Before I had the chance to even move Carlisle was up and moving around the room too fast for me to see. By the time the breeze left in his wake had settled he was fully dressed and had his hair combed back.
"Get dressed but stay here," he murmured not making eye contact with me. We both knew how hard this was going to be, I knew he wanted to shelter me from it. I nodded my assent but he was already gone. I had no intention of staying in the bedroom. Edward would know I was here anyway so it seemed pointless. I'd rather face them both. This was my battle.
I quickly jumped up and scrambled for yesterdays clothes. I threw them on and yanked a brush through my hair as I rushed out the door and headed for the stairs. As soon as I had made it down I heard the click of the front door, Edward was here. My heart sped up. I tried to swallow the sick feeling as I made my way through to the living room where I knew they would both be.
As I entered I could feel the palpable tension. Edward had entered seconds before me and was staring icily at his father, no doubt reading every thought in his head. It was like a dance between them. Edward trying to read Carlisle's mind, Carlisle trying to pre-empt Edward's next move. They danced around one another slowly, so slowly, it took me a moment to even register that they were moving at all. They were both crouched slightly, slight hunters pose. They were wary of each other. Carlisle wary of Edward's reaction to me being here, Edward trying to understand why I was here so he could act accordingly.
"Why is she here?" he spat out, his angry black eyes never leaving Carlisle's golden ones. He must know the answer. He was clever enough. Maybe he thought it was a mourning exercise, healing together from our fractured family. Maybe we didn't have to tell him the truth. I was scrambling, desperate for this to not end in a fight or frayed relationships. I knew as soon as the words went through my head that they were a fantasy. Even if Carlisle could hide his mind from Edward it would only cause more hurt if we were to lie now and tell the truth later. Let the hurt come now and let us then heal the more rational side of myself argued.
Carlisle didn't respond and he didn't look away. Instead, he addressed me. "Go back upstairs please Bella."
"Let her stay," Edward said before I could argue. "There's no point hiding your thoughts Carlisle, why is she here with you?" Edward said every word measured.
Carlisle's eyes flashed to mine and I saw the slip in his concentration. I saw the look of pain flash over Edward's face as it crumpled before he quickly regains composure. He let out a chocked cry.
"You're sleeping together." It wasn't a question. It was an accusation. The words sliced through me. What Carlisle and I were doing was so much more than that but how did I quickly explain to the man who was the son of my soulmate, the man who had been my first love, that I didn't love him any longer? That I believed his father, for all intents and purposes, was my true soulmate? How did I feel that when I was with Carlisle my entire world was complete? How could I explain that?
"Edward it isn't what you think," I rushed out desperate to calm the ever-rising tension in the room. He turned to me. I didn't think black could burn but his eyes certainly were. I didn't know if he hadn't fed for a long time, or if it was pure anger. Neither were great for me. The pain was still there on his face. I could see he was trying to hide it but I knew him too well. My heart broke all over again. I had never wanted to hurt him. That had never been my intention. I loved Edward so much, I just wasn't in love with him.
"Then why did I see a memory of you naked in his bed?" his words were calm but his mouth turned upward in disgust. "Why is he still here Bella? Why are you here?"
"I'm in love with him," I couldn't stop the words coming, I didn't know if I wanted to. It was the quickest, truest answer.
"In love? Since when?" I closed my eyes wishing the situation away.
"Since the summer. Maybe before. I couldn't tell you. Maybe from the first time at the hospital after the accident with the van," the words were honest but I had never felt so ashamed. I felt like I was betraying him, betraying everything we had.
"I loved you, Edward," the words were a plea filled with a desperation for him to understand that I had always cared about him. That I would always care about him. "I still love you, I just… love him more," it was a confession. One I had always known to be true but had never admitted to anyone. I knew Carlisle wouldn't be mad about it. He would accept it, he probably already knew. He knew of my guilt but admitting it myself out loud was like I was betraying both of them. Greedy, selfish Bella Swan in love with Edward Cullen and his dad. I hated myself.
I could see the pain in his eyes, he was scrambling to understand. "How can you say that Bella?"
"Because it's true," I cried. "I do love you both. I wanted what we had to be enough but I am human Edward. I grow and change and you never will and I think I outgrew you," the tears flowed freely down my face and my hands gripped at my hair. I was desperate to end this emotional pain.
"I wasn't enough?" I could hear the pain if he could cry I was sure he would be.
"Yes. No. I don't know, Edward!" I was so confused. How could I explain how much I loved him but how my whole world felt whole with Carlisle and when he was away it felt like he had taken a piece of my soul with him. "All I know is that loved you but I loved Carlisle more. And I am sorry. I am sorry that I didn't tell you, that I wasn't honest but I was so scared of losing all you. You were my first love Edward but we weren't meant to be. Surely you can see that? We were never even. You were always saving me. My mind held more attraction for you to decode than I did."
It was silent for a long moment. I couldn't stand it but I couldn't stand the pain that was being caused by every word I spoke.
Finally, he turned to Carlisle. He nodded slowly to himself as if coming to some personal understanding. "You," he said his voice laced with venom, "you disgust me. You are nothing more than a perverted old man preying on a young girl. Lusting after your sons' girlfriend? Was it her age that did it for you. That when you met her she wasn't even old enough to consent?" his words were spat out and I could see Carlisle flinch at them.
"Of course not Edward," his voice calm as ever though I knew the words had to be hurting him. "If she had never said anything, if you had not of left I would never have said anything. I would have cared for, of course, but I would have kept it to myself. If she had been happy with you I would have kept a distance and let her be happy." He was so thoughtful and kind it made tears prick on my eyes.
Edward was silent for a moment, contemplating, before saying quietly, "how long?"
My stomach dropped once more. No one said anything.
He raised his voice repeating the question, "how long?"
"My birthday," I whispered keeping my eyes on the ground.
"We were still together," he noted his voice twisting the words.
"Just, Edward. You broke up with me an hour later," I reminded him.
"And if I hadn't what would have done?"
"Ended things first. I couldn't betray you like that. Sneak around behind your back. I love you too much," I explained gently. He needed to know that I had never hurt him intentionally.
He laughed humourlessly, "just not enough".
I shook my head, "I'm so sorry, Edward."
I walked toward him slowly and put my hand out gently touching his forearm. He shook me. That hurt but I deserved it.
He looked up first at me, meeting my eyes for a long while though it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. He then turned his gaze toward Carlisle for a similar amount of time before saying to us both, "you sicken me."
As quick as he came he was gone leaving not but the breeze of air behind me.
I choked out a sob. That was it then. Edward knew. There had been no grand fight, though I was glad for that, I couldn't have bared either of them being hurt physically as well as emotionally over me. There had just been a nasty exchange of words and views shared on all sides.
Carlisle was at my side in a flash. He wrapped his arms around me, taking my weight as I collapsed to the ground no longer able to support myself.
"Shh Bella. It will all be ok," he murmured into my hair reassuring me.
"I'm so sorry," I choked out between sobs.
"You don't have to apologise sweet girl. He would have found out eventually. It is better it happened now rather than years down the line." Carlisle always had the right words. He always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.
"He's your son. I took him away from you."
"No Bella, you were honest with me. And I am glad for it. Edward will always be my son, he knows that but he is hurting and he deserves time to heal." Carlisle took my face in his hands wiping away my tears with his thumbs. I felt abysmal. I would rather have died than hurt either of them, I didn't say that out loud for fear it would cause Carlisle more hurt than I already caused.
I didn't deserve either of them, I knew that I also knew it was pointless to keep speaking so I let Carlisle sit there with me on the floor whilst I cried for the both of us. I cried for myself and the hurt I had caused, I cried for Carlisle losing Edward and cried for the tears he could and I cried for Edward for how I had hurt him. Edward who had only ever tried to protect me.
I was sure how long I sat there but we sat until my sobs stopped and my tears dried in silence, each of us contemplating what we had done and the hurt we had caused. We couldn't bear to part with each other, that much I knew, but I wondered if it was worth all the pain we caused to ourselves and Edward.
We sat there until the phone in Carlisle's pocket rang. I didn't move expecting it to be the hospital. I only moved when he repositioned me to take it out of his pocket and when he said in a confused voice, "It's Alice." I turned around to face him, so I could see him talk into the phone to her.
"Hello Alice," he was always so polite and pleasant.
I heard a muffled sound on the other end. Alice must have asked him to put her on loudspeaker because he put the phone between us in front of him.
"It's Edward," she said her voice strangled. I met Carlisle's eyes which reflected the same fear and worry back at me that I knew mine were showing. "He's going to tell Charlie."