You asked me to leave, remember?
His words rang in her ears as she drives back home. She did ask him to leave. He wanted to come home and she told him she doesn't want him to. It's not because she's being a bitch but trust is quite hard to repair. One drunken mishap put a crack in their marriage and seeing him flirting again with Audrey brought it all back.
She wanted it to work. She really does. She's deeply reconsidering the rule she set for their marriage because things were going smoothly between them but after seeing him with her, it made her blood boil.
Is it awful for her to be seething with anger? She did ask him to leave but she didn't ask him to go back with Audrey since she's the reason they split in the first place. She just wanted space to think and to make him realize how much he'll be throwing away if he continues jumping on everything that moves.
Isabelle arrived home and Theo is already sleeping in his room. The loud silence in their house screamed at her. She hates it. She hates feeling alone. She never felt alone around Nick.
"Screw it", she muttered and grabbed her keys again.
It's probably late but she doesn't mind waking him up. She cannot take being alone anymore and she wanted her family back as much as he does. She's done punishing him. It's time.
It didn't take long for her to reach his apartment since she drives fast. Nick gave her a key to his apartment saying she might need it when dropping off Theo when in truth, he wanted her to come to his place.
She opened the door and it's quiet. He must've been sleeping. She didn't bother knocking. What for? He's her husband. She should've knocked. Once the door was opened, her jaw almost hit the floor upon seeing her husband on the bed with Audrey both without their clothes on.
It's a sight she's never prepared for. She knows what happened few months back but she never saw it before her eyes. Now, she does and it hurts more than getting shot at.
Isabelle reached for the light switch on the wall beside her and turned it on. Nick covered his eyes once the bright light hit them. Audrey did the same. Once both their visions adjusted, they are left speechless to see Isabelle standing by the door. Her face is pale like her blood just got drained from her body while her eyes are almost red, holding back her tears.
"Issy…" Nick muttered her name the way he only does and it breaks her heart.
"I didn't know you have company. Sorry to bother you", she said coldly and then left.
She's about to get in her car when strong hands grabbed her arm and yanked her to turn around. Her eyes fell on his dark ones.
"Look, Issy…"
"I asked you to leave", she cut him off. "I remember. Coming here is a mistake", she added.
Nick sighed and loosened his grip on her arm.
"What are you doing here, Issy?" he asked.
You always wanted me to come to your apartment. That's what the key is for, right? I am still your wife. That's why.
She pushed those thoughts inside her head.
"I came here to tell you that if you want to come back home, you can, that I want you back home", she answered and it made Nick stiffened. "Now, I changed my mind. I really do want it to work, Nick. I tried and I only made a fool out of myself tonight. Goodbye, Nick", she said and pulled her arm back and got in the car and left.
Once alone in her car, she allowed her tears to fall. So much for wanting her family back. He's not going to change. There's always going to be Audrey between them. She can never have her family so she needs to stop pushing it. She's a grown and successful woman. She doesn't need a man to prove that.
For the following days, Isabelle buried herself with work. Her office became her home since Theo decided to go camping with his friends. She only goes home to take a bath and change. She popped her pills to keep her up her game. In a matter of four days, she finished all her back log. The precinct's record is up to date and she's acing her application for promotion.
One morning, Nick came in her office, locking the door behind him. She sat there carefully watching him as he shuts the blinds for privacy.
"We need to talk", he said.
"There's no need to close the blinds and locked the door for that, Nick", she said using her Sergeant-Detective tone.
He turned to her with a mix of rage and concern in his eyes.
"What are you taking?" he asked.
The question caught her off-guard. She's expecting a talk about their marriage or at least the work but not about medications.
"I don't know what you mean", she lied which is a wrong move because he has always known her impulses to take pills.
They've been married for years. Lying to his face won't help with anything.
"Issy, you're here before all of us. You're the last one to leave. You barely sleeps, barely eats and here you are still charged to a hundred percent without a strand of exhaustion. Anyone with eyes will guess you're on something so I need to know what you're taking", he explained.
See? No use of lying.
"Provigil", she finally answered and he sighed pretty deep. "It's just something to keep me up. I got a lot going on with work and Theo and the application. It's not even addictive", she added.
"Not addictive? You're taking pills so you won't fall asleep and can you still recall the last time you had full eight-hour sleep? Can you?" he asked.
To be honest, she cannot recall that because it's been a while. Even without the pills, her busy schedule prevents her from getting enough sleep.
"What do you want from me, Nick? I am not intervening with your business and your life. I don't bug you with whatever you do with whomever you want to do it with. It's your life. I suggest you do the same", she snapped.
"This is different, Issy. What I did, it's my fault. You have the right to be mad but you don't need to do this to yourself, not this, Issy. This is about your health. I will do whatever you want just stop this right now", he said.
The rage is no longer in his eyes.
"I want a divorce. I got the papers yesterday", she said coldly.
That stunned the guy. He expected her to ask him to break ties with Audrey or to apologize or to get down his knees. Divorce? That is far from his mind.
"No", he said firmly.
"Why do you have to be so fucking difficult?" she muttered and then rolled her eyes.
She's about to storm off and leave but he grabbed her arm and slammed her against the wall.
"I'm sorry! You know how much I want to come home. You know!" he yelled at her face which snapped her out of the haze of the pill she just took. "Divorce is not the answer, Issy. This will only make things worse especially for Theo", he added.
"Don't you dare bring Theo into this, Nick! This is about you and your whore you can't seem to shake off!" she yelled back. "I am done waiting for the day to come when you fully realize my value. I deserve better and I have waited long enough. Do you think I don't know you sleep with her during those times I asked you to leave? I know, Nick. This is a small station. I know you bring her to the cabin. I can't wait anymore. I am done. You wanted to be with her so badly? I will give that to you", she exclaimed.
She managed to push him back despite his weight and freed herself from him and the wall.
"I'll send to you the papers. Sign them", she said and then walked out of her office.
Sets of eyes greeted her at the hallway. They must've yelled at each other too loud because everyone is looking at her. She saw Audrey standing next to Bear and she can feel her blood rising towards her head.
"Are you alright?" Sergeant Houle asked.
"Yeah…perfect", she answered and cleared her throat. "Now, if you're through being a spectator, you can all go back to work", she announced and everyone dispersed.
"Isabelle, I think it will be good for you to get some air", Sergeant Houle suggested.
"You're right. I am going to that Hutton case", she said and then left.
Nick came out of her office, still hasn't recovered from the argument with Isabelle.
"I get you guys have issues to sort out but I would appreciate it if you keep it down or better yet, do it someplace else. Isabelle is Sergeant-Detective and this doesn't do good for her position and especially her application", Sergeant Houle reminded Nick.
Sometimes he forgot that Isabelle is more than his wife at the station. She's technically his boss and he just yelled at her and everyone heard.
"I'm sorry. Won't happen again", Nick apologized.
The Hutton case took longer than she anticipated. The Homicide department is running late. Good thing is Theo is still at camping but the downside with being stuck at a crime scene? She ran out of pills and she's feeling dizzy. She cannot leave the scene until the homicide arrives. She's stuck.
It took two hours before she was able to turn over the scene to homicide and then she left in a haste back to the station. She can swear she left an extra bottle in her drawer. It's faster than going back home to get her prescription and then buy at the pharmacy.
"You just got back from the Hutton crime scene?" Commander asked her as soon as she got in.
She's already light-headed but the cabinet behind her is helping conceal that in front of her boss.
"Yes, sir. Homicide ran late", she answered.
"Well, I am heading out. You should too. You're good to drive?" he asked again.
"Yes, sir", she answered.
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow", he said and then left.
Isabelle resumed rushing to her office and searched for that bottle only to discover it wasn't there anymore or rather the pills weren't inside the bottle anymore.
"Nick", she muttered under her breath.
He must've searched for the bottle while she's gone and drained it empty. Now, she has to go back home and get her prescription so she can buy some.
"You're still here?" Ben asked at the hallway.
Why is everyone surprised to see her at the station? She thought.
"Yes. Homicide ran late and my son is at camping…" she answered slurring half of it along the way.
Ben frowned as he noticed the sign. Nick mentioned to him about her odd workaholic behavior the past few days. Now, she's looking pale, gripping the edge of her desk, and slurring her words. He knows she's on something and it's showing pretty clearly.
"Are you okay?" he asked in concern not because she's his boss but because she's his partner's wife.
"Yeah, fine", she answered and she slurred that too.
"I don't think you're fine, Detective. I can drive you home so you can rest", Ben offered.
It might've been a good idea but she's stubborn. She's stubborn and defensive too. She sensed Nick might've mentioned something to his partner.
"There's no need. I can drive myself, Chartier", she declined.
When she tried to get passed him, she swayed. He caught her to prevent her from falling.
"Alright, I am driving and that's not up for argument. Your husband is going to kill me if I let you drive by yourself like this", he insisted.
"My husband won't be interested with anything else other than fucking Audrey so I think you're in the clear", she said.
Ben didn't let go of her and it's the right choice because a few seconds later, she collapsed.
Isabelle was rushed to the hospital by Ben. He was supposed to take her home but after thirty seconds of attempt to wake her up, he decided it's best to get help.
"Where is she?" Nick asked as he approached his partner.
"They're still looking at her inside. I don't know anything yet", Ben answered.
Nick took a deep sigh.
"What happened?" he asked again.
"I found her in her office. She said homicide ran late and then I noticed her slurring and looking pale so I offered to drive for her but she declined and tried to walk but she collapsed so I took her here", Ben answered and then looked carefully at Nick. "She's taking something. What is it?" he finally asked but Nick refused to answer. "Look, there's no one at the station except for Johnny at the desk and you know he won't talk to anyone. No one saw Isabelle like this so you have to tell me", he explained.
"Provigil", Nick answered and ran his hand on his face. "She got sleeping problems that's why she got prescription for it but then it got better that she stopped taking those damn pills. She knows I hate it but after what happened, she sent Theo to camp and drowned herself with work. She started taking pills to keep herself awake all the time so she can do everything. I took her stash in her office to stop her", he explained.
Ben pieced it all together in his head like a puzzle.
"She ran out and she didn't have time to buy because she got stuck at the crime scene so she went back to the station for her pills and they're not there because you took them", he concluded. Nick nodded. "She mentioned about you and Audrey", he mentioned.
Nick looked at him with wide eyes.
"Yeah…I screwed up", he admitted.
"We all screw up, Nick. It's not the end of the world. She will be fine and you will make it up to her the best you can", Ben said.
Nick can only hope that would be true. He will do anything to make it up to his wife. He's finally allowed to go back home like what he wanted but he decided to just take Audrey to his place right after Isabelle stormed off after she saw him flirting with her at the bar. You just jump on everything that moves. She's right.
"Nick Barron, I'm Isabelle's husband. How is she?" he asked when the doctor stepped out of the room.
"You're here. Good. I assumed she has a prescription for the Modafinil she's taking", the doctor said.
"Yes. She got prescription. She got sleeping problems", he confirmed.
"Your wife must've taken a little too much of the prescribed dosage I'm afraid. Your partner here told me that your wife ran out and she crashed. It is normal after relying on the medication for a couple of days. I know your job is taxing and it requires time but you have to watch out her consumption. This could've gotten a lot worse, Mr. Barron. Your wife can die if she continues this routine. Lack of sleep will make her immune system and major organs crash too. That is a point we don't want to reach", the doctor said.
"…but she will be fine, right?" he asked desperately.
"She will be but not right away. Side effects will most likely to kick in few days from now and it can range from simple headache and dizziness to depression, anxiety, hallucinations, irregular heartbeats, trouble breathing, worse, suicidal thoughts", the doctor answered. "I will work on her record. You may see her if you like", he added.
Isabelle looked peaceful as she sleeps. Somehow, he's thankful she sent Theo to camp so he won't be able to see his mother like this. He held her hand which is completely still. Isabelle was never still.
"I'm so sorry, Issy. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. You know that. You have to know that. I'm so sorry", he apologized over and over again.
Isabelle woke up few hours later. She felt oddly recharged in a good way. It's been the longest sleep she had in days. It took her a minute to realize she's not in her house. The white ceiling, white walls, machine beeping…she's in the hospital. In her panic, she shoot up too fast that her head started spinning.
"Oh, take it easy there, Issy. The doctor said you will need to lie down for a few more days", Nick said.
She took a moment to look around her surroundings until she realized she's in a hospital.
"What happened?" she asked.
"You don't remember?" Nick asked her back but got his answer after a few seconds. She doesn't. "You collapsed at the station. Ben brought you here", he answered.
Isabelle closed her eyes and sighed in frustration.
"How many saw?" she asked again.
"Only Ben and Johnny…" he answered.
She relaxed a little bit. She knows Johnny is not the kind that spread gossips at the station. Ben is a straight up guy. She's safe.
"I was just tired. That's all", she said in her defense.
"You got hooked on pills and you ran out so you crashed. That's what happened", he snapped.
Isabelle shot him a look.
"You threw it all out", she guessed.
"Damn right, I did. Do you really think I'm going to let you become a junkie? Theo needs his mother. He's not going to be at camping his whole life. He will come home and to what? To his mother who is addicted to pills so she will not fall asleep? Come on, Issy. You're better than this", Nick exclaimed.
She turned away from him. Dealing with her feelings is not her forte. It's Nick's. She doesn't like talking much because it's hard for her to express everything out.
"Why did you do it? You're free of that shit, Issy. I know you were. You're sleeping better so why did you take them again?" he asked.
Isabelle tried to compose everything in her head. She wanted to tell him to fuck off but she couldn't bring herself to do it.
"I don't want to sleep. That is why. The house is suffocating and I felt so empty going to bed. I would rather just work because it keeps my brain occupied. I was more productive. I needed the pills to keep me awake so I can keep working, so I can be distracted all the time. 24 hours a day, I got enough time to finish the work at the precinct and work on my application", she answered.
Nick's heart ached upon hearing it. He knows he is the reason why she wanted to be distracted all the time. She wanted to drown with work because she doesn't want to think about what he did.
"Issy, it's my fault. I know it is. Everything is my fault and I would accept all the punishment you want to give me. I swear. What I can't accept is what you're doing to yourself. This is not the way to deal with this. I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being an idiot and being a jerk. I will work on getting back your trust or being worthy to come home again but please…please, for the love of god, Issy, you need to stop taking that goddamn pills. The doctor said this could be worse. You could die, Issy", he pleaded.
He cannot help the tears that fell from his eyes. He is desperate. Isabelle is strong but right now he can see her hitting rock bottom because of him. The woman that he loves so much is destroying herself because of him.
"I didn't mean to let it go so far, Nick. I swear. I thought maybe I can take them for a few days just until I finished the application and then I thought…I don't know what I was thinking. I kept on taking them. I didn't intend to get hooked and I certainly didn't want to die because of it. I am not that kind of person", she explained.
He found her hand and he held it tight.
"I know. I know that. That's why I am begging you to stop now before you become like that", he said.
Isabelle wiped her tears and nodded.
"Yeah…I will. I will stop", she agreed and let him brushed the hair away from her face. "I'm going to need a little help", she added.
"Don't worry about it. You got it", he replied.
She's right. She needed help. The following days weren't easy. She called in sick at the station but didn't tell the true reason while Nick let Theo stay with Amelie. He goes to their house every lunch to check on Isabelle and he stayed over at night. Getting her to sleep at night is hard. The pills altered her body clock. She's wired during nights and she crashed during daylight. Nick spends time with her during night to kill time. They talked about random things, watched movies, played board games. They got their much needed time together in the most undesirable situation.
"I feel like shit", Isabelle confessed one night.
She's closed to crashing. Her body clock is returning to normal. Nick's special menu each dinner helps as well.
"Doctor said it's normal. It will be over soon", he said.
"No. Inside, I feel like shit. Don't mean to sound miserable but I honestly cannot remember what it feels like to be happy, truly happy. I am trying to remember but I can't", she elaborated.
That bothers Nick deeply. The doctor did warn him about the side effects of depression but hearing his wife talk that way is scarier.
"You will feel that again soon. I promise. I am here. Theo too. You will feel happy again", he said.
He doesn't know how he's going to make her feel that again but he's sure going to try. He caused her to be that way. He will get her out of it.
"I hope so because this sucks", she teased and then laughed a little.