to the east, the Bandit Princess sat in her bunker facing down catastrophe. She'd lost hundreds of slaves and dozens of guards last night–all simply blown up when the rocket exploded. The devastation was... incredible. "The rocket is completely destroyed, Your Highness," Mr. Starchman declared. He didn't say, "I told you so." He was still breathing and wanted to stay that way. Nodding, Peihong rumbled, "you warned me. Now what would it take to build the thing correctly?" With a heavy-hearted sigh, Jim Starchman admitted, "years, Your Highness. Princess Blargetha is a genius among geniuses. It would take me years to duplicate what she did, much less improve it. You'd have better luck stealing an airship to deliver your weapon." "I still have money," she growled. "But what you need is time," the egghead retorted. She laughed. She actually laughed. That was the one thing she didn't have.
"I set you one last task," she said. "Complete it, and you'll be freed. You said you could build an airship with the materials I still have. Build that ship for me, and you'll have your freedom." "I'll do my best," he agreed. The ogress motioned for him to be taken away. She needed to think. The rocket had been her best hope of having a weapon to cow Finn the Human, and now it was gone and her hopes with it. It was starting to look like the time for desperate measures.
As the Bandit Princess contemplated her mortality, the Finn crew was down deep in an ugly discussion of fear, betrayal, and accusation. In spite of Finn's outreach, Baba Yaga was refusing to talk peacefully. She'd insisted on going back to old grudges and adding new ones to the mix. Thankfully, in spite of the provocations, the guardian spirit of Shiyan had refused the bait.
"Talia," Katsumi interrupted. "Listen. We're at the confluence of something..." The raging nature-spirit finally stopped her shouting. "When I was growing up," Katsumi said, "my grandfather used to tell me that everything happens for a purpose. It's the universe's way of restoring itself. There's a reason we found each other again. There's a reason things are happening now." Talia's mouth shut with a click. The rusalka was listening now.
"I don't know what it is," Katsumi murmured, "but something big's coming. Something on the scale of the War." "Aliens have come back twice to try and finish what they started," Finn remarked. "Could they be coming again?" "Maybe," Talia rumbled. She was clearly intrigued–and troubled–by Katsumi's words. The rusalka turned and stared out at the dead expanse of Yakutsk. Her grand failure. Coming up alongside her, Katsumi said, "you have to let go, Talia. We both have to let go. The universe has given us a second chance. To make things right. Let's not squander it."
Her best frenemy turned to face the kitsune, wearing her pain like a coat. Katsumi had done a lot to poison their relationship, and she knew it. Taking a deep breath, Katsumi said, "I'm the guardian of an ugly piece of alien science... something called the Black Scrawl Virus." Talia's head whipped up so fast it gave Billy a stiff neck. Nodding, the kitsune explained, "your Russians weren't the only ones contacted, Talia. They contacted everybody. The Chinese, the Russians, the Americans... They gave everybody something. They gave them all a deadly puzzle piece that could make the world a better place..." "Or destroy it utterly...," Talia mumbled.
With a sigh, Katsumi explained, "they gave China the key to humanity's genetic code... all the secrets hidden in our DNA... right down to the genetic quirks that made you and I. They gave them the knowledge to modify viruses as a delivery method for their changes." The Chinese had done exactly what the aliens expected. Oh, they'd researched cures for cancer and other maladies, but it had been a cover for insidious experiments with terrible biological weapons targeted to wipe out only specific portions of the human race. "The Black Scrawl Virus was intended to wipe out every human with Caucasian or African features in his genome," Katsumi mumbled.
Talia laughed. She began laughing, and she kept on going as if she might never stop. It frankly irritated Billy, until his father uttered the punchline. "They wouldn't have had any more idea how to control that than Rose was able to control her zombie virus," the King of Ooo muttered. "With the aliens pulling the strings, they probably would have wiped themselves out and had no idea how it happened." It was heavy, heavy stuff. Not just the bomb. There had likely been multiple doomsday weapons floating around, unseen. Billy was horrified to realize how close the world had come–and still was–to ending.
"My name–my true name–is Kristina Katsumi Tsui," Katsumi murmured. "I've carried this secret a thousand years..." Nodding, Talia grabbed her by the arm and dragged her towards the door. Finn and Billy fell in behind as Baba Yaga dragged her fellow witch out the door and down the hall to her elevator. Talia took them to her battered car and motioned for them all to pile in. Almost before the trio had settled themselves, the nature-spirit roared off in a cloud of tire-smoke.
She'd always been a madwoman behind the wheel. Katsumi remembered that as clear as day. Talia had racked up tickets with a frequency that shocked her agent. Lambos and Mclarens and hot-rod Mercedes sedans. Natalia Orlova had been in near-constant trouble with the law. She'd had her license revoked twice. At the same time, the kitsune found a strange comfort in the familiar feeling of a fast car under her ass with Talia in the driver's seat. As the rusalka took the turns at terrifying speeds, the nine-tailed-fox shouted, "where do you get the fuel?" "Fermented yak milk," Talia shouted back. She drank almost as much as she put in her car. In the back seat, Finn groaned. He'd caught the witch having a snort of something that morning. That halfway explained her cunty behavior. Figures, she's a mean drunk, he thought.
The witch drove them out of town to a familiar site nestled in a forgotten forest by the same river where Finn had met her. He could see the signs now. Like Rose's lair, this place had once been a military camp. Talia drove them up to the entrance of a vine-covered hangar, fumbling the key off, as her visitors piled out of the car.
There in the darkness sat a massive steel cylinder. Katsumi found herself drawn to it. She caught herself from reaching out to touch it. "My toy," Talia muttered. Katsumi goggled at the sheer size of the thing. "We Russians... we don't fuck around, eh," declared Baba Yaga. "A bomb," Finn sighed, "big enough to smash the world. Twin to the one that already did." The kitsune stared at him. "We've been hiding it from the world for the last few years," Finn said. "The Lich... figured it out. He tried for it before we took him down." Now she truly understood. He really was the Guardian of the Guardians. It made sense. "What're we doing now," she sighed? "If what you're saying is true, this Bandit Princess is taking up where he left off, and there's no telling who or what might be behind her."
"We're going to get rid of them all," Talia declared. She hadn't seen the truth of things, honestly. She'd been here in this hellscape, and she'd been obsessed with the horror that she guarded. She'd been so locked into that daily grind, that she'd never, in a thousand years, thought beyond tomorrow. Finn had shown her the way. Standing in the hell that was Rebirth Island, he'd shown her the way forward. It all had to go. Every ugly secret had to be exposed and destroyed. Turning to Katsumi, she said, "we need to plan, Kat, but we need to get you home first. If your virus is anything like Timoshenko's masterpiece, we need to take steps to get rid of it first." That would free one of them to act. "I'll hit up my girls," Finn said. "I'll see if we can come up with a way to destroy the lab without making a mess."
As the King of Ooo made plans with his new allies, far to the west, the Queen Bee awoke to an all-too-familiar sight. Barton was gone. He was gone from bed. He'd been doing that more and more lately. She'd chalked it up to the out-and-out hatred that had seemed to spring up between them. Why would you want the presence of somebody you hated in bed next to you? At the same time, they had been sharing this bed a long thirty years. Why leave now? They'd never been lovers and not exactly friends either, but he'd lain there beside her–keeping up appearances–for thirty years now. Why the change?
Her mind wanted to conjure mistakes she'd made. She'd... thrown herself at Finn. Finn had shut the whole business down. Finn had been careful of her reputation. Finn had, as always, looked after the woman, even at cost to himself. Barton had no reason to suspect anything. Even his spies had nothing to report. Breezy was doing the council's bidding and no more. So where was he?
Rising, the Queen Bee gathered on a robe over her naked body–a body Finn still found thrilling when Barton had repeatedly called her out saying her tits were sagging. Her hair was losing its color. Her butt was getting fatter. He had a hundred nasty things to say about her, and Breezy was tired of this hideous grind. She halfway wanted to abdicate for Aerwin to get away. She would gleefully have left the Kingdom, never to return, if she didn't fear what the resulting blowback would do to her kids.
Aerwin was already on the block–the sacrificial piece of meat meant to take her place in the far-future when Breezy died or stepped down. They were already dictating how Aerwin could live her life–where she could go and who she could go with. Naome was not far behind, with the council eyeing people to marry her to in the name of peace. Ariadne was destined to be married into a hive over the seas in the west. Only Penelle was in any position to control her fate, and she was maneuvering to choose a fate that benefitted her rather than her people.
Slipping on some shoes, Breezy slipped out into the hall of the Royal Suite. Penelle, strangely, was an example here. Instead of passively taking what the council dished out, Penelle was doing her best to take control of her life. Maybe it was time her mother did the same. Barton controlled her because she let him. She was Queen, but she let her consort do as he wanted, with her picking up the tab. She lay herself down in that cold bed, while he was rumored to be having affairs.
Making her way down the hall, the Queen Bee listened to the sounds of the palace around her. This wasn't really the time for this. Finn, Simone, and Cherry were due any day now to witness Aerwin's wedding. Simone was supposed to officiate. She was risking a lot. At the same time, why should she wait. She'd been waiting to be rid of Barton for thirty years. If he was choosing to act an ass–to let everybody see his affairs and bad behavior–why should she let him get away with it.
The sounds came to her sensitive ears from the end of the hall. The stairs were there. She'd been overhearing palace gossip for weeks. Barton went to the former nursery upstairs to meet with his illicit lovers. They would fly in from other parts of the palace and meet with him in the nursery. Breezy, having raised her children damned near to adulthood, never went there anymore, so it made a good place to meet the assorted whores and hangers-on that would sleep with a married man.
She had to be careful. The wooden stairs in the palace were prone to making noise, but the stairway was too confined for flying. Stepping carefully, the sexy honey-bee slipped up the stairs to the top floor. The sounds were growing louder. Clearly she hadn't been heard. Heart pounding, she found herself wanting to daydream of being rid of Barton at last as she slipped over to the door. Peering inside, the Queen Bee got the shock of her life.
Barton. On top of Ariadne's best friend.
The Queen's mind screamed! This girl was only twelve! "Alarm," Breezy shouted! Barton looked up from what he was doing, as his idiot wife shouted. "Alarm," Breezy howled! "Guards!" Six men came striding into the space from the former children's deck outside. They came armed with spears and had clubs tucked into their belts. The Queen waited for them to rush in to arrest her husband, but none of the six moved a muscle, and Bart continued to do just what he was doing. "W-what're you waiting for," she howled?! "Arrest him!" Far from arresting the disgusting molester, the guards moved on their queen!
One guard struck her across her right arm, causing the arm to go numb and taking her weapon out of the fight. Another guard shoved a rag in her mouth with practiced ease. These six men had been procuring little whores for their master for months, and it was always good not to have the little dears scream too much. As one of his mates threw a bag over the Queen's head, the first guard wrapped a heavy leather bag around both her hands, tying them off above her wrists, ensuring she wouldn't be stinging anyone. "Goodbye," Bart told his soon-to-be ex-wife, as his loyal guards hauled her out onto the deck to take her away. Maybe now the Bandit Princess would get off his back. With an evil grin, he returned to what he'd been doing.
The airship transporting the King of Ooo and his unhappy guest returned to Shiyan village at four in the afternoon. The village looked much the same as it always had. Just as the King had promised. Guardian of the Guardians. With the King and his son in tow, Katsumi walked up onto the front porch of her house. It felt eerie to be here now. Maybe it was seeing Talia. Maybe it was the certain knowledge that she had a world-shaking problem on her hands and was a thousand years behind in getting it solved.
"I'll be leaving some people here to help you," Finn said. His eyes said it. She wasn't alone with this burden anymore. "Ok," she said. As the King turned to go, Drew suddenly announced, "I'll be staying a few days..." Knowing exactly what she was up to, Finn rolled his eyes. She just did not know when to quit. "One day," Finn sternly told her. Drew's mouth came open, but the big man's face was implacable. "One day," she sighed. The King turned to go, telling Billy, "look after the doctor, please..." Billy, who's eyes had been on the kitsune, babbled, "uh, yeah... Sure..."
Finn headed out, boarding a truck for the long ride back to Sakura's place. Standing next to his stepmom, Billy watched the truck carrying his dad roll out of that place.
"Time for a checkup," Drew announced. Katsumi stared at her. "You've been in this village for a thousand years with nobody looking after you," the doctor remarked. Billy murmured, 'go along...' Taking the nine-tailed-fox by the arm, the pretty doctor led her inside, shutting the door in Billy's face.
Matters began with the familiar, with the doctor listening to the kitsune's heart and lungs before literally moving south. The focus of the doctor's examination soon had the kitsune feeling irritable. "Is there some point to this," she demanded? "If you're fucking my stepson, it matters to me," Drew growled. The witch's face went red hot. Yeah, screwing half the night on an airplane with tissue-paper walls was probably not her finest idea. "No nasty diseases," Drew confirmed, as she straightened. "Are you fertile...?" Katsumi's face went redder if anything–telling Drew all she needed to know. She'd... fucked some strange guy raw in the middle of her cycle. "Well, most women don't get pregnant so easily," said the doctor, though she didn't really sound convinced herself.
The doctor insisted on having a couple-three vials of blood, and Katsumi couldn't help but think that Talia's reputation for smashing offensive little twats–along with Finn the Human flying top-cover for her–let the rusalka get away without getting drained by this vampire. But Drew was already moving on, firing a battery of questions at her pretty patient. Katsumi groaned when the impudent witch started asking how often she did breast exams. Why did Finn have to leave now?!
Finn, meanwhile, had his mind on other matters. Blanca's people were reporting some kind of explosion on the eastern end of her kingdom. Blanca had called off her war with Tequila Princess, but she had to march her dudes a few hundred miles through the jungle to get home. He'd warned her. Now he feared her kingdom's Secret had fallen into Bandit Princess's hands. It was a greatly troubled Finn that rolled into Truth Field Princess's compound late that night. Dinner had been a sketchy box of dim-sum by the side of the road. It had been such a wretched meal that his food-taster only ate a quarter of his supper.
He didn't see Sakura upon his return. He wasn't sure if she were ducking him or what was going on there, but his mind was on other matters. There were possibly dozens of weapons of the caliber of the Mother Bomb or Black Scrawl Virus floating around on Ooo. The longevity of the bomb itself terrified him. He was at once awed and terrified that the bomb was still there–still working. On the flipside of the coin, he was terrified of the alternative. What if one day it just 'stopped working'? What if it just blew up one day? Indeed, what had kept the Black Scrawl Virus in check all these long years? He couldn't help a fear of what it could do to the people of Ooo. The Zombie Virus had spread like wildfire, killing people by the tens of thousands.
The King of Ooo laid himself down after doing his best to work for a while and found sleep came no easier. His overwrought mind kept going back to the question. What were the other evil gifts from the aliens? What else was out there? Could any of it top the Mother Bomb? The Black Scrawl Virus came very fucking close. A virus basically made to kill the human race. The idea horrified him.
In the end, it was his miserable dinner that got he King out of bed late that night. Heading out to the toilet, the big man jettisoned the stomach-full of misery that had woke him up. As he was headed back to his room to sleep, he was startled to find Sakura there in the hallway. "Oh, hey, Finn," she greeted him with a nervous titter. Taking a chance, the big man said, "hey, Sakura. I'm... I wanted to apologize for being kind of a dick last time I saw you..." The Truth Field Princess flushed to her hair. She was caught! She was out here, outside his son's bedroom, looking to score some dick. On his side, Finn couldn't help but compare the thoughts of his long-time friend to the thoughts of her evil ancestors. Sakura wanted to bring new life into the world, not destroy it for pride's sake.
"I... Uh... it's ok," she stammered. Grabbing her long ponytail, the big man pulled her face to his and gave the Truth Field Princess a scorcher of a kiss. "F-finn," she gasped! "W-what's gotten into you?" "Thought about it," he said, as he stroked her pretty face. "I didn't intend to make a kid with Sheila, but that's water under the bridge. You were honest about what you wanted. It isn't fair to treat you worse than somebody who stole from me. So. Same deal as Sheila. We split the year, half-and-half. No strings." Sakura's jaw hung. She simply didn't know what to say. Taking her by the wrists, Finn dragged her towards his bedroom.
Meanwhile, in Lizard Kingdom, Lina Yuvchenko slipped into the quarters provided for Olesia's sister to check up on the miserable little bitch to find her problem still laying in bed. She was sulking. Marysia was humiliated that she'd gotten drubbed by a bunch of 'flesh-creatures', angry that Lina knew about it, and sulking because there was no way to turn the whole mess around to her advantage. Not that Lina particularly cared. She had her answer. The phantom army was no army at all. That news had let her start work on blazing a trail up to the site where Olesia and Billy had left the majority of the stone they'd quarried.
Billy had slid tons of the stuff down the mountain. That stone was going to be the basis of the new wall. She still needed materials to make cement, but cement was a lot easier to transport than massive slabs of cut stone. All they had to do was get the stone here. It would have been a tall order in the spring, but spring was still weeks away. Reaching into the fireplace, even as she observed the strange entropy-reversing force-field that sprang to life around her hand, the cyborg genius snatched the young girl out of her blankets.
An angry Marysia cussed her, hurling swear-words right up until the necklace around her throat threw her to the ground at Lina's feet. Rolling her eyes–the little bitch had yet to learn that her brother's 'magic' was still effective long after he'd gone–Lina jerked Marysia to her feet and marched her to the stone bench and table. It wasn't the plush cushions in Hamest's suite, but she wasn't going to be at risk of burning down the palace. More to the point, Lina had told the Prime Minister to summon the Lizard Princess home. It was time to get down to the business of protecting her people. Clearly, Hamest would be irritated to find this freeloader in her quarters.
As the morose elemental sat sniffling, Lina slipped an asbestos blanket over her quivering shoulders. It was mostly for the show. The little bitch was shockingly resilient. Most of the wounds were already gone. She was back to eating like an anorexic–practically starving herself. At least she would have, if Lina was at all interested in her airs. "When is Olesia coming back," she suddenly demanded? Lina was at the coal-bin, retrieving her dinner. "When her business in the Candy Kingdom is concluded," the cyborg retorted. Masia mocked the witch under her breath.
"I-I want to go home," she said, as Lina returned with the miserable dinner she was given here. "You're in service to the Crown of Ooo," Lina said, as she put the plate down. "Ask your brother what happens to deserters." The girl's eyes got big as plates, and Lina barely checked herself from howling laughter. "We'll look you over in the morning," said the cyborg, as she turned to go. On the far side of the door, Lina heard the plate slam into the wooden door, and then a heavy thump and muttered curses as the little bitch got her just comeuppance for throwing away food. In a world that was in the midst of famine, that was sacrilege, and clearly her brother felt the same way.
And the struggle for work/life balance continues in the story and in real life as Finn goes to the well to help a friend one more time, and Kat realizes that she may have fucked up. Meanwhile, Bandit Princess discovers that Apollo wasn't built in a day, and it's a lot harder to threaten the world than it first appears. Wonder what those desperate measures are going to be?