Chapter Eight

After her bath Luna joined Draco by the fire. Once they finished their meal Draco reached into his pocket and produced a small item wrapped in foil which he shoved in her direction.

"Here."

"What's this?" asked Luna.

"It's the other Malfoy way of saying, "Thank you very much for saving our lives today, Luna," said Draco, dryly.

She read the label. "European chocolate?" She unwrapped one corner, nibbled a piece and moaned softly. "Oh. Oh, my. This is excellent. You've been holding out on me, Malfoy Draco Malfoy."

"Mother tries to send some whenever she is able. Usually the ministry has confiscated all of the good stuff before the packages get to me. I suppose since they assumed they were sending us to our imminent demise they allowed some contraband to slip through."

They sat for a minute before Luna asked, "When was the last time you saw your mother?"

Draco kicked at a small stone by his foot. "Just before she got deported and I was placed under house arrest."

Luna took another bite of the chocolate. "That's a long time."

Draco nodded then said, "Listen, Lovego..." She arched an eyebrow and he corrected himself. "Apologies. Luna." He took a deep breath. "I don't mean to sound indelicate but I have to ask." He fixed her with a hard stare. "This is the third time since we set out on this expedition that I've watched you risk your life in what I can only refer to as 'extreme behavior'. So I need to know. Are you out here deliberately trying to..."

He faltered so she finished the sentence for him. "Kill myself?"

There was a brief pause before Draco answered, "Yes."

Luna began folding the now empty chocolate wrapper. "Despite evidence to the contrary, Draco, I don't want to die. As a matter of fact, I am desperately trying to live."

Draco snorted, "Sorry. No offense, Luna, but if you really want to live then you have a hell of a way of showing it."

"Fair enough." Luna kept folding the piece of foil. "You need to understand something, Draco. While everything I said earlier about dealing with the past is true, it is also true that my father and my husband were..." She struggled to find the right words. "They meant everything to me. So when Daddy died all alone in a cell in Azkaban and then my husband died without me..." Her voice trailed off into an awkward silence.

Draco waited then quietly asked, "Luna, what actually happened to Rolf?"

"He contracted the pox on his last expedition to the Carpathian Mountains. I was supposed to be with him - but I wasn't."

"May I ask why not?"

"The morning we were scheduled to leave I woke up with what we thought was a stomach virus. Turned out to be a slight case of food poisoning but as a precaution I stayed behind so as to not contaminate the specimens we were supposed to collect. A local guide went with Rolf instead. Two days into the trip they took ill with the pox. It somehow interfered with their magic so they were unable to fly or apparate and due to the terrain it took a full day on foot for them to get back to civilization. By the time word reached me, Rolf was unconscious and in isolation in a hospital in Krakow. All I could do at that point was watch through the glass, unable to hold him or tell him that I loved him before..."

She turned her attention to the foil butterfly she had created. She held it up to her lips and with a puff of air sent it flying up into the trees.

Draco fought against the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. "I'm certain your husband knew how much you loved him, Luna."

"Maybe. Doesn't make it hurt any less." Luna began absentmindedly fingering her wedding ring. "When he died I...well, I shut down for a while. I didn't get out of bed for almost a week after his funeral. Didn't leave the house for two weeks. Didn't leave the property for another week after that." She looked up at the stars. "Then it became easier to avoid people."

Draco nodded. While he had never experienced a love or a loss to the extent she had, he could understand the desire for solitude while in pain.

Luna gazed at the woods surrounding them. "When I did start going out again it was mainly to places like this - the forest where I could be alone with nature. The plants and animals never looked at me strangely. They didn't want to know if I'd 'found closure' or ask 'wasn't it time to 'get back out there and date someone'. "

She rolled her eyes. "She's a dear friend and I know that she meant well, but so help me, if Hermione Granger had offered to set me up with someone from her office one more time I was going to hex her bald."

Draco barked out a laugh then struggled to compose himself. "I'm so sorry, Luna. No disrespect intended. I was just really enjoying that mental picture."

"Honestly? The image cheered me up on occasion as well," Luna said, a half smile crossing her face.

"The truth is, Draco, that while I managed to dull the pain, I managed to dull everything else as well. When I was younger I saw the world as an endless kaleidoscope of colors but after losing both Daddy and Rolf everything went dim for a while. So I thought this mission might be the chance I needed. The chance to really feel something - anything - again. It may not have been the healthiest way to deal with the situation but..."

"It is what it is," said Draco.

"Exactly," said Luna.

"I think I understand what you are saying Luna, but do you suppose we could shoot for feeling something other than abject terror for the foreseeable future?"

Luna pursed her lips to one side. "Well...I don't like to make promises that I'm not certain I can keep but I will make more of an effort if you think it will help."

Draco chuckled softly. "I suppose that is all I can ask for."

They sat listening to the crackle of the fire until Luna said, "Thank you, Draco."

"For what?"

"For not being afraid to bring up the subject. For letting me be honest about feeling sad. For asking about Rolf. For allowing me talk about him. For not treating me like everyone else has recently - as if I'm some fragile object that is going to break apart if they mention his name."

"Fragile? You? Whoever treated you like that never met you. You might bend a fair bit but I think it would take a hell of a lot to break you, Luna Scamander Previously Lovegood."

"I sincerely hope you're right, Malfoy Draco Malfoy." She finished her tea and started towards her tent.

Just before she slipped inside Draco called out, "Luna?"

She glanced back over her shoulder. "Yes?"

"That wandless thing you did today. That was pretty impressive." Draco studied the empty cup in his hand. "Think you could teach me how to do it?"

"Maybe. I suppose I could be convinced to trade lessons for chocolates. If that isn't outside of the terms of your agreement, I mean."

Draco smiled. "I think that I could arrange for an exception in this case."

"Then it's a deal," said Luna. "You know - you should do that more often."

"What? Arrange for exceptions?"

"No. Smile. It suits you," said Luna. "Well, good night, Malfoy Draco Malfoy. Sleep tight. I'll try not to get us killed tomorrow."

He raised the cup in her direction. "Good night, Luna Scamander Previously Lovegood. Thank you. I'd appreciate that."

She went inside and Draco stared at the fire for long time before retiring for the evening, where he slept until the nightmares returned.