Chapter 42:
The King of Ooo kept Billy on the hotseat most of the morning. It was clear to Olesia that he was confirming William's place as his heir. It was just as clear Billy would rather have been anywhere else. He squirmed so much that Abieuwa put a hand on his leg to stop him. In the mean time, New Finn was in full effect, issuing edicts that stunned his Royal Audience.
They were going to find a collective way to make use of the death-metal–something that preserved Jungle Kingdom's rights while reducing the overall stock of the dangerous material. They were going to work on closer ties with the western kingdoms, lest future threats arise there. The work on the Tesla Barriers was now top priority for the Grid-Face People, second only to work on the Bunker's safety. In the King's mind, it was essential that the Civilized Kingdoms be protected.
That last brought howls of protest from some quarters. Finn shut the griping down. "Truth Kingdom is peaceful," he reminded Sakura. "You can't come rescue the other kingdoms from war, Your Highness. If Warrior Kingdom is flattened, who rescues you?" The little princess gobbled soundlessly. It was a new and coldly pragmatic way of looking at things, and it gave the princesses pause.
"I don't take these steps lightly," Finn declared. "I've learned these last years that war is easy. Preventing war is hard. We'll all have to sacrifice. My family has been at the head of the line. Now, I ask all of you... Roll up your sleeves. Do your part." It was a short speech, but it was impressive. He'd shamed some of them. Billy could see it. Seizing the moment, Bonnie adjourned the meeting for lunch. There would be plenty of time to fight in the afternoon. Billy headed out immediately. Olesia was headed to the airfield, and he wanted to say goodbye.
The big man caught up to his 'mistress' in the Royal Garden. "Baby, hold on," he called. Olesia stopped and turned to face him, her face a little flushed to hear him call her that. Taking her right hand, the Ice Prince whispered, "I-I wanna be sure you're ok." She was supposed to be getting a complete physical when she got home. She was. She also intended to get back to his side regardless of what the doctor had to say. He needed her. Here. Putting a finger to his lips, she said, "I'll be back soon..."
Just then a familiar voice howled, "poppy!" Billy had only a moment to react, and then Anders was piling into his crotch at full tilt. In spite of the pain, the big man snatched his stepson up and hugged him, showering him with kisses that made him giggle. It was a scene that brought tears to Ragnhild's eyes. With a smile, Olesia said, "I'll see you in a few days..." The plump girl stepped around Billy, headed for her room to collect the few clothes she had here. She had a plane to catch. Before she could go, Ragnhild stepped in her way–a reminder of William's peculiar circumstances. "Thank you," she murmured. "You're welcome," Olesia replied as she got on her way.
Billy wore a nervous expression as his wife approached. Far from giving him hell about Olesia, Rags threw herself on him and cried. The older woman hugged him for all she was worth. "Is she going to be ok," asked Ragnhild? It took a moment. Her young husband admitted, "they have her on meds. The prognosis is good. Her arm is healing..." "And you," Ragnhild asked? "Under observation," he admitted. "I got a dose. Not as bad as Olesia and JJ." Balancing their son on one hip, the big man took her by the hand, saying, "walk with me..."
Far to the north, on the other side of the sea, Star was just starting her day, when noise downstairs announced the man of the house had returned. She was sitting in the breakfast nook, feeding their 'oldest' daughter when Thor reached the top of the stairs. "Hey, baby," she greeted him. Thor found his heart singing when he caught sight of his wife. The look on his face made Candy giggle. They made a silly couple–a giant of a man with his tiny little wife. "Candy," Star growled. "What're you doing out in the sun...?" The vampire flushed. That wasn't exactly the reaction she'd expected after all Thor's angst. In some ways, it was more dangerous. Holding up her arm, encased in the rubberized cloth of an ugly yellow raincoat, she said, "I have my slicker on..." The nymph gave her a skeptical look.
Rising, the little woman came striding over, looking the younger woman up and down. "My brother's been calling people, asking if they'd seen you," Star growled. Candy goggled at her, her mind went to her family. She'd been ignoring messages and ducking her peeps. In retrospect, that was probably not a good idea. Grabbing her by the arm, the little wood-nymph dragged her over to the breakfast nook, and all but threw her into a chair there. Striding over to the kitchen, the little woman said, "I didn't make much food, baby. I didn't expect you home..." Still, she put together a platter for her hubby. It reminded Candy of the way Marshall and Connie tried to make she and her mom 'at home' in their space.
As Thor settled in with breakfast, the little wood-nymph went to the cupboard and brought out a can of tomato-soup and asked, "red?" Candy frowned at her. "Are you hungry," Star clarified? "Uh, yes," the vampire meekly burbled. Juggling a baby, the wood-nymph deftly cracked open a can, put it in a bowl, and lay it in front of her visitor. Sitting down beside her husband, the wood nymph took out her phone and started typing out a message to her brother. "What you been doing," she asked? "I was helping Thor here track down the gangsters," Candy replied.
Star glanced to her hubby. Between bites, the big man explained, "they apparently know who I am..." It didn't take hardly a moment. Candy had been using her powers of invisibility to spy on Bandit-Bitch's peeps. After the disastrous events of the war with Wildberry, Star no longer thought of vampires as invincible. What Candy had been doing was very dangerous. The wood-nymph's finger had been hovering over the 'send' button. Now she found herself carefully editing the message. Marshall didn't really need to know all of that. "You can stay here until it's dark enough to go home," Star declared. And that was that.
The afternoon session took up right where the morning session had left off–with the matter of the death-metal stores and the future peace of Ooo. This time Finn was on the throne, a fact Billy was rather grateful for. He felt like a coward, but he didn't want the job. He didn't want to be King. He wanted to be a dad. He loved being a husband. Those were the jobs he wanted. And maybe that was the thing that separated his father from the despots that had gone before. Finn the King didn't want to be a king.
"I intend to enlist the learned members of the Privy Council," the King announced. "I want to look at possible uses of the metal in the bunker that can reduce the stock... drastically. I want ideas that reward the folk of Jungle Kingdom for their hard work, but reduce our risk. I want to hear ideas for things we can do to improve the lives of not just the peeps in the Civilized Kingdoms, but the people in the kingdoms beyond the wall..." It was a tall order, and Hurletta hardly saw how it was possible to do all of that. The wild lands were just that. Wild. Chaos reigned there, with petty tyrants popping up, killing each other in occasional orgies of bloodletting, and then getting replaced. The Bandit Princess was just the latest and most successful example.
The debate started at that point. It was seemingly a fact of life that the Royals of Ooo couldn't be bothered to work together. It was a shameful reality that many of them couldn't be bothered to think before they spoke. Hurletta was ashamed to see some of the thoughts that got expressed. Nearly all of them were some flavor of ignorant. They knew nothing, and, rather than keep that fact to themselves, they shouted it from the rafters. Some wanted to just dump the stuff in the sea! As if that was good for the creatures living there. One idiot even asked why they couldn't turn it back into the sand it came from.
In that atmosphere of idiocy, the younger slime princess came slipping through the crowd. It was only when she was almost at the throne that Hurletta herself noticed. The younger woman had a binder in her hands, something that Hurletta was very familiar with. Blargetha had been the 'dreamer'. At least she'd been when Hurletta was being charitable. She'd gotten schooled on what was really in that mind in a very cruel fashion. Now Hurletta found herself wondering what terrible things were in that binder as the plush princess stepped out in front of the dais.
"Princess Blargetha," Finn greeted the plump princess. Offering him a sweeping bow, Blargetha announced, "Your Majesty..." In icy tones, Princess Bubblegum replied, "your presence was not asked, Princess Blargetha..." She was basically asking 'why aren't you in your cage?' Seeing the looming fireworks, Sarah stepped off on an intercept course. Blargetha announced, "I bring a proposal, Your Majesty. A way to meet your obligations as Warlord..." Before Bonnie could say a word, the younger slime princess had shoved past the guard. Kneeling at Finn's feet, she offered, "the flying weapons may not be adequate as they are. I propose arming some of them with death-rockets... Here... Look at these..."
Before Bonnie could object, Finn had taken the packet from 'Letta's evil sister. As Blargetha's chest rose and fell with her terror, Finn thumbed through the pages in his hands. Bonnie's face grew visibly pale at what was contained therein. "Guards," shouted Bonnibel Bubblegum! "This woman has violated the Peace of Ooo! Arrest her!" Before the soldiers could move, Finn held up his hand to stop them. "We will hear Princess Blargetha's proposal," he announced.
With those words, the room erupted, and it wasn't Bonnie alone shouting. Hurletta groaned. She'd told her sister to come up with something, and she had indeed. Unfortunately, Blargetha's lack of social skills had just made selling her own idea an uphill struggle. Hurletta would gleefully have wrung her neck if there weren't already a dozen spears pointed at said neck right now. There was nothing for it but to go for the ride now.
Back in the Candy Kingdom, a car sat outside a strip club in the capitol's odd little red-light district. The car–an ultra-lux offroad sedan–had sat out there in the no-parking zone every day that month. Questions got asked. Who owned it? Why was it here? Fanciful johns imagined the pretty face sometimes seen inside was a former stripper who'd made it big by marrying a whale who took her out of the life.
The reality was less romantic and far more sinister. Fedir Brutko thought she was risking her own success. If the harlots who danced in the club really were the King's playthings, there were bound to be watchers. It couldn't have escaped a man who'd seized a dozen kingdoms that his paramours were an achilles heel. By coming back here day after day, and in such a visible manner, they were making themselves an obvious concern for the people who went in and out of that place on a daily basis. Why would someone wealthy be sitting out front of that club?
In the backseat, his evil boss sat ruminating on madness and evil. She was hungry right now. She wanted to hurt the man who killed her brother. She wanted to see him suffer a little because right now it seemed like he was riding high. She had her plans to inflict massive damage to the Candy Kingdom. There were troops poised within striking distance of the palace waiting on her signal. Still, with no Peihong to temper her rasher impulses, she'd been considering a quick action to let the so-called King of Ooo know she was still in the game.
The whores in the club didn't have anything more than a withered old banana guarding them. It would be so easy to just slip in, slit some throats, and leave a nice note for their most famous customer. Her fingers flexed, as she thought of cutting off the tits of the curvy one, Riley. He'd rescued that worthless whore. Long ago. Now he'd impregnated her. What would he say when he received those fat knockers of hers in a gift-wrapped box?
"I was able to move the last one-hundred men into place last night," Fedir announced. Chelsea's face snapped up. He could see he had her attention. That was the important thing. She was about to do something stupid that would get them hung–that would get him hung–and he wasn't having that today. Fedir kept her attention fixed on him, declaring, "I've distributed enough phones to be able to run the operation. We're as ready as we're going to be."
The murderess glanced away, her eyes going to the coffee shop where they'd had breakfast yesterday. She took a deep breath, then another. Fedir waited, poised between death and salvation. "Let's go to the hotel," she said. "I want to look at our preparations again." Fedir didn't let himself relax. He wouldn't relax until they were away from here, and his insane master was firmly steered away from whatever rash idea was rattling around in her head just now.
As Fedir drove the Wax-Hustler away from the scene of her murder-fantasy, Sarah Mertens cornered her best friend in a remote section of the Jungle Palace. The Royal Audience had dissolved into a storm of anger and pointing fingers. A chorus of voices had called for Blargetha's immediate execution, egged on by Bonnie. A second chorus was interested in turning the slime-princess into a glorified slave–the one evil person allowed to create evil things on Ooo. Why not, she'd already more or less falling into the role. At the height of things, Nadia had just stormed out, shutting off the noise and immediately ending the meeting. Sarah had rushed after her to make sure she was alright.
"Talk to me," Sarah offered. Nadia glared at her instead. Taking her best friend's hand, Sarah twined their fingers together and said, "'c'mon. I'm supposed to be the machine..." She was teasing. The stacked princess blushed. "I'm angry," Nadia muttered. Which Sarah knew. She was trying to address the anger. "I'm not a fan of what he's doing either," the android admitted. "It's not him," muttered Nadia. She sounded defensive, which wasn't the point. Sarah gave her a carefully neutral expression.
Blowing out a breath, the buxom princess said, "he's... he's right. He's right, and I can see that he's right..." Which words had Sarah puzzled on a number of levels. Finn was toying with damnation. The Peace of Ooo existed for a reason. "The Peace...," Nadia muttered. "The Peace exists to preserve Ooo..." When Sarah rolled her eyes at the obvious nature of that statement, Nadia said, "you're missing the point, Sarah. The Peace exists to protect us from each other. To prevent us from finishing the job of wrecking the world..." When Sarah might have thrown that back in her face, the cyborg said, "...but that's not the problem... not anymore."
It didn't take long. Sarah's mind replayed the conversation–sifting the words. "Why are you angry, then," Sarah sighed. "If you understand..." "I'm not angry at him," the cyborg growled. "I'm angry at myself!" Shaking her head and muttering curses, "I'm... I'm a princess. I'm responsible for millions of lives. Two million of my people. I've... I've tried to be a steward in the mold of my father and his father and his mother... back generations..." "...but the world changed," Sarah murmured with a nod. She saw it now. Nadia was having trouble reconciling the pretty principles of pacifism with the ugly reality that there were forces out there in the universe that wanted to smash Ooo to steal an apocalyptic force, to be used in a war that the people of Ooo had no part or place in. There was nothing pacifism could do about that.
When Nadia might have pulled away, whether to run off or just hide her face, Sarah held on. "Don't you think Finn understands that," the android murmured? That was when the tears began to fall. He did. Nadia knew he did. Finn had come to rely on the odious Princess Blargetha for the ugly things that made his job possible. He had to rely on someone untrustworthy because his wives' principles wouldn't let them do things that were needed. Nadia was ashamed of not being more supportive.
Absorbing that, the android girl opined, "but there are other ways we can support him, babe." When her friend glanced her way, Sarah reminded her, "why do you think he asked for ways to use the uranium to run a town? We call it death-metal out of prejudice. It's..." "...inanimate," Nadia rumbled. It was simply nuclear material that could be used any number of ways. Her people maintained dozens of reactors across their domain–small reactors that did everything from generating the fuel to run their airships to keeping the ugly wilderness at bay.
The busty princess drew a deep breath, and Sarah knew that Nadia had just come to a conclusion–the right one this time. "You could have just said that," the cyborg accused. "You had to come to it on your own," the android replied. "Otherwise, I'd just be bludgeoning you, and you'd go stubborn on me." Nadia threw her long arms around the robot-girl and hugged her, as they both laughed and laughed.
On the far side of the palace, Finn the King was addressing the other unhappy member of his coalition. Bonnie had held her peace all the way back to private quarters. She'd let Finn lead her out of earshot. She was getting better about that. They were no longer publicly airing the family's internal laundry, and for that he was grateful. It gave him hope that he could wrangle this thing long-term. Still, it was clear that Bonnie was not happy about this latest development, even when she'd gone much farther in a much shorter length of time. Of course, that may well have been the problem. Finn knew Bonnie still felt a weight of guilt for disturbing the peace and maybe pushing Wildberry over the edge.
The tall princess waited for Finn to shut the door before starting in on him, but when she did, she went straight for the throat. "I don't understand, Finn," Bonnie murmured. "You used to be a man who rejected evil..." She was trying to cushion the accusation by speaking softly, not that it didn't sting. She was calling him evil.
The unhappy emperor chuckled humorlessly. "But power is evil, Peebles," Finn replied. "All power is evil. It's... It's like an acid... It dissolves your morals. I accepted power to try to protect everything I care about. I'm facing down the death of my morals, but I'm facing it with my eyes open. You want to dunk morality in the tank, scuff the paint, and pretend like you did what needed to be done, but you took a bath in evil a long time ago when you put your hands on power."
In bitter tones, the big man remarked, "I'm... Peebles we're drowning in evil. I can't pretend not to see it. I have the power of life and death. I don't want this power. I don't want it at all..." Far from tasting sweet the way Bandit Princess and her kind thought, power tasted like the bitterest ash to seasoned lips. Arms flailing, Bonnie snapped, "then why, Finn?! Why keep going further?!"
"Power, Peebles," he replied. "Not my power, but the power they have..." He was pointing at the sky. She didn't understand. Her face said so. "Something Nadia said, Peebles," he said. "Those guys... They can cross the whole of space... to come here and steal a monster. They raided our mother world like I used to raid old tombs. They did it a century before you were born, PB. Can you build a ship that can do that?" The older woman's face took on a look of utter horror at the sheer scale of what he was suggesting. In his simple way–the way of a man who couldn't begin to comprehend the scale of a galaxy–Finn Mertens had just reminded her what they were up against. It was the End of Everything. Double or Nothing. Hero or Zero. Against what the aliens could muster, even mushroom bombs seemed like nothing.
In an emotionless tone that spoke volumes, Bonnibel Bubblegum announced, "I will withdraw my formal complaint..." Taking her in his arms, Finn the Human said, "no. Let the complaint and the King's answer stand so those who come after us understand why we made these choices." Bonnie sobbed, "I wish he'd never come back..." He knew who she meant. Rocking with her, Finn said, "I have no regrets, Poibles. I was ready to give everything to save the peeps I love. I just didn't know what everything meant..."
Bonnie choked back a sob, as she thought about his attempt to destroy the Lich by sacrificing himself. He wasn't being poetic like so many old boyfriends had been. He'd literally given all he had and more–even unto his children. Yet, here she was, doubting him. Regaining her composure, the tall princess broke that embrace. Stepping back, she said, "corrosive. The word you were looking for earlier is corrosive. Your insight continues to surprise me."
Taking his battered face in her hands, the curvy princess showered kisses on him before finally turning to go. Crossing the room, she did that thing girls do to make their butts dance. It was the first she'd ever done that as far as Finn could remember, and it left him all but drooling. That butt had been amazing when he met her, but three kids had given Peebles an ass to rival Simone and Betty's apple-bottoms. At the door, she glanced back to see if he was watching before walking out the door. Yup. Still there. Wiping lipstick off his face, Finn headed off to find Nadia. He had another apology to make.
Of course, finding his cyborg fuck-beast ended up being a lot harder than he'd imagined, and honestly, as he tracked the buxom princess through the warren of halls that was the Jungle Palace, the big man found himself a little worried that he'd pushed too far. By that point, the peeps in the throne room were calling him back, and he had to rush back to the audience chamber. Arriving at the dais, the big man found himself coming face to face with the missing cyborg, as he found Nadia waiting there alongside the rest with Sarah at her side. It was a hopeful sign. She was there, and she didn't look angry at him.
Indeed, no sooner had his butt touched the throne, than Nadia and Sarah both stepped forward, saying, "we would like to present the King with an adjunct proposal..." "A second proposal," Sarah clarified. Finn blushed. Yeah, he was the dummy, but he owned his mistakes. "Ok," he said. "Hopefully no Finns will be injured in this proposal..." "Da," Nadia agreed, "the King can keep his balls." Which had everybody laughing.
Drawing one of her people's holographic projectors from a pocket, the stacked Royal toggled it on, showing a heavy cylindrical object. Finn recognized it immediately. He'd seen them in every Grid-Face Person village in the east. "That's...," he started to say. "A heavy-water reactor," Nadia interrupted. "It's intentionally designed to use natural uranium fuel instead of bomb-grade material... That would let us... dilute Jungle Kingdom's dangerous material into something less potent. With the material Abieuwa has on hand, we could build sufficient numbers of these units to power half of Ooo for a couple of centuries and have plenty to spare for... other uses."
Finn's mind went back to the ugly conversation in the onsen. Peihong came from a world of want. The world she lived in shared none of the prosperity his world had. But he could fix that. Nadia had just given him a way to fix that. Taking his left hand in hers, Bonnie said, "but the Grid-Face Princess must show us a way to protect the units, Your Majesty." Finn's face snapped up. Bonnie knew where his mind was going. Once she got herself past the anger of feeling betrayed by the man she loved and let herself think again, she knew exactly where Finn was going with this whole business. It was everything she expected of her husband–looking out for the well-being of others, even those he didn't know.
"The people of the wastes need our help, beloved," she said, "but they need guidance too. We're at risk of the first petty despot to come along taking over one of these units and using it to further his own schemes. Building weapons... only on a grand scale instead of handfuls." Finn sighed, but he knew she was right. He wanted to provide the means for the people of the wastes to build themselves a civilization–where they didn't have to look to the kingdoms for aid. Somebody might, just might, take that opportunity to build destruction instead. "Ok," he said, "add that to the proposal, Your Highness. We need fail-safes to protect these power-sources from misuse... that means providing a means to turn them off from a distance." Nadia pondered that a moment. "Da," she agreed. "We can do that. I think we have a way forwar..."
Just then, there was a flash of light, and a puff of green smoke. Momentarily, two familiar figures were standing in the center of the room next to Nadia and Sarah. Shooting to his feet, Finn shouted, "Dr. Beto!" The shaman greeted him with, "que pasa, Finn." "What're you doing here, bro," the King asked, as he stepped off the dais. The two men clasped hands and exchanged a firm handshake, as Blanca glared at the big man. Seeing that his princess wasn't much interested in pleasantries, the witch-doctor moved on. Gesturing, Beto Cortez said, "Her Highness here has made a discovery, Finn." Finn turned to Blanca and said, "lemme' guess. Bandit Princess raided the sacred site..." The Coca Princess swore at him.
Beto said, "the sacred site is devastated, amigo. There was some kind of explosion. Some of the ancient structures were flattened. We've... I think there were slaves held there, and some of them are..." "Dead," Finn muttered. Turning to the court, the King declared, "the court is adjourned. This is for private session. Princess Bonnibel, Princess Nadia, and Princess Blargetha... attend. Bill? Please close the session and join us as soon as you can."
Finn the King now has the uranium on lockdown, and is working out how to get use it up... just in time to discover Bandit Princess's attempt to build missiles. And it looks like Chelsea is about to go all in.