Black and White

Missing scenes for 'Shades of grey'

The blue puddle collapses with a whoosh, and for a moment Sam doesn't know what to do with herself. He's gone. For good. Back to the planet, she rescued him from—not even four weeks ago. Before Sam can lose her head in the spiral of thoughts about him and Laira, General Hammond says, "SG-1, briefing is in an hour. Let's get back to procedure."

He steps out of the gateroom, and Sam looks up to the control room where Daniel stands. She still doesn't understand what happened. Why the Colonel had snapped like this. After Daniel came back from the Colonel's house, he was so disappointed. Three years of what he had thought as a friendship, just a play. Who was that man who waltzes overall rules and moral standards and people that saved his butt more than once—people that had considered him friends? A one-way consideration apparently.

As Sam walks down the corridors of the SGC, she still can't come to the same conclusion as Daniel. She can't—won't believe that the O'Neill of the last week is the real one.

"I haven't been acting like myself since I met you. Now I'm acting like myself."

The words echo in her head, and she wonders if she can ever walk these halls again without thinking about his betrayal. As dramatic as it sounds, but that's how it feels. She had spent three months working non-stop on a way of bringing him back because she couldn't give up on him. Because he is important to her. Slowly Sam realizes that this is the reason why she can't accept what happened. It would mean admitting that she had followed a man blindly, whose intentions had never been honest and sincere. That she had allowed her heart to wander into his direction—against all rules, against all the odds. Sam takes a deep breath, and when she looks up again, Colonel Makepeace stands right in front of her. The new man she's supposed to follow.

"Major," Makepeace says, and even though they've always been friendly before, it sounds different now. Like he wants to get the order of command straight. No question that he's the leader, and she just his 2IC.

"Colonel," Sam says briskly, not ready for a confrontation. Not with her head all clouded with thoughts of O'Neill.

"Briefing is in an hour," he states the obvious. Does he think Sam forgets just because Colonel O'Neill isn't her commander anymore?

"Yes, Sir."

Makepeace seems satisfied with her perfect soldier's response and heads his way. Sam lets out another deep breath, wondering why it had been surprisingly easy to follow O'Neill's command right from the beginning, and now, they hadn't even had their first briefing, and she was already mistrusting Makepeace. She flinches over that thought—especially when she allows herself to notice the flimsy feeling in her stomach ever since he had said, "I haven't been acting like myself since I met you."

Putting on her gear has never felt like such a burden. But she knows that the future of SG-1 is up to her. Daniel and Teal'c have voiced their dissatisfaction with Makepeace, and even though she knows that only Makepeace can prove himself worthy to them, she also knows that they will watch her closely. If she has confidence in him, they will too. It's not that following a new leader is something new. Neither is following someone she doesn't believe in. Her entire life, she had learned to follow, starting with her dad and then right into the Air Force. It had always come easy to her. Even when she didn't trust the people, she had always found a way to deal with it. Something is different now. Of course, she has grown as a person, as a leader herself. It feels weird to admit it, but she knows she's different because of Colonel O'Neill. He shaped her to become the Major she is. His honesty. His courage. His humanness. And it's right then when she attaches the SG-1 patch to her jacket, that she knows, there something wrong about this. This story isn't over. He would never do it. She hasn't lost him yet.

It's hours after the last meeting with the Tollan and the Asgards—and ever since this scam ended. She's in her lab, looking at the device Makepeace smuggled back to earth. As Sam connects the device with the gauge, she notices that someone just entered her lab. Without even looking up, she knows it's him.

"Sir," she says, and only after he steps closer, she looks up.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Just testing the device Colonel Makepeace smuggled back."

Sam notices how his eyes jump through the room. His hands reach for another piece of alien technology on the table, but before he can touch it, she moves it back and smiles at him. He seems to be relieved by this smile and starts to relax. Putting his hands into his pockets and rocking onto his heels.

"Daniel's still a bit angry," he says.

"What you said to him wasn't very nice. But he'll be fine. He needs some time to make you feel bad."

"Yeah," he answers and hesitates for a moment.

"It wasn't nice what I said to you either," he finally says and looks to the floor. When he looks up again, Sam is still looking at him. She's surprised to see the upset in his eyes.

"It's not true, you know."

She almost thinks he's blushing, but it's Colonel O'Neill right there. No giggles, no blushing. First, she wants to let him hang there for a bit. Just like he had let them hang and deal with it. But as he rocks back and forth and looks like a sorry schoolboy, she decides she can't.

"I know," she says.

He seems surprised. "You're not angry?"

"No."

"Good." He grins at her wildly. "Cake?"

"Why not." Sam smiles back with a flutter in her stomach, which she is sure, is caused by his boyish smirk, that just got bigger now.

O'Neill leads the way, and she follows. As they wait for the elevator, he looks at her from the side. There's something else. She can feel it and gets ready for it.

"Why?" he asks without any explanation, but she knows anyway.

"You're not that kind of person," she says and locks his eyes. First, she sees surprise, then a look that is hard to describe but feels like he's taken aback by the idea that she knows him. Maybe better than he knows himself. A warmth spreads on his face, sending another swoosh through her stomach. She has to force herself to look away before her face gives away too much.

Quietly they step into the elevator headed for some cake. And maybe, Sam thinks, maybe for another of those nice warm eye contacts.