It's the Heart That Really Matters
It had been many years since Leia cared for Ben when he was sick as a child, though it did not surprise her that her mothering instincts remained active and fully functioning. She was a rather caring person by nature, after all. Fiery and stubborn, yes, but caring. Her own child may have left the nest long ago, but her nest had never really been empty, had it? Though Leia would not admit it aloud herself, it was plainly obvious to everyone around her that she made a habit of taking the younger Resistance members under her wing, and caring for them as if they were her own children.
This was especially true in the cases of Poe and Rey. Poe, her protégé, who drove her crazy most of the time with his hotshot, fly-boy antics, but whom she cared for deeply. Rey, who was now her student, though Leia had taken to the girl the moment she met her on D'Qar. She immediately felt a powerful connection with the girl through the Force, and she could feel their bond growing stronger each day, like new threads interweaving to form an unbreakable chord. There was something more she knew about Rey though, something even Rey herself was unaware of. She knew the time would come for that truth to rear its ugly head, and she desperately wanted for Rey to feel that she belonged here, with her, with the Resistance, and that she had a family, regardless of blood.
Leia moved to sit on the edge of Poe's bed and carefully placed the small, round vessel of water on the bedside table. He and Rey had both fallen ill upon returning from their latest mission. Finn, their closest companion, had not shared the same misfortune and instead returned in perfect health (presumably something to do with the First Order's extensive vaccination program).
Kalonia had instructed Poe and Rey to rest and insisted they remain confined to a shared quarters on-board the Tantive IV, rather than the med-bay, so as to avoid spreading the illness to any of her injured patients, or anyone else on the base. With such few Resistance members, they simply could not afford to have the majority of their crew laid up in bed for a week. Perhaps it would have been more logical for Leia to keep her distance too, being of vulnerable health and all, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It just wasn't her way.
She dipped a cloth into the water, wrung out the excess, and began gently pressing the cloth against Poe's face and neck. He stirred almost immediately, opening his eyes slowly as if the simple motion pained him.
"General?" he rasped, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Yes, Dameron," Leia said in reply, without stopping her fever-soothing efforts. "It's me."
Poe turned his head and looked across the room, then cleared his throat. "How's Rey doing?" he asked, his voice sounding slightly stronger and clearer now, and full of concern. "Is she alright?"
Leia turned her head to glance at Rey. The young woman looked significantly paler than normal. She lay curled up on her side, shivering, with the bedsheet pulled up to her chin. Her brow was creased in an expression of pain and discomfort (Leia could feel it) and, judging by the blanket lying half on the floor, she had been sleeping fitfully, tossing and turning.
"She's okay," Leia assured Poe. "Sleeping. I think she may be faring a bit worse than you though."
Poe nodded. "I think the fever is giving her nightmares," he said. "She keeps mumbling and calling out in her sleep. I dragged myself over there before and woke her up to bring her out of it, and she hit me. Won't be doing that again."
Leia laughed lightly. Rey and Poe were both rather entropic individuals in their own right, but when they were together, the chaos often doubled, especially if Finn wasn't around to balance them out. The pair could effortlessly transition from bickering like siblings, to cooking up some harebrained scheme, to rough-housing playfully, to having a full-blown dispute, to displaying genuine friendly affection for one another, all within the space of an hour. It seemed even being bedridden with an unidentified virus was not enough to put a stop to that.
Poe sighed and ran a hand over his face and through his sweat soaked curls. "I think if I sleep this off tonight, I should be alright to resume my duties tomorrow."
Of course you'd think that, Dameron, Leia thought, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. Can't take a rest day if your life depended on it. Always got to be the hero. She raised an eyebrow, shooting the commander a disapproving look. "If you believe that, you're more delirious than I thought."
Poe's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak, but said nothing, evidently too weak and tired to conjure up one of his usual witty, smug remarks.
Leia wet the folded cloth one more time and draped it across Poe's forehead. "Get some sleep, Dameron," she ordered gently. "You need it."
Leaving Poe to sleep, she made her way over to Rey's bed. The young woman lay curled up, pale and shivering, incoherent mumbles escaping her lips as she shifted uncomfortably in her sleep. Leia dipped the new cloth into the water and tenderly pressed it to Rey's forehead.
Rey groaned and opened her eyes slowly. She stared wearily at Leia, seeming dazed and confused. Leia couldn't help but wonder if the confusion was from the fever, or the fact that the poor girl probably couldn't remember ever being cared for while she was sick. It was highly likely that, to Rey, the concept of someone sitting at her bedside, comforting her and caring for her through her misery, was completely foreign. Leia's heart ached at the thought.
"Leia?" Rey mumbled weakly.
Leia nodded. She traced the cloth down the side of Rey's face and rested it against her cheek. "How are you feeling?"
Rey turned her head slightly, leaning into the coolness of the damp cloth. "Terrible," she groaned.
"Kalonia says it shouldn't last longer than a week," Leia assured her. "She thinks you should start to feel better in a couple of days." She felt the cloth warming as the heat from Rey's skin radiated through it. She's far too warm, Leia worried as she lay a bare hand against Rey's burning forehead and made a mental note to insist Kalonia check the girl's temperature again. She dipped the cloth back into the water to re-cool it. "How's Poe as a roommate?" she asked, laying the cloth gently across Rey's forehead.
"He's alright," Rey replied. "He keeps asking me if I'm okay." She paused for a moment and frowned. "He woke me up before... I think I hit him." She glanced up at Leia, a hint of a smile on her face. "Don't worry, I'll apologise later," she assured her. "He also snores."
"He's sick, so I think we'll have to forgive him for that," Leia answered, laughter rising in her voice.
Rey smiled, but her smile quickly faded to a pained grimace. She screwed her eyes shut and groaned. Tears flowed from the corners of her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.
Leia felt the surge of pain through the Force, like a sudden gripping on her heart. It startled her for a moment, but she quickly turned her attention back to Rey.
"What's wrong?" she asked, stroking the girl's hair gently.
"My head hurts," Rey answered through tears and clenched teeth. "Bad."
"I'll see if Kalonia can give you something for the pain," Leia told her. The Resistance was short on supplies of all sorts, medical supplies included, but she couldn't bear the thought of leaving Rey to suffer in pain. How was the poor girl supposed to sleep and rest with a constant, agonising headache? Yes, the painkillers were stocked primarily for patients with serious injuries, but surely they could spare a small dosage on a less desperate case.
She continued to stroke Rey's hair in an attempt to comfort her. She focussed all her calming energy into the touch, hoping it would be enough to lessen the young woman's pain, even slightly.
After a minute or two, Rey's contorted expression softened and her body relaxed. She began to breathe calmly, her chest rising and falling at an even rate.
"Leia?" she murmured, her eyelids fluttering as she fought sleep for a moment more.
"Yes?" Leia whispered back.
Rey peered at her through half-closed eyes, her sleepy gaze filled with adoration. "You're a good mother," she said softly, before closing her eyes and allowing sleep to carry her off into a peaceful, restful darkness.
Tears sprang to Leia's eyes and a warmth swelled in her chest. Rey's words were not words she had expected to hear, and she wasn't entirely sure she believed them. When your son turned to the dark side and killed countless innocent people, "good mother" seemed like a title long lost and irreclaimable.
Leia knew she had made mistakes. Plenty of them. Sometimes they haunted her, like dark shadows in the back of her mind. Regret lay rooted deep in her heart, but she never allowed it to grow freely of its own accord. The past could not be changed; she knew that. And even if it could, some things would always remain out of her control.
She might not be the galaxy's best mother, but she never stopped caring. Not about Ben, or Rey, or Poe, or the rest of her loyal Resistance comrades, or any other poor soul she encountered in need of help. It was just the way she was. Her heart had never tolerated watching suffering or injustice well. It always burned, and leaped, and spurred her to action. It drew her to the Rebellion and the Resistance. It prompted her to mentor Poe, and ached as she watched him grieve his mistakes. It embraced Rey with open arms and offered her a new home, one filled with love and care and belonging. It even pulsed with the faintest, yet surest of hope that someday, somehow, Ben would return to her.
Did that make her a good mother?
Bowl of water in hand, Leia rose to her feet and walked quietly over to the door. Her hand hovered over the door's control panel, but a tugging feeling in her chest prompted her to turn around and steal one more glance at the two sick, sleeping figures in their beds. She smiled.
Good mother or not, nothing could stop her from loving her children.