Author's Note: Hey there, sorry for the wait, life has just gotten busier with me lately. I'm doing what I can with the story so I hope this one is good. Now this chapter is a bit longer, which is good for all of you since the next chapter will take a longer than usual to post. Mainly since i'm running into writer's block and i'm doing what I can to proceed on and make things just right. If you have any questions feel free. Enjoy.
Also as to answer a Guest Reviewer: rj, yes i'm going to finish this story. I have all intentions of finishing it.
The Second Guest Reviewer: Yes I am continuing it.
Chapter 4: The Day After Part 2
Hiccup and Toothless made the trek up the long flight of stairs, enjoying the cool afternoon wind blowing past them both. Being outside helped in a way, as looking around the village and finding things surprisingly normal. Especially after last night when it was a battlefield; everyone seemed to be getting on with their lives as if nothing had happened. There were a few cleaning up the remains of last night, some carpenters fixing up the damaged houses. Even some talking with one another…yet he knew what the town gossip would be about. Thankfully no one saw him as and he didn't see anyone, yet that could mean only one thing.
Pushing the large doors to the Great hall open, the heavy wood creaking as they were moved. Once inside he looked forward and was mortified to see the place half filled with Vikings… all eyes turned to him thanks to the door. A few seconds passed as some still looked his way, others casually turned their attention elsewhere, still the teen could feel their eyes looking at him regardless. Whatever chatter was going on died down as well, making things all the more uncomfortable.
"Just great," he said to himself as he continued forward, Toothless walking by his side as it provided some comfort. "Just ignore them, pretend that nothing is wrong."
"He actually killed an Outcast last night?" a low voice could be heard, catching Hiccup's attention.
"That can't be true."
"It is, his clothes and weapon were covered in blood, none of it his."
Hiccup tried to block it all out, but part of his mind kept on listening as curiosity took a hold of him. What could the villagers really think about him after what happened? Normally he didn't like when people were talking about him behind his back, this was no exception. To him this only cemented what he thought, they could be expecting more of him because of this. Either way he can't show that it's getting to him.
"Wonder what could be going through his head," Another whisper went around.
"Never knew he had it in him."
"Not so loud he'll hear," another voice chastised the other.
Finally, Hiccup tuned out the voices and focused on getting his food. Getting a plate of chicken, bread and cheese he went to sit at the usual table he and his friends would occupy. Relief washed over him as he found it empty upon sitting down, Toothless lying down, right next to him. This was good and bad as it meant that either his friends had eaten and left already, or they haven't arrived yet. If that was the case, then he would best eat fast and get out of there.
Yet fate was cruel in some ways, mainly since he just sat there and looked down at his plate. The sudden hunger from earlier leaving him for the time being. He could still feel eyes on him, but didn't even look to see who was doing it, didn't they have anything better to do? Either way he was looking down at his food, lost in thought until a hand touched his shoulder causing the boy to jump.
"Whoa, sorry there Hiccup," Astrid had said, moving her hand away.
"M-My fault… I wasn't paying attention," Hiccup responded as he calmed down. Looking he found it was just Astrid and Fishlegs that arrived, each one of them taking a seat at the table. He mentally groaned as he realized his friends would be coming, yet something else came to mind. If he could get through this without any more incidents like from earlier then he should be fine…the rest should be easier for him, right?
"H-Hiccup are you ok?" Fishlegs asked cautiously, causing Hiccup to mentally groan again. Here we go. "I mean after with what happened last night, I would suspect that you wouldn't be. Well not like none of us would know as we never killed anyone before, but it's kind of obvious-"
"Fishlegs,' Hiccup called out, stopping the large teen's rambles as his body went ridged. "I'm ok… and I don't want to talk about what happened."
"Are you sure, I mean-"
"I'm sure," he responded back with a hint if seriousness. Not enough to warrant concern but enough to show that he's adamant about it.
Astrid and Fishlegs weren't sure what to do in this moment, as they weren't sure how to go about this. They had wanted to help their friend out last night, and now are getting their wish now but they weren't sure about it now. Mainly since the topic in question is way out of their league and weren't sure what was the right away to approach it.
On the outside they could see their friend is holding it together, but not sure if it was a front or not. Hiccup had always had a knack to look fine on the outside, yet he seemed to be a wreck on the inside. Still they decided to take his word for it, as Hiccup never steered them wrong before. "Alright, we won't talk about it further," Astrid had said.
"Thanks, really," Hiccup gave a smile, one of relief which didn't go unnoticed, but wasn't addressed thankfully.
"Wow, that looks bad," Fishlegs pointed to the bruise on the side of his face
Astrid heard and looked over at it, before Hiccup could cover it, "Whoa, does that hurt?"
"It's fine, don't worry about it," Hiccup said truthfully as it didn't hurt as much as last night. "Just…one of the…got hit by that Outcast…it's fine."
"You sure?" Astrid asked again, she and Fishlegs automatically knowing it was from the one he killed.
"Yeah, it's fine," he nodded. Thankfully they seemed to have picked up on it and left it alone. Things seemed to be going his way for now, which is good as he could maybe get through this meal.
"There he is, the Outcast killer!" Or not.
Looking up the three teens found it was an ecstatic Snotlout who made the comment. He came over along with the twins, all of them smiling as they took their own seats. Almost immediately it was known these three weren't going to respect Hiccup's wishes.
"Man, you must feel proud of yourself after what happened," Tuffnut beamed out as all eyes were on the one-legged teen.
"No Outcast or Berserker is going to want to mess with you once they hear what you did," Ruffnut followed up with the same enthusiasm as her brother.
"Guys I don't want-" Hiccup tried to say but his voice was overshadowed by the three.
"You know cuz, I have to admit. I had my doubts about you, but you proved me wrong last night by taking your first life. Snotlout smirked.
"Before you I might add," Tuffnut said, which annoyed the buffer teen but he just rolled his eyes.
"you know, now that I think of it, since you killed your first Outcast you should come up with a new title," Snotlout commented next. "One that can strike fear within our enemies, and let them know of the danger that awaits them."
"Yeah Dragon trainer doesn't strike fear into anyone," Tuff said next as he went into a thinking pose. "Oh, how the stabber! Goes great with how he killed the guy."
"No way that's lame just like you," Ruffnut rolled her eyes but thought of something as well. "How about Blood Shedder!"
Both of Hiccup's hands clenched as both eyes were cast down as he tried to fight the trembling that wanted to overtake him. None of the other riders saw this as they kept talking. The mention of blood only brought back at how he was covered in the stuff… He could still the wetness as it stuck to his body. Not only that, he could see the man dead in a pool of it. It wasn't helping as he could still hear everything.
"Or better yet, the Outcaster!" Snotlout said in triumph. "It has a good ring to it."
"Wow, that is totally true," Ruff said in amazement.
"Will you mutton heads shut up?!" Astrid firmly said, causing the trio to stop talking and focus on her as she has had enough. "Hiccup doesn't want to talk about last night, and I don't think it's helping with you three running your mouths."
"Oh, come on, Hiccup did something none of us thought he would do," Snotlout argued, not fazed by what the blond told him. "Don't you think he would want to bask in the glory that comes from killing his first Outcast and feel proud of it?"
"I don't think killing it is as glorious as you think it is," Fishlegs chimed in, surprised at what he's hearing.
"How would you know? You never killed anyone," Snotlout fired back at the timid teen, arms folded across his chest.
"Neither have you," Tuffnut responded back.
"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" he complained, not expecting it.
"We're on no one's side except ours," Ruffnut said next.
"Hiccup, why don't you-"Astrid started off but stopped as she looked and found said teen gone, along with his dragon. "Hiccup!?"
All the other riders heard and looked, all of them surprised to find their leader gone.
Outside the Great Hall Hiccup stood atop the steps, bent over with his hands on his knees. Heavy breathing escaped him as he allowed his body to tremble. It was as if he experienced one of his nightmares again, worse as he wasn't even sleeping. He needed to calm down and get those mental images out of his head.
Straightening himself he then thought back to what he just did. He didn't want to leave his friends the way he did, but he had to get out of there before he lost control. There was no way he could do that right now…he has to be strong right now. Now that he realized it he looked down the steps to see if anyone saw him. Thankfully there was no one in sight, relief washing over him, as he is in the clear. He couldn't let anyone, especially his friends see him like this, no he had to be prove it to them all.
Toothless then nudged and cooed at him, which caught his attention without startling him. Looking over he saw concern on his dragon's face. "It's alright bud… it'll pass."
The dragon gave him a "I don't believe you" expression. Not that Hiccup could understand it. After a few minutes Hiccup felt at ease, finally calm and collected.
"Come on bud, let's just go to the forge, I'm not hungry anymore," Without even waiting for a response he walked down the stairs. Toothless looked at his rider, giving a huff before following. Why did his human have to be so stubborn?
…
By the time he reached the forge all the nerves had managed to subside for the time being, which is good as Hiccup would need a steady hand and focused mind. On his way he heard more of the villagers whispering about him, yet he managed to block them out as he rather not hear what they had to say. Entering he could see Gobber hard at work hammering at a sword, "Hey Gobber."
"Hiccup!" the larger man stopped what he was doing and looked at his apprentice with a look of surprise. "I wasn't expecting you today."
"Well I thought working here would help keep my mind busy," the teen responded as he put on his apron.
"Are you sure lad? I mean, because of what happened last night and all?" By now Gobber had stopped working completely to give his apprentice his undivided attention. Surely the lad would know that it might have not been a good idea being here after what happened. Fully knowing that it might bring up some unpleasant feelings. Part of him wondered if Stoick knew about this or not, as it would be like Hiccup to not let his father know.
"Don't worry, my dad allowed me to be here," Hiccup rolled his eyes, automatically knowing what he was thinking, last thing he needed is him doing the same thing as his father and ask questions. "Besides I rather not think about last night, I rather just keep my mind busy."
Gobber remained silent for a second, just watching Hiccup for a moment, trying to get a read on the boy's current feelings. The Blacksmith knew the consequences that came with taking a life, as he himself has taken quite a few and went through what he's going through himself. Yet this is different as Hiccup is still young and doesn't have the mindset to properly deal with it.
Still, he knew Hiccup would be somewhat honest with him because of how close they were. He looks ok on the outside, but who knows what kind of storm is raging from within. Still, he knows Hiccup would come to him if anything was wrong, so he might as well give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being.
"Alright lad, if you say you can handle it… but I'll be keeping a close eye on you just in case. If I see something that I don't like, then you're done." He laid it all out for the boy.
Hiccup blew a mental sigh of relief, yet knew he had to be careful now as he would be watched. Still, he would take it as a victory, "Thanks, Gobber."
"Of course," he nodded before he went back to hammering. "There's some weapons that need sharpening."
Nodding Hiccup walked over to the nearby pile and grabbed a random weapon. He felt somewhat relieved when it turned out to be an axe. Not sure why, but it just seemed to set him a bit at ease, yet he won't question it. Going to the sharpener and turned the wheel before pressing the blade against the surface.
"Hiccup!?" A voice called out, catching both blacksmiths attention.
It's then Astrid appeared at the front of the shop, who visibly relaxed upon locating her friend. "Oh, hey Astrid," he greeted.
"Hiccup are you ok? You just up and left without us knowing," the blond asked in concern, as she entered the shop like she always did.
"Yeah… I just had to get out of there, mainly since I lost my appetite," he explained slowly as he stopped working for a quick moment. It was best to give the female his undivided attention.
Astrid on the other hand just sighed in irritation, knowing what was wrong. "It was those mutton heads, wasn't it? Hiccup I'm sorry I tried to-"
"Astrid it's ok, you know Snotlout and the Twins, once they get started on something, they won't let it go until they said their piece," Hiccup explained partially.
"Still, I know you don't want to talk about…. you know what, but-"
Once more he cut her off, trying to keep the same demeanor he always had. "Don't worry I'll be fine."
Astrid didn't say anything at first, clearly picking up a hidden context within the message. Hiccup didn't want to discuss the issue any further and rather move onto something different. She decided to respect his wishes, so far as he has been through a lot already. Which then brought up something new. "Are you ok…mainly since I've hearing the villagers talking about you know what."
"Y-Yeah…I've heard them," Hiccup sighed with slumped shoulders. "Don't they have anything better to focus on than me?"
Astrid flinched a bit at the tone that last statement was spoken. It was an indication that he rather talk about something else. "So, are you still going to come down to the academy later?"
Hiccup's head perked up in confusion, but then remembered after searching his memory. They all were meeting up at the academy later to discuss the end result of last night's fight. Always the next day after a fight like the ones they had they would always go to the academy and talk about the tactics used and the results. They would also discuss any improvements that were to be made for the next time it happened.
"Oh, right. Yes, I'll be there after I finished working," Hiccup responded back.
"Alright, I'll see you there…. And also take care of yourself," she added in before giving her friend one last look and smile before walking off. Hiccup couldn't help but return it as it helped in a way, even if it was brief. Once she was out of sight, he resumed working, now trying to think how to get through meeting back up with the others. Hopefully they don't ask why he left too.
Some minutes passed as the two continued to work. Hiccup kept on sharpening weapons and is currently working on a short sword, so far so good as nothing bad had happened. The lad was working just as he usually does, which is a positive. Gobber had to admit that he may have been wrong about this and decided to give the boy a little bit of leash.
"Hiccup man the forge, I need to go out back and look through the scrap."
"I'm on it," the teen responded, taking his eyes off his work for a moment before returning back to it. His ears hearing Gobber walk off, leaving him alone once more, with the exception of Toothless sleeping just outside. Nothing but metal scrapping, and flying sparks could be heard or seen as slowly the boy's mind started to wander. Things were going good for right now; no more accidents like with Lunch. If he could just make it to the end of the day then maybe it should be easier, yes that had to be right.
"Your Fault"
"Gyah!" Hiccup shouted as he nicked his finger on the sword's edge, a low stream of blood seeping out. The sudden voice made him jump and touch the sharpened edge of the sword. Suddenly all thoughts of nursing his finger went away as he looked at the blood, which had now dripped onto the weapon. He started to pale as he watched the blood stain the steel… almost exactly how his dagger looked last night.
His breathing started to get heavy and uneven as the memory slowly flashed before his eyes. Watching himself bring his dagger down multiple times, the ringing in his ears as the Outcast's cries of pain filled his head. The sticky blood clinging onto his hands and clothes as the life slowly left those eyes. The same eyes that now looked back at him with contempt.
"I'll never forgive you" The man spoke with malice.
Dropping the sword and backing up, till his back hit the wall, Hiccup clutched his head and kept his eyes shut as he tried to block out the words. "It's not real…it's in your head."
"It should be you, not me!"
"You're dead…it's… It's not…" Tears swelled up as both of his legs gave out. The voice and memory slowly overwhelming him as he couldn't suppress it. On the ground the boy curled up, whimpering as the man's face appeared before him, just like in his nightmare. The same hatred, anger, and blame baring into his soul. "It's not real, It's not real!"
"Hiccup…. Hiccup!" All of a sudden, the teen's body started shaking as it felt like he was being grabbed, causing him to violently thrash in fear. For it being in his head it felt real enough as the man grabbed him.
"Hiccup snap out of it!" The man's voice suddenly sounded like Gobber, also a warble came as well. "Calm down lad, it's me!"
He finally opened his eyes and it all went away. His blood-soaked hands and clothes… the Outcast's dead body and face. He was back in the forge, curled up on the ground with his mentor kneeling before him, along with Toothless, both looking very concerned. Both of them could see relief yet panic on the boy's face, thoroughly confused as his body still trembled and breathing uneasy.
"Come on get up," Gobber helped his apprentice off the ground and sat him down on a nearby stool. Toothless sitting by his side. The teen didn't even need to look to see disappointment on his mentor's face. "I knew I shouldn't have let you work in here."
It took a moment for the boy to finally find his voice, "G-Gobber it was nothing-"
"Nothing? Hiccup you were practically cowering on the ground talking to something that wasn't there and you say it was nothing?!"
Hiccup cringe a bit at the chastisement he is receiving. It's bad enough that he had another episode, but worse of all someone found him like that, Gobber none the less. He just had to try and be convincing that it was nothing, yet he knew that would be a lost cause. "Gobber it really wasn't anything bad, I just cut my finger on accident."
Both of Gobber's eyes narrowed as he wasn't buying that, as he could read the boy like an open book. "I know a panic attack when it happens, and you displayed all the symptoms. This isn't a good thing Hiccup, clearly you killing that Outcast has affected you much more than you want to let on!"
Toothless grunted, almost as if it say, 'I told you so.'
"Well I-"He stopped as the blacksmith gave him one look that basically said, 'think carefully about your next words'. So, he said nothing, not even sure what could be said next would make a difference, and then braced himself for further chastisement.
Gobber saw a small bit of terror grace the boy's face and couldn't help but sigh. He knew very well that chastising the boy like this never gone well, but he couldn't help it. Being in the back and then startled hearing Hiccup's frantic voice, and equally more concerned seeing him curled up on the floor. He knew his first kill still fresh on his mind and the root cause of his panic.
He grabbed another stool and sat down, "I'm sorry, I know coming down on you like this isn't helping but Hiccup this is serious, why can't you realize this?" He leaned forward and tried to get a better grasp on what happened as the boy didn't respond. "You saw his face, didn't you? The Outcast you killed."
Hiccup only looked up at the man's face, a bit surprised even though he shouldn't. Mostly because other than his father he knew Gobber has killed as well, and right now he's just trying to help. He couldn't admit to what is happening, as it would show him being weak… although Gobber is the only human he could confine in when it comes to secrets.
There are many things the blacksmith knew that the teen didn't want anyone to know of. He trusted him with a lot of things. Gobber even saw him at his weakest, back when Snotlout and the Twins used to beat him up. He never judged him for anything and understood his plight. Maybe he could trust him not to say anything, what harm could just one person knowing, right?
He got more of a boost as Toothless nudged into his rider, almost saying to go on. Hiccup sighed once more as he petted his dragon as it helped some.
"Y-Yes, I did. I was sharpening the sword and I just heard a voice. It came out of nowhere and made me jump and cut myself. Some blood fell on the blade and…and…just the sight of it brought up the memory of last night," Hiccup explained, not everything as he might slowly work up to everything else.
"Did your father talk to you about this?" Gobber asked, wanting to be sure his friend explained everything.
"Yes, although I think I'm slowly experiencing the consequences of killing," he responded lowly, and words uneven. Shuddered from just thinking of his panic attack as he kept his eyes down. "And I don't like it."
There was a moment of eerie silence after that as Gobber heard the boy. He could hear the terror in his voice, and the tense posture his body Is in. Initially when he first came to the forge, he looked a bit uneasy but fine, but now he could clearly see that he needed help but wouldn't ask for it. "I'm going to have to tell your father about this."
"NO!" Hiccup practically shouted in alarm, which surprised Gobber. "I…I mean no Gobber, please don't tell him."
"Why?" the blacksmith asked in confusion. The lad hasn't acted like this since before meeting his dragon. There were times where he found the boy bruised and limping into the forge. He would always make up and excuse like he fell or wasn't looking where he was going. He would always keep his lips sealed, but whenever he brought up telling his father about it the boy would panic like he did now. It was like the boy was scared of his father, and the mention of it was proof. He would then tell the truth on how it was Snotlout or the Twins that ruffed him up.
More confusion swells up as to why he doesn't want his father to know about this. There was no more reason for him to be afraid of his father as the two have improved their relationship a great deal. Hiccup even went to him when he had some problems he couldn't solve. More than likely Stoick could help the boy a lot more with these issues but there is something preventing that.
"Please Gobber, just don't. I don't really want to talk about it but-"
"I think not talking about it is what caused all this," the older male responded back, making more valid points. Yet was curious as to why he didn't explain the reasoning for not telling Stoick. "Your father can help you-"
"Promise me, please," Hiccup pleaded. "Promise me you won't tell him… I will tell him but not yet."
This caused Gobber to sigh, fully knowing where this is going, "Hiccup-"
"Please!?" the boy pleaded once more with desperation. He could feel his heart racing and palms sweating from nervousness the situation had caused.
Gobber said nothing else, mulling it over in his head. Sometimes the promises made on Hiccup's part never came to fruition, it's what usually got him into more trouble. Still, he knows that the boy has a lot of trust in him. Maybe he could get the truth out of him if he chose to confide more to him… Yet this couldn't be a good idea as it could prove more damage than already it was. Yet, this problem could be solved just as easily. He would need to play along, for now. "Alright lad, I promise, but you have to tell him soon. You just can't let this problem go on and hope it resolves itself."
"Thank you… a-and I will," Hiccup looked visibly relieved as he got up and was about to go back to work. "I just need to clear my head and-"
"Oh no, you're not working here anymore, not after what I've seen," Hiccup was about to protest but Gobber beat him to it. He wanted to continue the conversation and find out why the lad is acting like this. Yet, from experience he knew he couldn't press any further, so the talk is over for now. "It's not up for negotiation, you need to get your head on straight, and it's not going to be working here."
Hiccup wanted to protest more but knew Gobber would hold firm as there would be no way to persuade him. He could be just as stubborn as his father, "Fine."
Without another word he took off his apron and put back on his vest. He headed out but stopped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Hiccup just don't be afraid to talk about this. Don't let it go on more than it already is."
The teen only nodded at that, not even looking back, as he walked out of the forge, Toothless following right behind him. Gobber watched as his apprentice got smaller and smaller and released a sigh of displeasure. He knew this is serious and that he couldn't trust Hiccup to come forward willingly. So, he would have to do something about it, something that would definitely break the trust between them.
"I'm so sorry Hiccup," Gobber whispered as he went back to work, knowing he would have to make an extra stop later.
Author's Note: Hope you like. I'm not sure if I got the reaction right, but that's what I thought of when making this chapter. Still doing my best with the reactions. Like mentioned above the next chapter will take a lot longer than usual as i'm still thinking on it. Plus I may need a small break. Don't worry it won't be like a month or anything. I'll do what I can and finish this story. Any questions, then feel free to ask. Till next time.