Chapter 5: Unwanted retentions
'If there is something worse than having to deal with any worry, is doing it alone because you're afraid of asking for help and being judged instead. When I was little, I learned that when you wish to run talking is the best option, as it is to reveal yourself when you're thinking of attacking.
Simple, isn't it?
…
…
Well no.'
(She was running desperately.
Her feet were moving but it didn't feel like they were going forward, no matter the speed. It was like slipping on ice.
There was no place to go either. In fact, where was she?
White left, white right, white, white, white everywhere except for one place, behind her, where a monstrous shadow was growing and slithering hideously in her direction.
She knew what it was.
"No" - her voice was like a lament, pure despair and fear coming out of her trembling lips as the mass shorted the distance between them - "Stay away" - legs started to sprint faster - "STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
It was then, in what appeared to be the fraction of a second, that a dark, long tentacle entangled itself in one of her ankles roughly, like a whip, making her stop abruptly and fall, face first to the floor.
Her body kept fighting though; even when the disgusting limb kept spreading all its way up to her hip, to her waist, to her arms, completely immobilizing her, even when the rest of the shadow came near her struggling form and engulfed her.
A dire gasp left her lips, because the mass was shifting.
What used to be tentacles were no longer that but arms and legs. The air over her suddenly turned into weight, making her feel constricted. The worst of darkness above her slowly but surely, was adopting the form of a face.
A face she knew all too well.
"You" - Not even the loathing in her voice was enough to surpass the shill that went through her spine the moment realization hit her about the other individual, the frantic beating of her heart due to the memories their face caused, the widening of her eyes, the fear.
The thief of that fatidic night said nothing to her; he just stared with an unreadable expression behind his mask, although for some reason, it looked like he was mocking her.
'For your stupidity' - some unknown voice whispered in the back of her head - 'For your oh-so-called sense of justice'
She was at the shed of tears now. Her throat had gotten dry long ago; she knew this for the hoarse 'no' that left her mouth and the husky sobs that followed after.
The man narrowed his eyes, never letting his hold on her falter. She was completely at his mercy.
"We didn't raise you for you to end up like that"
Her eyes widened.
…
Was it possible?
…
No, it couldn´t. She was having a panic attack; her brain was just playing it on her so she could tune out the whole situation. It was the only reasonable explanation of why she was hearing such familiar yet distant voice. One she hadn´t heard in ages.
Yeah, that was it.
…
But
…
She rapidly turned her head to the left, and when two familiar figures were caught by black pupils a single tear threatened to run through her cheek.
A man and a woman, a couple she hadn't seen in a long time but thought about every minute was assessing her.
The male had his dark brown hair, slightly turned gray at the sides, neatly combed back as usual. Eyes the color of the clearest sky were adorning his serious expression and a strong built result of too many years of service helped him stand proud within that field of white.
By his side stood who she knew was his wife. Shorter than him various centimeters, but with an aura that screamed the strongest of determinations. Silky black locks the girl missed with all her might reached her waist forming a beautiful curtain at her back. Her orbs matched her hair, the absolute Asian beauty.
She wished to weep badly.
"Mom..." - A relieved whisper left her lips - "...Dad"
How many times had she dreamed about seeing them again? It was a total nightmare being frustrated for not knowing how they must have felt after her murder and being unable to tell them she was alright. Seeing them as she remembered them, fine and within hand´s reach made all of her worries disappear, leaving strong longing behind.
So not caring about the man above her immobile body, she tried to lunge herself at them to feel their warm, their kindness and the sensation of security she was sure they both had. It was like being a child again - "I'm so gl-"
"What a shame" - Richard stopped her mid-sentence.
"Eh?" - Disappointment? In her father's voice? Directed at her? No…that must have been her imagination - "Dad, what…what do you mean?"
"Are you really asking?" - was what her mother said, and the girl couldn't help but notice that despite being a question what went through her lips, the tone of irony in her words was very clear - "After all that has happened?" - she scoffed - "Shameful indeed"
She couldn't believe what she was seeing. With her arms crossed and her chin up, cold eyes the girl has never seen in such a beautiful face before were looking at her the way someone does to unwanted trash.
Xia, she realized, was disgusted of her.
"You said criminals wouldn't run free on your watch" - Richard continued - "That you would achieve your dream and be the best lawyer the US has ever had... And look at you now" - he snarled - "Killed by the enemy and not even on duty. Such a pathetic way of dying"
With every hurting word they said, with every stabbing syllable she heard, with every freacking disdainful stare of the pair, she felt number with fright to even articulate a single word.
Why were they saying such horrible things to her? She screwed up and let her emotions take the worst and stupidest of her personality, yes, but the way they were addressing her was as though they didn't even regret the fact she was dead at all, and that hurt her more than anything. They were her parents for crying out loud!
Gathering the strength to finally talk again she opened her mouth - "What are you saying? You're not like that, you're good people who always support me whatever the matter" - her bottom lip was trembling. Crying was imminent - "Aren't you my parents?!"
The black-haired woman made a face, as if what she said was the most ridiculous thing in the world - "Oh, we sure aren't anymore. I would remember if I gave birth to someone who doesn't resemble us in the least"
Now she didn't understand what she was referring to. She and her mother had always looked the same. They were so much alike it was nearly impossible not to assume they were related. That and the fact the way she behaved was because of Richard´s genes, obviously confirmed she was the result of both of them. Xia´s words were being more hurtful and incoherent by the minute.
Then… why was a minuscule part of her agreeing with it?
A light change of weight from above stopped her from looking further into the question. Her attention immediately left her parents to be directed once more at the scumbag that was holding her.
She had forgotten about him entirely.
The guy had gone completely motionless during the whole exchange. In fact, it felt like he had never been there throughout the conversation and now that it had taken a pause, he made himself known again.
And so, returned the fear.
"Help" – she whispered as her wet eyes stared with panic at the individual, though she promptly repeated the phrase louder – "Help me"
Total silence.
A tiny little bit of courage made her ignore – not wholly this time, however – the killer to make sure her parents weren´t answering because they were desperately coming to her rescue.
Yeah, that was it. They were coming… right?
Xia and Richard were still standing there, being witnesses of the panic in her eyes with the biggest disinterest in the world.
The girl felt her heart being crushed in multiple pieces.
"Get rid of that waste" – they said in unison and then, slowly, started to turn around.
…
What?
…
"Mo…mom?" – they kept walking
…
What?
…
"Da…dad?" – there was no indication of reluctance in their steps
…
…
…
WHAT?
Something within her broke.
Then, observing with eyes full of tears she didn´t realize had started to fall again, her arms promptly and frantically tried to reach the backs of those who love her, loved her?, were supposed to love her more than anything else.
"MOM, DAD, WAIT, DON´T LEAVE, HELP ME!" – her body couldn´t move. Anyone that had seen her in that moment would have said she was convulsing from how unsuccessfully she was trying to free herself from her restriction. Not to mention her incoherent yelling due to the dryness in her throat – "PLEASE!"
…
They weren´t coming back
…
They weren´t coming back
…
They weren´t coming back
…
WHY THE FUCK WEREN´T THEY COMING BACK?!
The burglar moved again. It was beginning to be annoying that his presence disappeared by moments.
"GET OFF-!"
She shut up as soon as her attention fell over the man. She stopped breathing, she stopped talking, feeling, doing anything. Her wide eyes just saw, saw and couldn´t believe.
Chunks of putrefied skin were falling off his face, painfully slow, making a sound of something squishy and absolutely disgusting. First, it was half of his face, then the other.
Her heart shrank when muscle meat started to follow after, melting horribly.
Soon, there were only a pair of black, hollow orbs that, while it was impossible, were observing her, and a huge line of bony teeth that, albeit smiling, didn´t look nice at all.
With a slight move, the thing rose one of his arms letting one particular object in sight.
A knife… pointed… in her direction.
"No"- she could feel herself paling – "No no no no no NO. GET AWAY NO. HELP. SOMEBODY!"
She struggled, but the more she tried to escape, the faster her strength leaked away. She could feel new panic within her bones, she felt cold, she was crying, she knew what was going to happen and once again could do nothing to stop it.
'You are useless'
The last thing she heard was a dreadful scream filling the air as the knife came down with malice, impaling itself into her chest)
Kim woke up abruptly in the middle of a muffled scream with her heart wanting to get out of her ribcage. She was trembling, freezing and felt her lungs couldn´t breathe right.
The girl soon realized she was laying on a bed so rapidly rose up to a sitting position and hugged herself in a protective manner, as if that simple gesture could distance the rest of the world from her.
The reason she was feeling so cold was because of the great amount of sweat that had accumulated over her body, but she didn´t care.
Kim just wished for him to go away.
She remained some minutes like that, with wide eyes full of horror that were looking at everything and nothing at same the time. It was just after her heart rate began to slow down and her panting became more even, that she allowed herself to lower her arms.
She wasn´t in that white field anymore. Her eyes studied her surroundings. She was just in a bedroom.
Her bedroom.
With no one but herself.
At this recognition she sighed deeply while closing her eyelids.
'You are fine' – Kim wanted to say, but couldn´t find her voice due to the lump in her throat – 'You are fine... It was just another nightmare'
Could it really be called 'another' one?
After years of complete silence during her sleep Kimberly had started dreaming again. Initially, her mind just showed her small fragments of a lifetime ago. They were minuscule, as though they weren´t meant to be there, not anymore.
It didn´t take long for those memories to be mixed with the things she had seen so far in here. Skyscrapers being substituted with small buildings. Enormous planes disappearing into the horizon and returning as gigantic ships ready to set sail wherever they wished to. Continents shrinking into islands. Kilometers of land going missing under the deepest blue.
And the more vivid those dreams became, the more frightened and stressed she was, because it was during those precious instants of peace that she could go back, and she was losing them.
So much was the longing for the past that her mind found amusement in the idea of giving back those days…or more like an instant in specific.
The moment she died.
It was tortuous. The same freaking nightmare had repeated itself over and over again for the last two weeks, always finding a way to deprive the girl of her so needed rest.
She was even starting to dislike the thought of going to bed, being afraid of the ghosts that might hunt her in a world where she had no control over situations.
'What a nuisance'
Finally her small bare feet touched the cool wooden floor, this being a reassuring reminder that yes, she was here and not there, and lifted herself up from the mattress.
It was still late night, or early morning, who knew. The girl just limited herself to walk around the dark room as accustomed when the annoyance struck.
Drinking water seemed like an appealing choice of action, but Kim didn´t wish to head over the kitchen and have an undesirable encounter with her female caretaker, who would obviously inquire about her 'baby daughter' being up this late-night.
She was not into giving explanations of any type. It wasn't Monique´s business, not like she would comprehend anyways.
She stopped in front of the mirror on the wall and took a glance at her miserable self.
Yeah, she still hated her reflection.
For a 'three year old kid', Kim considered, it was evident her image was among the peculiar stands, even for a crazy world like that one.
Her cinnamon hair had gotten longer, now reaching below her ears. It would have been fine, really. The silkiness of it was nice to the touch albeit some rebel locks that refused to stay in place occasionally. What she couldn´t stand though, was that weird tuft at the top of her head that appeared one day and hadn´t come down ever since. It resembled an antenna, and more than once she had found herself wishing to grab a pair of scissors and end its existence, but Monique would neither let her near the instrument nor would cut it herself.
("I think it´s cute!") – was what the woman said when she asked.
Her body had grown up a little, making her look less like a walking potato and more like a human being… a small one nonetheless.
But what she hated the most was undoubtedly her face. God, that pair of purple orbs that confronted her back every day were a painful reminder of what was lost. She didn´t have it in her to blame Franz though, it wasn´t his fault.
And her expression - so serious, so tired. When was the last time she smiled?
Xia´s words backfired at her then.
("I would remember if I gave birth to someone who doesn't resemble us in the least")
Now her brain understood why a small part agreed with her mother. There were no remains of Kimberly Liam in that reflection, not at all. The one standing there was…
'Is a total stranger' – and she didn´t like it.
Not being able to keep staring at a person who surely wasn´t her, Kim went to the only source of light the bedroom had - a big semi-open window.
She climbed it with great difficulty and completely opened its doors just to remain seated there, at the border with her knees kept close to her chest.
Her sad eyes looked up then, far into the sky, her sight losing itself in the vast beautiful firmament. Tons and tons of twinkling stars were there for her. An amazing spectacle that calmed her mind every single night.
Because she liked to think that out there, somewhere, her true world was and her parents and friends were looking just right at the same sky, wishing for her safety as much as she did for theirs.
'Because I love you all… and I´ll always do'
'…needless to say, I haven´t got near knives ever since then…'
Monique is often told she is many things.
She is described as someone really patient. The brunette is capable of waiting for long terms of time for a situation to happen and not bat a single eyelash if it can be rushed.
Take her husband´s job for example. As a Marine, Franz isn´t seen in the North Blue, let alone in Silver Road, for more than once a year, twice if he is lucky. Monique has never called him so he can get back home before time, not even when she was pregnant. He is really busy and albeit the constant den den mushi calls, she misses his bright presence with all her heart. But she also knows how much that adorkable fool loves what he does, and so, she waits and receives him with the biggest of smiles so the man can rest assure that there´s nothing wrong with it.
The woman is also known for her kindness. She will always help her friends and neighbors in every possible way without ulterior motives, continuously saying that life itself has its rewards and she doesn´t need to attract them before they are ready to come.
Last but not least, Monique can be quite sensible. Studying her surroundings and being aware of things other people would usually register as normal is one of her specialties. 'A sixth sense' she likes to call it and finding solutions at the matter at hand is really entertaining.
Her daughter, on the other hand, is something different.
The brunette has always known her little Christa isn´t exactly… common. That is fine; it only makes her more special. The first day she was finally able to have her precious baby within her arms she vowed to never stop loving her, and that hasn´t changed, not even one bit.
'But there are small details…' - the brunette thought as she looked at the kid in question. Her baby girl was lying on her stomach at the living room´s floor being completely submerged in another book she somehow managed to get from Franz´s study. Her expression was so serious, so focused. It lacked that joy and excitement kids her age normally have.
…
Christa is smart.
Monique doesn´t disagree with this, quite the contrary, she is proud of her; but if she didn´t know better, she would think her daughter actually understands the contents. That cannot be possible, can it?
And then there is the fact that Christa doesn´t smile. The closest thing she has managed so far was a smug smirk when she was able to get on the couch by her own means. Her husband was so shocked about it all that went still for fifteen minutes. And there´s that.
The last fact may be the one that stings the most. She has never… ever, said mom or dad, and is not that she doesn´t speak, she is very fluent actually.
Seriously, no matter how hard they try, those two words never come out of her tiny lips. Whenever Christa wishes to address them she says their names or goes by 'hey', or 'oi', or 'um'.
And that is weird. But is just as she said, that makes her special. She is aware that she means no harm, that she is good.
'She is normal and lovely in her own way'
It was a long sigh what got Monique out of her musings. Christa had closed the thick tome –'North Blue Islands' being the title- and was now getting on her feet. The brunette couldn´t help but notice the tiredness in her big eyes, how the sweet little antenna on top of her head seemed to curve down, as though reaffirming the sight.
"Off to sleep baby?" – she found herself asking
Something seemed to flash in her expression as soon as the question was out, really fast for anyone but the woman to identify. Something like…fear?
Christa fisted her hands for a second, then relaxed -"I´m not tired" – was her answer while avoiding eye contact, the obvious sign of a lie.
Monique frowned.
"Christa-chan" – her voice adopted a lower tone – "You are barely standing. Go get some rest; kids your age need it"
Her daughter seemed to still at that statement, but didn´t move an inch from her spot.
Her mother was starting to get worried so she slowly crouched in front of her tiny form and placed gentle hands at both sides of her round face. When aquamarine eyes encountered purple gems she had to restrain herself from gasping.
Her eyes, Franz´s eyes, were completely drained and hollow.
"Ba-baby…" – she did her best to not let her emotions hit her expression – "Is something wrong?"
There was a pause, a small one. Then she spoke – "I… I´d like to sleep on the couch"
Her eyebrows rose. That wasn´t the answer she wanted. With a look like that something must be really bothering her and though she was worried sick, Monique won´t pester her daughter to tell her, not in that state.
Why would she want to rest in the living room having her own bedroom? Where all the noise from outside can be heard, where light goes in from everywhere, where she is everything but alo-
…
…
'Oh'
Her eyes softened a little - "Of course honey"
Christa visibly relaxed with that statement, even if she kept staring at the floor somewhat worried.
Monique, who was starting to understand what was happening to her dearest treasure, continued – "Can mommy tag along?"
The child lifted her head at the question with a slight hint of suspicion. Just when whatever she was searching for couldn´t be found in Monique´s motherly smile, she allowed herself to shrug – "…uhn"
Christa fell asleep in Monique´s arms almost immediately, but the uneasiness in the latter´s chest didn´t subsided. The memory of such lifeless and empty irises…
'Like the eyes of-'
She gasped and shook the unwanted memory off her head. How could she possibly compare this situation to that one? They are nothing alike.
Nevertheless, the brunette is sure of something. She looked at the rise and fall of her baby's chest and made up her mind.
'I think it´s time for me to be selfish and rush time up a little'
There are a lot of things he likes.
He adores when his mother sings him lullabies before bedtime to scare the bad monsters of the room.
He enjoys spending time with his brother because he does not like being bored and always find something fun for the two of them to do.
He likes playing outside when his family goes out for a walk in the gardens. There is a lot to see and he runs straight to it, but he falls on his face and gets 'ouchies' and ends up crying.
…
He does not like that.
…
But he is curious sometimes, like now.
Big eyes stare at the tall figure seated in the middle of the white room - his father.
He is there, but is not at the same time. How did his mother call it? He was… thinking?
Small feet make their way to the other blonde's desk.
"What are you doing father?"
The blond man raises his head a looks down at his youngest son.
A glance tells the child the man was reading different papers he cannot yet understand.
A warm smile appears on his lips as he places a huge hand on top of his small head to ruffle it a little.
"Just thinking how much of a wonder humans are"
'The kid didn´t know at that time how much impact that phrase would later cause in his life '
Hello?
Anyone there?
…I´m back from the dead