Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following. Grosse Pointe Blank, Rambo franchise, Star Trek Next Generation or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is just for fun and food for the muse.
The next hour went by quietly. The room was being expertly brought down and packed away in a van that was in the back of the warehouse. He collected all his gear and made the couple nervous for a bit while he checked, cleaned and repacked his weapons. The Mossberg 590, Desert Eagle .500 pistol, Desert Eagle .410 shotgun load revolver got lots of nervous attention while being cleaned, the combat knives, machetes and other assorted weapons just didn't draw much attention except for the quantity, until they saw the axe like weapon whose edge was stained with what looked suspiciously like dried blood.
"Mr. Harris, what exactly is that?" Asked Mr. Smith curiously.
Looking up from his cleaning the edge. "This is a variant of the medieval Viking Spear Axe. It was a kind of multi-use weapon, depending on the armor of the opponent. You have the bladed side for cutting, hammer side for bashing and the top and bottom have sharp points for piercing. It's the Swiss Army Knife of axes." He said proudly with a goofy grin.
"Larper? Cosplayer? Geek?"
"Ish. I'm sorta learning blacksmithing, it's great to make your own props. Sadly they don't let me take it inside most events. I can only use it outside for photo ops then I have to lock it back up in the car since its metal and heavier than allowed to take inside. Then, I decided to go for broke. Following the Swiss Army idea. It's a knife that has a tool for every need soooo. I decided to take the idea and run with it. The supernatural mythos, games and fiction are full of the different ways to slay creatures. Types of weapon, material, blessings etc. If you look along the blade you see those prism looking shapes and on the face of the hammer you can see pointed nubs all different colors. Well these are chips of hard plastic or tinted aluminum, steel etc to represent among other things, silver, wood, iron and obsidian. Following me so far?" He asked eagerly.
By this time both 'Smiths' had a dazed look and just nodding.
"Cool, so in D&D terms I have slashing, bashing, piercing as types of physical damage. Material against vampires, fey, demons and werewolves. I also got a priest to bless it so it's got holy as an energy type. Now that was a fun conversation haha. The base material is supposed to be meteorite metal so who knows, it might have plusses versus aliens. The haft is ironwood to make it unbreakable! Bwahahaha" Cackling with an insane grin.
"You must be THE Uber Geek, and you need to work on you Evil Overlord laugh." Sighing with disbelief. 'I don't doubt he's a geek with a warped sense of humor. But Marcella helping him? This fucker is dangerous and that axe is no prop, that blade is real and that stain he was cleaning was dried blood. As for the rest of story would make a good cover story making it easier to move it around. He must be newer or doesn't do much work stateside cause we would have heard of an assassin that uses an axe as a trademark.'
Xander just smiles. 'If he only knew, all of that and more was true. Even the part about the priest, wasn't that a fun conversation, he was not amused when he studied the weapon and found the micro etchings that included crosses and a bunch of other holy symbols from as many religions I could find including pagan and tribal ones. He finally relented to bless it when I explained I was covering all the bases I could find just in case some were more effective than others against certain types of demons. Not trying to be disrespectful, on the contrary, I was trying to include all of mankind throughout the ages as we evolved during our war against evil. As an added bonus demons can't touch the handle or any other part of the weapon without getting burnt.'
Xander's phone rings "Hello Marcella."
"Hello, the car should be arriving in the next two minutes. It will have a go bag with an address to a safehouse you can use, please call me when you get there."
"Thank you, I will pay him back."
"Don't worry about that for the moment. I think he may kick your ass, but don't worry about the money."
Sighing, "Thanks for that ray of sunshine."
"Anytime!" Cheerily
Xander thanks the 'Smiths' and head out the door of the warehouse to find an Impala waiting for him and a tow truck driving away.
'Nice car, not too flashy. Almost like she's done this before. Go bag and address. Time to move.'
About 30 minutes later he is driving on an average road to an average town to an average suburb to an average house with average neighbors with an average yard with an average color with an …. 'Damn I think I got stuck on that, almost fell asleep. As far as a safehouse goes not bad at all.'
"Lal sweetie?"
"Yes"
"I have been thinking..." Interrupting "Don't hurt yourself." "Hey! I'll have you know I have thought plenty of times." Laughter filters through his earpiece. "Anyway, I don't really want to go back, we all need to cool down. I really went overboard, I should have handled that better. I would blame it all on exhaustion, jet lag and a bitchy Kennedy etc. But we both know that's not all. I really need a vacation from Africa and the gang and the council peps. What say you and I just drive around for a while incognito?"
"Yeah, I didn't want to say anything but I have noticed a downward spiral in your temper." Softly speaking. "Nobody here really knows what you went through most of last year. You can't keep that bottled up. You need to find someone to speak to and I don't mean me, I'm not qualified for that."
"Hey, you're more human than many humans I have met."
"That is what I mean. I have been just about your only confidant, sounding board and voice when you were out picking up slayers in Africa. I am just a computer program..."
Interrupting "Bullshit! You are so much more than that."
"I don't have the frame of reference with emotions to help you. You are closing yourself off. You need help."
Sighing "I know I need help. If I didn't I wouldn't have gone all mental on Kennedy."
"Ha ha your back less than a day with Giles and you start using tweedisms!"
"Now that is just rude." Grumbling.
Driving into the open garage and closing up. He grabs his bags and enters the house, in desperate need of food, shower and sleep. Refrigerator is stocked with frozen dinners. Not great but better than bugs, worms and other assorted food stuffs he had to forage in the jungle treks. Comfortable bed.
"Sweetie please call Marcela. Let her know we arrived and will be crashing for a few hours, I am still really beat."
"You know it's not a good idea to use Sineya and Hyena strength that long. Which is another sign that you are not firing on all cylinders. At least you didn't use Martin or John too much or she wouldn't be alive now. Oh, I just hung up with Marcella, she said to call her when you wake up."
"Yeah, using the more physical abilities really wipe me out. After that ritual the shamans did, knitting all the leftover pieces inside of me together it's a nice Ace in the hole to have. Augmenting the senses as needed don't take that much out of me and give me a lot of information and warnings but augmenting muscles for strength, speed, reflexes etc. really sucks, literally. Didn't want to tell the docs about that. They didn't seem to be in the know of the nightlife and Marcella? Not sure. I need to speak with Martin to find out if we need to censor our conversations with her. Please remind when I wake up to ask her when we can speak with Martin."
Flashback
African continent deep in the jungle of northern Zaire near an ancient formation of boulders. The shamans gathered from many of the villages that I had traveled through looking for slayers and helping out with some carpentry skills. To prepare a ritual to help me. I panicked when they first mentioned to use the ritual on me. I tried to explain to them that me and magic were of the non mixy. They told me they were shamans not crazy men, well not all of them, gesturing at one shaman in particular. The ritual they were using was more of a healing of the soul by invoking spirits, not really a magic spell. What little magic that was going to be involved was to be used by the oddball shaman, which is funny seeing as I was surrounded by a bunch of men in weird clothing similar to golf attire. It seems that this particular shaman had a fondness for chaos, his job was to help guide the chaotic magic that is part of me, ha ha ha, which scared the hell out me, 'Magics Butt Monkey'. If anything can go wrong around me, it will go wrong, and it was sooo NOT my fault that everyone's hair turned different colors. It looked like a Troll convention, those other shamans really blew it out of proportion, Oddball thought it was hilarious. The plan was to merge all the extra bits that had been added to me through the years. Hyena, soldier, fishman, Sineya, Chumash, and assorted other goodies that happened to me while in Sunnyhell. Funny thing I found out, seems that I didn't have one soldier but two. I always thought I had basic training memories if a bit disjointed, just beneath the surface that I could access and use, nothing too extreme, hence the basic. Most of the gear I used was from a young Martin Q. Blank and a survival knife from a John J. Rambo which caused some strange reactions during the ritual. After the merging, Martin's memories became more 'Active Memory' or conscious, like fighting, weapons and tactics. While John's were more 'Passive Memory' or subconscious like instincts for survival and movement in jungle environments and other terrains as well as meditation techniques I just know them and my body knows what to do. Before the merge my memories were very general, like basic training general, a bit disjointed. Which I now know it was because I had a mix from two people from different decades. After the merge I got an 'update' for lack of a better word. Which meant I got all their soldier training, CIA black ops training, special forces training and survival training. Along with all the baggage and nightmares of two other lives. The daily memories are a bit fuzzy on the details but the nightmares of course are crystal clear. Until today I figured it was all part of the Halloween spell that just extrapolated...hah big word.. lives from made up costume parts. Sheesh that is going to be one hell of a therapy bill a shrink party for three minds. Knowing the lives are real makes this weirder and I feel like I stole their memories. The ritual also allows me use the rest of the bits and pieces that were left behind, but as part me, part of a whole, without the chance for possessions etc. I can tap into Sineya for slayer alpha vibes, healing and demon radar. Solider or soldiers for combat, weapons, survival, demolitions and bunch of other skills. Fishman, I can grow gills and eye lenses to see and breath underwater, handy at times. Hyena can give me alpha, speed, strength, hearing, taste, some night vision and a ridiculous sense of smell. That encounter with the Chumash tribe seems to have given me antibodies for several diseases and it makes it hard but not impossible for me to get sick. The shamans said there is still more inside of me but just hasn't had a reason to surface yet. The passive abilities like senses don't take much energy to use and keep going, I still have trouble to use more than one at a time, concentration and energy grows exponentially. The body changes are medium energy use. The worst is the physical boosts, at this time going full tilt I can surpass a slayer for a few moments or equal a slayer for minute or so, but pushing the boosts as long as possible taxes me so much that I pass out. I can boost an ability or another to a lesser extent for five to ten minutes. Always a last resort, cause passing out with enemies still standing sure way to break rule #1.
End Flashback
"Eat, bathe, sleep. Oh remember when you bathe to point the camera at the shower."
"Yes mom I will eat, bathe and sleep...Hey! You little lech. I will tell your mom about that and she will worry where she went wrong with her lesbian programming of you."
"Hah, and proud. As for mom I love her but she must have blinders on. I like what I see and prefer to drive stick. So I will lech away."
"Way to channel Faith." smiling
"While you sleep I will be checking in on the Cleveland House, I won't be paying much attention here because I need to be very careful just in case they are trying to locate us. I don't want them to know I was looking around. If you need me just hit any key, depending on where I am might take a few to back out. Sleep well."
"Be careful, don't get hurt or caught, I don't want to have to leave you behind if angry slayers and witches are on the way."
Working on autopilot Xander he was soon passed out.