A/N: *ride continues to careen out of control. Ride operator hopes all participants are still holding on tight with seatbelts fastened*

Chapter 6:

Disorderly Conduct

Alison told Emily her version of the truth about how her brother had killed their father and one of his associates, and how he had sent their mother to the hospital with a traumatic brain injury. She had been institutionalized for a year before she passed away from complications from the injury.

It had all happened in the very room where they were sitting. Of course, the house had been completely scrubbed down and remodeled to wash away the memories. It had been eight years, but Alison still remembered it with perfect clarity.

"My dad was a religious man, which, as you can imagine wasn't easy when it comes to me being gay. I stayed closeted until I was fifteen. I wasn't ever planning on telling him. I was just planning on disappearing after I graduated. But he found me at the park making out with a girl from school. He'd followed me, because he thought I was sneaking off to do drugs." Her eyes welled up with tears. "He told me he'd rather see me overdosing than to see me with another girl. He was really rough on me after that. We had to attend every church service he could find and he tried to "exorcise" the demons…"

Pray away the gay? That fucking asshole. If he wasn't dead, I'd kill him myself. Emily hated Alison's father. She didn't care that the man was dead. She hated anyone who used an imaginary tool as a shield for their hatred and bigotry.

She wanted to hug Alison and never let her go. She wanted her to know that it was okay that she was who she was.

"When that didn't work he put me in conversion therapy." Alison rubbed her arm nervously.

She had spent so many nights crying over the fact that there was something wrong with her. At fifteen, she couldn't comprehend that something was wrong with her parents.

"They tried to convince me how messed up my "choice" was…"

"Fuck that." Emily frowned. She took Alison's hand. "You're beautiful. And perfect. Just the way you are. You know that, right?"

Alison stopped moving her fork against her plate and immediately looked up at Emily. It was the first time since they'd met that Emily had initiated intimate contact.

Alison smiled. Emily saw her dimples and she couldn't help but smile back. Her cheeks looked so kissable.

"I do. Now. But back then I was angry. I was confused. My parents convinced me that I was a sin of nature. They made me feel like I was sick, like…like I had some horrid disease and I needed to be healed. It was so demeaning. And the program…it was rough."

"Did they hurt you?" I'll fucking murder them. I'll fucking murder the whole church.

"They…" Alison drifted off, "…they used electric shock therapy and waterboarding sometimes…"

"What?" Emily asked in a rage. "Where is this place?" I'm going to take a flamethrower to it. I'm going to burn it to the goddamn ground.

She already knew she was going to hell. She might as well torch a few "houses of the Lord" on her way out.

"The program was exposed and disbanded a few years ago." Though it didn't really matter, because Alison knew they just packed up shop, changed the name of their 'practice', and started somewhere new again. She stabbed her fork into her omelet. "Of course…they were old, white, privileged, and religious, so naturally they just got a slap on the wrist."

Emily understood where Alison's hatred of religion came from now. And she hated it, too. She hated it for her. She wanted to do a lot more than slap the people who had hurt her.

"They ruined a lot of lives. They destroyed a lot of young LGBTQ people. I saw it firsthand when I was there. I was one of the lucky ones. I finished their stupid little program. It didn't do anything about my attraction. It just made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. So that's how I treated everyone around me. I rebelled. I lashed out." Alison sighed. "I was horrible to everyone at school. And then I would turn around and pull every girl I could find into the supply closet to make out with me."

As Emily listened, she could feel Alison's shame and pain and anger. And it made her feel pain and anger, too. She was seething.

"I was afraid to be myself in public. I tried to hide who I was. A few months later my parents caught me looking at a new girl in church and they shoved me back into the program. I was beyond pissed at this point. I ended up getting kicked out of the program for having sex with another girl in the preacher's office."

Emily laughed when she pictured Alison mid-orgasm flipping the bird to a man of God while she was naked and coming on his desk.

What a little badass. The more she learned about Alison, the more she liked her.

"I thought I could just wait it out for a year. I knew when I turned 18 I could bail on my parents. But my dad had another idea in mind. He had a business associate he made a deal with. He paid him to marry me. He thought he could make this man my husband and force me to like men…"

"He was trying to convert you by selling you?" Emily thought she might explode in rage. What kind of ass backwards 17th century masochistic bullshit… She let go of Alison's hand and moved her palms back, trying to keep from curling her fingers into fists and hitting something.

"To one of the worst kind of men. The masochist who feels that women should be subservient. This man was already telling me how much he was looking forward to making me see what a real man felt like and how I'd never want another girl after I had his dick. It was…I felt so gross. Not just at the thought of…him, but that it's what my dad thought I needed to 'set me straight'."

I would have shot the bastard, too. Good for your brother.

"I tried to run away a few times, but since I was still underage the cops brought me home every time. I thought about telling them about what my father was doing, but I didn't think they'd believe me. I had a record as a drama queen. Who was going to believe a 17-year-old crying about her dad? I didn't feel like I could trust anyone. My dad was doing this to me. My mom was letting him. I didn't have anyone."

Emily knew a thing or two about having shitty parents. Her dad had been the perfect parent. No one would have ever measured up, but the dirty cop that her mother had married had been the worst of the worst. And her mother had been too blinded by grief to see what a monster he was.

"A few months before I turned 18, my brother came home. He had no idea any of this was going on, and I wanted to tell him. But he was so messed up from his tour overseas that I was afraid I would just add to his problems. It took almost a month for me to find the courage to come out to him. I thought he would shun me like our parents. But he just hugged me and kissed the top of my head. He said he always knew and that he was glad I was finally comfortable enough to tell him. And I just poured my soul out to him. I told him that dad was planning to marry me off and let some pedophile make me have sex with him."

Emily flinched. She clenched her jaw in anger. She tried to concentrate on her breathing so she wouldn't lose her shit. Seeing Alison this upset triggered something inside of her. Because she knew what it felt like to be at the mercy of men like that.

Where is this dickhead buried? I want to spit on his grave.

"I stayed the night with Jason and then we went to get my things the next day. I was going to move in with him. But…then things…things escalated. My dad and his friend were getting really aggressive with us. Jason pulled a gun in self-defense. And dad's psycho friend grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the leg. Jason just reacted on instinct."

She told Emily about the shooting…about how the two men had ganged up on them and how Jason had been aiming for the man and their father, but that their mom had been injured in the crossfire.

She left out some of the finer details. Emily could tell that something was missing from the story, but she wasn't about to drag Alison for lying when she was sitting on her own secrets. She knew the blonde would tell her everything in her own time.

"Jason never would have been in the middle had I not asked him for help. He was just trying to protect me. I asked him to protect me…"

It came as no surprise to Emily that Alison's brother had come to her aid. Ethan had always protected her and Ellie. And Emily knew what it was like to want to sacrifice yourself for a sibling. She spent a lot of sleepless nights wishing she could have done more to save her sister…or died in her place. And she felt the same about Ethan. Ethan and Ellie were all she'd had in the world. She knew what it meant to love someone so much that you physically ached over their loss.

"No, it's not your fault. What happened to him is not on you. That's just what brothers do." Emily assured her. Ethan had saved her more than once. He had died for her.

Emily noticed the way Alison was emotionally pulling away. She recognized the signs. Because she did it, too. Alison's stance was tense. Her tone was nervous.

Emily reached out and gently put her hand on top of Alison's again.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Alison."

Alison looked at their hands and smiled. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet Emily's gaze.

"It's nothing compared to what you've gone through, but…"

"This isn't about me. My pain doesn't make yours less important. We all have our own crosses to bear."

"So, knowing that, you still want to stay in this murder house?"

"I didn't want to stay here in the first place." Emily quipped. "You made me."

Alison laughed. Emily could be quite soft when she wanted to be. Her jagged edges were glaringly obvious, but Alison saw something deeper inside of her. She'd seen that softer side during their office rendezvous.

There had been such a flood of regret on her face when she thought she'd hurt her during sex. And the tenderness and compassion she'd seen in her eyes when she asked Emily to look at her in the midst of it couldn't be faked.

Alison knew the anger and her sardonic nature was just a cover for the emotions that she was hiding. She knew it was going to take time to get her to open up, but she was willing to wait.

After they finished eating Alison gave Emily a tour of the house. In the light of day it looked so much bigger. Emily was in awe of the architecture and the landscape outside. She hadn't been able to see the giant pool in the backyard when they'd gotten there last night, but when she looked out the back door she could see the sun bouncing off of the water.

Alison told Emily to make the place her own, and Emily knew she meant it. She had never met anyone quite so generous.

That day was just the start of their relationship.

They settled into a routine over the next few weeks. They learned how to be around each other without stepping on one another's toes. They slowly let one another in.

Emily didn't stay at Alison's house alone. She hadn't been in a house in years, let alone a mansion. She did her own thing during the day. Sometimes she went with Alison to the call center to see how the other half operated. Sometimes she took Lupo to the park or out hiking. Nature was quiet. And she felt more secure with the dog around.

Sometimes she disappeared for the day, but she always found her way back to Alison's place when the sun set. Sometimes she smelled like alcohol. Sometimes she didn't. Alison didn't want to become overbearing, but she begged her not to drink. Emily usually brushed her off and then disappeared into her little hidey-hole in the guest bedroom.

She had night terrors fairly frequently. Sometimes they woke Alison up. When they did she'd go in and sing to her to try and calm her down. Any time Alison didn't wake up, Lupo woke her up. He'd lead her to Emily's room and scratch at the door and whine until he could get in.

Every morning when Emily woke up it took her a few seconds to get her bearings...to remember that she was safe.

They slowly started to build up trust. They shared meals. Sometimes when she woke up before Alison she would make them breakfast. They talked, though Emily rarely ever went into detail.

She didn't talk much during the group sessions either. But she got to know some of the other participants.

Hanna was her favorite. She was hilarious. And she was hot, too.

She started to warm up to Mona, too. Mona didn't trust her at first, but after Emily brought her an authentic Russian nesting doll set Mona decided she liked her. Mona loved dolls.

Alison watched curiously as Emily took care of everyone in the group. She had an instinct to nurture them. It was infuriating to Alison that she wouldn't nurture herself.

By the time the second week of therapy had rolled around, Emily had gotten everyone little gifts. They were all personalized. They were all things Emily knew they would like. Make-up for Hanna to accentuate her pretty face. A dress for Charles to feel more fierce. A dreamcatcher for Melissa to have a calming focal point.

Alison didn't know they were Emily's personal possessions. She was slowly weeding through them and giving them away. She knew she wouldn't be needing them much longer. She figured there had to be a point at which she would have to give them away.

Alison saw subtle changes in Emily. She started to feel cautiously optimistic that she was turning a corner.

Everything was going fine until three weeks into Emily's therapy. But then one day she didn't show up for the group session.

Alison tried calling her, but it went to voicemail.

Emily saw her name on the caller ID and let it keep ringing. She shoved the phone into her back pocket and clutched the brown paper sack in her hand. She gripped the open bottle of alcohol that was inside and took a swig before wiping her lips.

She had been trying not to drink as much, because when she drank she got angry. But it was getting close to her birthday, which was just a painful reminder that it would be her first one without Ethan shoving birthday cake in her face.

It was a tradition that he'd started when he she was a baby. He'd started doing it on her first birthday, but the first time Emily really remembered it happening was when she was four.

"Make a wish!" Her mother had snapped a picture of the cake with the burning candles.

Emily had closed her eyes and blown the little sparks of flame out. Seconds later her brother put his fingers into the cake and scooped a piece of it into his hand.

"Happy birthday, smoosh-face." Ethan had then pushed a chunk of cake against her lips.

Emily had taken the opportunity to bite her big brother. He'd made a show of running away dramatically. Emily had giggled in hysterics. Her brother was a riot.

A few seconds later her dad pulled the candles out of the birthday cake. He licked one and handed one to Emily, who promptly tried to bite into it.

"Oh, no…sweetie, that's…" Her mother had tried to take it from her, but Emily had already chewed it, made a face, and spit it out.

Her dad chuckled and picked her up while her mom started to clean up the mess.

"Did you wish for something good?"

"Yeah!"

"What?"

"If I tell you, it won't come true."

"Come on, munchkin. It will just be between me and you."

Emily hugged his neck and smiled.

"I wished to be your little princess forever and ever."

"Your wish is my command, your highness."

He'd kneeled down and offered to be her steadfast knight and then let her ride around on his back for nearly twenty minutes.

Sometimes Emily wished she'd never shared that wish. Because thanks to her big mouth, it hadn't come true. Thanks to her big mouth he'd been shot to death in front of her.

After her dad died she'd stopped wanting to celebrate her birthday, at least until Ellie came along. Even in their volatile household, that little baby had managed to be a bright spark of light in the dark.

When she was old enough to comprehend the concept of a birthday, she was all about celebrating. The first birthday she'd celebrated was her big sissy's birthday.

She had made Emily put on a cheap plastic tiara that Ethan had gotten at the dollar store and then blew a noise-maker in Emily's face. The multicolored party-paper had struck Emily in the nose before curling back up into the tube in between Ellie's lips. They had both giggled.

Emily had reached out to wipe away some of the purple frosting on Ellie's face. She had eaten her cupcake so quickly that she'd made a mess. Emily plucked a sprinkle off of her face. Ellie smiled and pulled the noisemaker away from her mouth.

"I got you a birfday present."

"You did?"

"Uh huh. And the best part is it will last for always." She had moved out of her chair and climbed into Emily's lap. "Wanna know what it is?"

"Yeah."

"My forever love," she'd buried her face into Emily's neck and hugged her tightly. "You like it?"

"It's my favorite present in the whole wide world."

Ellie had smiled so widely at her.

"I love you, Emmy."

"I love you, too, brat."

Emily longed for those days. She felt like the memories were slipping away from her. She didn't have many happy memories, so holding on to those few precious moments was imperative to her.

The moments where her dad tickled her so hard that she cried in laughter, or when her mother sat her up on the counter while she baked…or when her brother had given her half of his cupcake because she accidentally dropped hers…or when Ellie hugged her and told her she was the best big sister ever…those moments mattered. And to see them all going up in a vat of smoke, in a hail of gunfire, it made her feel unsteady.

And when she was unsteady…she did reckless things...

...like going back to the seedy bar she'd been tossed out of almost a month ago.

The gun that the bouncer had ripped out of her hands the night of the fight had been the first weapon she'd ever fired. It had belonged to her father's father. She couldn't let go of the sentimental attachment. She also couldn't let go of the anger over not being able to finish the fight that night. She wanted someone to pay for the way Alison had been treated, especially after she found out what Alison's parents had done to her. She was angry and wanted to take it out on people who deserved it.

She didn't want those chauvinistic dickheads to get the last laugh. So she waited until the regulars started pouring in. She pulled her hood up over her head and slipped in with the crowd. She spent a few minutes blending in. Then she found her way into the back office of the bar.

She rooted around until she found a filing cabinet full of things that had been taken from rowdy patrons. She found her grandfather's gun tucked in the back. She pulled it out and felt the weight of the magazine, which was still fully loaded.

Fucking idiots.

They hadn't even bothered to take the ammo out. She rolled her eyes and put the gun into her empty holster. She was planning on taking it back to the motel where her brother's gun was safely stored.

She glanced in the drawer before closing it. There were all kinds of wild items inside. Keys, handcuffs, jagged broken scissors, fireworks, and a large dildo shaped like a pistol.

Emily could imagine shoving an actual gun into a few people's asses and pulling the trigger. She closed the drawer and started towards the door.

She heard footsteps approaching. She slipped her hand underneath her hoodie and gripped the gun just as the door opened.

She didn't recognize the man from the night of the fight, but he was wearing the same uniform that the other bouncers had been wearing. He had an ugly mug on his face, too.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" The man reached towards his waistband.

Emily charged forward and plowed into him before he had a chance to grab his weapon. They scuffled for a few seconds until she got him to drop his gun. He started to dive for it, but she grabbed him and put him in a chokehold.

"Crazy bitch…" He heaved out a breath.

He reached around until his fingers hit the edge of the desk. He grabbed a snowglobe and smashed it against the side of her head, creating a nasty gash at the top of her jaw near her right ear. He raised it up to hit her again, but she jerked him backwards and he dropped it. He grabbed a letter opener and stabbed her in the side, but it barely fazed her.

She continued to choke him until he started to lose consciousness. It made his motions more feral and desperate. He kicked back until he was able to slam her against the wall, momentarily getting her to loosen his grip.

He doubled over and heaved out a coughing fit. Emily scrambled to get his gun before he had a chance to. He stood up, ready to fight again, but she coolly aimed the weapon at him.

He saw a flicker of familiarity in her eyes, but he couldn't place it.

"Do you know how many men I've killed?" Emily stared down the barrel of the gun. "Men just like you. Twisted fuckers who posturize because they're overcompensating for what they're lacking in their pants. Men who have to feel like they're in power to make them feel big and bad when in reality they're just small weak-minded little pussies."

She played with the trigger. She licked some blood away from her lip. She looked at him with a wicked grin.

"I don't have a problem pulling this trigger. Maybe I'll kill you. Maybe I'll just shoot your dick off. I really don't give a shit what goes down here. I don't give a fuck whether or not I live or die. But I'm betting that you do. And I'm betting even more that you value that thing between your thighs more than you value your life. So go ahead. Make a move. See what happens."

Neither one of them moved. He stared her down, trying to figure out if she'd do it. She had a dark look in her eyes. He saw the cold expression on her face. And it registered where he knew her from. He put his hands up and moved away from the door.

"Get over by the desk." Emily ordered.

He did what he was told. She yanked open the drawer and grabbed the handcuffs. She made him give her his wrist and she handcuffed him to an exposed water pipe.

"Call for help and I'll kill whoever comes running." Emily threatened.

"Damn, someone didn't get enough love as a child. What's wrong? Daddy issues?"

What the fuck did this bulbous piece of dickfat just say to me…

She drew her hand back at lightning speed and brought the butt of the gun down hard against his face. She heard the crack of it hitting his bone. He spit out a chunk of blood and laughed.

She put the gun up to his head.

Do it. Just fucking shoot him. He's a piece of shit. He doesn't deserve to live.

Her hands were shaking. She could feel the alcohol she'd consumed burning her veins. She bit down on her tongue so hard she tasted blood.

"You don't have the balls," he scoffed.

Fuck him…

But then she thought about Alison. And it was enough to stop her. Because Alison saw the best version of her. She wanted to be the best version of herself for her.

No." Emily's finger was shaking against the trigger. "No, that's not who I am."

When he laughed at her, she brought the gun down against his head again, this time knocking him for a loop.

She quickly bolted from the room before she could do something she'd regret. She had to remind herself she wasn't overseas anymore. Though sometimes, being overseas had felt much safer than being at home.

She ran out into the cold air, barely able to catch her breath. She was bloodied and beaten and completely disoriented. All she knew was that she'd almost killed him.

She didn't know that she should have killed him. Because the second she left the room he reached for the cell phone in his pocket and dialed a number. When he got an answer he grinned, a sinister look on his face.

"You'll never guess who was just here."

As the rotund piece of shit bouncer was selling her out, Emily was running with no sense of an idea where she was going. She turned street corners and ran through alleys. She disappeared between buildings and ducked behind garbage bins. She ran until she didn't recognize her surroundings anymore.

She just wanted to silence the panic and the anger and the fear. She wanted to silence the hell in her mind.

So she disappeared.

It was the first night that Emily didn't go back to Alison's house.

Her absence sent Alison into a tailspin. She kept trying to call her, but Emily was too lost to be found. She was lost in her pain. She was lost in her demons. She was lost in the darkness.

Alison called Aria the next day when she still hadn't heard anything. Aria helped her look all day, but they didn't find a trace of her.

Alison started to fear the worst when she didn't come home the second night. Aria brought her dinner to try and take her mind off of it.

They watched as Aria's daughter played with Lupo. The little girl squealed in excitement every time the dog did anything. Aria laughed at the playful nature they had. She looked over and saw the forlorn look on Alison's face.

"She'll come back when she's ready, Ali," Aria assured her.

"What if she's hurt?"

"She's survived a lot. She's strong."

Alison smiled at her friend and nodded silently.

Aria was trying to be optimistic. But they both knew that there was a high probability of another suicide attempt since she'd tried to kill herself before. Alison couldn't shake the feeling that Emily was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. It crushed her.

When she heard a knock at her front door on the third night she expected the worst. She expected someone from the police department coming to inform her that they'd found Emily's body.

But when she opened the door she saw the brunette standing there in the cold. Her cheeks were red. Her lips were puffy and dry. She looked like she was dehydrated. She had a huge bruise on the side of head. Her hair was damp and smelled like generic flowery shampoo. She had her hands buried inside of the front of her hoodie. She was shaking from head to toe.

"I…I took a shower at the Y." Emily shivered. "Forgot my fucking towel."

Alison yanked her into the house. She pulled the hood down and observed the cuts on her face.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"I wanted my gun. So I got my gun." She shuddered. "Don't worry. It's not on me. I left it…" She cinched her eyes shut in pain. "I left it with the other one."

"Where have you been? I tried calling you."

Emily made a face.

"I think I dropped my phone somewhere."

Alison guided her towards the couch and motioned for her to sit down. She grabbed a blanket and threw it over Emily's shoulders to try and warm her up. She looked pale and sick, and Alison feared that she was overdosing again.

"Emily, you need to tell me if you're on something." Alison frowned.

Emily laughed angrily, her teeth chattering.

"You think I would have come strolling up to you like this if I was trying to kill myself again? I would have found a nice little quiet place, maybe listened to some good tunes on my way out. I wouldn't have gone looking for help I didn't want."

"You did last time."

Emily huffed and then moved her left hand up against her ride side. It was throbbing.

"I think I'm sick." Emily grimaced.

Alison gently put her palm against Emily's cheek. Her skin was sweltering hot. She pushed her knuckles against Emily's forehead.

"You're burning up." She left her palm against Emily's cheek and put her other hand against her other cheek.

"My side hurts. And my back." Of course, that could have been from the fight.

"Where?"

Emily motioned to where the pain was the worst. Alison laid her fingers against her sweatshirt and Emily grimaced.

"Here?" Alison pressed gently against her side.

"Ow, fuck. Yeah."

"You might have a kidney infection. Or your liver could be inflamed. You're going to need antibiotics."

"Don't you know that shit will kill you?" Emily forced a smile on her face. "Everything gives you cancer now."

"I can only assume you're going to refuse going to the hospital?" Alison reached for her phone.

"It's like you can read my mind."

"Well, then it's a good thing I can bring the hospital to you."

She texted Cece, knowing that she had access to the medications Emily would need. She knew there would come a day when it would be beyond Cece's capabilities to help her, but she intended to use her expertise for as long as she possibly could. And Cece would do anything for her.

Cece brought over some antibiotics and some medication for inflammation. She made sure to avoid opioids and other heavy drugs.

"So, we meet again." Emily frowned.

"You're looking a little rough there, Calamity Jane." Cece cleaned the abrasion on her head.

Stupid fucking snowglobe. Emily cursed to herself when she felt the sting of the antiseptic on the cut. She jerked away.

"The more you move the more it's going to hurt." Cece tried to still her motions.

"I don't know what Alison has on you to keep you on speed dial like this for me, but thank you."

"She's my ride or die." Cece explained. "Just remember that, because if you hurt her…you and I will be squaring off."

"You'd probably just fix me up after the fight."

"I probably would." Cece laughed. She reached for the bottle of antibiotics just as Alison walked into the room with a glass of water. "These should help with the infection. But if they don't you really need to go in and get bloodwork done. A kidney infection is one thing. But if it's your liver…"

"I got it." Emily shrugged, taking the drugs.

"Take one every six hours and monitor the fever." Cece put the bottle down and faced Emily again. "And hey, quit being a dumbass, okay? You've got someone who actually gives a shit here."

Emily laughed. Cece was a ballsy little bitch. Emily liked her.

"Whatever you say, Doc."

"Technically I'm a resident." Cece corrected her.

"Good. I don't like doctors."

Cece scoffed and rolled her eyes. She told Alison exactly what she'd told Emily and then she had to go back to her shift at the hospital.

"You didn't have to call her." Emily shifted on the couch. The last thing she wanted to do was become was a burden.

"You could be going in multi-organ failure, but yeah, sure, let's ignore that and just wait and see." Alison quipped back sarcastically.

"I'm not." Emily replied. "In organ failure. Not yet. They technically just call it insufficiency."

"And if you don't take care of yourself and take your meds like you're supposed to you could easily go into organ failure."

"You realize none of this would be happening if you'd just let me die?"

"There is no world in which I would let that happen." Alison pushed a strand of hair away from her sweaty cheek.

Her touch brought Emily's pain to a standstill, just for a few moments.

"I know." Emily looked at her sadly. That's what had kept her from going over the edge again. Six hours ago she'd been standing on a bridge staring down at the frigid waters below, but all she'd been able to see was Alison's face. "You're annoying, you know that?"

"And you're a pain in the ass." Alison smiled softly at her. "How long has it been since you had something to eat?"

"I don't know."

"I'll heat you up some soup. Those antibiotics probably won't settle well on an empty stomach."

"You don't have to take care of me."

"Well, you're certainly not taking care of you. Now shut up and let me make you some fucking soup."

Emily was impressed with her backbone. She didn't argue with her. She was too tired to argue.

Alison heated her up some chicken noodle soup. By the time she got back into the living room, Emily was asleep. She had crashed on the couch. She was sitting up with her legs propped up on the ottoman. Lupo was next to her, his head in her lap.

Alison sighed and put the soup down on the end table. She could see Emily twitching and breathing unevenly.

"Emily?" she asked softly. She didn't get a response. "Em?"

Emily muttered something, but didn't open her eyes. Alison felt her forehead. She was still scorching hot.

She went to grab a few things and then came back into the living room and maneuvered her way in next to Emily. She managed not to disturb Emily or the dog.

Alison wiped Emily's face down with a cool cloth, trying to bring her temperature down. Emily was still asleep, still shivering, her teeth chattering. Her head was jerking from side to side. She was muttering and mumbling incoherent things. Occasionally she'd cry and recoil like something was trying to hurt her. The fever was wreaking havoc on her mind. Not only was she delusional, but she was reliving her worst nightmares.

Alison quietly talked to her to remind her that she wasn't alone, and that she wouldn't be alone when she came out of it. She gently wrapped her arm around Emily's shoulder and moved the brunette's head down against her chest. She could feel the hot flesh of her cheek even through her thin cotton shirt. She could feel her shivering, but she couldn't tell if it was from the fever or her nightmares.

Alison sat with her for nearly two hours before Emily finally jolted herself awake. She was disoriented. She sat up in confusion.

"How are you feeling?" Alison asked quietly.

"What…" Emily waited for her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. "How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?"

"I feel like I got hit by a bus." Her head was throbbing. She was achy all over. And she was hot as hell.

"You have a fever." Alison gently reminded her.

"That explains why I feel like I'm in a fucking furnace." She looked around, still having trouble getting her bearings. She looked at the washcloth and the bowl of soup. The girl had coddled her after she'd bailed on her. "I…I fucked up, Ali. I'm sorry. I should have called you."

"The important thing is that you're here." Alison tried to straighten her hair. "You were in trouble. You were in trouble and you came to me for help. It's why I'm here."

"You try so hard," Emily mumbled. She laid her head back against the sofa. "You try, and I just…disappoint you. I disappoint you like I disappoint everyone…"

"Hey, you don't…"

"I couldn't protect them." She looked down at Alison's hand. It was just inches away from hers. She gently grazed her fingertips against Alison's knuckles. "But I'll protect you. I won't ever let anyone hurt you like your mom and dad did. Never again. I promise I'll protect you."

"You don't have to protect anyone, Em. You just need to rest now. Just rest."

"Yeah." She rubbed her eyes. "Yeah, okay." She stood up.

She grabbed the edge of the sofa for support and turned towards the guest bedroom. Alison stood up next to her and softly took her hand.

"I think you should stay in my bedroom tonight."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"We'll just sleep." Alison assured her. "I promise."

"It's not that. It's just…I thrash. And kick."

"Emily, I have been sharing a bed with a 110 pound German Shepherd for the past 4 years. He has kicked me, scratched me, head-butted me, and stepped on my face. I'll be fine."

Instead of wasting her energy arguing she followed Alison to her room. She'd seen it in the daytime a few times, but the huge king-sized bed looked much more inviting in the dark.

Lupo leaped up on to the end of the bed and turned a few times before plopping down on the comforter.

Alison walked over to her bed and waved Emily over. Emily walked over to the opposite side just as Alison was pulling the comforter down. Alison climbed under the comforter and the covers. Emily moved the comforter down away from her body, but slid underneath the sheets.

They had the entire bed to spread out the way they wanted, yet their bodies naturally yearned to be close. There was very little room between them.

They faced one another. Emily stared at her. It had been a long time since she'd shared a bed with anyone, much less with someone she cared about this much. And she had only known her for a few weeks. She knew she was in the midst of a fever, but she quietly hoped this wasn't a fever dream. Though, she would gladly trade her night terrors for a beautiful angel in bed any day.

Is this real?

Alison reached up and pressed the backs of her knuckles against Emily's cheek. She still felt so hot. Alison wasn't sure what else to do for her. She flipped her hand over and moved her thumb over the cut on the side of her head. She could only imagine what Emily had been through when she'd been away.

Emily could see the moonlight bouncing off of Alison's eyes. She saw Alison's gaze slowly drift away from her injuries until she was peering into her eyes.

"You came back," Alison said quietly.

"I came back." Emily nodded.

"I thought you were dead." Her voice was strained.

"Almost."

"What happened?"

"I was…" Emily closed her eyes and took a breath, "…it was stupid. I was stupid." When she opened her eyes she assumed Alison would be looking away, but her blue eyes were still locked on hers. "I went back to the bar where those assholes harassed you…"

"They harassed you, too."

"No, they fought me. They harassed you. What they did was way out of line." She softly ghosted her fingers across Alison's jaw, moving her hair away from her face. "No one should ever touch you without your consent, Ali."

"I know that. Why do you think I slapped him?"

Emily smiled. Alison had looked so hot when she'd been wielding that pool cue as a weapon. If they hadn't gotten thrown out of the bar she would have fucked her on the pool table.

"Why would you go back? Just for a stupid gun?"

"It's not stupid." Emily looked offended. "It's a family heirloom."

"Was it worth your life?"

"It's one of the only things I have left of my dad's side of the family."

"Oh." Alison felt like an asshole for assuming she'd done it without a reason.

"I got into it with some new bouncer there. And it fucked with my head."

"Why? What did he do to you?" Alison asked furiously. She was ready to tear into anyone who hurt Emily. The girl had been hurt enough in life.

"He didn't do anything to me. It's what I almost did to him." She clenched her jaw. "I almost killed him."

"But you didn't."

"I wanted to."

"But you didn't." Alison reiterated.

Emily blinked and looked at Alison with a passive expression on her face.

"You know I'm fucked up, right?" And when she said it she looked so desolate, so broken. And it hurt Alison's heart.

"No more-so than anyone else. No more-so than me."

"You would never do the stupid shit that I do."

"You'd be surprised what I'm capable of, especially when it comes to protecting the people I care for." Alison replied with a cool tone.

"I don't understand why you care about me. I really don't."

"I don't understand why you can't see that you're worth caring about."

Emily sighed. She wanted to look away, because staring into Alison's eyes was becoming too real for her. She was terrified of her feelings. But she couldn't tear her gaze away.

Alison could see her slowly letting her walls down. She wasn't sure if the fever was a factor or if it was the fact that they were laying side by side in her bed. She wasn't sure what Emily was feeling or why. But she could see that she was overwhelmed.

"Do you trust me?" Alison asked.

Emily blinked a few times with a blank look on her face. She wasn't sure she even knew what trust was anymore, but she was sure that if she trusted anyone…it was Alison. She nodded.

"Close your eyes," Alison said softly.

Emily blew out a breath through her nose and then slowly closed her eyes. She swallowed nervously. She thought for sure that Alison was going to kiss her.

Alison was looking at her lips, and she wanted to taste them again. But something Emily said had registered in her mind.

"No one should ever touch you without your consent."

She felt awkward about making a move, especially when Emily was sick, because she wasn't in her right mind. She knew that Emily would be receptive to the kiss. But that's not what this was about. The blonde laid her palm against Emily's cheek, cupping it delicately. She could tell it was hard for Emily to let go of control. She could tell there were terrible things in her mind.

"I know you feel like you're in the dark. I can't even imagine what you see. I know you feel lost without a light. But it's there. I want you to visualize it. I want you to use it to face the shadows."

"I can't." Emily could barely reply. Her mouth was so dry. Her tongue felt like sandpaper.

"It's okay, Emily. You're in a safe place." She brushed her overheated cheek with her fingers. "I'm here. You're not in the dark. You're not alone. So whatever is holding you down, I want you to let it know you have the power. I want you to slowly let it in, because you have the control here."

Emily's jaw tensed. She could feel her heart pounding against her rib cage. She felt like she couldn't breathe. The darkness felt like a heavy cloud poisoning the air, suffocating her.

"What do you see?" Alison asked.

Emily could see everything she feared and more. It's why her night terrors were so horrible. She saw blood. She saw pain. And she saw the faces of those closest to her. And she saw his face. The face of the one person she so desperately wanted to forget. He was staring at her, a malevolent look in his eyes. He existed only to cause pain. He existed to cause her pain.

Alison could see Emily's eyes flickering rapidly beneath her closed eyelids. Her body was shaking.

"Ali…" She took an unsteady breath and clenched her right hand into a fist.

"I want you to trust me." Alison reached down with her free hand and took Emily's hand in hers, forcing her to open her fist. She slipped her fingers in between Emily's. "Trust that I'm here. Whatever you're seeing, I'm here."

Emily didn't reply, but she squeezed Alison's hand as she plummeted through the darkness. She held on to her and Alison could feel every ounce of emotion she had pouring out of her.

It was staggering.

"What's it like?" Alison traced her thumb against the bruise on Emily's cheek.

"What?"

"Your pain. What does it feel like?"

Normally, Emily would balk at the question and call it psychobabble, but something about Alison's touch made her feel vulnerable. She swallowed hard.

"I feel like I'm being ripped apart. Constantly. Always. Like the universe shreds me into tiny little pieces and reconstructs me, but not all of the pieces go back in the right place." Her voice broke. "And every time I'm torn to bits I feel the world…I feel it heavier than it was before. And it feels like even when I'm standing still…I'm moving."

Alison saw her take a shaky breath. She thought she was going to open her eyes, but instead she shuddered and choked back a quiet noise before she continued,

"We learn about gravity when we're little. The teachers talk about how we're on a planet that is constantly in motion. I remember looking at the clouds when I was younger. I'd watch them float by and I realized that they weren't the only things moving. The planet is what moves. And I felt it, and it scared the shit out of me. I dug my hands into the grass and clutched the ground. Because the planet is always moving. That's what I feel like all the time. It hurts because I can feel it. And I feel like if I let go I'm going to fall off of the world."

Alison could feel it. Emily painted it so exquisitely and painfully beautiful that she could feel her pain. It was haunting. It overwhelmed her senses.

She felt Emily's pain. And she had no idea how to make it go away. Her index finger grazed a scar underneath her hair line. Emily jumped, the memory of being cracked over the skull with a lamp flashing in her mind.

She jerked and she opened her eyes. Her breathing was harsh and uneven. She looked at Alison and tried to get her emotions under control.

"I'm still here," Alison assured her.

"I don't feel like I am." The pain in her eyes made Alison feel like crying.

"You are." Alison moved her thumb against Emily's. She looked down at their joined hands. "I can feel you."

Emily nodded, almost absentmindedly. Alison wanted to know so badly where her mind had gone…what she had seen. But she knew she couldn't keep pushing her, not before she was ready. They'd taken huge strides these past few weeks. Emily had come to her, of all people, when she needed help. And she was slowly learning to trust her. Alison didn't want to push her past the breaking point.

Emily sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

"Ali?" Emily asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

"I'm really tired. I think I want to go to sleep now."

"You sleep, Em." She ran her fingers through Emily's hair. It was almost hypnotic. "Everything will be better in the morning."

"You'll still be here?"

"I'll still be here."

She saw Emily's body physically relax. Emily realized she was safe. She hadn't been safe in years. It was exhausting to her to be continuously looking over her shoulder. She didn't feel the need to do that when she was alone with Alison.

As Emily laid in bed with her, half out of her mind…she thought about what kind of person Alison was. Despite what her parents had done to her…she still had empathy and she still cared. That was a rarity. She couldn't fathom how anyone could hurt the blonde, much less her own flesh and blood.

She had found something in Alison that was worming its way into her heart. And she made a silent promise that night that she would do anything to protect her. She would kill for her. She would die for her. She would never let anyone hurt her again.

A/N: I know this one was hard hitting in a lot of ways. Transcribing Emily's pain was a feat. Because pain is so different for everyone. And Alison's backstory was just hard to tell, because I do realize that there are a lot of at risk LGBTQ teens out there who have unsupportive parents and a rocky home life. However, as always, I want people to be aware of the resources available. There is a hotline specifically for LGBTQ youth that is available 24/7 called "The Trevor Project". (1)866-488-7386.