Chapter 30

It's silent for a few seconds and Pavel mutters 'I don't know,' quietly under his breath.

"Karu…" He says gently, finally looking up at the young man next to him. Hikaru's almond eyes study Pavel as if he can find the answer somewhere on his face. "Karu, would you wait for me…?"

"Wait for you?"

"Yeah, just until I turn eighteen. It's not long now…"

"You're worth waiting for Pavel. It's just…"

"Just what?" Pavel asks, hungry for answers. He can't read Sulu's face and he doesn't even know what's running through his own head. He just wants one thing – Hikaru Sulu, even if he has to wait for it.

"I'm worried that I'm not right for you."

Pavel's mouth falls open a little bit. "You're kidding right? Karu you know-"

"Pavel," Hikaru interrupts. "Hear me out." The Russian closes his mouth and shuffles a little closer to him. "You've never dated, right? How do you know I'm the right person for you? I like you a lot Pav, I don't want to ruin our friendship and most of all I don't want to hurt you."

Pavel's heart skips a beat when Sulu calls him Pav. "It can't hurt me more than what I'm hurting without you."

Sulu smiles. "What if something happens to us in space? You know, some people were just walking to their room and a hole gets blown through the corridor, they're sucked out into space and dead in seconds. Starfleet is risky Pavel, we need to think about these things. I'm serious about you."

"Of course something might happen, that's just space. But, you know, I'd rather spend the time with you, and have you and run that risk. I'd be ruined if you died Karu, you know that, but I'd want those memories to share with you before then than never have you at all."

Hikaru nods, the Russian has a very good point. Sulu wants nothing more than to wait a few months for him, but he has a bad gut feeling about the whole idea. He's scared something will go wrong and he's scared he'll lose or hurt Pavel. He doesn't know which option is worse.

The two talk for a long long time and Pavel questions if they've really gotten anywhere. It's late at night and Pavel's leaning more and more towards Sulu.

"I'll wait for you," Sulu says quietly.

"Promise me?" Pavel asks gently, looking up at Sulu.

"I promise," he says gently. Pavel leans his hair on Sulu's shoulder and smiles.

"Thank you."

Sulu runs his fingers through Pavel's springy curls and leans back. Everything feels real for once and Pavel is smiling so hard it hurts his cheeks as he falls asleep on Sulu's shoulder. Sulu lets Pavel stay there for a while and he just listens as the Russian's chest slowly rises and falls. He wakes him up gently after a while and Pavel's smiling as he agrees to go finally go to bed. Sulu stands up and pulls the Russian to his feet. Pavel stumbles (somewhat on purpose) into his arms and Sulu just holds him.

"Not long okay?" Sulu urges.

"Mmmm-kay," the Russian mumbles sleepily.

Pavel hates waiting. Sulu is very strict on how much affection he can give and receive from Pavel. They've agreed on nothing in public but it's those moments when they're both on Pavel's bed solving Rubik's cubes or alone in Sulu's kitchen when they both suffer from not being able to just stop and kiss slowly or hold each other. McCoy checks on them frequently and Scotty has agreed to keep an eye on them. They hate being monitored but they just keep having to remind each other that Pavel's birthday is only a few more months away.

It's the end of the year and everyone is leaving Starfleet for their break. Pavel thinks about going home to Russia but being back with his father, grandmother and aunt doesn't really appeal to him. His grandmother has dementia and barely remembers Pavel. His father and aunt just argue constantly and it's tiresome being around them. Sulu offers to stay at Starfleet with him if he decides not to go back. Pavel appreciates the offer but really feels like he should return home. He hugs Sulu goodbye gently at the transporter bay and as Sulu mouths 'stay safe' as yellow lights start to swirl around Pavel. Pavel smiles and nods as he slowly disappears. He doesn't like being beamed by the transporter but it's cheaper and faster than shuttle craft or any other mode of transport.

Russia is freezing when Pavel gets there and he swore it has gotten much colder since he left. His house is covered in snow and as he trudges up towards the door with his suitcase behind him he sighs and hesitates a little before knocking. He questions if he's doing the right thing and knocks on the door anyway.

His aunt is the first one to open the door and holds him tightly, muttering in Russian about how much he has grown. Pavel's finally taller than her and he realises how much time has really passed since he's been home. His father is there waiting and he hugs Pavel, saying it's good to see him again. His grandmother is sitting on the couch, knitting something and Pavel comes over to give her a hug. He can tell she doesn't remember him and he tries not to be upset by it. He knows it's not her fault but it's hard seeing her like this.

Pavel's grateful for how warm it inside and he messages Sulu, telling him that he got there safely. He likes being back in his old room. He had mapped out some constellations on the ceiling when he was about nine, and despite the fact, they're all faded he can still picture them clearly. There are posters all over his room, blueprints, star charts and a few Starfleet posters. There's even a small poster of a band he liked a few years ago and he wonders why he never bothered redecorating. His bed is neatly made, just as he'd probably left it last time he'd left it. There's a small projector for the wall where he'd display stuff from his PADD. He would watch movies occasionally or use the large space for working through maths equations.

He video-calls Sulu and puts it on the projector for the sake of it. Sulu insists Pavel gives him a room tour and the Russian reluctantly obliges. Sulu grins at how dorky and how typically Pavel the room is. Pavel frowns in mock hurt as Sulu laughs but can't help breaking out into a grin. Sulu is staying at Starfleet for a few more days and then going over to Japan with his parents to have a big family Christmas with his grandparents and siblings. They've been planning this Christmas for ages now and Sulu's looking forward to it.

Pavel is back home for three days and he can already feel himself going stir crazy. His father and aunt just fight over the smallest things and his grandmother keeps asking him why he's there. At one stage he answers, 'I'm asking myself the same question,' and gets a lecture from his father. He messages Sulu in the hopes he can provide an intelligent conversation of sorts.

'You should come to Japan with me,' he writes. Pavel doesn't know if he's kidding or not. The idea appeals so much but he doesn't know how he'd go meeting Sulu's family.

'I'd love to so much,' Pavel responds. Hikaru can take it how he wants but the Russian can't help but wish for an invitation.

'Come then. I can pick you up. You can spend Christmas with us.'

Pavel blinks at the screen. 'Wait, really? I thought you were joking.'

'I'm completely serious.'

Pavel grins and starts shoving his things back into his bag. He can go to Japan for a while and make it back in time for Christmas in Russian on January 7th. He's never been to Japan and the idea of spending the holidays with Sulu appeals more than he could possibly imagine.

'See you in a few hours?'

'See you then.'