I backpedaled so fast I almost turned myself into a kebab on one of Deirdre's many feelers. It brought me back to chest with Nicodemus, and he caught me before I could send us both toppling to the ground. I was being held but Nicodemus Archleone. In what parallel dimension was my episode of Punk'd being aired? Because this was a novel and incredibly horrifying experience.

"Miss Lenhardt-" he began.

The tiger's furious roar drowned the rest of the sentence. It was trying to squeeze all of its nine-foot-long, four-hundred-pound body through the shattered door. The frame was a little too narrow to fit its bulk, which was the only reason I'd avoided becoming a scratching post.

"On a scale of B-Movie to Bond, how camp is this guy?"

"What?" Deirdre hissed, stabbing a sharp feeler at the tiger's face. It retreated with a yowl of pain. It'd be back, I was sure.

"There'll be more animals out there. Probably lions and bears, if I had to guess. Gotta hate a bad guy with a sense of humor."

Nicodemus made a terse sound of amusement behind me. Again, my world sort of tilted a little off its axis. Had I just made Nicodemus laugh? This so wasn't happening. I must be in a coma somewhere and the TV in my brain had gotten permanently stuck on a horror marathon.

"I will admit, this was not a defense I'd anticipated. Savoy is more powerful than he lets on if he is capable of transmogrification."

I had a few seconds before the next roar for that factoid to sink in. The Second Law of Magic was not one I'd paid much attention to in the grand scheme of things. The one person I'd ever spitefully wanted to transform was Torelli, and I hadn't had the staying power then. Even with my thorough training, I wasn't sure I'd have it now, without Lasciel's backup.

Transmogrification was different from therianthropy. No matter which of the many avenues you chose to achieve the latter, it was all done by one's own free will. Transmogrification on the other hand...it was a violation of bodily autonomy on a grand and sickening scale. The human consciousness never stuck around for long. It's not unlike what I'd seen from the Black Court Renfields we'd run across, though perhaps a step up because the free will wasn't gouged out all at once. It just sort of...faded over time, leaving nothing but a violent and unpredictable animal.

"It could be a theriomorph," I reasoned, and I could hear the wheedling in my own voice.

I didn't want it to be true. That would mean the next obstacle between us and the Robe was a group of people who'd been supernaturally assaulted and press-ganged into labor as muscle.

Nicodemus set me up straight and brushed his suit jacket free of wrinkles. His gaze was as pitiless and deep as a drowning pool.

"Despite the air of fatuity you attempt to cultivate, you are not so naive, Miss Lenhardt. If that beast were more than mere animal it would have had the presence of mind required to wait for a fortuitous moment to strike."

"Would it kill you to speak plain English?" I griped, stepping away from him. "I swear it's like you vomit a thesaurus every time you open your mouth. Or to speak your language, your finical fixation with projecting an erudite appearance is an enormous excruciation in the empennage."

Deirdre's blades rasped in the near-dark of the tunnel, a terrifying interjection to the tiff I was having with Nicodemus.

"We do not have time for this. It is coming back and it is not alone."

Nicodemus straightened the lapels of his jacket and nodded curtly. "I'm sure Miss Lenhardt was through with her histrionics."

"Dick," I finished rather limply. They were right of course. We were still ass-deep in trouble. But I wanted the last word, damn it. The condescending asshole had started it...I was pretty sure.

It was a struggle to drag my attention back to the matter at hand. Anger fizzled and popped through my veins like Mentos dropped in Coke. Everything already insufferable about Nicodemus was dialed up to eleven now.

"My fault, I am afraid," Lasciel said. "I am doing everything possible to lend to your energy reserves without assisting you magically. I have tweaked the levels of your adrenaline and cortisol to extend the duration of your body's natural stress response. It will decrease your Serotonin and result in increased irritability."

"You can feed me adrenaline?"

"Not for long," she said, reading the direction of my thoughts. "It is dangerous in the long-term."

"How about in the next five minutes?" I asked, a plan beginning to unspool in my head.

"How many?" I asked Deirdre. I was tempted to lean around the wall to peek but figured she was more durable than I was without access to Lasciel's battle form.

"Twelve," she said mildly. "Four tigers, four lions, and four bears."

"Knew it. So the wizard's behind the curtain here somewhere. Let's go kick him off the Emerald Throne, huh?"

"Indeed. Deirdre will take point. Miss Lenhardt, you will bring up the rear and dismantle any magical defenses should we encounter them."

"No."

Nicodemus' hands twitched. "Did that sound like a request?"

Short, clipped consonants, and an icy delivery. One of his Squires would definitely have been cowed.

"I'm not your fucking lapdog," I hissed back. "And I don't care if your daughter is armored like a tank, she'll need help against twelve of those things. See this?"

I drew hilt of the katana an inch out of its scabbard so that the silver caught the diffused light in the tunnel.

"It's a warden's sword. It can unravel enchantments. It's not mine, so it's not quite as effective, but wouldn't you rather be facing twelve people instead of twelve predators?"

"And if we reach the other side and there's more enchantments to contend with?"

I shrugged. "Toss me into the magical laser grid and watch me toast like a marshmallow if that's all I'm good for."

The sounds were coming closer. Roars that made my very human mind gibber with fear and tried to prompt my legs to carry me as far as possible in the opposite direction. Time to act. Now or never.

I undid the bandolier across my chest and let it drop. Then I popped the tabs of my remaining potions and drained them one by one. I was probably going to throw up when this was done. The body wasn't meant to handle so much magically infused juice at once, and with the adrenaline pumping through me like a bass drum, I was sure the crash from this high was going to be one of meteoric proportions.

This situation wasn't ideal. I didn't have a sheath in which to put my wands so I could wield the sword two-handed. I was going to be missing out on leverage. I'd have to make up for it in speed.

"I've got ten or fifteen minutes tops," I told them as I strode to the doorway. The wall of furry muscle outside made my knees quiver with fright. "Then I'll either be sick or pass out. I'd say sorry if I puke on your shoes but...I'm really not."

And with that parting shot, I launched myself out the door and at my foes.

Most people underestimate the size of a tiger. We've seen them a hundred times in TV and movies, know in our heads how deadly they are. But in America the closest thing you get to the sheer shit-your-pants-scary variety as far as predators go are bears. Tigers are faster.

The tiger Deirdre wounded stalked toward me along with a friend. An enormous male grizzly. Hoo boy. I thrust the hand bearing my wand toward it and activated my rave spell.

I was counting on our transmogrified foes to be more animal than people at this point. Sound and pressure at the rate I was expelling it should at the very least give an animal pause. Enough of a pause to allow for some very violent action. Loose grit and pieces of stone skittered along the ground as the guitar riffs, percussion, and vocals of You Shook Me All Night Long pumped into the air.

It worked. Every single animal in the courtyard paused and some even took bewildered steps back from the sound and pounding pressure of the spell. Light pulsed out to join the sound, strobing red, blue, orange, and white, so that it felt like flying through a blur of fire when I bounded forward. Deirdre wasn't far behind me, adjusting in mere seconds to the new development. She scuttled forward like a spider, using the metal struts of hair to propel herself forward at incredible speed. I was only just matching it with my enchanted footwear.

She slashed through the throat of the first animal she came in contact with and the lioness swayed once, blinked great amber eyes at us, and then fell. The rest reacted like we'd unleashed a bomb. They all surged forward, intent on ripping us both to pieces. I was pretty sure that Savoy or whoever had cast the spell had also gouged out a fair amount of their free will. I avoided the tiger's snapping jaws by mere inches. The bear I was facing reared up on its hind legs and took a swipe at me. I was never going to get a hit from down here. Not without getting seriously hurt.

Which gave me another idea.

"Deirdre!" I shouted to be heard over the music. "Deirdre, boost!"

I got a running start and Deirdre spun, her hair lashing toward me flat sides up like we'd discussed this beforehand and weren't coming up with it on the fly. I activated my spell the second they came to a standstill and rocketed up the spiral set of hair-stairs and launched myself into the air and straight at the beast. It was still looking for me on the ground and by the time it turned its great shaggy head, it was far too late.

I hit the bear center of mass and it knocked us both off-balance. My blade sank in to the hilt and I sent as much will through the blade as I could as we fell to earth. The spell began to unravel slowly and unevenly. Emory's sword was reticent to ever channel my magic and was better as just an edged weapon for me.

The impact with the ground shook my bones. It would probably have hurt if I weren't riding a wave of caffeine and my own adrenaline. I found myself laying on a man. The shape of a tall, blonde man was beginning to emerge from the bear's fur as the exterior ectoplasm melted off of him.

I pushed up before I could get too bogged down in the stuff and took off again. The pounding beat of the drums, my own heart, and the blood through my veins made me feel like one plucked note on a cosmic guitar. For a stretch of time, I was lost to the heady feeling, spinning in the Danse Macabre with Deirdre as my partner and Lasciel as the conductor in my head, setting the music. It was amazing. A riot of sharp-edged sound and color, and the high octane bliss of my magic flooding every cell of my body.

When I came back down from the high enough to think past the pure pleasure of it, I found myself laughing. No, not laughing. Cackling. Pure unfettered joy escaping me as I alighted on the other side of the compound, stepping off the final rung of Deirdre's hair.

"I am so drunk," I giggled as Nicodemus approached. "Oooh those potions were a bad idea. I think I got a depression aid mixed in there somewhere."

I glanced behind us, saw the path of destruction I'd carved behind us. There was a lot of blood. More blood than I really wanted to contemplate. And none of the shapes laying prone in the puddles of bloody ectoplasm were moving.

"Oof," I mumbled.

Nicodemus was watching me with keen interest, dark eyes shining. It was the scariest expression I'd seen on him yet. Irritation was a given. Contempt was welcome. Disgust was not unwarranted. Curiosity was discouraged. Interest was very dangerous.

He didn't get a chance to say much more, because the door a few feet down from us opened and a man stepped out. He was taller than Nicodemus, with completely silver hair and white shooting like starbursts past his ears. His icy eyes were fixed on Nicodemus with a look of intense dislike.

"You."

"I told you we could handle this civilly, Savoy. It was you who refused the offer."

"So you brought a band of thieves to destroy my home and purloin my possessions?"

"We prefer to call it aggressive entrepreneurship," I chimed in.

Nicodemus ignored me, which was probably for the best. I really did feel drunk.

"One last chance, Savoy. The Robe, cup, and dice. That is all that we require. We will take our leave if you cooperate."

"Go to h-"

But Savoy didn't get the opportunity to finish the statement. At some signal I hadn't seen Anduriel loomed and wrapped around Savoy's arms and chest like a straight-jacket holding him immobile. And at the same instant, one of Deidre's blades hared away from the others and lopped his head in two.

In. Freaking. Two. Savoy didn't even have time to look surprised. The portion of his head she'd sheared through slid off with a meaty sound and hit the ground with a thunk. Only the nostrils and mouth remained on the part of the face attached to the body.

It chilled me. Savoy was a practitioner as powerful or more powerful than I was. And the pair had offed him in mere seconds once they'd been in range. It could have been me. Probably would be me, if I kept jabbing at Nicodemus the way I had been.

Deirdre rolled one crimson eye to look at me. "What, no retort? Something like...don't get a head of yourself?"

"Thought it'd be a bit on the nose," I croaked. "I...uh...I'm gonna go get the bathrobe for you two."

I investigated the room beyond. Aside from a few easily dismantled charms, there appeared to be little in the way of traps. I did linger a few minutes too long, eyes roving over the interior. There were countless paintings, items magical and somewhat mundane. They packed the room and gave me just a hint of the dead man's tastes.

I found the Robe near the center and had to play a small game of magical hopscotch to dismantle the orb trap a second time. This one was much less intricate, possibly so that the older Mr. Savoy wouldn't have to do a gymnastics routine to reach it. The robe and dice were enclosed in a glass cube no bigger than the average milk crate. After checking to be sure there was nothing else nasty waiting in the wings I freed it from its pedestal and followed a winding path all the way back to the door.

They were flanking either side of the archway, as though they thought I'd take off with it. I'd thought about it, very briefly. But they were too close. I had no backup but Lasciel, and revealing who and what I was to Nicodemus was suicidal.

I extended the hand with the cube to him.

"One bathrobe, Mr. Archleone," I simpered. "As ordered."

He extended a hand to reach for it and...then a black shape hurtled into him hard, knocking him completely off his feet. I had only a few moments to process just what I was seeing before the enormous shape was on me.

I could only make out the bug-like shape of the body, the pincers, and the glowing green eyes and sigil searing from the forehead of the creature before Polonius Lartessa shoved something sharp into my gut.