Author's Note: Hi there, i'm very sorry for the long wait. Been having more real life problems, financial once more sadly. Now initially this chapter wasn't really planned from the beginning. The more I went along the more I realized I may needed a bit of a build up for the next part. I hope it sets things up for what is about to come. The next chapter is a pain for me so far, still i'm trying to get it done. Enjoy.

Chapter 7: Uncertainty

"So… how has Hiccup been?" Gobber asked his friend with concern.

"Worse than he lets on," Stoick responded back in a soft, yet concerned, tone as he looked across the Great Hall, his eyes resting upon his son. Hiccup sat down at the usual table he and his friends tend to occupy. The boy's head down as he didn't participate in the ongoing conversation his friends seemed to be having, opting to just listen or not. This caused the chief to sigh heavily, fully knowing what was going on in his child's head, and to be honest it made him look like a wreck. "I'm not sure how much longer he can last."

"Then why don't you talk to him again?" Gobber spoke up, he too looking over at his apprentice and seeing what his friend saw. Head visibly shaking as he took in the lad's appearance. Face a bit pale, but not enough to be concerned. Dark circles seeming to form under his eyes as the boy looked exhausted. Trembling every now and then as well as some fidgety hands. Yet, as far as they knew no one wouldn't notice this unless they were looking for it.

"Because he's doesn't want it, Hiccup wants to handle this by himself… And I'm trying to respect that," Stoick admitted painfully, even though he knew that it was a terrible idea to begin with. After the conversation he had with his son, which happened four days ago, Stoick had told Gobber what had happened. Which included how he overheard their conversation and the boy's anger over everything.

The blacksmith was disheartened upon hearing that Hiccup couldn't trust him anymore. It didn't end there unfortunately as Hiccup seemed to be ignoring his mentor. This is was evident when the teen didn't come back to the forge after his panic attack before. Also, any other time the blacksmith saw Hiccup around he would try to approach him, but the boy would just keep walking and not say a word. Gobber couldn't help but notice a scowl on the boy's face every time they met, one that held anger as it was aimed towards his mentor. Even though he tried his best to talk to the lad Hiccup wouldn't listen at all. Gobber had to face the facts that there was no way he could help the boy anymore like he had hoped. Yet he didn't regret his actions at all.

Stoick on the other hand was completely worried about his son. Ever since he agreed to allow him to get over this problem on his own, he had kept true to his promise. It pained the chief that he could only watch as his son fell deeper into turmoil as he let things go on. Hearing him wake up screaming due to nightmares, becoming less social every time he came downstairs, and looking just plain rundown. It hurt him a lot to see Hiccup like that but knew he had to respect his son's wish, hoping this could win some trust back. He had prayed to the gods that Hiccup would come to his senses and seek him out for help. It was the only thing the father could hope for to help his son, as he didn't want Hiccup doing anything over the top as a result of his own decisions.

Stoick also couldn't help but think about all his past choices and how it affected his son. All those times looking for the dragon's nest and leaving Hiccup all alone due to it. Putting his duties as chief ahead of being a father, and making Hiccup feel as if he didn't matter. Going up against the Red Death despite being warned… which cost Hiccup his leg. They were bad choices that came with heavy consequences… hopefully the choice to leave Hiccup be wouldn't be one of those bad ones, but he's having doubts.

"I was so close… He was actually ready to tell me until-" Stoick spoke, explaining more to Gobber, and remembering how Hiccup was relaxing during their talk, only until one phrase set him off. "Until I said something wrong."

"From what you tell me I think he was looking for an excuse," Gobber explained.

"Still…I was so close…now he's suffering because of it."

"Stoick, you're going have to do something eventually," Gobber chimed in with concern. "You know how stubborn he is, he'll keep all this bottled up until it can't be contained anymore, and then we'll have a huge problem on our hands."

"He doesn't want help… well at least maybe not from us," Stoick responded back as they looked back at the table, seeing the other riders wear looks of concern as well. If he and Gobber could do anything to help Hiccup, then the chief prayed that his son's friends would do something for him. Because now that he thought about it, they were the boy's last hope.

…..

Hiccup was lost in thought as he looked down at the plate of food in front of him. Hardly anything had been touched as he wasn't feeling as hungry than when he woke. He wasn't even focused on eating as his mind was occupied with other things he didn't want to think of. Still he tried his best not to show that something is wrong. Last thing he needed is to draw even more attention onto himself.

If he had to talk with anyone he would try to put on a face and pretend nothing was going on. If anyone asked, he was doing ok, and wanted nothing more than not to think about it. If one were to take a glance, they would see he is calm and collective in appearance. Yet, it was quite the opposite as the teen was a huge mess on the inside. Now and then he would still hear the man's voice at random, making him jump with fright. Then every time he closed his eyes he would be there too with the same cold, dead expression baring into him. Every time he slept a nightmare would follow, waking him up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. His father did come check on him, but that's all he did. Never did he ask questions or demand an explanation. He was doing exactly what Hiccup wanted and leaving him to deal with it, and the teen was glad for that… partially now.

He hasn't been able to sleep properly because of the nightmares, which he couldn't get used to. His body tired to but refused to drift off as he wanted to avoid another nightmare, which would only jolt him awake. He tried his best to get by, but fatigue would eventually catch up to him, and by then he would just have to endure the nightmare that followed. He wasn't sure how much more he could take of this, hopefully it wouldn't go on for much longer as-

"Hiccup!"

The teen is jolted from his train of thought with a jump as he quickly looked around for the source of the voice. His breathing slightly increased but eased upon finding that the other riders are looking at him. "What? Did you say something?"

The voice belonged to Astrid as she and the others looked upon their leader with concern. They were talking and noticed him just staying at his plate, lost in thought. They called his name several times, but he only answered just now, with a bit of fright. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just plenty on my mind, nothing to be concerned about," Hiccup casually tried to pass off. Hopefully they would buy it, yet he didn't know that they were past trying to be tricked. Sensing something wasn't right Hiccup tried to change the subject, "So what were you trying to say?"

"We were talking about the training exercise we're going to do tomorrow," Astrid spoke up for them all, deciding to let him have this one right now.

"Training exercise?" Hiccup questioned with raised eyes. He most definitely didn't know anything about that.

"Weren't you listening?" Snotlout questioned in disbelief. "It's Astrid's turn to pick the exercise we do, and she was going over it."

"I didn't exactly say what it was," the blond Viking responded back.

"Oh, that's good, because we weren't listening either," Ruffnut responded as her brother sighed in relief as well.

"So, what are we doing exactly?" Hiccup asked for everyone, still a bit confused.

"It'll be a surprise," she smiled, as everyone groaned. "All I can tell you is that it'll be on dragon island."

"You know Astrid, for loving you the way I do, I don't love your surprises," Snotlout commented sourly, making Astrid roll her eyes.

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that," Astrid said before she continued on. "So, remember to pack essentials you need, plus any weapons just in case."

That last remark caused Hiccup's eyes to widen, luckily no one else saw it as he looked away for a moment. Ever since killing the Outcast Hiccup hasn't carried his weapon at all as he still couldn't wield it. Anytime he just looked at it flashbacks to that night would come back, and just make him even more unsettled. Now it was starting get like that with any weapon. Now he was being expected to carry one for tomorrow's training exercise. In all honesty Hiccup thought he wouldn't need it, but anything could happen, and Hiccup knew he couldn't always rely on Toothless for help. It was evident when his dragon was wrapped up in the bolas and he had to protect him. The teen didn't want to be back in that kind of situation at all, who knows what could happen this time.

"So, we all are in agreement?" Astrid then asked, luckily catching Hiccup's attention.

"Yes," they all said in unison.

"Good, because we all-" Astrid started off but stopped as Hiccup got up. "Something wrong?"

"I need some air," is all the one-legged teen said as he walked away from the table, fully knowing all eyes were on him as he exited the Great Hall.

Once their leader was gone Fishlegs sighed and looked at everyone else, looking troubled, "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Why not?" Astrid asked. "You know he's going to continue to get worse."

"Astrid's right," Snotlout genuinely agreed. "Even though Hiccup's first kill is amazing I miss having my sarcastic cousin around. Right now, he's just depressing to be around."

"And jumpy," Tuffnut added. "You can't sneak up on him without him nearly screaming.

"Either way, you all see how he looks," Astrid pointed out, which they all couldn't help but agree to. "It's only going to get worse unless we get him to talk about it. If he won't say anything to Stoick then maybe he'll confine in us. I know it's lying but it could be our only chance at helping him."

The others were quiet at this, nervous as to what could come from tomorrow. They had no idea how Hiccup would react to the truth, nor what he would do as a result. Yet, in the end, they knew she was right. Hiccup needed help and they were going to do whatever they could to help their friend.

…

Hiccup sighed in relief upon entering his home and finding it empty. It was just him and Toothless, it was all he needs right now. Walking a few steps in, he then sat down in one of the chairs near the fire. Seeing as the flames were getting low Hiccup tossed another log in it, bring life back into the brazier. Toothless sat down next to his rider, keeping both eyes on the human in concern, as a small coo leaving his mouth.

"I'm fine Toothless… just… thinking about tomorrow," Hiccup explained softly, not taking his eyes off the flames in front of him.

In all honesty the teen wasn't sure about the exercise with the other Riders. True, he was open to their suggestions for exercises as everyone got a turn on what they would do. Even Snotlout and the Twins had a voice in it. Yet, for some reason he just felt like he wasn't ready to leave the island… but he couldn't voice this concern. Especially to his friends as they might see this as fear, and there was no way he could do this. He couldn't be weak in front of them, he's the leader after all and they have to be fearless and strong. Still he didn't want this to happen at all.

In the end he knew he had to, he needed to be strong and show his friends that this kill hadn't affected him in the slightest. Besides the more he thought about it, what could go wrong? It was just an exercise on Dragon Island, nothing more. Yet, why did it feel dangerous than it let on to be?

"No, no, I'm just overthinking things, there's no way something like what happed is likely to repeat itself," Hiccup's hand went up to rub his face, his mind slowly slipping back to that night. Luckily a nudge from his dragon managed to pull him back. Sighing he petted his dragon back, "I know Toothless… I know."

Toothless warbled back in response. 'Do you?'

Almost as if he was reading his dragon's thoughts Hiccup turned to the Night Fury, "Do you think I've been unreasonable?"

Toothless tilted his head and warbled back in response, 'You've been unreasonable since the beginning.'

Hiccup scratched his dragon under the chin, smiling as he saw him lean into the scratches. "I can hardly sleep…I keep seeing him…why isn't it working? Why can't I stop thinking about it? Is there more to it? Am I supposed to do more than not thinking about it… like dad said?"

'Talk to him' Toothless cooed.

"Maybe," Hiccup softly said, turning and watching the fire once more, entranced by the dancing flames and bright colors. He had about reached the threshold on what he could endure, and worried what would happen if he was pushed too far. "Maybe after the training exercise tomorrow… I'll-I'll say something… let's see how I feel first. Either way I'm doing good so far… No more whispers, well not as much… yet maybe I can truly show them it hasn't gotten to me… but how?"

Nothing but silence followed as he had nothing to follow up with. He had no idea on how to show that his first kill still hasn't bothered him. Normally he would blame it on the tiredness he is currently feeling, mainly as it barely allowed him to sleep and made him unfocused. Yet, he couldn't make up any more excuses, there was no way that he knew of that could be done.

Toothless nudged his rider, warbling. 'I'll stand by you no matter what… just please don't let this go too far.'

Hiccup nodded as he stood up from his seat, yawning as fatigue started to take him once more. Thoughts of taking a nap came to mind yet wasn't sure if sleeping was a good idea right now. But he would need to be rested for tomorrow as he couldn't let anything slip up. Despite the nightmares that would surely plague him, he would still have to try. Heading for the stairs something caught his eye. A chair is resting against the wall, near the stairs, lying upon it is his knife. Both of his eyes widen upon seeing it, body frozen, and heart starting to race. Toothless noticed this as well, now looking up at his rider, waiting to see what he is going to do next.

Hiccup on the other hand is too lost in thought as he couldn't tear his eyes off the knife. This one tool is responsible for all of what he is going through, for making it possible to kill that Outcast. He could see no traces of blood at all on the blade, nor the handle. Yet, mentally Hiccup could still see the sticky crimson staining it. His hands started to tremble, but he reduced it by clenching his hands into fists.

He had no idea of what was going to happen the next day, fear of being attacked again plagued his mind once more. If they were ever in that situation again where Toothless was helpless, could Hiccup actually be ready to kill to save his friend again? Would he be able to? Would it be easier this time around, or more difficult? Yet this hesitation he Is currently experiencing is what could get his dragon killed. He prevented it the first time, yet could he do it again? Yet, what if it wasn't just Toothless? What if his friend's lives were on the line and it was up to him to save them? Could he do it again? This very weapon could be the answer and tool to help him.

Part of him wanted to go over and grab the weapon, but his body remained firmly footed into the ground. The scared part of him not wanting anything to do with the dagger as it's the sole reason why he's in this state. Part of his mind also told Hiccup that they will be fine, they always have been and always will be fine. It was only the nerves getting to him. Yet, he has been wrong before and most of the time they barely got out of dangerous situations alive. How many more chances could they get before their luck ran out?

"Toothless… Astrid… Fishlegs… Snotlout… Ruffnut… Tuffnut…" Hiccup softly said out loud, which caught the attention of his dragon, who looked up in confusion. He wondered what is going on in the boy's head, but from what he could tell it couldn't be good, especially as he continued. "Hookfang… Stormfly… Meatlug… Barf… Belch."

Hiccup then moved towards the chair; a trembling hand reached out towards the weapon. The closer he got the more violently the limb shook, yet he paused mere inches away. His eyes closed suddenly, but then he saw himself stabbing the Outcast repeatedly, prompting him to open his eyes once more. Part of him said to just grab the knife as it was harmless, yet another part tried to refrain from it. Hiccup had no idea which is right or wrong right was now, so he needed to make a choice. In the end, he did.

Pulling his hand back he looked down on the limb, seeing the knife being held. His hand still trembled upon holding it, but he managed to continue holding onto it. The fear that the weapon had implanted him with is still there, but for some reason it slowly diminished. As the seconds went by his hand trembled less, yet it still shook some. Hiccup knew that despite how he felt about the weapon, he will need it. To protect his friends…and maybe show that he's still the same Hiccup they know. Carrying a weapon again could be the first step towards it.

Sighing heavily, he then placed the dagger onto his belt, decision made to carry it once more. Toothless raised his eyes in surprise, not expecting his rider to do this. 'are you sure?' he warbled.

"I will do what I can to keep my friends safe… to keep you safe, bud," Hiccup said as he looked at his dragon. He gave a sincere look, one that said that he wouldn't fail, yet is still laced with fear and doubt. "I'll show them when it comes down to it that I can protect them… that the kill won't affect me. I won't show fear… I won't show weakness… that is the Viking way."

With that Hiccup heads for the stairs, going up to his loft. Toothless remained behind for a moment, shocked at what the boy said. A moment later he followed him upstairs as well, part of him worried that somehow what was said would come to fruition.

Author's Note: Hope you like. Honestly I think this may have been warranted. For a while Hiccup has been afraid to pick up his knife again, but now that something important that is going to happen he needs to. Want to say more but I can't as it would be a spoiler.

I'm trying really hard to get these done but real life getting in the way, plus the next chapter has been really hard to do, i'm still trying to get it down at the moment, so sadly don't expect it to be posted anytime soon. Thank you all that are sticking by me. Tell me what you think. Till Next time.