My stomach was in knots all afternoon. If Charlie noticed anything he didn't say anything. I spent the longest time cutting all the ingredients for the tacos I was making for dinner. I tried to drag it out as long as possible because if I could focus on doing something then maybe I wouldn't be so worked up.
It wasn't just about Victoria either. Obviously, that was a concern but I did trust Carlisle. I knew he would protect me. I was more worried about seeing the rest of the family. It had been over four months since they left and things were different. I was with Carlisle now. I couldn't help but wonder what they must have thought of me. Some kind of homewrecker probably.
Carlisle had said Esme was happy for us but how true could that be? He had been her husband. I knew Alice was pleased and I guessed that meant Jasper was as well. Edward was hurt so that just left Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett would probably go along with Rosalie who hated me anyway and now probably blamed me for breaking up her family. Great. This would be just great. My mind worked in overdrive every time I let it stray I would always conclude that I was hated.
I tried to must it out of mind and focus on the evening with Charlie. I was too keyed up to stick around Charlie for very long. So, after taking my time clearing the dishes and wiping down the kitchen after dinner, and after an attempt to watch some TV with him I announced I was going to bed. He looked at my warily when I said it so I knew he would be checking on me later in the night but I didn't push it.
I sat at my desk and tried to focus on school work. Despite all the supernatural going's on I still wanted to at least try to get into college. I tried to focus on a few Calculus questions but I kept getting distracted and having to read and reread the questions. In the end, I plugged in my headphones and turned on some heavy metal music. That sufficiently drowned out my thoughts and I was able to do some work. I didn't hear Charlie knock on my door so when he tapped me on my shoulder to say a final 'goodnight' I about flew out of my chair, yanking my headphones with them.
"Sorry, Bella." He said sheepishly his face looking embarrassed.
"It's ok," I said still catching my breath. "You shocked me is all"
He ducked his head at that. I knew the reason he had come was that he thought I would sneak out. He used to do it when he thought I would be sneaking out with Edward.
"Oh well sorry about that," he said awkwardly before adding, "goodnight," and shuffling out of the door.
I received a text from Carlisle just after Charlie had made his way out of the door.
I'll pick you up when Charlie is asleep. X
This must be it then. Everyone must be back and I'd be seeing them. My heart started racing again. I laid down on my bed and tried to practice controlled breathing but it didn't seem to be having any great effect.
About 30 mins after Charlie started snoring Carlisle appeared through my window. Just seeing him made me feel more at ease.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"It's now or never," I replied. I wasn't ready but I wasn't sure I would ever be ready. It was like a band-aid. Needed to be ripped off in one painful go.
"Come on then," he held his hand out and I stood up and walked towards him to take it. He gently slung to me on to his back and jumped out of my window. I buried my face in the crook of his neck so I didn't have to watch. When he landed on the ground he paused slightly and I took that opportunity to kiss him on the cheek, reminding him of my love for him, before he took off running into the night.
I felt the wind rush by me but I never dared look up, I knew doing so would make me immediately sick. I only left my rigid position when I felt him start to slow down and then finally looked up when he stopped. We were just in the tree line in front of the large house.
Carlisle took a look at the house and then a look at me. He pulled me into his side and said,
"I love you." My heart swelled with emotion.
"I love you too." He lifted my chin and pressed a tender kiss to my mouth. As he kissed me I wished in vain we didn't have to go into the house. That we could run away and just be together alone. I've lost count of how many times I've wished that over the last couple of months.
One day, I remind myself. One day.
He pulled away and smiled at me.
"Let's go."
I knew Jasper was there because I could feel the waves of calm washing over my body before I had even entered the house. I would have been self-conscious about this once an upon a time but not tonight. Tonight I was glad. I wasn't sure how much more anxiety I could take before being sick.
Alice was the first the greet me as I walked through the door. She bounded toward me in a flash of colour too fast for eyes to process before I felt her rock hard body crash into mine.
"Bella," she squealed and instantly my mood was lifted. It's hard not to be made happier by Alice and her infectious mood. I squeezed her back and breathed her in. I had missed my best friend.
"I missed you," I admitted burying my face against her hair.
"I know," her voice always a sing-song lilt. "I missed you too."
As she pulled away from me I noticed Jasper stood towards the edge of the room. Keeping his distance. He stood poker straight, hands behind his back. He nodded at me once.
"Bella," his mouth picks up just slightly at the hint of a smile. I smile back at him and I feel my cheeks with flush with colour.
"Hi, Jasper."
Esme is the next to approach me. She's slower than Alice and as she walks toward me I notice how perfect and put together she looks. A tidy purple dress and her caramel hair perfectly coiffed. It knocks my confidence slightly. I can never put out of my mind how long she and Carlisle were married for and, here Esme is all perfect and put together and here I am in jeans and a sweater. It's a nice sweater, cream with a fancy scoop neck but still, I feel very insignificant.
It's a funny feeling. I had never had any reason to compare myself to Esme before now. The part of me that found Carlisle attractive, that felt a certain pull, I had just closed away in the back of my mind. I had thought he was happily married, had found his soul mate in Esme so I never let it bother me. There was no point but here, now my cheeks flushed as I took in her perfection.
"Hello dear," she greeted me warmly smiling. She took me in her arms and lightly kissed my cheek. It was impossible not to love Esme.
"Hello Esme," I said meekly returning her hug. When she withdrew she smiled at me for a moment before moving on to Carlisle who was stood beside me in the doorway.
"Carlisle," she greeted him fondly. She took him in her arms and they pressed kisses to each other's cheeks. It wasn't jealousy that prickled inside me, or at least not jealousy seeing them do that, it was envy. I wanted that relaxed easy relationship. Maybe we had it before Charlie and before Edward, or maybe that was us still getting to know one another, a honeymoon phase. It wasn't the comfort that comes from spending 90 years with one person. I saw Jasper out of the side of my eye give me a quizzical look as he felt what I felt. I shrugged lightly at him and turned away. This wasn't something that needed going into right now.
I noticed casually that Rosalie and Emmett weren't around to greet us though Carlisle had said they were coming home. I guessed Rosalie still wasn't my biggest fan, not that I blamed her.
I felt Carlisle come up behind me, he placed a hand on the small of my back.
"Shall we?" he said as he guided me through to the main living area. The last time I had been here had been when Edward was here and I felt slightly sick thinking about it. I swallowed hard as I walked into the room.
Edward was stood off to one side, looking at the ground and Emmett and Rosalie were stood by the television. She was firing darts at me so I quickly looked away. Emmett gave me an apologetic smile but I knew he had to stand by his wife.
The atmosphere was charged. I'm sure everyone felt as sufficiently awkward as I did.
Rosalie was the one to break the silence first.
"Why are we risking our lives again to protect her?" her voice was laced with venom.
Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder protectively. "It's not just about Bella anymore Rose," his voice was patient and calm and I was reminded of the insurmountable love Carlisle had for his family. "It's about Forks. Victoria's' army could destroy the entire town and these people are innocents. They do not quarrel with us. They don't deserve to be collateral damage.
"The wolves have agreed to help us. We're going to meet them tonight to do some training with them. I thought Bella should be present for that," he continued. I watched Edward closely as Carlisle spoke. He never made eye contact with anyone and continued looking at the floor. I did notice that whenever Carlisle said my name Edwards's lips turned up slightly in a sneer. Still not ok then.
It was the word wolves that caught my attention. "Wolves?" I questioned.
"Yes," Carlisle turned to face me. "You might want to sit down." He guided me over to the sofa and sat me down. The rest of the Cullen's remained in the room. Clearly, the information about to be shared with me was relevant to them as well.
"The legend of the Quileute tribe is that they are descended from wolves," Carlisle started. I nodded urging him to continue.
"They also believe they have a sworn enemy. That they are destined to kill. To kill vampires that are. When there are vampires around the wolf gene takes over as it is their natural instinct to use this form to protect humans." I let out a small gasp but as he talked I was remembering a conversation I had with Jacob Black almost a year ago.
I was remembering walking with him on First Beach at La Push whilst he told me a tale of his tribe. At the time I had been trying to figure out what Edward was and I hadn't paid much attention to the stuff about the wolves. I remembered now though.
"The cold ones and the wolves. They are enemies and the cold ones can't go on Quileute land," I said under my breath to myself. Carlisle, with his vampire hearing, cocked his head in surprise.
"You know this already?" I nodded slowly still remembering that cold wet walk along a beach when I had tried my pitiful attempt at flirting.
"About a year ago I went to La Push with my friends and a comment was by one of the Quileute kids. 'The Cullen's don't come here' and I was trying to figure what Edward was after the incident with Tyler's van and I asked Jacob about the comment and he told the legends. I only just remembered the stuff about the wolves. At the time I wasn't that interested in that part of the story," I let out a slight chuckle at that and on looking up saw that both Carlisle and Edward had a slight smirk on the faces.
"I didn't realise it was all true though." I didn't know that all of it was true. The legends and the fairytales.
"Yes, it is," Carlisle said. "I spoke to Sam, the alpha of the pack this afternoon. He's agreed to help us, to fight with us to defend the town and Bella. The more vampires in the area the more Quileute boys may transform so the numbers will be good," I watched Jasper nod in agreement at Carlisle's words.
"Numbers will help. Tonight, I will show you all the basic moves you will need to fight against this threat." Jasper's drawl was slow and serious as if he were commanding us.
"Bella," Carlisle said, talking just to me this time. "It's time to go now, to meet with the wolves. I think its best you come, so you know what's going on."
Carlisle took me on his back to the clearing in the forest. I heard the wolves before I saw them, I could hear their breathing and the small snarls they did in the face of their natural enemy. When my eyes adjusted I could see the slight glow from their own eyes in the tree line, like being watched by a cat.
Carlisle dropped me and Alice came and put her arm around me. Never unprotected for a second.
The lines had been drawn. Though we were supposed to be working together the wolves were on one side and the Cullen's on the other. Both were trying hard to hide their lightly defensive stances but it didn't come naturally to either of them, working together.
Carlisle made his way the front, standing halfway between both sides. The natural peacemaker.
"Thank you for coming tonight," he nodded to the wolves. "I know this isn't easy but we must try to work together. The enemy now is Victoria and her newborn army. They put the lives of the whole town at stake. Edward, will you translate please any questions the pack may have?" Edward nodded and made his way toward Carlisle.
There was a brief pause where Edward must have been scanning the minds of wolves, picking the questions out of their heads.
"We will watch and listen but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self- control," Edward re-laid directly.
"That is more than enough," Carlisle responded. "My son Jasper has experience in this area. He will teach us how they fight, how they are to be defeated. I'm sure you can apply this to your hunting style." My eyes moved to Jasper. His face was hard and set and made no response to the mention of his name. he was focused entirely on the pack, watching them intently for any move they would make.
"How are they different from you?" Edward spoke Sam's question.
"They are all very new—only months old to this life. Children, in away. They will have no skill or strategy, only brute strength. Tonight their numbers stand at twenty. Ten for us, ten for you—it shouldn't be difficult. The numbers may go down. The new ones fight amongst themselves."
"They're wary. They don't trust us," Edward said.
"Of course, you are naturally wary but we will earn your trust. We all want the same thing here. To protect the town and its people," Carlisle was ever the diplomat. They would trust him if no one else.
The wolves made an excited rumbling noise deep in their chests. I guessed they were anxious to fight, to fulfil their purpose.
After the introductions and the pleasantries, the Cullen's took it in turns to spar with each other. They ran too fast for me, only a blur of colours and movements. I heard the sound of stone crashing as they bounded into one another on the instructions of Jasper who was instructing them on how to move. It made me nervous watching them like this but I knew if there was any other way they would use it. They did not resort to fights easily.
Jasper was clearly experienced in these kinds of fights, he instructed the two sides as general in army may. He looked down on them disapprovingly when they went for the obvious maneuverers or made a move that left them vulnerable.
I watched them, my nerves on a knife-edge. If this was how I felt already with practice then who knew what I would be like when the actual fight came.
Jasper and Emmett were involved in what looked like a serious spar. Rosalie and Alice were in a game of cat and mouse, dancing around each other. Rosalie trying not to make any decision and Alice seeing what move she would make. Esme and Edward both using their light figures their advantage, flipping over the other when they made an attack. Moving at such high speeds I couldn't follow.
Eventually, Carlisle looked over at me and saw I was struggling to maintain my calm. My breath was getting shorter and my mind kept racing. They were strong and by the time the fight came I knew they would be well-practised but it didn't escape me that this was happening because of me. They were fighting to protect the town of Forks but had I not come here they would never have been in danger. I was the problem.
I knew the lack of sleep didn't help. By now I was sure it was the early hours and I was exhausted and ready for sleep though I loathed missing any of this time.
"I'll take Bella home," Carlisle said quietly to others drawing away from the play fighting. They all gave a slight nod and went back to their partners.
Carlisle placed a light hand on my back guiding me out of the clearing into the tree line till we were out of the sight of the rest of the family. Then he pulled me onto his bag and raced the short distance back to the house. We didn't bother going inside, instead, he led me took me straight the garage where the lights flashed on his sleek Mercedes.
"This will be more comfortable for you," he explained when he saw my questioning glance. "I think you've had enough supernatural for one night."
"Ok," I agreed. I was very tired and I wasn't going to argue with him.
I slid into the soft leather seats enveloping myself in the scent of Carlisle that filled the car. Being alone with him like this reminded me of our trip to Seattle. That day I had felt truly normal. It had been one of the best days of my life.
"What are you thinking about, sweetheart?" Carlisle asked reaching across the armrest to hold my hand.
"Seattle. What a lovely day that was."
He smiled at himself remembering.
"One of the best of my existence."
"Existence? Really? You're like 300?" I laughed in disbelief at that.
"Of course. I spent it with you and then there was that night," he turned and winked at me and I found myself flushing. I squeezed his hand in response.
Carlisle pulled the car over the side of the road just up the road, out of the sight Charlie's house. We sat in the silence for a moment, neither of us willing to leave the other.
"This fight is dangerous," I noted after a few moments of silence.
"Yes," he nodded sagely.
"People could get hurt."
"Yes."
There was another moment of solemn silence.
"But we will be fine Bella. We are more skilled than they are and we have surprise on our side. They won't be expecting the wolves."
I let his words sink in for a minute. He was right of course. I didn't think the edge I was feeling would be completely gone till it was all over.
But sitting in the car with Carlisle like this I felt something else come over me.
I turned in my seat and faced him.
"Carlisle," my voice was barely more than a whisper as he turned to face me. His eyes scanned my face and he could see in it what I wanted.
He leaned in slowly towards me. My eyes closed his anticipation of feeling his mouth on mine. Once I felt him I could feel all my emotions pouring out. All the love I had for him, the fear I had for what faced up, how scared I was but how utterly devoted to him I was, I let him feel it all.
His mouth was soft at first, barely moving against mine but as I grabbed his shirt with hands he became more intense. Moving against me, his hands laced in my hair keeping my face pressed to his. Before I let myself get too deep into the kiss he broke away.
"Bella, not here," his voice was a warning.
I was desperate now.
"Carlisle please I need you," my voice cracked with my desperation. I needed him like I needed air to breathe. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. I needed to feel like everything was going to be ok just for a little while at least.
He didn't say anything but his face softened and he lifted me into his lap, pushing the seat back so I didn't lean on the horn by mistake. He couldn't say no to me, not when I knew he was feeling exactly what I was feeling.
As I straddled him I could feel how much he needed me. I pressed my mouth back against his and ground my lips into his. His mouth opened to let my tongue inside, I could feel his cool breath wash over me. I traced my tongue over his teeth and let my own teeth nip at his lips.
His hands were all over me. He was grabbing at my hips, grinding me down against him as my own hips bucked with lust.
His hands traced under my shirt and up my back before coming back around to grope at my breasts.
"Bella," his voice was a low growl. His patience was running thin. This was no time for being gentle or for love. It was pure, desperate need to be as close to one another as we could.
I reached down and fumbled unbuckling his belt. He let out a hiss as I stroked against him in an effort to free his growing appendage from its tight confines.
Once it sprung free I wrapped my fist around it pumping it, making sure he was hard.
"Fuck Bella." He lifted me up and made quick work of unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down. He moved his hands to my hips to manoeuvre me as I lined his cock up against my wet centre. I lowered myself down, giving myself time to adjust. It had been a while and he was so big I could feel him stretching me as I flexed to accommodate him.
"Fuck. Carlisle." I moaned as I felt him fully sheathed within me. I lifted myself up and down trying to find a rhythm. Carlisle used his strong hands to guide me up and down and we soon found a comfortable of me bouncing on him and him thrusting into my from below.
It wasn't soft or gentle. It was raw and passionate and filled with the need we both had but couldn't share. We were desperate for one another. I could feel it every time he growled my name and every time his cock filled me up.
I clawed at his chest in desperation. I couldn't hang on much longer. I needed him too badly. I was too desperate for him. My mind was clouded and all I could think about what how much I needed him.
"Please don't stop… please," I moaned into his ear and he slammed up into me once more.
I could feel myself tightening around him. I let out a string of expletives, chanting "fuck" as I felt my walls close around him and the pressure that had built up inside me explode. I couldn't think about anything other than how good it felt but I could feel him throbbing inside me. He was close as well.
"Fuck.. Bella.. so.. tight," the words weren't a sentence but words not coherently thought out. He pushed into me one more time, reaching my hilt as I felt him explode within me. He let out a cry against my neck as he throbbed to completion within me.
Afterwards, we sat there for a moment catching the breath that I desperately needed and he did not. His face was nestled into my neck and I was still clutching at his chest.
We stayed like that until I felt him begin to soften. He lifted me up and pulled my jeans up for me. As he lifted me back into the passenger seat he said just one thing.
"I need you, Bella. I can't live you without again," his voice was filled with the pain of 300 years of loneliness.
"I know Carlisle. I can't live without you." The words were true. If this fight took Carlisle from me I would follow. This world could offer me nothing if I did not have him beside my side.
"Its time for bed love," was his reply. It was filled with love and understanding but also his desire for me to rest, to process.
Carlisle was around my side of the car before I could even process he had gotten out of his side. He silently lifted from the passengers' side to carry me back into my room before Charlie awoke. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.