After she found out what Harvey tried to pull through with Stu she understood that they had hit their lowest point. She knew that she deserved to stay at the firm because she worked all her life to become COO and also because that was her home but she didn't feel at home anymore. That same night she sat at her desk and wrote her resignation letter, when she was done she discovered that, luckily, he wasn't at the firm anymore so she just placed the piece of paper on his desk, walked through the familiar hallways one last time, with her eyes full of tears, and then took a cab.
Now she is sitting on her couch wrapped around two blankets that aren't helping her sense of coldness, the expensive dress she had worn all day already switched to a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt, that sweatshirt, the Harvard one he lent her the one night she poured some wine over her blouse. She used to wear his sweatshirt whenever she was in a bad mood because it was warm and comfy and still had a faded scent of him.
She starts feeling so ridiculous thinking about the fact that, even though he chose another woman over her, she was still there wearing one of his clothes nursing her heartache with wine and Chunkey Monkey.
Deep down she has always thought that sooner or later they would have got they happy ending, because when she envisioned her future the only thing she could see was him, as her husband or the father of her children. To her he was her soulmate but visibly for him wasn't the same.
She stops pitying herself because after all she was still Donna and she was still awesome; for her well being she starts thinking about beginning a new life far away from this city that held some of the best but also some the worst and most heartbreaking memories of her life. The first thing that comes to her mind is Seattle, she knows that Mike and Rachel are going to move there after the wedding and so she makes a mental note to start the conversation with them as soon as possible 'maybe I could help them starting off with their new clinic' she thinks. Being the perfectionist she is, she thinks that, in order to have a fresh start, she needs to end in every way possible this chapter of her life for good; that concerned also cutting once and for all Harvey out of her life, the hardest thing for her to do as she always thought of him as a part of her. Not long ago she read that to wrap up and put an end to a situation in your life you have to write down everything you feel, every emotion, every memory, everything, put it all in perspective and never read it again, so she decides to take a notepad and a pen and write a letter to her once best friend, her forever soulmate.
Dear Harvey,
It's crazy for me to think about the fact that I'm writing a letter that you'll never read, no one will ever read it being honest, luckily because I'll put down everything, tonight I'm closing this circle I'm willing to move on. I feel is time for me to live 100% my life, I don't fell like I've been living at my fullest these years even if I achieved so many goals and created memories for a lifetime. I regret putting you and the firm over myself probably too many times and I'm also starting to regret waiting for you and thinking that we could be something. I always thought that we had this strong connection that was above and beyond everything and everyone, that every brief love interest we both had would lead us together but it wasn't the case. I'm not accusing you of not caring about me, I know you do, but the problem here is that I love you, I'm in love with you and you are in love with someone else. You see me as your once secretary, now COO, your friend and I tried to accept it without being too bothered but I can't. So I decided to move on, just like you did with Paula, and in order to do so I have to leave, I always wanted and always will want your happiness but it can't affect my own, I can't permit it. Thank you for all the happy memories, the goals we achieved together, the breakfast dates, the anniversaries at Del Posto, the late night drinks at the office, the god awful diner party, the other time and also that one last kiss that made me feel everything but that broke us completely, the kiss that just confirmed me that I'm madly in love with you.
I've always thought of you as a part of me, a piece of my heart, the only person I couldn't seem how to cut out of me...guess I'll have to figure out how to do it.
I will probably always love you even thousands of miles away from here and from you, I wish you all the happiness of the world because you deserve it.
Forever yours.
Writing down the words made Donna do the most painful trip down to memory lane; she starts crying and sobbing uncontrollably, she is so tired and overwhelmed by the pain that she falls asleep on the couch with the letter on the coffee table, the tub of Chunkey Monkey on one side and the empty glass of wine on the other.
The first thing he sees when he enters his office is the white paper, he recognises immediately her handwriting and right after that he understands that the paper is a resignation letter; she resigned. She left without saying anything to him. He had lost her. His worst nightmare is happening. He couldn't believe it, deep down he knows he has fucked up pretty badly with Donna but he never thought it could end up like this, both her days at the firm and most of all them. Their never ending relationship which has never been a real relationship, was over. As much as that letter is a resignation from her working position, he knows the gesture Donna made is a step back to whatever the two of them had and he couldn't stand loosing her for good, not just after he found the strength to admit to himself that what Mike told him the other night was right. The kiss he shared with Donna made him realise that Paula isn't the one because Donna is, because after all he wasn't blind; Donna has always been his compass, his voice of reason, his best friend and the only woman he could love. After gathering the letter and all his other stuff he decided to end this once and for all. He had made his decision and he was going to deal with the consequences of it tonight.
He goes first to Paula's, he has to end this toxic relationship, he understood how twisted and wrong this affair was just after the kiss...Paula was a lame replacement for Donna who, in his eyes, has always been too perfect for him. Being after all an intelligent person, Paula understands quickly how that visit is going to end. She saw a change in him after one late night at the firm and that's why she made the bold move to made him choose between her and Donna. She had to risk it all because she couldn't stand anymore being the third person in her relationship. Paula deep down always knew that in Harvey's heart there has always and only been Donna so she let him go. They wish mutually all the best and then he leaves, running faster than he ever thought he could to finally get the girl of his life, praying that it isn't too late.
He starts calling Donna on the phone like crazy but she wouldn't answer, so he decides to go to her place. The doorman lets him in easily due to the fact that he knew him, once he's in the elevator it takes forever to reach the 12th floor but then there he is, outside the apartment 206 so scary yet familiar. He tries to knock multiple times without getting any answer, he starts to get worried because Javier assured him that Donna was home. He goes back downstairs and asks the guy for a spear key; knowing who he was, the doorman gives the key to him with no doubt and so in a couple of minutes he is inside her apartment.
Everything seems just as he remembers and as he enters in her living room he sees her asleep, curled up on her couch pale and seemingly weak. He had never seen her like this, even in her worst days he could always feel her fire, now he couldn't feel anything. That sight builds up even more the sense of guilt he feels because he knows it's all his fault. Seeing her like this makes him want to take her in his arms and hug her so bad but, at the same time, he doesn't want to wake her. The notepad takes immediately his attention and, although he knows it's none of his business, he finds himself willing to read what seems to be a letter, also because at the top of the page he sees his name. He takes advantage of the fact that Donna seems to be sleeping tightly and starts reading the paper. As he goes through word after word he feels worse, she is hurt and doesn't deserve it. What really hits him is that, even though he had hurt her, she still is in love with him the same way he has secretly been since the day they met at that bar years ago. Suddenly he hears her move and as soon as she sees him she starts screaming, scared of the unknown presence in her living room. When she realises who the person is she just would like to cry, or run as far away as possible. She never felt so exposed around him.
"Why are you here? There's nothing left to say, as you have read, by the letter you shouldn't have read, I'm done, I wish you all the best but please now leave." She looks and sounds exhausted by everything. "I'm not going anywhere." Harvey answers, "And why is that?" She really wants to see if he's finally ready for the next step and whilst she's still lost in her thoughts he starts speaking "Because now that I know that you want to leave me and the firm, I'm going to tell you what i hadn't have the courage to say to you since the moment I met you." Once she hears the first words that comes out of his mouth she's already pissed. He's opening his heart to her just because he's afraid of losing her, he knows he's her weak point and he's using it to make her stay. "Save it Harvey, you made your choice, I made mine. For once I chose myself, there's nothing else to say. There's nothing you can do to change it, you can't come here wearing your heart on your sleeve now." She really couldn't bear anymore him and the whole situation.
"Fine, I totally accept your decision but I'm here to say something, it's really difficult for me so please let me finish then it will be up to you if I'm leaving or if I'm staying. I love you Donna Paulsen, I'm in love with you and I don't want to hide it or run away anymore. After our kiss I realised that I've always loved you, I've always been in love with you, to me you've never just been my COO, or my ex secretary, you are my compass, my voice of reason, my best friend and most of all the woman I want to spend my life with." She's fuming and interrupts him anyways, "But still you made everything in your power to make me leave the firm just because she asked you to. You should definitely clear your mind, you're not thinking straight." He understands her, it's all too sudden but he really doesn't want to hide himself anymore, "I know I hurt you, I'm sorry I've been an ass but overall I'm not the only one to blame Miss 'I didn't feel anything when I kiss you'. As I read, it's the complete opposite." She feels so exposed and vulnerable she can't cope, "But that doesn't change a thing and we both know it too well." She still isn't aware of what happened earlier tonight "That changes everything, that kiss has changed everything and we both know it." She can't believe he's pushing so much this situation between them when he is still with another person, "Harvey just stop push it okay, you have your girlfriend and I'm going to leave in order for you both to have your happy ending."
Harvey can't take it anymore, realising how near they are to each other, he decides to act on instinct alone; in a second he grabs Donna by the waist and whispers near her lips "Paula is not my girlfriend and you are not going anywhere" and without leaving her time to reply he erases the distance between them and kisses her. He kisses her as deeply as he possibly can, he wants to make her feel how he feels, he wants her to understand that they're happening, that they're finally real. At first she remains still, both because she wasn't expecting that at all and also because her head is telling her it's so wrong. But in the end, when it came to Harvey she has always act on her heart and so she melts in the kiss. They start making out heavily, unable to separate themselves once they've found each other, falling on the sofa without pulling apart.
They separate just when they need air and then they stand with their foreheads pressed together and their eyes locked making a whole conversation on their own. Harvey breaks the silence: "I don't think this is your sweatshirt Miss Paulsen" she gets immediately the funny and flirty interaction, "Oh yeah I know but it's too comfy and I don't have the intention to give it back to its owner anytime soon" His grin grows even bigger "Really?" She just simply nods, biting her bottom lip to repress the smile that is spreading on her face. This situation is unreal, it feels too good to be true for both of them. At the sight of Donna being this happy Harvey can't contain himself and he hugs her tightly, also because he wants to be reassured that this isn't just a dream "This is the beginning of everything you know? Now I understand what you wanted to say when you told me we didn't have everything, now we have it" She stares into his eyes and says "Actually I prefer to think about this as the begging of a new chapter of our history, I don't want to erase the past because it's what brought us here." "You're right, as always" "I'm Donna" "I so know how Donna you are Paulsen and for this reason I'd like to see how my sweatshirt would look on your bedroom floor. What do you say?" "I don't mind if you do Specter." And after taking his hand in hers she start walking towards her bedroom with the biggest grin on her face.
...and so the chapter of Donna and Harvey begins
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Hello everybody! Sooo I thought a lot about publishing this story mostly bc english is not my first language so I didn't know how this would turn out. I know it's probably one of the worst fan fiction on this site but there can't be just amazing one, right? Anyways I hope you enjoyed it! If you want to follow me on twitter I'm /sofixtrash