A/N: *dropping in to give all my lovely followers (and lurkers…cuz I love you all, too) their weekly dose of angst*
As always, read with caution. And feel free to yell at me in the reviews.
Chapter 5:
AliTruism
Emily finally relented, letting Alison take her to see one of her contacts from the hospital, Cece Drake. Alison had known Cece since they were in diapers. She'd been like a sister to her.
They'd gone through a few pre-med classes together before Alison chose Psychology as her path. Cece had picked General Medicine. She was just finishing up med school and was starting her residency. And she was always joking with Alison that she needed as much practice as she could get. But when Alison showed up at Cece's house hauling a bleeding Emily with her Cece's initial reaction had been,
"When I told you I need to build my portfolio I didn't mean to go out and find strays that need help. I meant like…give me your old fruit so I can practice my stitching on it." She helped Alison get her through the door. "Jesus, what happened to her?"
"Just help me." Alison ordered.
They got her to the couch, where Emily promptly passed out from the pain. They tended to some of her injuries. Emily was in and out of consciousness for a while, but she finally woke up long enough to let Cece do a thorough exam on her. She sat up on the counter and slipped her shirt off for Cece to get a better look at her injuries.
Cece tried not to focus on her scars. Her eyes kept drifting to her tattoos. Emily was too drowsy to come up with anything cheeky to say. When Cece finished she handed Emily back her shirt.
Emily pulled her shirt on over her bruised chest and stomach. She grimaced and hissed. She slid off of the counter and asked Cece if she could use the bathroom. Cece pointed her in the direction of the restroom and then walked into the living room, where a very worried Alison was trying to keep her mind occupied by cleaning up their mess.
"Is she going to be okay?" Alison asked.
"She really needs to be X-Rayed. She's bruised to hell. I can see the external damage, but who knows what's happening with her internal organs?"
"She's refusing to go to the hospital."
Cece grumbled and guffawed at that. Then she sighed.
"At the very least she needs to be monitored. She has a concussion and she's probably got some minor internal bleeding. I mean, I can get her something for the pain, but…"
"No." Alison cut her off. She didn't want to risk Emily overdosing again. "No. She's…she can't take anything. She's…allergic."
Cece eyed her. She obviously didn't believe her. But she didn't push her.
"Go with RICE then. You remember what…"
"Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation. I'm not a complete novice. I remember the basics. Give me some credit." Alison scowled at her.
"Okay, sellout." Cece rolled her eyes.
"Just because I chose Psychology does not mean I'm a sellout."
"Someone couldn't cut Anatomy." Cece teased.
"Bite me, Cece."
"Ohh, kinky." Cece winked at her. "But I don't think tall, dark, and brooding in there would appreciate it."
"We're not…" Alison had a hard time meeting her friend's gaze, "It's not like that."
But Cece could see it written all over Alison's face.
"You slept with her, didn't you?" Cece called her out. One difference in her friendship with Cece compared to Aria and Spencer was that Cece knew things about Alison before she announced them. She just looked at her and she knew.
"That's none of your business."
"That's a yes." Cece snorted. "Bad move, Ali."
"I already know it was a shitty thing to do. You can spare me the lecture. I already got the holier-than-thou act from Spencer."
"Fine." Cece shrugged. "Grab that trash can over there for me."
She didn't say another word about it, which was surprising to Alison. She expected a Spencer-level freak out. Cece was constantly surprising her.
Emily walked into the room and saw Alison and Cece tidying up.
"I can help you clean up…" She looked at Alison.
"No. You two should get going. You need to get some rest." Cece shook her head. "I'll take care of the clean-up."
Alison mouthed another silent 'thank you' to Cece before they left.
"How are you feeling?" Alison asked as they walked down the driveway to where her car was parked. She felt a little better because Emily was walking on her own again.
"I survived a war. I can survive a little beatdown."
But she hadn't. She hadn't really come back from the war. She never would. Because a huge piece of her was still over there. A huge piece of her had never come home.
Alison knew it, and she called her on it.
"It's not surviving the war that's the hard part."
"Profound." Emily yawned.
"Is there somewhere I can take you?" Alison asked.
"Look, I already told you, don't waste your time on me. I'll just end up disappointing you in the end. I appreciate everything and all, but I've got it from here."
"There is no way I'm letting you walk off into the darkness alone."
"Why do you care so much?" Emily uttered in frustration. When people cared about her they just ended up hurt. She couldn't let it happen again.
"I don't know!" Alison grumbled back. "I don't know, okay? I just do. So just tell me where you fucking live."
Emily looked at the ground. She reached up and rubbed the back of her neck. It was stiff from the fight.
"I uh…I don't really have a place. I've been bouncing around, staying here and there. Motels…and sometimes in shelters. When I got back I didn't see the point in a home anymore."
Alison's heart broke for her. She didn't want her in some musty old motel room. She wanted her warm. And safe.
"Why don't you come stay with me?" Alison questioned.
It was strange how quickly it had come to her mind. It's not something she'd been planning, nor something she would normally do…offer a stranger a place to stay, especially not after seeing that stranger pull a gun in a bar fight. But she couldn't let her walk away again. Because if she let her go she knew that the next time she'd see her would be her funeral.
She knew it was crazy. But she'd gotten this far with her. She knew that this girl was lost. And there was something special about her. Alison couldn't let her become another statistic. She knew she had to take the risk.
"You really shouldn't bring strangers home. I could be a serial killer for all you know."
"You're not though." Alison shrugged it off. "I can tell. I'm good at reading people." She unlocked the car doors with her key fob. "Besides, for all you know I could be the serial killer."
"Well, you do know how to break a pool cue over a drunk's head. I'll give you that." Emily reached for the door handle.
"I'm not as helpless as I look." Alison assured her. She had secrets they hadn't even started to touch on. "I do need to know though…"
Emily knew exactly what she was going to ask. She could see it written all over the blonde's face.
"You want to know how many other guns I have."
"I don't want to take them away from you, but I also think I have a right to know…"
"All I've got left is my brother's service weapon. I pawned the rest of what I had when I got back for money for booze…and a couple of strip joints…"
"Don't need the details." Were they prettier than me? Did you sleep with them, too?
Emily saw the look on her face and she grinned.
"You're still special to me, sweetheart. Never made any other girl scream the way you screamed in that office…"
Alison hated herself for smiling in response.
Emily thought she saw her cheeks redden in the darkness. She felt herself soften when she saw the sweet look on Alison's face. And she did something she never did. She caved to her feelings.
"I'll leave the gun locked up in the motel room. I've got the room paid off for the next two weeks. I'll just grab what I need for tonight. No sense in bringing everything."
Alison nodded.
Baby steps. She thought if she could just get Emily to see that someone cared about her then she could get her on the road to recovery.
They both climbed into the car. Emily leaned the seat back.
"No sleeping." Alison put the key in her ignition. "Cece thinks you have a concussion. Don't want you having a brain bleed while we're taking the scenic route and listening to Enya."
"Oh, god. You're fucking kidding me. Enya?" Emily scoffed.
"Out of all that, Enya is what you latched on to?"
"I feel like I'm a prisoner of war here. And that's saying a lot."
Alison laughed.
"I'm just screwing with you. Just wanted to make sure you were awake and alert and still…you."
"Your tests suck."
"But they're effective." Alison started the car.
Emily told Alison where her motel was so she could run by and grab a few things. After Alison saw the seedy place she was more determined than ever to get Emily somewhere safe. She was pretty sure she saw a drug deal go down and two prostitutes go into a room adjacent to Emily's.
The drive back to Alison's place didn't take long. When she pulled in the driveway she turned the car off and faced Emily.
"How are you with dogs?"
"You have one?"
"A German Shepherd. His name is Lupo."
"Well, damn. You should have led with that. I might have followed you home from the hospital if I knew that."
"This is how I know you're not a serial killer. You love dogs."
"Hate to burst your bubble, but Hitler loved his dog…" The poor dog was terribly and ironically named Blondi in the midst of a Holocaust where Jewish people were persecuted and killed because they didn't fit the visual image of a dictator's dream of a perfect race.
"They left that tidbit out in world history. It's too bad one of his dogs didn't go for his jugular."
"I'd like a time machine so I could go back and go for his jugular." Emily opened the car door. "You know that fucker actually killed his dog with cyanide when they were in that underground bunker rather than let someone else take her alive?" She opened the back door and leaned in the back seat to grab her things. "Some people are real sick fucks."
She stared at her bag for a few seconds, her mind drifting towards the fact that the world was full of deranged people. She saw flashes of the people in her life that had hurt her. Her hands started to shake.
"Emily?" She heard Alison's voice behind her.
"Yeah. I'm coming." Emily grabbed her belongings and slammed the door. She turned away from her so Alison couldn't see her face.
When she saw Alison's house she almost dropped everything she was carrying. She expected that little miss goody two-shoes was well off, but her house proved it. It was a large Victorian style with enough room to fit her entire squad.
She could hear barking from inside that got increasingly louder. Lupo had rushed out the doggy door when he heard Alison's car approaching and was running the line by the back fence, excitedly wagging his tail.
"Holy hell." Emily uttered under her breath.
"I inherited the place a few years ago." Right after Jason had gone to prison.
She walked towards the front door, but when she turned around she saw that Emily was still standing motionless in the driveway and gawking at the house. Alison couldn't tell if she was intimidated or impressed. Either way, it gave the blonde a different perspective in life. She'd never known anything but the high life. She'd never known poverty. She'd never had to struggle the way Emily had struggled.
The more Alison learned about Emily the more she realized that even though she hadn't had it easy in her life either…there were some things she had taken for granted. Emily hadn't had a steady home or a safe place to land since she was a little girl. If Alison could offer that, she wanted to.
She knew her friends wouldn't understand. In fact, Spencer was liable to blow her top. Spencer had mentioned she didn't want Alison to suffer any undue hardships, but Alison knew that she didn't have a choice. She knew that Emily needed her, regardless of whether or not the brunette would admit it. Alison knew she couldn't let her end up under that bridge again.
The night started out fine. Emily met Lupo and they hit it off. She sat on Alison's living room floor for an hour rolling a tennis ball across the floor. He'd bring it back every time and then drop it at her feet. It almost made her forget about her bruises and her pain.
For the first time in a long time, Emily felt a sense of joy. She'd always been an animal lover. Three of the squads in her unit had explosives detection K9s. She'd loved them.
Lupo sat in front of Emily patiently waiting for her to roll the ball across the floor. He was easily entertained.
"He likes you." Alison smiled. She was sitting on the couch watching them play.
"Humans could really learn a lot from dogs. I think they understand life better than most people. And despite everything, they love unconditionally." Emily reached out and scratched Lupo's head. He let out a content groan.
"Have you had dogs before?" Alison asked.
"Kind of." Emily rolled the ball across the living room. Lupo pounced on it. "We had a few K9 soldiers overseas with us, but we also had strays we'd run into from time to time. We'd been warned not to feed them because our commanders assumed they were trained to kill people."
"Did people do that?" Alison asked in shock. "Use innocent dogs to kill people?"
"We do it, too." Emily looked at Lupo, who was gnawing on his toy ball. He pawed at it and it bounced away. He growled playfully and went after it. "We trained our own dogs…took them over there with us…"
"To protect you. To be a part of your team. Not to take some poor unsuspecting stray and turn it into some martyr for a cause."
"It's not just dogs. They use women and children, too."
"God, what is wrong with people?"
"We're a fucked up species." Emily shrugged. "I guess you're right about the dogs, though. Ours are explosive detection dogs. Our dogs don't know what they're doing is work. They do something right…they save lives, they get to play. All they want to do is play with their toys. That's how their handlers train them. It's all positive reinforcement. I imagine the strays the other side uses aren't that lucky."
"Did you ever have any strays turn on you?"
"No. We'd heard stories about it happening, but it never happened to anyone I knew. Some of my squad thought it was all bullshit made up to keep us from dragging another mouth to feed into the barracks. Didn't stop us from making friends with the mutts we crossed paths with." She smiled. "There was one little hound that kept following us around. She wouldn't come up to any of the guys, but she came right over to me. Practically jumped into my arms. We named her Pippi…like Longstockings because her coat was red. She was malnourished and timid, but she was really sweet. She was with us for a few weeks. But then we had to move out. But from what I heard someone in another unit took her home after his deployment was over. I miss that little attention whore."
"How many K9s did you have in your unit?"
"Three. Max, Diesel, and Scout. But Scout, she…she was killed in action in the raid that killed my squad."
The last words the dog had heard were praise from her dying handler. Emily had been too far away to do anything for them. But she'd been close enough to see Scout's handler mouth the words,
"Good girl."
Her handler had died shortly after. Emily could hear Scout whining. She could see the blood covering her fur.
"Scout!" Her voice was harsh and quiet, but it drew the dog's attention. "Come here. Come here, girl."
But Scout refused to leave her partner. Emily had tried to get to her, but an explosive went off that sent her careening backwards through the air. Her brother had come out of nowhere and helped her up.
"Come on! Move! We've got to go, Em…"
That had been the beginning of the end.
Alison could see the tension in her eyes. Every time Emily opened up even the slightest bit, it felt like she got further and further away from reality. It was like her mind was a black hole that sucked a portion of her away every time it was open.
Emily tried to shake it off.
"It's been a long night." She stood up, gripping her bruised ribs. "Can I use your shower?"
"Of course." Alison stood next to her. "Just give me a minute to set everything up for you."
"You don't have to do that."
"I don't mind." Alison waved it off. Of course, she couldn't tell her the real reason she wanted to make a trip into the bathroom first. All that was going through Alison's mind was "hide the razor blades and empty the medicine cabinet".
She did a quick sweep of the bathroom to make sure there wasn't anything that Emily could use to hurt herself. Then she drew her a bath with essential oils to help her bruising.
Emily didn't want to tell her that she preferred showers, so she took the bath instead. When she was done Alison helped Emily clean her bloody knuckles and wrap her wrists to prevent swelling.
"I've got the guest room ready for you." Alison tossed a few bloody gauze pads into the trash can.
Emily grabbed her knapsack, which she'd been holding on to like a lifeline, and followed Alison down the hallway. The guest bedroom was bigger than any place Emily had ever called home. She felt like she was walking into a ballroom in a prestigious hotel.
"So, you know where the bathroom is." Alison pointed to where they'd come from. The kitchen is through the living room and to the left. You're welcome to anything in the fridge and the cabinets. Make yourself at home."
"Thanks." Emily walked over to the bed. She was still clutching her bag.
"My bedroom is upstairs, but the acoustics in the house are really good, so if you need anything just yell." She looked down at her dog. "I'll close the doggy door for the night and keep Lupo with me so he doesn't make loud noises in the middle of the night."
"No. He…you can let him run free. He shouldn't have to be caged up just because I'm here."
"He'll be fine." Alison assured her. "I do it all the time when I have company. Just to keep him from flying out the doggy door and barking at every leaf that falls off of a tree."
Emily nodded.
"Do you mind if I check in on you every few hours?" Alison asked.
"What? To make sure I'm still breathing?" Emily laughed.
"Well, that is kind of the whole point. I just want to make sure the concussion doesn't get any worse."
I can assure you, I've had "worse".
But something about Alison's generosity shut Emily's anger up long enough for her to sound like a decent person.
"Sure. Just…be careful when you come in. You've seen what I'm like when I'm…when I don't have control."
"You have more control than you give yourself credit for." Alison had been able to pull her out of it in the office. She'd seen the wild aggression in Emily's eyes, but she also knew exactly how to settle her down.
"Thank you." Emily looked around the room. "For all of this, I mean."
"Of course. Can I get you anything?" Alison asked.
"No. I'm wiped. I'll probably just go to sleep."
"Okay." Alison smiled. "There are icepacks in the freezer if you start to hurt." She moved towards the door.
"Wait." Emily called for her attention.
When Alison turned around she saw that Emily had a strange look on her face.
"Something wrong?"
"Do you have any guns?"
Alison was thrown by the question, but not for the reasons Emily would assume. Alison had a "why would you ask me that?" on the tip of her tongue, but Emily quickly added,
"I mean…not for me. If you do, you don't have to tell me where they are or anything. I'm just asking…in case you need protection."
"From what?"
Emily sighed and looked at the floor.
"From me."
"I don't think that you would hurt me."
God, she's so fucking naïve. Does she know how many people I've killed?
"You saw me at that bar tonight, Ali." Emily slowly looked up from the ground. "I lost it. I lose my shit sometimes. And when I do…"
"Emily, everything will be fine." Alison interrupted her. "I can take care of myself."
Emily didn't argue. They said goodnight. Emily watched her walk out of the room. Alison left the door cracked.
Emily stared at the door. Her entire body was throbbing. She hadn't asked for anything for the pain because she knew that Alison wouldn't give her anything. If it got bad enough she still had some painkillers she hadn't downed in her suicide attempt.
She rooted through her bag until she found her tiny pharmacy stash. She popped the top and looked at the pills. She'd been obsessively counting them since she'd been released from the hospital. There was a sense of relief in knowing that they were there.
Emily put the pills away. Taking them was out of the question. She didn't really want to be caught unaware in her new surroundings…no matter how swanky those surroundings were. She looked around, taking note of where all the exits were…which windows would be the quickest to access, what she could use as a weapon in case of an emergency.
She stared at the crack in the door. It was making her anxious. She quietly slipped out of bed and walked over to the unsecured perimeter. Leaving it open was out of the question. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. Open doors only gave trouble an opportunity to barge in without knocking.
She shut the door. She toyed with the idea of putting a barricade in front of it, but she knew if Alison couldn't get in she would worry. Because that's what she did. And she didn't want Alison to do something stupid like try to come in through the window and scare the shit out of her.
Emily had already attacked her once. And she felt shitty about it. Back in the office when she had that panic attack Alison had been so calm. Emily kept forgetting that Alison's brother had probably come back just as fucked up. Alison was used to being the caretaker. Not that she needed a caretaker. But it was so hard to say no to her.
Emily quickly jumped back into the bed and looked around. The dark shadows in the room were making her see things that weren't there. She pulled out a picture of her and Ethan and stared at it to try and center herself. Sometimes if she closed her eyes she could still feel her brother with her. She could conjure his image.
"I can't believe I left your gun behind over some chick." Emily spoke quietly to the photo. "If you were here right now you would be giving me so much shit…telling me I'm catching feelings or some crap like that."
One of the last nights they'd had together they'd sat outside the barracks and talked about the future and what they wanted. They'd both left home so young and in such a hurry that neither one of them had really had the time to establish any meaningful relationships.
"You ever think about settling down?" he'd asked.
"Where's the fun in that?"
"You really should consider it. We can't run forever, you know."
"Who says we're running? We've got our home here. Now."
"Yeah. I guess." He'd taken a sip of his beer. "Can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"You remember when you told me you liked girls?"
"Yeah. You were the first person I told."
"You were like eight."
"Yeah. So?"
"Did you know for sure when you were that young?"
"I mean, I was just saying what I felt. But I don't think I understood what it meant until later."
"When did you know for sure?"
"Right after I made out with Maya at that kissing party in fifth grade."
"Do you think everyone knows when they're that young? Or do some people…do they not know until later?"
"People come into their own in their own time. It's different for everyone. Why? You have something you want to tell me?"
It was a joke, but Ethan didn't laugh.
"Hey, what's going on, Ethan?"
"I think…" There was a break in the conversation. He'd looked around to make sure no one was watching, "I don't know…I just…there have been times where I see a girl and I'm attracted to her. But…there have also been times where I've seen a guy…and felt the same."
"There's nothing wrong with that."
"I've never talked to anyone about it. And I feel like I've been lying to you, but I…I never knew for sure. I still don't know. I still…I'm trying to figure everything out. And I feel…I feel kind of left behind, because of…him…what he did…" he'd uttered in disdain, "…and I just…I still have a hard time with it…"
"You don't have to talk about it. I know. I still have nightmares, too." She took his hand. "We never had a shot at a normal life."
"I just spent so much time trying to take care of you and Ellie that I never stopped to consider what I wanted for me."
"Well, brother, we've got the rest of our lives to figure it out. Just promise me that we'll never let a girl come between us."
"Or a guy."
"No chance of that. You know my opinion on wangs. Disgusting things."
"Good. More for me."
Emily smiled. There was the goofy big brother she knew and loved. His smiled faded.
"You know what sucks the most? I never got to tell mom and dad." He kicked some dirt up underneath his feet. He always looked like a little boy when he did that.
"Yeah. I know how that feels."
"I want stability more than anything. But not just for me. For you. You deserve to find yourself a nice girl, Em. You deserve a life, a family."
"I already have a family. I have you. And the rest of these assholes."
They'd both laughed. It had been the last real conversation they'd had.
Ethan never had a chance to fall in love and find a family of his own. He didn't get a chance to find himself. Because three days later he was dead.
"I wish it had been me," Emily admitted. "You deserved a life. You were ready to live. I could tell." She rubbed her thumb against the photo. "I don't know what I'm going to do." She whispered. "This is so hard, Ethan. I thought…I thought after everything that happened…we were done with tragedy. Why did you have to save me?" She cried. "Why did you always have to play the fucking hero?" She grit her teeth. "Goddamn you, Ethan. Goddamn you."
But she knew she wasn't really angry at her brother. She was mad that he was gone and she was still alive. She hadn't been allowing herself to think about him, but after opening up to Alison she'd slowly been letting her brother back into her heart.
And it hurt like a motherfucker.
She ended up crying herself to sleep. She tried to keep her sobs quiet enough so they wouldn't alert Alison. She wouldn't be surprised to find the room bugged with a hidden walkie-talkie or something.
But Alison didn't need a baby monitor to hear her. She woke up to the sounds of screaming several hours later. She scrambled out of bed and ran towards the hallway. Lupo quickly paced after her.
By the time she got downstairs she found Emily thrashing around having a violent nightmare. Her jaw was clenched, her back arched. Her entire body and her pajamas were soaked in sweat. She looked like she was in physical pain.
Alison rushed into the room. Lupo started to follow her, but Alison called for him to stay. He obediently sat by the door.
"No! Stop!" Emily yelled in her sleep. She huffed out a sob.
Alison knew from experience that she shouldn't wake her. It could be more detrimental than the nightmare itself. And she didn't want to touch her and trigger her and make it worse. Instead she sat against the edge of the bed.
"Emily, I don't know if you can hear me. It's Alison. I just want you to know that you're not alone. And there's nothing to be scared of here." It hurt her to see Emily hurting. "My brother used to sing to me when I was little. It always helped with my bad dreams."
She started humming a soft melodic tune and then she started to sing. She saw Emily's body slightly relax, though she was still crying out, grasping desperately at the sheets in between her fingers as if she was trying to swallow her pain by ripping and clawing at the fabric. Her breathing was rapid and shallow.
"Help!" She cried.
Alison saw blood near the corners of her mouth and she realized she'd bitten her tongue.
"She's dead. Oh, God…no…"
Alison kept singing, occasionally reaching out to rub her arm. Her fingers brushed a scar above her elbow. She wanted Emily to tell her about her scars. She wanted to know everything. Because she wanted to see who Emily Fields was underneath all her bravado. She wanted to show her that scars were proof of the resiliency of the human spirit.
"We're going to die…" She stopped mid-sentence and let out a roaring scream.
Lupo whined from the doorway. He was still sitting on his haunches looking at Alison, waiting to be released from his command.
Alison quietly shushed him and then started humming to Emily again. Emily was sobbing silently, her eyes closed and her chest heaving. Tears leaked from her eyes. Alison could see the tracks of her tears in the moonlight.
Alison moved her hand to trace over Emily's knuckles. She was surprised when Emily rolled over and latched on to her hand with both of her hands. She held on for dear life in her unconscious state.
"Please don't leave me." She whispered. "I can't do this without you."
Alison knew that she was talking to phantoms, but she reassured her anyway.
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
After Emily had settled Alison moved a little closer to her. She checked her pulse, and to no surprise found it fast and erratic. Her face was burning up. She felt like she had a fever, which didn't surprise Alison.
Alison heard shuffling. She looked over and saw Lupo walking out of the room. She thought he was going back upstairs, but a few seconds later he walked back in carrying his ball. He walked over next to the bed and dropped his toy near Emily's hand, nudging it towards her. Alison smiled at her dog. Emily was right about animals being better than people.
"I'm sorry." Emily muttered under her breath.
"What happened to you over there, Em?" Alison whispered, stroking her face with her soft knuckles.
But it wasn't just what had happened to her overseas. It was what had driven her out there in the first place, and Alison knew that. She knew that Emily had a lot of pain to work through.
Alison sat with her for a little while, making sure she'd truly come down from it. When Emily was asleep again Alison quietly crept out of the room. But instead of going back to her room, she set up shop on the sofa in the living room so she could hear if Emily had another night terror. Lupo laid down next to her.
Emily woke up in the wee hours of the morning to go to the bathroom and saw her on the couch. She smiled softly.
"You just couldn't help yourself, huh?" Emily whispered.
She took a moment to appreciate how beautiful her features were. It was a different kind of feeling she'd had than when they were in the heat of the moment in the hospital. It was quiet, subtle.
Lupo lifted his head and looked at her. Emily made eye contact with him.
"I won't ever hurt her. I promise."
Even if it meant staying as far away from her as possible. She thought about the risks that Alison had taken to help her. She knew that it could become very dangerous for Alison to get involved with her. She started having doubts, and she had a voice inside of her head telling her to leave.
You'll get her killed. You get everyone killed.
Lupo noticed the shift in the air. Dogs always knew. He stood up and timidly walked over to her. His presence snapped Emily out of it. She reached down to pet him and then walked off to the bathroom.
When she was done she went back to the guest bedroom. She stared at the bed for a few minutes. Everything looked and felt wrong. She felt too exposed. So she grabbed a pillow and the top sheet and moved in between the tight space between the bed and the closet.
She grabbed her duffel and put it next to her. She could see under the bed. It was spotless. How the hell did Alison keep the place so clean with a dog that shed as much as Lupo?
She stared at her duffel. It had once belonged to Ethan. Sometimes she could swear it still smelled like her brother, which she knew was nuts, but she didn't care.
She curled up in the little space that she'd made for herself and she went to sleep.
That's where Alison found her the next morning. At first she'd seen the empty bed and panicked, but then she saw twisted sheets on the floor and when she tiptoed over she saw Emily curled up next to the bed. She was using her bag as a pillow. The actual pillow was halfway underneath the bed.
Alison decided to leave her alone. She went into the kitchen to make some breakfast. She was almost done with the egg omelets when she heard her phone go off. She mentally cursed herself for not silencing her ringer. She had no idea what Emily's triggers were. She was still learning them. But she didn't hear anything coming from the guest room, so she shrugged it off.
Alison answered without even looking at the caller ID.
"What?"
"Well, good morning to you, too, sunshine." Spencer replied.
"Hey. What's up?"
"I was calling to see if you still need a ride to brunch this morning."
"Oh, yeah. I don't think I'm going to make it."
"What? This bridal shower has been on the calendar for weeks."
"Well, I mean…it's their third marriage to each other." Alison pointed out. "Aria's parents and their will-they or won't-they make-up and break-up thing isn't that big of a deal."
"It is to Aria. This brunch is as much for her as it is for them."
"It's like a third baby shower. Why are they asking for gifts? They've been married twice before. How many blenders do they need? Besides, she won't even notice I'm not there. You'll be her wing-woman." Spencer was pretty much always Aria's wing-woman these days.
"What is wrong with you? Aria has always been there for you."
And it was true. Aria had always been supportive of Alison. Even when she was a total bitch in high school Aria had stayed by her side. And she wasn't afraid to call her out when she was getting out of line. It had caused a lot of fights between them, but they'd somehow managed to stay friends.
When they were younger Alison pissed Aria off sometimes, but she was the first person to come to her defense any time anyone tried to hurt her. In fact, when a creep named Ian Thomas called Alison a carpet munching homo, Aria verbally tore him to pieces and then hit him in the face with her World History book. Aria had been there for her through all of her family turmoil. She'd been by Alison's side the day her brother was arrested.
That's why it was hard for Alison to bail on her. She thought about inviting Emily, but she knew that would be tacky. Not to mention she didn't think crowds would be a good idea.
"You're going." Spencer ordered.
"I can't. Something came up."
"Then cancel whatever it is."
Alison bit her lip. She knew that Spencer wouldn't relent. She stared at the counter, contemplating how to tell Spencer that she'd done exactly what she had told her not to do.
She smelled something funny and then heard a crackling noise.
"Shit. My eggs are burning." She rushed over to the oven and pulled the pan away from the stove and turned the eye off.
"What?" Spencer asked. "Since when do you cook?" There was a pause on the line. "Oh my God. Did you have a booty call last night? Are you hungover? Is that what this is about?"
"No." Shit. I should have just said yes. But she knew that would paint her in a terrible light. "Okay, listen, don't freak out, okay? But…you remember the girl I was telling you about? The one that just got back from overseas?"
"The one you screwed in the hospital. Yeah. Kind of hard to forget that story." Her tone was teeming with judgement.
"I…I ran into her last night. She was in pretty rough shape. I offered to let her stay here to get her back on her feet. Last night was a little rocky…"
"You brought her home with you? Have you lost your mind?" Spencer screeched into the phone. "This goes way beyond taking your work home with you. This girl could be dangerous."
"She's not dangerous! She's hurt." Alison growled back defensively.
She regretted telling her. When it came to Emily she couldn't put their connection into words.
"She has lost everyone she ever cared about. She has seen things that no one should ever have to see." She had to bite her tongue from going into detail about Emily's dad being killed in a shooting and the hardships she'd faced overseas, because it wasn't her story to share. "You remember how Jason was…"
"She isn't your brother. You have to move past that. You've got to let that go."
"And how exactly am I supposed to do that? He's in jail…" Because of me. She couldn't finish the thought out loud.
"Listen, Ali, I understand that you're going through something right now. I do. But not every wounded dove needs to be saved. Projecting your issues on to someone else as a distraction isn't…"
"She is not a goddamn distraction, Spencer!"
Alison heard a quiet thud and then the sound of retreating footsteps. Seconds later she heard the front door open and close.
"Damn it. I've got to go. I think she might have heard me. I probably just scared her away."
"This isn't healthy, Alison…"
"I know what I'm doing."
Spencer grumbled something under her breath.
"Fine. Fine. But at least text me every so often to let me know you're okay."
"Talk to you soon." Alison quickly hung up.
She walked into the living room and called out Emily's name, but got no response. She saw movement out in the front yard. Through the large glass window she could see Emily, her bag in hand, walking towards the street.
Alison flung the front door open and chased after her. She didn't care that she was in her pajamas and that she looked like hell. She didn't care what the neighbors would think.
"Emily, wait!"
Emily stopped walking and turned around. She let Alison close the distance between them. She rubbed the back of her neck, wiping away a sheen of sweat. She always sweat so much during the night.
"Look, I, uh…I appreciate the roof last night and all, but I don't want to cramp your style." Emily shuffled the bag on her shoulder. "And I don't want to be a pet project."
"That's not what this is."
"Why are you doing this? I mean…we're strangers."
"I don't think we're strangers anymore. I think we're a little beyond that."
"There's a lot you don't know about me. I'm…it's um…it's not safe."
"It is. I promise. This is a good neighborhood. And Lupo is a great guard dog."
"No, I don't mean it that way." Emily rubbed her hands together as she nervously looked around. She had to wonder how many people were watching her from their windows. "I just don't think it's safe for you to be around me. I…I bring a lot of problems. A lot of death…"
"Emily, you're not on the battlefield anymore. You can build a life…if you want to."
"You deserve a life, a family." It was one of the last things her brother had said to her.
Yeah, with my dying organs. What a fanciful life that would be.
"I've been doing just fine on my own." Emily shrugged.
"You don't have to be on your own…"
Alison moved forward to touch her hand, stopping when her fingers were hovering over Emily's. She didn't want to freak her out. Emily stared at Alison's awaiting hand.
"Why is this so important to you?" I'm nothing. I'm no one. Emily was exasperated.
"Look, when you called that night…" Alison wasn't sure how to describe what she'd been feeling. It's like she'd known Emily their whole lives. When she was listening to her die she felt like she was losing her best friend. How did she tell her that without scaring the shit out of her? "Do you remember it? The call?"
Emily thought about it, trying to recall that night. Most of it was a blur.
"You said something about…storms passing."
Emily remembered hearing that. She also remembered Alison refusing to leave her. She remembered feeling like she was outside of her body watching the whole thing. And she remembered thinking how odd it was that the blonde insisted on being with her the whole time.
"I was trying so hard to get you to stay alive. I wanted you alive. Not because of my job or because it's the human thing to do. Because I wanted you around. When I first heard your voice I felt this…connection. And when I found you under that bridge and I saw how close you were to dying…" Alison shuddered. "When I found you like that I was so afraid I was going to lose you. And I didn't want that. Because I'd just found you." She meant more than just physically. But she held back that information.
Emily was still having trouble understanding why she felt so strongly about her. She'd never been anyone's first choice. She'd never been anyone's choice at all.
"There is nothing special about me. I don't know why you think that there is, but…" She frowned. "Life doesn't have the same meaning to me as it does to you. You live. I survive. There's a difference."
"It's not about our differences. It's about what brought us together."
"I was on my way out. I called you. That's it."
"It wasn't even my phone line."
"What?"
"I was covering for a coworker. And she's wonderful and just as amazing as I am and I'm sure she would have been very helpful. But there was a reason she wasn't there. There was a reason it was me. I believe that now. I'm not sure what I believe when it comes to fate or coincidences or any of that. But I think we were supposed to meet. I think this is how it's supposed to be."
"Ali…" Shit, does she prefer "Ali" or "Alison?" "Alison…"
"I'm not asking for anything more than just now." Alison timidly reached out and touched Emily's hand. She expected her to pull away, but she didn't.
There was a quiet unspoken exchange between them. Emily opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a sigh. Alison was peering at her, a desperate plea emitting from her soulful blue eyes. Emily could tell how much it meant to her.
"Stay." Alison uttered. "Please. I want you to stay."
Emily dropped her shoulders, her tension fading away.
I'm so going to regret this…
How did this girl have her so whipped? What was it about her?
"Okay." Emily relented. "But I'm going to keep the motel room just in case…"
Alison smiled. Her dimples were like sunshine. The expression on her face made Emily feel warm.
"That's fair enough." Alison agreed.
"And I don't want you babysitting me. I'm an adult. I'm going to come and go as I please."
"Would it be too much for me to ask for your number? So I can check in? I won't bother you. I promise."
"Sure." She only had a burner phone and she changed them out every so often. She could always decide to run later and get a new burner.
"Come on." Alison motioned towards the house. "I made us breakfast."
"Oh, this deal comes with a free buffet? Why didn't you say so?" Emily followed her.
They walked back into the house. Emily put her things back in the guest bedroom. She found her way to the dining room, where Alison was putting their plates on the table.
Emily stared at the large room. It had an open floor plan, so it seemed like it went on forever.
"This seems like an awfully large place for just one person." Emily admired the mansion. "You sure you're not hiding a secret wife? Or twelve?"
"Nope. Only me. But it is a big place to take care of. I have a cleaning service come twice a week."
Of course she did. She probably had a fucking butler, too. Emily imagined he was on vacation in the Bahamas.
"It wasn't always just me." Alison walked back into the kitchen to grab a pitcher of orange juice.
"Right." Emily looked at a large glass bookcase filled with photos of Alison and her friends. There were several of her with an older guy who favored her. She saw one of him in his military fatigues and picked it up.
"This your brother?" Emily asked as Alison walked back into the room.
"Yeah." Alison put the juice down.
Emily admired the picture for a few seconds. She could tell by the pain in his eyes that the photo had been taken after he'd been overseas. The look in his eyes, the look that had seen death, was unmistakable.
"What did he do to land in the slammer?"
Alison flinched. So she had heard the conversation with Spencer.
"It's a long story."
"You are such a hypocrite." Emily laughed.
"Excuse me?"
"You preach to me all about 'sharing feelings' and 'scars and their beauty' and you're lying straight to my face. You want me to be open with you. But you don't want to open up to me. You can't have it both ways, sweetheart."
"All right." Alison motioned for Emily to have a seat.
"Do I curtsy first, or…how do I do this fancy shit?" Emily gave her a hard time.
"Just sit your ass in the damn chair."
Ohh, yes ma'am…
Something about her taking control was just a little bit sexy. Emily smirked at her and sat down. Alison sat next to her. She coolly poured herself a glass of juice and then looked at Emily.
"You want to know about my family?" She took a sip of her drink. "Let's start with the fact that my brother is in prison for murder."
A/N: The plot thickens. *sigh* These poor broken lil babies.