Tangent
Episode tag to 'Tangent'
So, it's not a crush. Sam truly understands that when she kneels down to hand Colonel O'Neill some water. He is still weakened from the lack of oxygen, while Teal'c seems to be back to supernormal strength.
"Thanks, Carter," Colonel O'Neill says.
"Let me know if you need anything else, Sir."
He's about to get up, but she puts her hand on his shoulder and presses him down. "Take it easy. You need to rest."
"I meant thanks for picking us up," he says, and his eyes get this softness that is in them when no one can see how he looks at her. A look that makes her swallow hard and her voice is unsteady when she says, "Always."
Before the moment turns into one, Sam gets up and turns around to find her father staring at her. She knows that look but can't deal with it right now.
It's not a crush, hammers in her head, and she finally admits it too.
As Sam sits down in a quiet corner of the ship, she tries to calm her heart and her mind. Usually, she's good at drowning out her feelings. Not now when there's no other problem to solve, no mission ahead. If she's honest, never since the realization that there are feelings between them. Sam tries to remind herself that even love can go away. The only question is how, when you're steadily reminded how it feels to lose the person you have those existential feelings for. How in hell when you're supposed to never give up on them because they are your team and, in a broader sense, a part of you.
"There you are." Jacob still got that look on his face, and Sam knows there is no escape.
Seeing her father tightens her throat even further, which is weird because she had never been a kid that cried a lot. Her father had always been a dad that could spot the switch of emotions before she even felt them. Most of the time, he had said something that made her pull herself together. This seems to be one of those moments. She is not going to cry, she tells herself. Nevertheless, it's bubbling in her, so she nods forcefully as if to shoo her weakness away.
Jacob lets out a sigh, and Sam starts to wonder if he sometimes regrets being such a strict dad. That he was never able to deal with emotions and always kept a military distance to her and Mark. Ever since he blended with Selmak, he is different. Softer, more forgiving—the dad she had always wanted.
"It's not easy making decisions when it comes to life and death for your team members," he says eventually, and she's happy that he makes this a military conversation.
"Hammond made the call," Sam answers.
"I'm still surprised that he approved that plan. It was risky. The Goa'Uld could have spotted you."
"But they didn't."
"Sam…"
"We had this conversation already. They are my team. I would do anything for them."
"Your comradery is great, but people can misunderstand that."
This conversation needs to end before it goes any further. She can't deal with what Jacob is alluding to. Not right now. Sam gets up and is about to walk past him when he says, "In fact, they like to. Especially when it comes to a young, attractive woman who's climbing the ranks quickly."
His words freeze her, and she comes to a stop.
"What are you saying?" Sam snaps. The upset sits right on her tongue. It hurts that her father even formulates those thoughts.
"That's not what I'm thinking, Sam. I know you work hard and deserve everything. But some people are envious. You know how it is."
All her earlier thoughts about Jacob being softer, less military are banished by what he is saying now.
When Sam looks up from her feet where she has locked her eyes from the moment Jacob came into the room, her heart drops a million floors because Colonel O'Neill stands right there. From the startled expression on his face, there's no way he didn't hear what Jacob just said. The Colonel's hands twitch nervously. She knows exactly how he feels. Being back in the glider with no air would be a better place to be. But they are both here, and Jacob must have sensed the Colonel's presence. He turns around and doesn't fail to notice the glances Sam and Jack exchange.
If this day has taught her one thing, it's that these feelings need to stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
It repeats like a mantra in her head.
"There's nothing to worry about dad," Sam says with a steady voice and a steady glance. The anger in her can't come out; nothing can give away what she's feeling. And just like she manages to stay neutral, so does Colonel O'Neill. Nevertheless, it feels terrible to say it to his face after all that happened on P3R-118 and after in the bar. And because it feels so bad, she knows she has to repeat it.
"Really, dad. There's nothing."
The door to that room needs another lock. A second door just to be safe.