Chapter Two
A little after lunch on the next day, there was a knock on Starsky's hospital door and a man in a Naval uniform came in. As well as his naval insignia, Starsky noticed he had a silver cross pinned to each lapel. He was carrying a zip-up black bag, about the size of a small briefcase.
"Detective Starsky? I'm Major Tom Lawrence. I'm one of the on-call chaplains here at the hospital."
Starsky eyed him suspiciously. "I didn't ask for no chaplain."
"Er, no, but Nurse MacKenzie thought you might appreciate a visit. I understand your partner's gone back to work and I'm sure the days must seem a bit long stuck in here."
"Mac asked you to visit me?"
"Yes, that's correct."
"Well, in that case you'd better sit down Major Lawrence," Starsky said, indicating the chair next to the bed.
"Thanks and please call me Tom." Major Lawrence settled himself in the plastic chair, placing the bag on the floor beside him and smiled at Starsky. "So I understand you're a police detective."
Starsky made a non-committal sound.
"And you served in Vietnam, I believe."
"Yeah."
"I'm attached to the Navy training camp at Southport Bay. I've been there for three years as a chaplain and I've been volunteering here at the hospital chaplaincy for two years. Before that I was in the Navy Seals."
Starsky raised an eyebrow at that piece of information. "Really? For how long? Did you see much action?"
Tom nodded. "Some. Enough to last me a life-time."
"Why the change to being a chaplain?"
Tom seemed to consider the question then he asked, "Would you like the potted version or the long drawn out one?"
Starsky shrugged.
"Well, the potted version is I decided I wanted to help support our serving Seals and be there to pick up the pieces rather than being one of the ones who needed picking up."
Starsky thought about this for a moment then said quietly, "I can understand that."
"I guess that's why you joined the police force after 'Nam? To help those who can't help themselves?"
"Yeah, something like that."
"How do you feel your recovery's going Detective Starsky?" asked Tom.
"Call me Dave." Starsky leant back against his pillows and sighed. "Well, everyone's telling me I'm lucky to be here and I know I should be grateful for that. I guess I am making some progress at last."
"But you're frustrated? Wondering just how close you can get to your old self?" Tom ventured.
Starsky nodded then frowned. He started to speak: "I don't think anyone…" then thought better of it: "Never mind…"
Tom leaned forward slightly. "If it helps, I've been there."
"You have," Starsky enquired suspiciously.
"Yes, nasty helicopter crash caused by friendly fire…Took a long time to get my legs back…and my mind, let's just say, I took my frustrations out on my nearest and dearest for quite a few weeks."
"But you're a chaplain!" Starsky said with surprise.
Tom smiled at him. "Well, I'm still human. Just means I have the added dimension of shouting questions at God too…and I did, believe me!"
Starsky laughed and shook his head.
"What were you going to say before?" Tom asked. "You don't think anyone…?"
"I don't think anyone understands how scared I am that I'll never get back to where I was…and if I don't that means I'll be putting my partner in danger…I can't live with that."
"Have you talked to him about it?"
Starsky looked away. "I think he probably knows 'cause we're like that - we know what each other is thinking most of the time – but no, not really…I've just told him I want to get back to being his partner and that I will do all it takes. It's what I want more than anything. I need to be there to watch his back…but what if I can't…I don't know what else to do."
"Would you allow me to make some observations and offer a suggestion?"
Starsky indicated that he should proceed with a wave of his hand.
"Your injuries were severe and you have made remarkable progress. It sounds, from what Mac tells me, as if everyone here thinks you will make a full recovery…but while you've been recovering here in the hospital, time's been moving on…Nothing will be exactly the same as it was because the very nature of life is like that: it's constantly on the move and changing.
Maybe you need to widen your goals, not just have the one. Talk to your partner about what he wants for the future, too. If you're that close, it's important to let him help you sort through what you want out of life.
You might find it would help to make a list of what you want your life to look like in a week's time, one month's time, one year's time and even five years' time. But I wouldn't just think about what you want to get back to, maybe think about what new things you want. What do you want for your partner too?"
Starsky mulled this over. "I guess I could do that."
"Good and if you want to talk to me again, get Nurse MacKenzie to page me. If you don't want to, I won't be offended."
"All right and thank you."
Tom reached down and picked up his bag. "Now, I have two things in here: my Bible and my chess board. Which one should I take out?"
Starsky snorted a laugh and said, "The chess board!"
"Great, I sense I may have come across a worthy opponent."
"I'll do my best," Starsky said. "My partner taught me how to play. I had a bit of beginner's luck and beat him several times in a row. Now he won't give me a rematch."
Tom laughed. "I hope the beginner's luck has run out for my sake. Do you want to be black or white?"
"You chose. I honestly don't mind."
"Okay, I'll start first this time. Next time, you can go first."
"Deal," said Starsky as he helped Tom set up the pieces for the game. He made a mental note to thank Mac for sending Tom to see him. It had been sneaky of her but Starsky did feel better for getting some things of his chest and maybe tonight he would talk to Hutch and tackle 'the list'.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Hutch arrived back at the hospital in time for evening visiting hours. He had had an unsettling day and was feeling even more fatigued than usual…if that were possible. He hoped Starsky was in a good mood tonight as he wasn't sure he could cope with trying to calm his partner down yet again. It wasn't that he didn't want to be there for Starsk, it was just he was at the end of his emotional, mental and physical tether. Self-inflicted, he knew some people would say, because he was overstretched and over-tired but wouldn't do anything about it.
He knew Starsky would try to persuade him to go home tonight and maybe it was time. After their chat last night, he felt a lot better, less anxious and less guilty. He had to admit the thought of pottering with his plants and stretching out in his own bed, knowing Starsky was safe in the hospital, was becoming more and more appealing.
As he rode the elevator up to Starksy's floor, he thought through his day: boredom, guilt, five minutes of adrenaline, more guilt. He'd started the morning reviewing the paperwork for the last month's homicide cases. Boredom. This was something he'd been doing all week at Captain Dobey's request: it was a job he loathed but it was better than the alternative of being assigned a temporary partner to work the streets with him. He didn't want another partner, not even for a day. He missed working with his friend and couldn't wait for Starsky to be back by his side, finishing his coffee, finishing his sentences and backing him up one hundred per cent.
Sometime after lunch, Dobey had called him into his office and asked him to accompany a pair of rookie detectives, Bailey and Smith, for an interview for the case that Bailey and his partner Callaghan were working. Both of the rookies' partners were absent: Callaghan had called in sick with flu, the other, Dobson, had gone to a family funeral, leaving the two youngsters unsupervised. Hutch didn't really want to be baby-sitting rookies but he knew that Dobey had been very understanding of his and Starsky's situation and it was probably time he paid him back a little so he only semi-grudgingly took the assignment and went into the bull-pen to round up the rookies. He'd seen them around and they seemed to be shaping up quite nicely. Callaghan was old school and would have let the whole squad know if he thought his rookie wasn't up to the task.
The two youngsters eagerly jumped up when they saw Hutch and followed him out to the car they'd been assigned to use. Hutch jumped in the back and let the rookies decide who was going to drive. He listened to their chatter and tried to remember when he and Starsky had been that young. He let them do the talking at the witness interview, just prompting them occasionally where he felt they might have missed something. As they headed back to the precinct, the two rookies started grilling him about his experiences as a detective and he found himself enjoying talking to them. Guilt. Was it okay to enjoy himself when Starsky was still stuck in the hospital?
There were half-way back when there was a call from control for any cars available in the area to go to a report of possible domestic violence: 'neighbours reported a woman screaming' dispatch informed them. There were close by so Hutch responded and directed the rookies to the scene. Once there, he asked them how they wanted to proceed and allowed Smith to take the lead, knocking on the door and identifying them as police officers. The door swung open to reveal a huge, bald, mountain of a man holding a baseball bat. Adrenaline. Behind him, a woman slumped on the ground, clearly unconsciousness. She had a cut on her cheek and her arm looked like it might be broken.
The offender was highly agitated and shouted at them to get out of his house. He started swinging his bat around but missed his target. It took all three of them to subdue him and get him into cuffs. As Hutch and Smith dragged him out to the car to secure him and call for an ambulance, Hutch found himself feeling guilty that part of him was thrilled to be back on the street doing something useful. He'd also quite enjoyed teaching the rookies from his experience. Maybe it was something he could do in the future? He quashed the thought. No point thinking about the future until he knew whether Starsky would ever be back as his partner. Hutch sighed as the elevator doors opened and he prepared to face his friend.
As he walked through the door, he was relieved to see Starsky was chatting to Mac and had a smile on his face. He turned his full kilowatt smile on his partner as soon as he spotted him. Hutch basked in its warmth.
"Hey buddy! I've been waiting for you. Look, we can play chess this evening. Maybe you'll even beat me!"
Hutch grimaced. "Who was silly enough to let you have a chess board?"
"The chaplain, Tom. He's loaned it to me for a couple of days."
"Oh? Chaplain?"
"Yeah, great guy. Mac here sent him to visit me this afternoon and we had a really good chat. I've just been thanking her. She's an angel."
Mac blushed and shook her head. Hutch couldn't help thinking that if she didn't have her chestnut brown hair scraped back so severely and was wearing a less starched uniform, she'd look really attractive. She had pretty eyes and a kind smile: that was for sure.
"That's enough of the flattery, Dave. I'll leave you two to catch up but I will pop back later." At the door, she paused and turned round, fixing Starsky with a look that he was beginning to recognise as her determined face. "I will just point out that Tom is also a qualified counsellor and if you talk nicely to him he might be persuaded to do your sessions and sign them off for you with your Captain…Just think about it Dave."
"I'll think about it," Starsky promised.
As Mac left the room, Starsky looked thoughtful for a moment then turned his full attention to his friend. "How was your day buddy?"
"Okay…good in parts."
Hutch sat down in the chair and helped Starsky set up the chess board that was sitting on the table between them.
"What parts were good?" Starsky asked.
Hutch avoided eye contact. "Oh, this and that. I got to go out with some rookies to interview a witness. Routine stuff."
As he moved his first pawn, Starsky said, "You know you don't have to feel guilty about enjoying getting out of the file room babe."
Damn that Starsky radar. Hutch moved his pawn forward then looked at his partner and saw dark blue eyes regarding him fondly.
"Hutch, I know you're waiting for me to come back and be your partner and I'm glad of it…I'd be worried sick if you went out on the streets without me 'cause no-one's gonna watch your back like I will…but you don't have to put your whole life on hold buddy…and, by the way, I know I owe you an apology. I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
"Treating you like crap when I realised I wasn't going to get out of here any time soon. You've had to put up with all my moods. I'm sorry buddy."
Hutch regarded his friend for a moment before saying, "Thanks…but it's what I'm here for…to listen and let you blow off steam…I-I didn't take it personally."
Starsky smiled at him and both men went back to concentrating on the game for a few moves. After a while, Hutch asked, "So this chaplain guy? He was helpful?"
"Yeah, I think I can see things a bit clearer now. I feel more…hopeful."
"I can see that buddy. You seem a lot happier."
Hutch manoeuvred his knight so it might be able to take one of Starsky's bishops on his next move. "So you thinking about doing what Nurse MacKenzie suggested?"
"Ya know. I think I might…He gets it Hutch. He's served in the Seals. Been in hospital for months after a bad injury. He gets it." Starsky rescued his bishop and moved his castle up to support his queen.
"Sounds like just the person to talk to," Hutch said, absent-mindedly trying to work out what Starsky was going to move next.
"I think he might be good for you to talk to too," Starsky suggested. "Off load all that guilt you're carrying around with you still…although you do seem less anxious this evening…You gonna go home tonight like I want?"
"Yes, mother hen, I'm going home tonight."
"Good…Hutch?"
"Yes."
"I think you'll find that's check-mate."
"What!" Hutch stared at the board while Starsky tried to hide a smirk. He looked up at his partner and was glad to see his eyes dancing with repressed laughter.
"Okay partner, set 'em up again and this time, no talking!"
"It won't help buddy. Face it. I'm just better than you."
"Starsk, I'm going to throttle you so help me! Just shut up and set up the board!"