Pavel skips classes for a few days, which is both a good and bad thing. He can't distract himself as easily but he gets time to himself, something he keeps trying to ignore. The messy teenage version of himself shines through when he isn't studying, something he was glad he had forgotten. Sulu doesn't stay in the room for long periods of time, he's not trying to avoid Pavel but he just doesn't know to talk to him anymore. Since his breakdown, Pavel has basically stopped talking and his bright happy mood that Sulu had seen on the bridge has completely disappeared. Pavel stops eating regularly and he skips most of his meals. He doesn't really need to say in the classes because he's got such a good grip on the content already, but his all professors have started questioning him. It's only making him crazier.
Three weeks pass and Hikaru can't take it anymore, calling McCoy into the room while Pavel has a shower. He knows Pavel will protest, he already has to any kind of help anyone has offered. The sleeping tablets McCoy gave him are helping a little but he still wakes up at least once a fortnight in a cold sweat. He manages to get a frightening amount done at 0300 hours.
Pavel scowls as soon as he sees McCoy. He knows it's some kind of intervention and he isn't happy about it in the slightest. He pulls his shirt on and pushes past the two of them, not saying anything.
"Chekov," McCoy says firmly. "You can't keep living like this. You know that what happened with Spock's mother isn't your fault. No one blames you, okay kid?"
Pavel doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say, but he has too much to say.
"Would it help you if you actually talked to Spock?" Hikaru asks quietly, instantly getting a no from the Russian. He can't face Spock again, Hikaru can see what it did to him last time.
McCoy sits downs next to Pavel and tries to look him in the eyes. Pavel looks away.
"You know kid, that mightn't be a bad idea. You can't really heal until you've gotten some kind of closure."
Pavel is silent again. Deep down he knows it's not a bad idea.
Doctor McCoy is nothing but a sneaky bastard in Pavel's mind. He is called into McCoy's office, apparently for some more medication, and Spock is sitting at the end of the doctor's desk. Pavel feels sick in the stomach as he basically gets pushed into the seat beside Spock's. He already feels like crying and he hasn't said a word yet.
"I'm sorry to spring this on you Chekov, but trust me, you need this." McCoy shuts the door and leaves Spock and Chekov sitting there alone. There's an awkward silence for what feels like way longer than ten seconds.
"The doctor has informed me that you are struggling with guilt over the death of my mother..." Chekov says nothing. "Ensign, I do not blame you for what happened to her." Pavel's eyes are watering at this stage. Everything he has been pushing away is slowly coming back to him. "Ensign?" Spock asks quietly.
"Spock, I-" Pavel can't continue. "I'm so so sorry I couldn't…"
Spock studies his face. "May I?" he asks quietly, raising three fingers towards Pavel's face. He looks up, slightly alarmed, questioning if Spock is trying to hurt him in some way. It's not in a Vulcan's nature to be violent but he wouldn't be surprised if Spock wanted to.
Spock presses his cold fingers against Pavel's forehead and there are some flashing lights behind his eyes. Pavel gasps but can't move. He has no idea what is happening to him. His eyes close and he flashes back to the moment he saw Spock with his hand outstretched towards an empty transporter pad. The look of devastation lingers before switching to when Pavel was younger, following his own mother through the streets of Russia. He was only five at the time and he saw his mother leave the house, so naturally he followed. His mother stopped at a small bridge near the town and jumped off. Spock lets go, partially in shock, partially out of courtesy. Pavel sits back, breathing heavily and clutching the chair so hard his knuckles turn white. He looks over at Spock, wide-eyed and shaking.
"You saw that?"
Spock nods. Pavel starts crying. All he can imagine is Spock's mother falling like his own mother did. Falling and falling, but he doesn't dare imagine the end. Spock sits in silence, for once not knowing what to do in how to comfort Pavel. Pavel's hands hold tightly onto his curls as if he's trying to keep his own mind together. McCoy knocks on the door, and Spock stands to open it, hoping that the doctor might have some kind of idea what to do. McCoy seems to know that this is what would happen and he passes Pavel a box of tissues. Pavel takes and handful and shoves them over his dripping eyes.
It takes a long while for Pavel to calm down. McCoy refuses to dismiss him until he can 'talk' to Spock but Pavel has nothing he particularly wants to say. They sit in the room in silence for long periods of time with McCoy occasionally trying to start a conversation. The doctor eventually gives in and sends Pavel back to his dorm, making him schedule another meeting with Spock another date. Pavel and the doctor both know he won't show up.
It's late when he finally gets back to the dorm and Sulu is already asleep. Pavel is pretty grateful and quietly slips into the shower, staying in there for nearly an hour. It's one in the morning when he finally crawls into bed and he falls asleep after a good ten minutes of solid sobbing into his pillow. He misses his mother, he hates doctor McCoy and he doesn't want to have to see Spock ever again.
Sulu wakes Pavel up in the morning, asking him if he wants to go out for breakfast. Pavel tries to decline politely but Sulu knows he hasn't eaten for a while and he needs to start eating again. Pavel eats a lot at the cafeteria and Sulu avoids mentioning anything about it. The cafeteria itself is quiet and pretty lonely but it's nice in a weird sorta way. A lot of people avoid the cafeteria because of all the memories of their friends in other ships there. There are still a few flower bouquets and cards around the place.
Pavel slowly starts joining back to his classes and he gets a few weird looks from people. The professors welcome him back as if he hasn't been avoiding class for weeks now. He can get back into the work easily enough. He'll have to study more than he already is but he knows he has to catch up. He questions why he's still studying when he knows he won't have the courage to go back to space and try again anytime soon. A few of his professors go to mention this but decide that Pavel probably has enough going through his mind. They're right.
Hikaru starts trying to get Pavel back into a daily schedule of eating, sleeping and studying as subtly as he can. Pavel sees right through what he's doing and tries to decline all of his requests politely. Hikaru Sulu is not one to give up easily and eventually gets Pavel back to three solid meals a day. McCoy tries to commend Pavel for getting things back on track but he ignores it. He knows he's not living, he's just not dying.
An opportunity for Pavel to go back into space comes up and McCoy starts hassling him about it before too long. Pavel's email is inundated with messages from the doctor and occasionally from his professors to consider the program. The academy is looking for a group of about 20 young students for an away mission to Delta Vega, a remote planet on the edge of the galaxy where James Kirk was sent to after his fight with Spock. They want some people to research into Scotty's theories on trans-warp beaming. Pavel knows he'd probably enjoy the study and the change of scenery, and working with Scotty. He's an amazing engineer and Pavel is quite a fan of his work. They've had a few conversations together since he was stationed back at Starfleet HQ.
Four days later Pavel runs into Scotty, who essentially tells him he's going on the trip or else. The jokes that he makes about the people who have applied give him a sense of closeness to the engineer. He reminds Pavel a little of his father in the way that he speaks with such enthusiasm for mechanics. Scotty's desperate to get away from rebuilding the enterprise for a while at least. The long days are doing his head in and Pavel knows the feeling. Scotty sends him a form and guarantees that if Pavel sends the form in he'll be part of the team. Pavel can't help but grin and drafts an application later that night.
Hikaru is a decent chef and is almost always the one to cook dinner when they're not too tired to just replicate it. Pavel has absolutely no cooking skill and can't cook toast without burning it. Hikaru makes some kind of Japanese curry for dinner and insists that Pavel eats it with chopsticks. Most of the curry rice ends up on Pavel's shirt and Hikaru laughs at him for most of the night, trying not to enjoy the frustrated pouts he makes when the food falls back into the bowl. Pavel eventually finished the curry about twenty minutes after Sulu and goes to wash all the curry off his face.
Sulu washes up while Pavel is in the shower. He knows Pavel would probably help him but he still feels sorry for him and babies him a little. Sulu didn't like the idea of having Pavel as a roommate at first. There were rumours about him going around the academy at some stage. He was the alleged smart ass kid from Russia, and one of Sulu's friends said he'd always be putting his hand up and answering the questions in class. The lecturers loved him and all the recruitment officers had high hopes for his future. Sulu puts down the last of the dishes and sits back down on the couch. The shower stopped a minute or two ago and Pavel gets out with one towel around his waist and the other drying his curly hair. His hair goes several shades darker and droops around his face when it's wet. Hikaru smirks when he sees Pavel and goes back to watching his news program. Pavel goes into his room and lies on the bed, not bothering with clothes. The bed is cold and comforting in a way. He closes his eyes for a few minutes and just thinks, trying not to let himself think too much about what he feels is his deteriorating mental state. He doesn't get up for a while, but for once he feels he doesn't need to.