Chapter 38:
"Fionna," growled Ingrid, as she pounded on the slate outside her stepdaughter's tent?! "Where is that girl?!" The airship was leaving soon, and she needed to have Fionna on it. In response to the pounding and grumbling, a yawning Patrick Petrikov exited the tent he and his wife shared. "She's not here," yawned Patrick. "She left last night..." Grabbing at her hair, Ingrid muttered, "the ship's leaving. It's leaving in twenty minutes. She knows that." Nodding, Patrick replied, "yeah, she does. She'll be here..." Before he could say another word, the tall woman turned and strode off, muttering curses. She knew exactly where Fionna was. She'd gone back to the fucking wall.
Minutes later, the Warrior Princess came thundering through astride a beautiful purple horse, sending soldiers diving out of her way. Patrick rolled his eyes. She didn't get Fi. Sometimes he didn't get the Bad Bunny, and he was married to her. Fionna had a terminal case of her dad's overwhelming sense of responsibility. It had come creeping up on Finn the Human as he got older, only really reaching late-stage when Fionna and Star came into the world. For Fi, it had come on early, fast, and strong, and Patrick was saddened to realize just how much he'd helped it along. New Fionna wasn't going to rush out of here until she was certain she'd found an answer for the crisis at the border.
Ingrid had moved the army's camp back to the shelter of the wood-nymphs' wall, posting the majority of the army outside the gate where it was easier to find shelter and resupply. Now she went riding along the wall, headed north at high speed, her mind on what she would have to say. Much as she needed Fionna here, the world needed the curvy blonde in the south right-fucking-now. Her mind struggled to encompass what a mushroom bomb could do. All she could think of was the vast wound in the land that the elementals called home. Ooo couldn't take another wound like that. She was sure of it. The crisis in Jungle Kingdom had to get solved, and she'd tie Fionna up and bundle her onto the airship herself if it came down to it.
Thundering along, dodging stumps and the occasional boulder, the tall beauty very nearly ran over her stepdaughter. Pulling up at the very last moment, she almost threw herself over the head of the horse–an embarrassing way to check out. "Fionna," she howled, "where have you been?!" Rolling her eyes, Fionna replied, "solving the problem. I spent most of last night getting the barrier as close as I could without setting fire to the forest. You only have a thousand feet left to defend. You could probably do it with a small fort or something. That should keep you going until I get back."
Ingrid choked back what she'd been about to say. There seemed little point. Shaking herself, she said, "here. Take my horse..." "What're you going to do," Fionna protested? "Walk," Ingrid retorted, "same as you were going to do." "You ever think that maybe you can still be hurt...," Fionna growled? Ingrid chuckled, as she shoved the Bad Bunny towards the horse. She could have asked the same question. "You have a talent that can save life, Fionna," she murmured, as the curvy blonde reluctantly climbed into the saddle. The Angel of Death could only take them. It was only when the bunny-girl was gone that she realized what Fionna had meant. She knew the truth. The tall princess shivered. Shaking her head, she loosened her sword in its scabbard and began walking. Some unhappy slime-folk were soon going to be digging at some cold, frozen ground.
In the south, Finn the Human stepped out of his quarters to find Bronwyn sitting at the table in his salon. "B," he greeted her. "Finn," she replied. She was dressed in the rough traveling dress that Orzsebet had bought for her the previous day. It wasn't the fine silk she was used to, though it did remind him of happier times when she was young and not so jaded and her father not so much of a dick. "I've left instructions with the crew to take you back to the Candy Kingdom," the big man said, as he bustled around, gathering up the things he needed to take. He would be traveling light. "Why," she asked?
The big man stopped what he was doing, turning a frown on her. "Don't you want to get home to your peeps," the King asked? "I told you yesterday that I thought my father might be in the conspiracy somehow," she muttered. "You'd... you'd send me home after that?" Finn replied, "you're not an agent. I found you in a box. That's pretty much proof of that. As for your dad... I'd guess if he's doing their dirty work, they were using you for leverage..." Shooting to her feet, she growled, "he was doing their work before I was kidnaped. They murdered my mom's in-law... just stabbed the shit out of him. How can I know...?" She stopped, mid-sentence, and he imagined her experiencing a pretty horrifying epiphany.
What if her dad knew she had dug something up? What if he'd agreed to let her be silenced? It wasn't likely, but it was a possibility. Her dad had been calling him, off and on, on the down-low. Finn had been pretty much ignoring him, though he'd had cause to wonder what the dude wanted. They had never been close, and Kim's dick behavior over the years towards Finn and his family had pretty much sealed that deal. It was out of character for Kim to call Finn. Having rescued Bronwyn from being drugged and locked in a box in her own filth, Finn had some idea what it was the man wanted. He could imagine Kim begging his help to find her.
Trouble was, he could also imagine Bronwyn as right.
What if Kim was up to no good? He'd left cryptic messages about needing to talk to Finn about urgent business. What if he was still importing thugs to do the bidding of his friends? What if he was hitting Finn up for something even more dangerous? It was out of character for Kim Kil Wan to admit to needing a glob-damned thing from his once-and-former uncle, but it was well within his character to be running a game.
"Look," Bronwyn murmured, "I can help you. I'm the strongest teleporter in the family... That's got to be useful for something..." She was set on this. He could see signs of real fear and distress in her eyes. Finn sighed. While Bronwyn had been cunty towards his kids a time or two, she'd never gone all in on the Finn family. At the end of the day, this was his brother's granddaughter. He couldn't leave her here to an uncertain future. "Ok," he said. "We're traveling light. Don't bring a lot of stuff. Things can get ugly. You'll need to keep up. We're not going skateboarding..."
Bronwyn blinked in sudden memory. He remembered that. He had actually brought that up. The tall half-bear laughed. She laughed and laughed. "Still a better skater than you," she chuckled, as she headed for the door, round ass wig-wagging sensually. Finn found himself shaking his head and laughing a little too. There were so many days he wanted his old, simple life back.
Late that day, in a seedy neighborhood in the capitol of the Jungle Kingdom, a furtive figure came slipping down an alley. The destination was a ramshackle apartment over an abandoned store front. The occupant of that apartment was in jeopardy of her life and likely didn't even realize it. But that was the deal when you had family that was mobbed-up. You could get slagged for shit that you had nothing to do with and never see it coming.
It was the ugly secret of the gangs. Regular peeps were supposed to be off-limits. You never touched the normies because it brought heat from the law. Everybody knew that. To a large extent it was true. Small time hoods muscled storekeeps for protection money or robbed the occasional normy on the street, but it was just to get cash, and the capos weren't really a factor. There was little point in snatching normies off the street or whacking them because they were normies. They didn't have any money. Sometimes, though, normies had family in the gangs. Sometimes they knew it. A lot of times they didn't. But the gangs knew.
The lights were out in the little apartment when the figure slipped in literally under the door, exercising a shocking degree of control over shape and body mass. Watchful eyes took note of that. She hadn't been able to do that before. Taking a moment to sniff the air, the skinny creature stepped off, bound for the room at the back of the apartment.
"So," announced Billy, "how is it that you're still alive?"
Jake Junior spun about to find her ex-husband coming out of the shadows. She'd looked there. She would have sworn she looked there. Then her heart dropped. Billy was a wizard. He'd secretly been a wizard the whole time they'd been married, and she hadn't had any idea. He was no longer hiding his powers now. She'd gone into the ugly final fight with him thinking she had all the aces and very nearly ended up dead. Now, things were all out in the open, and her advantages were even smaller now. Did she have any edge at all?
"Moved my heart," she replied, as she cleared the space between them, "so you wouldn't hear a heartbeat. You're such a sucker, you fell for it. Still barely made it. You tore up my lung pretty good. I died three times while they were working on me." Her father and brothers had kicked in a lot of blood to save her life. Kim had paid off the coroner's office to forget that there was no body.
With the cat figuratively out of the bag, the circling began. He was feeling her out–nothing like the confident kid she'd nearly murdered. No, she didn't have any advantages here, and she wasn't sure she could get out the door without a fight. Her family wasn't here to rescue her from death this time. She'd faced long odds before and after their relationship–getting into scrapes that should have killed her, honestly. The odds had never been sharper than they were today. William Simon Mertens was a very dangerous man.
As they circled, Billy appraised his former wife. "Butt got bigger," he opined. She'd gone from thirty-three-inch hips to a solid thirty-six. Her face went hot. "You try pushing twenty pounds out of your stomach," JJ retorted. "Your ass will grow too." "Still a nice butt," Billy chuckled. In some ways, it was like the old days with the teasing and banter. "You don't look s'bad either," she said. "You get married again? I heard you got married. Looks like she's feeding you pretty good." Chuckling, Billy patted his stomach. That was Olesia's doing. Ragnhild, Abieuwa, or Noemi get caught in the kitchen? Perish the thought!
His voice took on a serious tone as he said, "you have to come with me, JJ. Whatever you did down in the bunker... it's causing a big problem. Everybody in this kingdom could die. That's you, me, and our kids..." "I'm not going with you," she replied. "Whatever's going on here isn't my problem..." It was just like always. Jake Junior wasn't big on personal responsibility. Much like her dad, she had issues owning up to what she'd done. "Ok," Billy said, "I guess we'll be doing this the hard way."
The shapechanger leaped first. She was quick that way. She'd been far quicker than he back in their old apartment. She relied on the speed that had always saved her life. This time, though, something went drastically wrong. This time, it felt a lot like she was trying to move through an ocean of jello. Billy barely moved, but she missed by a mile.
The murderess tried again, slashing at him with her claws. She failed even harder this time. The harder she tried, the slower she seemed to get. It was only when she stopped a moment that she saw her breath, steaming in the icy interior. Her face whipped this way and that, only now taking note of the coating of rime glittering on the walls and every surface in the room.
It took two tries to get the words out, as she babbled, "w-what'd you... what'd you do t'me?" Mildly, Billy rumbled, "your nervous system is shutting down. You're too cold to control your own body." She'd go into shock soon if he didn't do something. "What'll you tell...," she stammered. He knew what she was asking. What was he going to tell their daughters? Fortunately, he had a ready answer. Concentrating, he reached deep inside his evil ex-wife and chilled her body to a numbingly cold temperature, forcing her into a state of suspended animation, a tremendous thud announcing her fall as she hit the floor.
Simone II stepped out of the back room, her face constricted in a look of horror at the scene there in her living room. "D-did you," she wailed? "No, honey," he replied. "She's sleeping. I've put her whole body to sleep. We're going to take her to the prison, where I can thaw her out again." Motioning for her to come to him, the big man took her hands, making her feel the power of the Ice Tiara flowing within him. As the definitive proof that this was his child, her eyes got big, as she felt the power of the Ice Tiara. She glanced at her mother's frozen body, as understanding passed between them. "She'll be ok," he said. Drawing back, Simone said, "she's done something awful! I felt that! You... There's people who want her..." "I'm not going to kill her," Billy replied. "My dad's not a person who likes cold-blooded murder. Your grand-dad will put her in prison. You can visit her there." Turning to the door, he said, "I hope you will. I want better for you than this."
Soldiers came up from the store below. They'd been waiting and listening for their master's orders. Now, they grimly bundled the strange humanoid woman into a steel cannister, latching the lid on tight. Taking his daughter by the hand, Billy set off behind them, following the Jungle Guard through the warm night air. Part of him was delighted. He couldn't help giving his daughter's hand a squeeze, and, for a moment, he knew utter peace. He had his daughters back–at least he had one of them.
The family was mostly still up when the big man reached the palace. The guards headed straight for the dungeon with the containment vessel housing his comatose and flash-frozen wife while Billy went to the salon where his people were working. Cherry and Simone were closeted together when the young hero came rolling in, and that brought a frown to his handsome young face. He and Cherry were polite if not cordial, and he wasn't sure what it was that his mom would have to say to the woman who'd tried to wreck her family and take her husband.
It didn't really bear thinking about in the moment. Judging by the expressions on some of the faces there, sleep was a precious commodity right now. "Fi here," he asked? "Just arrived," said Nadia. She was looking at his daughter. "Princess Nadia," he announced, "this is my daughter, Simone." Spying Abieuwa's manservant, the big man called out, "hey, Engessa? Can you take my daughter here and find her someplace to sleep? She's had a rough day." The butler came striding over. Offering a smile to the young lady, he coaxed her to come with him.
"Did you find her," asked Nadia? Nodding, as he went striding into the salon, Billy explained, "went just like I expected..." He'd distracted her with banter, keeping her from teleporting herself out of that room. She'd gone straight to claws, letting him get the upper hand, but JJ had always been cocky–full of herself. Fi was in the corner, asleep on the couch, looking thoroughly wrung out. They were all starting to see the kind of mileage their dad had. Shaking himself, Billy moved on. "Hey, everybody," the big man announced.
Simone and Cherry broke off their conversation and came striding across the room, as the family began to gather around the Ice Prince. "Mission success," Billy announced. "Got her. She's down in the dungeon." Yawning, Fionna burbled, "what course of action are we pursuing?" Billy did a double-take. Tired, Bill, he thought. His sister was as tired as she looked. "We'll put the screws on her," Billy replied. Glancing at Nadia, the big man asked, "how tough is that portable forcefield gadget of yours?" The busty princess replied, "the radiation flux in the bunker is so strong that you'd need the highest setting to survive. The battery supply won't take you more than a few hundred feet..." "But the forcefield will keep the radiation at bay," Billy insisted? "For a time," replied Nadia, "yes." "Good enough," Billy replied. He wouldn't entertain any further conversation on the matter. He had a plan, but this wasn't the time to discuss it.
Turning to Bonnie, the big man asked, "how bad are things in the bunker?" Blargetha announced, "getting worse, William. My readings indicate that we have days until a full-fledged excursion." "Excursion," Billy burbled? "A boom," Bonnie confirmed. The big man glanced at the slime person. "I'm a little bit less susceptible," she said. She'd been in the bunker. The thought blew his mind. The big man glanced to Abieuwa, who glanced away. She'd had no choice, clearly. "We need to start thinking about the evacuation," Bonnie murmured.
That was ominous news. "What're we talking about," Billy asked? "How big?" "The event won't catalyze all the nuclear material," Blargetha replied. "The contents of the bunker are too widely separated and contained for that to happen. We're likely to see a significant event from the contents of the storage locker where the excursion is taking place. That will be sufficient to possibly blow a hole through several floors of the bunker and up through the roof, scattering highly enriched nuclear material for hundreds of miles..." Billy thought of the kingdoms on the other side of the ocean. Those kingdoms were now the breadbasket of Ooo. They depended on the fields in Muscle Kingdom and even the kelp-beds off shore to feed a population displaced by the Lich-War and the Dipped. This disaster could devastate the fields that fed their people.
Simone grabbed his hand, shaking him out of his shock and terror. The touch of her too-chill fingers on his hand seemed to say that they could fix this. The big man glanced up and found his mom and sister staring at him. His daughters were here. He had to try. He had to get into the bunker and get this squared away. "Ok," he said. "Fi? You're on the job of looking at the forcefield gadget. We need to figure out how to protect ourselves going into the bunker. O? In about an hour, we're going down to wake up my ex. Blargetha? I need a sketch of the insides of the bunker, and I need an estimate of how far in I have to go. Get that estimate to Fi and Nadia. Bonnie, Cherry, Simone, and Abieuwa are on the plans to get people out of the country if we have to evacuate."
The gathering broke up. Billy stopped his mom before she too would have headed off to get to work. "I'm...," Billy started to say. Simone cut him off, pressing her fingers to his lips. "I pushed too hard, my sweet son," she replied. Throwing her arms around her favorite child, the tall woman hugged him tight. "You're everything I ever wanted you to be," she sighed. "I shouldn't have shouted," Billy insisted. "Sometimes you have to shout, honey," she said. "Sometimes it takes a shout for a woman to hear a man. Forgiven. It's all forgiven." Kissing his cheek, the tall woman got on her way. It was all hands on deck once again to pull the world out of the fire.
It was an hour later that the gang was gathered together once more. They were met in front of a steel chamber that brought Billy to mind of the lab spaces under Bonnie's home. The space was fitted with a massively overbuilt steel door that fit tightly into its frame like a vault. The door held a single window, fitted with a piece of glass so thick, it was like looking down through a fishbowl at the floor beneath. Secrets, thought the Ice Prince. His dad had always said there was more going on in Jungle Kingdom than met the eye, and now Billy wondered just what it was that this room had been used for in the dim, distant past. Of course, in the right now, it was a very effective containment for a very dangerous creature. "Ok, Olesia," said Billy. "Thaw her out."
The elemental focused her senses, channeling thermal energy into the figure in the cell. Billy could feel the air chill minutely, as his lady gathered energy from around them. And then, the monster he'd married came to vibrant, angry life. Jake Junior shot up from the bed, full of fight. She stopped stock still when she realized who she was facing. Two very powerful wizards and an elemental. Coming to her senses, the shapechanger looked out to find a fair chunk of her family standing there. Bill. His momma. His idiot sister. Shockingly, her old boss was there too. Clacking the intercom, Billy greeted his ex with, "hey." "Bill," she greeted him in return, adding a figurative tip of the hat for the gangster-girl. "Junior," Cherry replied.
"I'm'a cut straight to the chase," Billy growled. He sounded nothing like that happy-go-lucky man she'd fallen in love with. He sounded... dangerous. He'd snookered her pretty fucking good, in point of fact. She should have teleported out of there. Trouble was, she had no fucking idea where she was now. Teleportation was out of the question. If only she'd inherited her mother's ability to phase. Stand pat, she thought. Wait this out. If she could wait long enough for them to lower their guard...
"You knocked over a cannister in the bunker," the big man growled. The shapechanger goggled at him. How did he know that? His eyes said it. He knew her all too well. How would he have known to stalk her in their daughters' apartment? Why would he have wanted to? She'd heard he'd gotten married again, and her eyes flicked to the Jungle Princess, who was hovering close to her ex.
"It's simple," announced Princess Bubblegum. "You lead a team to where you knocked over the containers of uranium, your sentence gets commuted to life in prison." Folding her arms in front of her, Junior retorted, "bullshit!" Nodding at Cherry, she said, "that bitch gets a pass, and I get life?! Fuck you! Let it burn! Let this whole place go up!" Abieuwa went reaching for her knife, but Billy stopped her with a word. "Ok," said Billy. "I'll just go fuck Kim and TV up for this." Junior's face snapped around to his. Coldly, he told her, "they're just as fucking guilty. Harboring a fugitive. Aiding a fugitive. I have half-a-hundred reasons of my own for cutting Kim off at the neck as it is."
His face was hard, and the shapechanger knew that he would be as good as his word. The Billy she'd married would die before he broke a promise. New Billy had the power to execute that threat. She'd felt that first-hand. Even without the Quicksilver Curse, he was every bit as dangerous as his dad. "Ok," she said. "I'll take you there. Your sworn word that nothing will happen to my family." "Nothing," Billy agreed. "We'll let the whole thing drop." Bonnie howled protests, but Billy shut her up with a look. "Ok," she muttered. "Free pass for Lady's kids." "Alright," muttered Junior. "Let's do this."
"Mom," asked Bill, "you mind watching her?" He had to finish organizing the expedition. The Ice Queen replied, "sure, honey." The big man got on his way, leaving his mother alone with the murderess. Heading upstairs, the big man went straight to the quarters he shared with Abieuwa and started gathering up the stuff he was going to need. A shadow announced that the unhappy confrontation that had been waiting on him since he'd stormed out had finally arrived. "Hey," he greeted his wife.
Abieuwa threw herself on him, and he knew she was crying even without the feel of her tears on his back. "I'm sorry I raised my voice," he offered. "Don't go," she howled! "Got to," the big man replied. "I'm pregnant," muttered the older woman. Billy stiffened. He'd thought she was putting on a little middle-age weight. "Noemi and Ragnhild too," she sighed. He hadn't seen the others in weeks! The big man started cussing. Had they been hiding that? Taking a breath, the tall hero said, "things have to change... Baby, we can't live the lives we lived before. I'm trying to step back from the things I used to do." Abieuwa sighed heavily.
Turning to face her, Billy cupped her face in his hands. "New year, new us, baby," Billy reminded her. "Momma and my dad put their pride away. Let's not play these games anymore." Nodding, the princess sighed heavily, and said, "yes." Muttering curses, she said, "I thought it was my days with the cutron..." "The what," Billy rumbled. "My family... the women all worked the machines... to turn the yellow sand into death-metal," Abieuwa admitted. "It... it's tradition. It goes back centuries. Sometimes... Sometimes there are accidents." Girls came back sterile. Sometimes they died. She'd always thought she was sterile.
"Oreva's family worked around the storehouse...," she said. "I think... I think he might have been exposed... There was once a fissure on the southeast corner. He was involved in sealing it when he was a young man." Oreva had gotten sick, but he'd ultimately recovered. Shaking herself, the princess, rumbled, "you have to be careful..." Blushing, the big man said, "it's not like I want to get my 'nads zapped, but baby, I've got kids." He had ten kids–eleven with Anders. There was a real likelihood he had a twelfth with Hamest. He wasn't afraid of being sterile. He was afraid of all the consequences of the bunker going boom. Pulling his wife to him, the big man held her tight, whispering, "got a plan, baby. I'll be fine."
Down in the dungeon, Jake Junior could scarcely believe her luck. Left alone with her dopey aunt. With Billy seemingly long gone, the shapechanger began probing the walls. She'd been down in the bunker, and it had taken all the power and cunning she had to not end up croaking. The radiation was powerful, especially deeper down where the really potent stuff was. She'd had to go down ten levels–and back in time several centuries–to get material strong enough for a bomb, and honestly she feared, even with her alien physiology, she'd taken years off her life. She wasn't going back. She'd save her daughters, if she could, but she was getting out of here.
"What do you think you're doing," Simone asked? "Getting out of here," Junior replied. "If you try to stop me..." The sorceress's eyes blazed with a pale, white fire, and the shapechanger found herself hemmed in by massive walls of glacial ice, leaving her crushed into a tiny space. In a strangely melodious voice sounding suspiciously like a chorus all speaking at once, the Ice Queen said, "we permitted you to marry our firstborn, Jacob. You repaid us with treachery..." The walls got thicker with each word she spoke, leaving the shapechanger in a state of utter terror. Thin as she could make herself, there was no way to survive this.
"Simone," Cherry shouted!
The ice stopped moving. There was little space left inside that steel cage. "Is my son ready to go," Simone asked? Cherry took her hand, saying, "we still need her." Shaking off whatever had been afflicting her, the Ice Queen banished the ice imprisoning her idiot 'daughter-in-law'. Cherry turned a glare on the shapechanger. Some things never changed. "It's time to go," she announced. "The team is ready. You can go willing, Junior..." The alternative was there in Simone's eyes.
As the trio took the long walk back up to the surface, Cherry murmured, "I don't like it when you access the deeper powers of the Ice Crown... It's dangerous..." "You sound like my mother," Simone retorted. "You've never seen what you look like," Cherry rumbled. Simone's eyes glanced down. Cherry was staring straight ahead. "They don't want to take my body," she rumbled, "if that's what you're thinking. They're helping me keep the crazy at bay." The worst she'd ever experienced was a few ugly dreams, but the Tiara had given her far worse.
There was a truck waiting when they reached the surface. Simone immediately latched a hand on the shapechanger's shoulder. The message was clear. Any attempt to teleport might be met with fatal consequences. In short order, the truck was rolling through the streets. Junior sighed heavily. With no view outside, she was going nowhere. Turning to her former boss, she asked, "so how'd you do it?"
At Cherry's frown, the shapechanger clarified, "figured you'd be in jail or dead." With a shrug, Cherry replied, "I'm Mafia Princess..." Jake Junior goggled at her. "While you were hiding, the Thief King tried to kill the world by letting the Lich out and helping him acquire weapons," Cherry explained. It had been all hands on deck to put the Lich down once more. The rest was pretty easy to guess. Between being a named princess and helping fight the Lich, Cherry was sitting in a good spot. She was untouchable. "Guess I missed a lot," Junior grumbled. "I missed my grand-daughters growing up," Simone retorted, reminding the shapechanger of the terrifying confrontation in the dungeon. Junior shut up then, and silence held sway until the truck finally stopped. It appeared that she was going back into the bunker, whether she wanted to or not.
Secrets. Secrets. All the wives are keeping secrets.