Windows of opportunities
Episode tag to "Windows of opportunity'
The first time Sam won't remember, he shows up in her lab and immediately starts fidgeting with the gauge on her desk. It takes a "Sir" to make him stop. Something is strange about him today. Already in the briefing, he had been unusually quiet and only interrupted her admittedly long rundown of the geomagnetic storm once. To everyone's surprise, he chipped in some in-depth details about Coronal mass ejections, which she had cut short because, well, Colonel O'Neill's tendency to get bored over technobabble. It wasn't so much the fact that he knew particular astrological terms, rather than the way he reacted afterward. Usually, he was proud when he got things right. This time he stayed silent, and this was what threw her off. What she didn't know was that it had been loop 87 since Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill were trapped in repetition. About five loops ago, Daniel had caused the epiphany that they could do anything without worrying about the consequences, and now he was here in her lab, staring at her.
„What can I do for you, Colonel?" Sam asks after she has cleaned the desk from everything that could become dangerous in his hands. He glances at his watch, and his eyes jump to her.
It can't be, Sam thinks, but she's pretty sure his eyes linger on her lips. Suddenly aware of this part of her body, she wets them, and as if caught by this movement, he immediately turns away.
So, he WAS looking at her lips.
„No, I...uh… just walked by…" he says, but it sounds like a lie.
Sam tries to read him like she sometimes can, but today it makes her head spin. So she decides to let him do whatever and continues doing what she's doing—which means packing equipment for their upcoming mission to P4X-639. While he's looking around in her lab, she picks up a box, and suddenly he's right next to her.
„Let me get this, Carter," Colonel O'Neill says and eagerly lifts the box.
He's definitely acting weird today. Usually, he lets her deal with things like this herself, and if he notices something is too heavy for her, he makes Teal'c help her. She appreciates that he understood quickly that the last thing she wants is a special treatment. So him picking up the not particularly heavy box is strange. He seems to notice, because now he stands there, holding the box and doesn't know where to put it. Sam raises her eyebrow, then nods to the corner behind her, and he puts the box down. There isn't much space between the two lab tables, and suddenly he's very close. He looks at her with his big amber eyes and blinks softly. It's like this blink causes a tornado to swirl on her insides. When his eyes jump to her lips again, she can't help but imagine how it would feel to have his lips instead of his eyes there. His lips are right there, his mouth is right there, and her heart seems liable to crack her ribcage with its heaving.
Kiss me. Kiss me.
Stop it.
As if the Colonel can read her mind, he leans even closer and parts his lips slightly. She inhales sharply, and it seems to be the signal he's waiting for. With a deep breath, which sounds like a moan, he moves to close the distance between them.
OMG, it's happening.
But she's wrong. Just a split second later, she sits in the commissary with nothing but the flavor of pancakes on her lips. Oblivious to their almost kiss, she is surprised to see Colonel O'Neill drop his spoon, sigh in frustration, and lean back with closed eyes.
„Sir? Are you okay?"
He looks up with a determined expression.
„Peachy Carter, just peachy."
The second time she won't remember, she bumps into him when she's about to leave her lab. It's a full-frontal crash that slingshots her files into the air, but instead of them bouncing off each other, she finds herself in his arms.
„Sir." She's surprised while he, on the other hand, is unrattled by this forceful impact. It almost seems he expected this to happen.
"Carter," he says, still holding her arms.
She's so taken aback by the way he reacts and—if she's honest by this sudden proximity—that she stutters, "I was looking for you. I think I found a…"
"Argh…" he interrupts her, and again she's surprised.
"You don't want to…"
"Not now."
His glance makes her nervous. The intensity has nothing to do with the way her Colonel should look at her. And also, he still has his hands on her shoulders.
"But in three minutes, it will start all over." She tries to stick to the facts. Everything else is just too confusing.
"Two minutes and 34 seconds actually. 33 now." He smirks, "And then none of this would have ever happened."
If he counts on her to understand what he's talking about, he counted right. She's one of the smartest brains on earth after all, and when she feels him pulling her a tad closer and pinning his eyes to her lips, it clicks.
Oh.
As an immediate reaction, her knees turn to Jell-O, and there's an entire swarm of gliders shooting fireworks in her guts.
"Oh," she actually says this one out loud, and it makes him smirk even bigger.
"No consequences, you know," Jack says, and he glances at his watch.
There are so many thoughts she could be thinking right now. The only own she should be thinking is: I can't kiss my CO. Instead, the only thought she can think is: this might be the one chance we have.
"Okay," she says and is painfully aware of how quick her answer came.
Okay?
But there he is, smiling so lovingly, so relieved. He nudges an inch closer, tying his gaze with her's. Her head starts spinning, and before it even happens, she regrets that she won't remember. But maybe it's for the best. One stolen moment just for them, one that no one can make them accountable for. Not even she herself.
It is as if every nerve in her body stopped feeling so she can focus her entire self on the sensation of his lips on hers. She can already feel his breath, and in turn, is sure she stopped breathing altogether. Just before their lips meet, she closes her eyes, ready for that one kiss that will be theirs.
"Major Carter."
They shoot apart and find a startled looking Dr. Lee in her lab.
"Colonel, Major, I am… I didn't mean to interrupt. Err. I…" he stutters.
When Lee catches the angry look on O'Neill's face, he stumbles backward out of the lab.
"He won't remember either, right?" she says shyly.
"No."
It breaks her heart a little bit to hear the disappointment in his voice, and she wonders how many times they've done this already or how many times he has tried. Ever since the Za'Tarc, there's a tension between them. Sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes sexual, sometimes loving. And this tension is pulling strongly on her. She's surprised by her courage—but there's not much time for it because she's already halfway there. She wraps her hand around his neck and pulls him closer. He's amazed but doesn't pull back. On the contrary, she feels his hands around her hips, pulling her to his body and willingly, she crushes against him. Her lips are about to follow the movement and then close around a fork of pancakes. She can't remember what almost happened. That she wasn't sitting here in the commissary only a blink before and is only surprised to see Colonel O'Neill bury his head in his hands over a bowl of Fruit Loops.
Attempt number three is equally unsuccessful. Sam is in her lab, running tests when he marches in like on a mission and pulls her up from her chair. The surprise factor is on his side because she doesn't know what's happening, so her body is like gummy in his hands. His face is dangerously close. A twinge of desire is building in her, and she's scolding herself for it except that she doesn't because his scent fogs her brain, and involuntarily she parts her lips in anticipation of that incoming kiss. It's just inches before he can finally press his lips onto hers when Hammond walks in. Colonel O'Neill curses out loud, but by then, they are already back in the commissary, and Sam and Daniel are startled by his sudden outburst.
The fourth time she won't remember either. For Jack, on the other hand, it will be engraved into his heart and burnt on his lips for infinity.
She's running gate diagnostics in the control room, trying to understand why it won't let them dial out and if the reason for being stuck in the time loop only Teal'c and the Colonel can recount has something to do with the gate. If Colonel O'Neill is right, the time loop is about to start over in only three minutes, so she'd better hurry up. As she hacks into the computer, trying to make sense of the numbers that flicker over the screen someone is dialing their gate, and then he hears Colonel O'Neill's voice behind her, "Excuse me, George."
She turns around and wonders about his outfit: baggy pants, a very yellow shirt, a beanie.
"Colonel, what are you doing out of uniform?" General Hammond asks, clearly as confused about Colonel O'Neill's appearance as she is. The Colonel is smooth as only he can be. He checks his watch, and this reminds her that this loop is coming to an end soon.
"Handing you my resignation," O'Neill says and hands General Hammond a piece of paper.
Quickly she glances at the watch on her computer screen; 1:53 before this loop ends. So what's the deal with this resignation? Out of curiosity, Sam gets up to glance at the paper Hammond is staring at with shock.
"Resigning, what for?" she asks, somehow sure that this is just another O'Neill prank. What else would be the purpose of resigning when in 97 seconds everything starts all over again. The Colonel doesn't even look at her. He stares at his watch. She knows him too well to feel the underlying nervousness he's trying to mask with his suave act.
"So I can do this," he says and finally looks at her. There's a satisfied grin on his lips, the one he fashions when plans work out. And then the remaining 54 seconds stretch to a mare infinity.
His hands slip around her face, and he leans forward until his lips meet hers. At first, it's a pure physical sensation—his lips pressing onto hers. A feeling she long longed for and that paired with shock is strange. But then she relaxes her lips against his, and a tingle spreads out from this small point of contact. She feels his arm wrap around her, and with it, his scent wraps her senses. In a smooth move, he twirls her around and tips her over, and then it's all over for her. She slings her arm around him and finds the warmth of his neck with her hand. Her fingers sneak up into his hair just as his tongue sneaks over her lips, and she parts them feverishly. When their tongues meet for a shy pas de deux, the infinite lightness of this kiss fills her body like a balloon, and she's just glad he's holding onto her because she's sure she would float away. This is how it must feel to float through space, not knowing what is above, not being able to breathe—not that she would consider separating their lips for something so banal as air. To reassure herself that this is happening, she opens her eyes—but by then, the next loop has started.
The fifth time he wishes he wouldn't remember. It's different because Sam kissed him. And that changes everything. When he had kissed her, it felt like a challenge — trying to see if she's up for it if he can pull it off. But this time it's different. She doesn't know it yet, sitting in the commissary eating pancakes while looking at him expectantly in wait for his answer to Daniel's question. Their first kiss in the control room just ended seconds ago, and he can't hide a wacky, happy smile. He leans back and stares at her with this lost drift. It's a glance that tickles something in her, and Sam has a hard time holding eye contact. There's too much going on in his look, and for whatever reason, she feels a tingle on her lips. She brushes over them with her tongue, and when she looks at Colonel O'Neill, he flushes slightly.
"Jack?" Sam hears Daniel say, but it only comes to her through a cloud that muffles everything but her own heartbeat. For whatever reason, she starts to feel nauseous—the kind of nauseous that is exciting.
"You're just not going to answer my question?" Daniel says again, and suddenly something in Colonel O'Neill changes. The hazy, dreamy curtain on his face is pulled and reveals a hard-boiled officer.
"We're trapped in a time loop."
"What?" Timeloop is a buzzword that kick starts Sam's brain.
"We went to P4X-639. There's an alien device that shoots a beam at the Stargate and accesses the subspace field of the wormhole. It's powered by ionization, which is caused by…" Colonel O'Neill searches for the right words, and Sam and Daniel stare at him perplexed.
"The geomagnetic storm," he finishes.
"That is why we're going there, Jack."
"And I'm telling you we've been there."
Hours later, Colonel O'Neill is about to leave his quarters when Sam finds him.
"Sir," she says and blocks his way.
"Carter, I'm on my way to Daniel. Finish the translations so we can get out of this loop before I go nuts."
"About that, I… err… there's something I wanted to show you," she says and isn't sure her voice sounds even semi-professional.
"Okay, quickly, will you?" He says and is about to step out of the door when she pushes him back into his room.
"Not in your lab?" he asks in curious anticipation.
"Uh, no. We can do it here."
She takes a deep breath and steps closer to him, inappropriately close. She prays that this isn't just a Jack O'Neill prank and that the time loop really exists. She prays her assumptions are right and that she won't remember whatever happens in this loop. But then she takes heart and closes the remaining gap between them. For not one second, she lets go of his eyes and believes in seeing something like "can't believe this is happening" in them. The way he reacts tells her he has no idea what kind of woman she can be.
Gently she puts her hand in his neck and hears his sharp pull for air when skin meets skin. She parts her lips and then kisses him. For all that's worth. With everything she has. It might be their only kiss, and even if she can't remember, she wants to tattoo her lips on his—mark Jack hers. Only sometimes, she allows herself to think of him as Jack. Mid-kiss seems to be an appropriate moment.
The kiss is soft and wild, full of love and desire, and it's in this kiss that maybe for the first time she feels truly loved. The way he curls his fingers in her hair. The way he gasps when her fingertips slip under his shirt and brush against his skin. The soft grunt that escapes him and most of all: the look in his eyes when they both look at each other and it's not weird like eye contact during a kiss can be—it only makes it more intense and sends the most bone-shattering feelings through her. Now she's glad that she won't remember because it feels better than traveling through the gate.
Only somehow they manage to pull apart. Jack's trying to get his control back over his body, and when she notices how hard he has to fight for it, she knows.
"How often did we do this?"
"What?"
"In how many time loops have we kissed?"
He's nervous.
"Once, well now twice."
She lifts her eyebrows. This was way too good only to try it once.
"I took me some loops to get it right." There's a mischievous grin on his face.
"What was right?"
"I resigned and then kissed you."
"The official way." She's flattered that it was planned.
"Well, I kissed you in front of Hammond, so I just covered my butt in case it would stop looping after." He's way too amused by her expression.
"You kissed me in front of Hammond?"
He wouldn't.
"Yeah, in the control room. Handed Hammond my papers and told him I'm resigning. You asked what for? And I said so I can do this. Then I dipped you and kissed you," he recalls proudly.
"How did Hammond react?"
"Dunno, I was rather busy."
His eyes sparkle and dart to her lips. She can still feel their kiss on them and starts to feel jealous that he had the chance to experience it twice. If only twice. There are no consequences, and apparently, she's pretty willing to break the rules herself when there's nothing to fear. She won't even remember this kiss. And he has two to feed upon. Then again, maybe it's better not to remember. She would have a hard time pretending it didn't happen, and he has to. Right while they were kissing her head went much further than that, and she's pretty sure that his didn't stop at a kiss either.
Oh! He wouldn't. She wouldn't. Well, clearly, she would.
"Are we good?" He must have noticed her thought of train leave the station in full-speed.
"We didn't…" she stammers. "Did we? You know?" She motions her hand back and forth between them and takes a step backward. Just for safety measures. It takes him a moment to understand.
"Gosh no. No, I would never. I mean, I would…" He squints and exhales. "We didn't. I would never without you remembering."
"Okay."
All her earlier courage is gone, and she stands shyly in his quarters, suddenly aware of where her head went when she made this plan. After all, she came to his quarters and didn't do it in her lab or some supply closet.
A wide grin spreads across his face and puts her at ease.
"What?"
"It just shows how much smarter you are."
She tilts her head as a question.
"It took 87 loops for me to realize that I can do whatever and only because Daniel mentioned it. It took quite some more loops to make this happen."
He waves his hands between them.
She smiles. "Yeah, who would have thought that studying astrophysics pays off if you want to kiss your CO?"
"Speaking of, one thing you didn't get right."
She lifts her eyebrows.
"We have five more minutes before the loop repeats itself."
"Who says I miscalculated?" It's mischievous, she knows and smiles a smile that makes his knee wobbly, and his blood rush louder. She closes the gap between them.
What difference does another kiss make?
Thanks for all the comments, likes, follows. I'm having so much fun rewatching the show and writing those episode tags finding out how their love evolved throughout the show. Next up (of course) Beneath the Surface and it's gonna be intense. If you have an episode in mind I under no circumstances should leave out, let me know. Just mention it in the comments and I'll try to write a chapter for it.
Reviews keep me writing.