More than Sex
Time to revisit this world. This one was interesting because at the end of my first draft, it didn't have an actual sex scene in it. But, since that would have been false advertising, I had to fix it. Enjoy, follow, review – all that jazz.
Sex was an adventure, but it wasn't everything. And, I was kind of hoping that we were at the part of the adventure where things have to go badly just so that they can be really good at the end. We'd tried to have sex three times since the night of the blindfold. And all three of them had sucked. And not in the good way….
The first time, I started the evening off by trying to show him how flexible I was. I'd stripped slowly and gotten so turned on by the look of hunger in his eyes while he watched. I started bending and moving, trying to be all sinuous and sexy. Then I walked up to him, unbuttoned his pants, pulled out his cock, and asked him if he was ready. His inability to speak told me that he was. So, I dropped down into the splits and pulled him into my mouth.
OK. That was the plan. The floor was kind of slippery and I still had my stockings on. At first, my legs slowly slid apart. I was in control. Then one foot slipped and I plummeted the rest of the way into the splits. Instead of pulling Dave's dick into my mouth, I pretty much rolled onto my side and whimpered. I mean, it wasn't really a Hit Girl kind of thing to do, but, seriously, that really fucking hurt. After that, Dave got me some ice and we cuddled some, but the mood was basically ruined.
The second time, we'd been talking on the phone a lot, done a bit of sexting, and then about 15 minutes before he arrived, my period started. Dave was a little taken aback when I told him but then said that he didn't mind. I just told him 'yuck' and to fuck off. Well, not before he found my heating pad. The cramps were kicking in pretty damn quick.
Then last night everything seemed perfect. Girly problems done. Muscles stretched and ready. I'd really been missing his touch (and the orgasms it brought) and I was ready to go. But things just went wrong. I couldn't quite cum when he was touching and licking me. I mean, it just sat right out of reach and fucking taunted me. I reached for it so hard but just couldn't get there. Finally, I told him to stop and he went on this whole 'male bruised ego' thing about not being able to make me cum. I mean, I didn't get the orgasm; if anyone was supposed to be upset it was me. He kept apologizing and asking me what he'd done wrong, as if I had the slightest clue why things hadn't worked. Finally, I decided to blow him to shut him up. It left me feeling vaguely dirty. I mean it wasn't like before when I'd delighted in his every movement and groan. I just wanted him to cum so I could stop. He must have picked up my mood because he pulled my head out of his lap after a few minutes. We just sat together and sighed for a while. We didn't talk. Finally, he got up to leave. At the door, I looked into his eyes and saw so many unsaid words that I had to look away. And when he kissed me goodbye, I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see him. He texted but didn't call the next day.
What the hell was wrong with me? I wanted to ask another girl about it, but, really, I don't have that many friends. I went online but after six attempts at finding a non-skeezy chat room, I gave up. Dave called late that night. I didn't have the heart to answer the phone so he had to leave a voicemail. All he said in it was that we needed to talk and that he was coming over tomorrow. I just stared at the phone and then dropped it to bounce on the couch. It was over. He just hadn't pulled the trigger yet.
I was pissed. And I didn't know who or what I was mad at. I was furious that something so wonderful could just go to shit. I didn't know if he was an asshole or if I was a cold heartless bitch. I didn't know why I couldn't reach orgasm the other night or why even the thought of sex no longer excited me. I went to bed and stared at the darkness.
The next morning, I made cookies. Snickerdoodles. Why, you ask? Because I fucking love them and I had a feeling I was going to need something to make me feel better. Plus, I like the name. Snickerdoodle. It's fun to say. And it's difficult to say and cry at the same time.
Dave showed up around 1 PM. I let him in, handed him the plate of cookies and the milk that I'd gotten ready for him, and guided him to the table. Only three cookies were on his plate. The rest of them were mine.
We sat and stared at one another. I stole a cookie off of his plate and ate it. We sat some more. He drank some milk.
"Fuck it." I said. "No one is fucking dumping me, OK? I mean, we weren't exactly going out, but still… We're just going to agree that this didn't work and move on."
He blinked. "What?" he said, clearly confused.
"That's what this is about, right? It's over. Let's just be adults and admit it." I sighed and wished he would leave so I could go get the rest of the cookies.
His expression moved to incredulous. "I'm not admitting shit. Stop trying to put words in my mouth."
"Fine. Just say things they way you want to say them and then get the fuck out." I took the other two cookies off of his plate and started eating one of them. Assholes don't get cookies. Cinnamon and sugar goodness helped to keep me from tearing up.
"I wanted to apologize about the other night. I'm sorry that I just left. It was a really shitty thing to do." He looked sincere, which made me feel even worse.
"Yeah, well, what else was there to do? It saved me kicking you out." I couldn't look at him.
"You were that mad?" he asked.
I interrupted. "Mad? I wasn't mad. I'd have kicked your ass if I was mad. I… I wouldn't have really kicked you out. I just didn't know what to do."
Then out of nowhere, he said. "Look, can we go for a walk?"
"What?" I stared at him.
"A walk." He said. Then he went on. "Outside. Get some air?"
"Sure." I said, trying to figure out what the game was. "I'll just get my coat."
So, we went outside and we walked. After a little while of us just walking next to each other, he reached out and grabbed my hand. I let him, and once he had a hold of me, I didn't want him to let go. We didn't talk. A little while longer, and he pulled his hand out of mine. My heart spasmed in panic but then I realized he was doing it so that he could put his arm around me instead. I let him; I figured I'd take whatever I could get at this point. I leaned my head against his shoulder.
Then, he stopped and pulled me in front of him. I stared at his eyes; they were full of unknown words again. I tried to turn away but he lightly grabbed my chin and held it so that I looked at him. .
"I love you." He said. Three little magic words and, somehow, the world was different. He stroked my cheek. My mouth went dry. I can't believe the cliché thing that I said next.
"You do?" My voice waved a bit and I tried to swallow. He nodded. I smiled. "Good." I replied. We went back to walking, but now we'd stop to kiss every once in a while. The little knot of worry inside of me let go a little bit with every kiss.
I steered us back toward the safe house. We walked up the stairs, down the hallway, and then went inside. He seemed unsure of what to do. "I need you. Please." I said, and pulled him into the bedroom.
We undressed quietly and climbed into bed. I thought about spooning with him, but I didn't want to get stuck in comfort land. So, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed into him, chest to chest. The pressure on my breasts as he pulled me in for a kiss was overwhelming. My nipples hardened as they rubbed against him. But, really, I just focused on the kiss. It was very slow, and very deliberate. Very balanced. We were kissing each other; there was no fighting back and forth for dominance. I felt like I was slowly filling up with sunshine. Limb by limb, muscle by muscle, my body just came alive. And each time that I thought I was full, I discovered a new capacity, a new emptiness that the sunshine was waiting to fill. I finally broke the kiss and stared into those wonderful eyes that I'd been trying to avoid. "I love you too." I said, and then got to watch the joy spread across his face. "And I want you . Now. Please?"
"Are you sure?" He asked, so gently that if I'd actually had any doubts, this would have dispelled them.
I nodded, and we went back to kissing. We were kissing each other's necks now, not frantically, but with a definite need. His hands moved up and down me, tweaking my nipples, stroking my side, gripping my ass and pulling it against his cock. His very hard, poky cock that was even leaking a bit as it rubbed against my pubic hair. He started to kiss down my body, obviously planning on putting his amazing tongue to work between my legs. But I didn't want that. I grabbed his head.
"No. Not that." He tried to speak but I didn't give him a chance. "Not right now. I want this." I said, and slipped my hand between us grab onto his dick. "Inside me. " One more look into my eyes convinced him not to ask any more questions. Well, that or my thumb rubbing the precum over the head of his cock. Regardless of why, he moved into position and started to push inside of me. I wasn't all that wet yet, so each push only made it in a little bit farther. He was the perfect mix of gentle and determination. With each thrust, I opened up more and my pussy got ready for him. I felt every ridge, every bump. I swear I could even feel the vein along the top of his dick pulsing in time with his heartbeat. When our pubic hair finally met, I whispered into his ear. "Now, I want you to go, and I want you to push as hard and deep as you can. I don't want you to worry about making me cum. I don't want you to worry about lasting long enough. I want you to let go. I don't want you to think about anything other than the fact that you're inside me. Because that's all that I will be thinking about. OK?"
He nodded and pulling out slightly, he pounded back in, deep, hard. My legs were pushed wider by his thrust. "Yes!" I said. "Just like that! Fuck me!" Stoke by deliberate stroke, he filled me. I cried out and pulled him deeper, grabbing his ass and pulling him in as if my life depended on it. Faster and faster it built, pure need overwhelming us both. Finally, he pushed home and shuddered. He pulsed and came. He collapsed onto me and I delighted in his weight. I felt his frantic heart beat and every trembling breath.
"Did you cum?" He asked.
Oh man, not this shit again. "No. But that was amazing, so shut the fuck up about it. I don't have to cum every time. As long as we're together, it's wonderful." Being taken like that had satisfied me in a completely different way than an orgasm did. Instead of losing myself in that build of sensations that orgasms brought, I had lost myself in being together. It wasn't better than an orgasm, but it was wonderful all by itself.
He tried to pull out of me but I stopped him. I didn't want this to stop. I didn't want to lose this connection. So he relaxed against me and I kept moving some below him, squeezing to feel him better inside. He didn't shrink. I pushed against him some more. Nope, he definitely was not shrinking. I got an idea. "Roll over" I said, pushing my body against him so he wouldn't have any doubt as to what I wanted.
We rolled together and soon I was sitting atop him, his cock still filling me nicely. I looked down at him. "I don't know if this will work, but, whatever happens happens. I won't be sad or disappointed, so you don't get to be either." I started to move up and down, pausing to grind my clit into his body between strokes. It felt amazing, pushing against parts of me that he'd never touched before. I didn't figure that it would last for very long since he'd just cum so hard, but I didn't worry about that. I just enjoyed every moment. And amazingly, he stayed hard. Looking me in the eyes, he slid his hands up to cup my breasts, my nipples between his fingers. I grabbed his hands and pressed them into me, reaching that perfect amount of pressure, the point right before it became pain. I started to move a bit faster and he looked into my eyes. "Do to me what I did to you." He said.
"Do what?" I replied
"Let go. Feel. Don't worry about details. Push me as hard and deep as you can inside of you. Or, as you said, fuck me."
I closed my eyes and started to ride him, rocking forward and back, scraping against him. He lightly ran his finger nails up and down my sides and thighs as I moved against him. A different, slower, deeper pressure began to build within me. Being in control, being on top like this… Oh shit, I don't know how to describe it except to say that I loved it. I kept going; each time that I moved up, there was this deliciously naughty squelchy kind of noise and each time that I slammed down onto him there was this satisfying smack sound. Instead of being embarrassed, I just reveled in it.
That deep pressure began to build more and more. Need and want mixed together as I pushed him harder and faster inside of me. Then, I lost my balance a little and his dick hit a new place inside of me. It was like liquid gold. "Yes!" I cried out. "Yes yes yes…" I pounded down on it three more times and then couldn't handle it any more. I let go. At the same moment that I orgasmed, every bit of stress, every bit of worry, every feeling of inadequacy, every belief that I might not be good enough – all of it came loose at once and I think I screamed. Every muscle just locked for what seemed like forever, then they all let go and once and I collapsed onto Dave.
And then I wept without shame. I seem to do this a lot. The emotional release was beyond anything I'd ever experienced and the only outlet that it could find was tears. Dave held me and stroked my hair, trying to sooth me. He was worried until I managed to explain through the sobs that I was OK, that I loved him, that I was just overwhelmed, that they were happy tears. Then he relaxed and went back to soothing me.
A brief worry fought its way through my tears. "Umm – did you, like, cum, when I…."
"No." He smiled.
"Do you want me to…" I stopped because I was at a loss. I tried imaging what on earth I would be able to do at this point to get him off. My muscles were shot. I was a wreck.
The bastard actually laughed at me. "No. I don't want you to do a thing. 'I' don't have to come every time either. But that was the most amazing and sexiest thing I've ever seen. Thank you for sharing it with me. I love you." He grinned like an idiot at me.
I looked at him with every bit of innocence that I could find. Then I dug deep inside myself for strength, and replied "I love you too" right before my pillow hit him square in the face.
"Ow." He said, muffled by the pillow.
"Now go be useful and go get the snickerdoodles." I ordered.
"Only if I get some too." He replied, still amused despite my feathered attack.
I looked him up and down as he climbed out of bed. "You can have four."
He left the room and then I heard his voice from the kitchen. "Only four? You made like 3 dozen cookies."
I shouted back. "You've earned four so far. I'm sure if you want more, you'll find ways to earn them."