I loved Edward, I truly did but not with my whole heart. Sometimes it felt like there was a piece missing. It wasn't just my physical human needs that he could, or would not, meet. We had widely differing opinions on some things and it felt like he wasn't willing to grow and learn with me. Over the summer we had spent together I was beginning to feel like he would always be that 17-year-old boy turned in 1918. I was growing up and he never would.

I never ended things though, I cared too deeply for him to do that and I didn't want to say goodbye to his family. Ok, Rosalie had never cared for me but Alice was like my own sister and Emmett like my own brother. I loved Esme and appreciated having a figure who would act as my own mother never had.

And then there was Carlisle. I remembered vividly the day of the almost accident when Edward had saved me from Tyler's van. I remembered how my jaw had dropped when Carlisle had walked in the room and the flash of electricity that had run through me when I got off the bed and stumbled and Carlisle had caught me. Mostly Carlisle was the reason I didn't want to end things with Edward. I liked the way my heart raced a little bit when he walked in the room and the flash of electricity that surged through me when he touched my hand. I knew it was wrong to hang around the house waiting to bump into him and lead Edward on like this but I couldn't bring myself to let it all go.

That was until my disastrous 18th birthday party until now, sat in Carlisle's office my arm dripping in blood I could see the disastrous mistakes that led me here. Edward loved me, but he loved my blood more, and I would never be truly safe around him. I realised that now.

My breath hitched as Carlisle took my arm and began wiping away the blood so he could get the wound to begin his stitches.

"Where is Edward?" I asked as I followed Carlisle's careful manoeuvres on my arm.

"Miles away by now I should have thought. Hunting with Jasper, trying to get his thirst under control," he answered never taking his eyes off my arm.

"I should have ended things with him you know. I should do now. I don't think I'll be safe around him," I started, "I love him but he's so young and immature. I don't think he will ever really grow up."

Carlisle nodded, "you have to remember, Bella, Edward was 17 when changed no matter how long he walks on this fundamentally he will always be 17." His logic agreed with mine. I knew this. I had realised many months ago.

"Then why do you seem so old Dr Cullen," I challenged smirking at him. His eyes met and heart skipped a beat. I was sure he could hear it.

"I was born in a different time, expected to mature faster. More responsibility at a younger age and I've been a doctor for over 300 years. That's a lot of time helping and maturing." He looked deep in thought, remembering his youth.

I felt his fingers softly stroke the soft bruising flesh of my arm. I bit my lip. I didn't trust myself.

"Do I need someone…" I hesitated not sure if I was brave enough to go through with this, "more mature?"

His golden eyes met mine and his mouth moved slightly into a crooked smirk, not unlike his adopted sons. He didn't say anything. I wondered if I had come too far if I could even stop myself now if I wanted to.

"Carlisle," I breathed. There was a plea in there somewhere. I wanted him to know what I was asking for without having to ask for it. I wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him.

He leaned in towards me bringing his hand up so it cupped my face. I felt his sweet breath wash over my face and I instinctively closed my eyes and sighed into it.

"Bella," his voice sounded pained, desperate and when I opened my eyes I could see it in his face. He was torn, unsure if this was the right thing to do. I didn't let him think about it too much.

I leaned a fraction closer and felt my lips meet his. The energy coursed through me and I gripped his arms bringing him closer to me. He moved against me expertly tangling a hand in my hair so neither of us could escape.

I could have been kissing him for minutes or hours. I had no idea, I just knew I didn't want this to end. This which had occupied my thoughts for months kept me awake at night with heat in my body I didn't know what to do with.

He broke away only when I let out a little moan, it was against my will and I had no idea I had even made the sound until I felt him pulling away, detangling his hand from my messy brown knot.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I shouldn't have. That was a mistake. It won't happen again, I swear," he busied himself with the medical supplies next to me not looking me in the eye.

"Carlisle please don't say that," my voice trembled, "I wanted that. I've had these feelings for a while now and I never planned to do anything but you have to know that is all I have wanted for months." I became braver, angrier.

"I get that you don't feel that way about me, that's fine, why would you?" I let out a humourless laugh, "but it wasn't a mistake for me. I can move on now I know."

He was suddenly at my side again holding me so the space between us was so narrow I doubted a piece of paper would have fit. "I want you, Bella," my heart skipped. "I want you just not like this, not rushed in my office. I want to court you and make you feel special but you need to tell Edward that your feelings have changed its only fair." He was right. Of course, he was. Though it suddenly occurred to me, the one person I hadn't thought about. Esme.

"Esme," I gasped horrified that I could have done such a thing with her husband.

Carlisle smiled, "Esme and I aren't together. We are companions, yes and I do love her but as a sister or a friend, not a lover. It has just been convenient for appearance's sake to appear as husband and wife."

Relief washed over me and then confusion. How did I not know? Why had no one told me?

Carlisle shrugged as I questioned him further.

"I thought Edward had told you," he said honestly. "Speaking of he's almost back."

Carlisle took the little tray with the bloodied bandage and set it alight. No use here having remnants of human blood lying around. At that moment Edward walked through the door.

"Are you ready to go Bella?" he asked not meeting my eyes and holding my things. It wasn't a question then. I was ready to leave. Edward was ready for me to leave.

The car ride home was silent, I could hardly bear it.

"Edward," I started having to say something. I could not stand the silence.

"Bella don't," his voice was hard and sharp and made me recoil slightly into my seat. "Don't try and make this better, you were nearly killed tonight."

"But I wasn't," I murmured under my breath.

"You almost were and it was too be expected. What was the other outcome of spending all your time with a family of vampires?" I knew he wasn't asking me so I stayed silent as we pulled into my driveway.

"My world is too dangerous for you Bella, I've realised that now. It's time my family left you alone to find a nice and normal human life."

My heart raced. He couldn't mean this. No, no, no. I wouldn't have it. He couldn't do this.

"What are you even saying?" my face crumpled, trying to remain calm but knowing what he meant. I closed my eyes so the tears wouldn't fall.

"Myself, my family, its time for us to leave Forks. We've been here too long and you deserve and you deserve the chance at human life." He was stoic the whole time, his eyes never quite meeting my face and his face never changing.

"Edward, no please, don't do this," I begged the tears flowing freely now.

"I'm sorry Bella," he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead for just a second and then he was gone. Disappeared into the night.

It suddenly felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world, I had to wrap an arm around myself to just to hold myself together. Sobs racked my body and I clutched on to the side of my truck not knowing how to move.

Everything was gone. He was going to leave and take them all with him. I wanted to scream, to be angry, to hate him but I couldn't. So instead I just stood there and let the pain consume me.