Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is just for fun.
Disclaimer2: I do not own Grosse Pointe Blank. This is just for fun.
Disclaimer3: I do not own Halo. Either.
"Speech"
'Thought'
A/N: None of these stories have been beta'd so all errors are mine.
Beep...Beep...Beep
'I really need to stop eating pizza before bed...Hah, like that will ever happen. Still that was one fucked up dream.'
Sniff
'Well now that I think about it, taking on a Slayer, even a pain in the ass like Kennedy in an all-out fight is funny.'
Sniff 'Disinfectant?'
Sniff 'Hospital? Oh crap I'm in a hospital, I got my ass kicked!'
Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep
"Sounds like he's waking up, back away from the bed, remember what she told us, keep clear and call as soon as he conscious." A male voice filters into his thoughts.
Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep
'I don't know that voice and that didn't sound good. Damn, kidnapped again, is it Tuesday? OK, calm down and play possum for a bit and take stock of the situation.'
Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep
"Hmm, looks like he's not quite out of the woods yet. Seems to be falling back under. Still call and give her an update please, I'll check his vitals."
'Damn, gonna have to thank John for that meditation technique...Oh crap, if I got an update I really hope John and Martin didn't get the same or they will kill me, wait... They aren't real, well I hope they aren't, and just echoes of the Halloween spell following a logical extrapolation of experiences over time...rriiiiight cause chaos and logic go really well togeth... Gaahh stop lollygagging and concentrate. And did I just use extrapolate in a sentence? Gaahh.. Focus. OK, at least two people in the room, reporting to a third. Nothing feels broken, can't test motion yet but I feel exhausted. Slight pinch in the arm. IV? I'm awake, so no sedatives. Muscles hurt a bit, so not much in the way of pain killers if any. 'Sniff' Three scents, so maybe one other somewhere. No straps, that's good for me bad for them. Now I just need to get a look around when he steps away, hopefully they won't notice. What the hell happened? How did I get here, wherever here is? Lemme see, I got to the Cleveland House in the morning, tired but wired. Said hi to everyone, tried to spend time with Buffy, Willow and Giles. That didn't work out too well they were all busy doing something important, it's not like they haven't seen me in almost a year, no big right?. Caught up a bit with Faith. Visited with Dana. Checked out the new rigorous extra tough slayer training regimen Buffy set up. Yeah not seeing it haha my girls would just laugh at me and thank me for a vacation day if I did that back at the compound and then have me committed for losing my mind. Then a normal vs slayer spar with Kennedy to work out the kinks and burn off some of the restless energy and... Oh shit. That might have been real. I need to check my potions as soon as I can and figure out what the hell went wrong with it. Oh lookie lookie umm hearie hearie he's moving away.' Barely opening his eye 'Ack, bright light!, sight?, check. Medical equipment, IV, plastic lining umm I really hope it's not to keep blood off the walls. Ok, stop thinking serial killer, they wouldn't have medical equipment if blood splatter is on the menu, right?...Someone's coming back.'
Footsteps getting closer to the bed and voices close by, possibly just outside the plastic. Female voices.
"Well? Is he awake or not?" One of the ladies called out.
"Heart monitor picked up an increase in heart rate like he was waking then it dropped back down, I'm guessing he's still exhausted and not ready to wake yet..." Male voice near the bed calls out.
"Fuuuck!"
Exploding from the bed Xander lunged for the person nearest the bed, the male. Grabbing his arm and twisting it around and putting his other around his neck in a choke hold.
"Who the hell are you and what are you doing to me?"
"Honey? We got a problem." Wheezing a reply.
"Uhhh"
"Let me guess, he was faking it and got the drop on your husband?"
Xander listened till the footsteps were next to the bed, when he moved, a man was near the bed he put him in a choke hold. Looking around he saw a woman on the phone just outside the plastic room walking up with the speaker phone on. The man sounded nervous but not really afraid, the woman looked unsure on what to do. The lady on the phone sounded like this was just another Tuesday. Interesting.
"Sir? Mr. Harris?... Xander?"
"Who are you and how do you know my name?"
"Marcella, and how I know your name? My boss told me. He also told me, if you called to help you and contact him. Which you did and I did."
"Huh?"
"If your anything like my boss, please let him go and take the phone of speaker for a moment, there are a few things I need to say to you in private please."
"How did you? Never mind. Uh, guy we cool?"
"No harm no foul." Stepping away massaging his throat to grab the phone from the lady and passing it to him before she got any closer to Xander. He had to smile at the obvious ploy to protect the lady. Kudos, can't be all bad.
As he grabbed the phone, taking it off speaker and placing to his ear, he looked around more noticing a cart with what seemed to have his gear on it but out of reach. He was in the cliched warehouse and inside what looked like a plastic sheeting clean room with hospital room equipment, saline IV in his arm. No saws, knives, hammers, rack or bamboo shoots, bonus haha. Just as he was sagging back to the bed with the phone. 'Crap I must be losing it, had him in a choke hold and didn't notice the holster and now she has a machine gun. Ahh fuck it, haven't been shot yet.' Laying back he begins to speak to Marcella.
"Hello?"
"Sir, Mr. Harris.." Marcella says respectfully.
"Xander, just Xander." with a resigned sigh.
"...Yes sir. Xander. As I was saying, my name is Marcella. I.." interrupting "Why does that name sound familiar?" "If you would let me finish I may be able to shed some light on that." Sarcastically.
"Your right, sorry, please continue."
"Thank you. As I was saying, again, a few years ago my boss called me highly agitated with an outlandish story involving vampires, demons and an assortment of other ooglie booglies, his words not mine. Knowing him as long as I have and the troubles he has survived I believed he just needed someone to talk to, vent and possibly had suffered a break and started having nightmares again. That shrink he used before was not very good. Even though I was convinced this was all it was, I listened, chiming in at the appropriate times."
"Gee thanks." Muttered Xander.
"Mr. Harris?..." In a reprimanding tone.
"Sorry." Sheepishly.
"One of the things that stood out was a name, yours. He told me to keep an eye out, and if you ever called to help you with any trouble you might have and that he would cover the costs. So I said sure, whatever you say boss yada yada the usual. On a lark I did some searching on your name to see if anything popped up. Well, I was able to find some information on several Alexander Harrises, found nothing that would explain any reason for his request. I found accountants, bums, engineers all kinds of people even a LARPer." Snort, cough. "Nothing really stood out so I just filed it away as a psychotic break and forgot about it. Until not too long ago one of his weapon caches was broken into in the city of Bangui, Central Africa." Barely audible "oops." "What was that?" "Nothing, continue please." "I reported the break in, which was more of a walk in because nothing was broken, no alarms went off. I found it during a routine check. He just laughed humorlessly and said "Don't worry about it just restock it." When I asked him to elaborate he just told me that it would have been put to good use and place a sign in all caches with a very simple message. "X, I owe you an ass kicking for the nightmares, give em HELL." What the hell does mean? And did you loot that cache? Do you know how much that equipment cost?...WELL!?"
"Oh sorry didn't know I was allowed to speak yet, survival instinct from living with many strong women over the years. I was also running a few things through my mind, and if you knew me you would understand how difficult that could be. Before I begin I do need you to answer one or two questions. What is your bosses name?"
"He said that would probably be your first question. Martin, Martin Q. Blank. Who are you really?"
Loud groan escapes his lips. "Martin from Michigan?" "Yes" "Fuck, well that explains a few things...ohhh shit I'm a dead man, that means John is probably real too." He starts babbling at a speed that would make Willow proud of all the things that would happen to him or more to the point done to him by Martin and John when they caught up with him.
"Sir?...Mr. Harris...XANDER!" "What?! Huh? Oh sorry." " Please explain."
Calming down a bit "Weeellll ummm I will answer what I can given what I think may have happened. Yes your boss Martin will probably kick my ass. Yes I looted those weapons, but in my defense I thought I had just stumbled upon that warehouse storage and got lucky with the codes and alarms. I was not in a good frame of mind at the time so I didn't question my luck. I will pay him back. The sign would be addressed to me, an kicking for something I didn't do, well at least not the first time, but he got caught up in, and a very subtle pun unless your me."
"Forget about the money he's fine with it. Ammo is to be used after all. What about the weapons? You didn't lose or damage them did you?"
"No, I didn't lose or damage them. They have a new home at the moment and could probably use a resupply pretty soon?" The last added hopefully.
"We can work on a resupply later. I just need to know where to send it. I already know the weapons taken."
"That sounds amazing pretty lady." Grinning as the knowledge he send help in the form of weapons to keep his girls safer for a while longer.
Trying to sit up again but very slowly due to exhaustion and pain. I gotta stop using bursts of power that strong of the Hyena and Sineya. At least that explains the exhaustion and pain in the muscle. Non-boosted human bodies are not built to handle that much power. Looking up, damn forgot about them. "Marcella any reason I have armed guards?"
"What? Oh, put me back on speaker please. Please stand down, Mr. Harris will not be any trouble, isn't that right sir?" "Yep, no trouble no siree." "Please check him over and confirm diagnosis and treatment. I will have a car delivered as soon as possible. I would like all of you cleared out in the next two hours barring any medical complications."
"Yes ma'am" putting down her machine gun she grabs a few items off a counter and approaches him with a stethoscope and a few other items recognized as doctor tools but no names coming to mind. With nervous efficiency she follows a series of tests, her husband safeties his weapon grabs a chart following her around making notes. They must be speaking English but it sounds like gibberish with a bit of Latin thrown in.
"Sir, I haven't been able to track down your phone number. Please tell me so we can use your phone and return the cell to the 'Smiths'."
"Ahh, yeah that's a W.. Red special you ain't hacking that one." Remembering at the last moment to not use other names. His memories of Marcella, she wouldn't betray Martin but I am not him and until today I thought they were fictional and she called the couple 'The Smiths' obviously fake. "Did you guys find my earpiece? I can fix that." The man walks out of the plastic rummaging on the cart and seems to find his phone and earpiece bringing it to him. Uh oh the light on the earpiece is flashing like mad... this not going to be fun. Attaching the earpiece and acting like he was activating it, since it was permanently on with a witchyfied battery like his phone that had technological as well as magical security. "Hello Cortana my beautiful and talented warrior goddess, sorry I'm late calling you, could you please give Marcella my contact information." In an adoring tone with a bit of groveling. The 'Smiths' looked at him as if he lost his mind. Over their phone they heard "Wow that was fast."
From his earpiece "Don't you dare try to side track me flattery mister. What the hell did you think you were doing taunting Kennedy into a rage. You scared the RAM outta me. If I could smack you I would, but since I can't, I'll just have to settle for this." ZAP! Everyone in the room jumped, and Xander cursed as he almost smacked the earpiece out when he got shocked.
"FUCK! What the hell was that for? I was unconscious most of the time and I already said I was sorry."
"That was for scaring the half-life outta me with that stunt you pulled with Kennedy."
"Sweetie, I will talk to you soon, let me finish with this please."
"Are you OK, did that earpiece malfunction?" Mrs. Smith asked concerned for her patient.
"It's all good." His demeanor changing before their eyes from semiserious exhausted patient to mischievous lothario with a cheeky grin. "Ok Doc level with me, did he molest me while I was unconscious, did you molest me, did both of you molest me? Did I at least enjoy it? Come on Doc's don't leave me in suspense that's just cruel." Two sets of eyes just grew wide, the affronted, then incredulous, then annoyed. 'ZAP' "Damn! I was just breaking the tension."
From his phone speaker a new female voice chimes in "They are both doctors taking care of you and you are still under their care. Do I need to remind you about the orders you give the girls when they are under medical treatment and care?" Grumbling emanates from the table. "What was that?"
"Yes mother." 'zap' much lower than the previous ones pops in his ear.
"Good now listen to the Doc's and I am listening as well."
Marcella trying to hold in her giggles "I like her."
Both docs now smiling, Mr. Smith begins "Physically there is some new bruising consistent with defensive wounds, like blocking hard strikes, some on the face delivered by fist possibly. The only ones that had me concerned at first were on his back, similar to blunt force trauma from a fall of 20-30 feet. There was some hairline fractures on his ribs and bump on the back of his head, no fracture. Bruising on the back of his feet, I surmise that his boots protected them. Internal bruising from the trauma but no signs bleeding." Looking directly at him with concern "Were you in fight and get tossed off a building? More importantly, is someone coming? My wife and I would like to get back to our kids."
Screeching from Xanders phone "THAT BITCH!