A/N: Thank you all for helping me make it through this year. When I say that your reviews kept me going, I mean more than just creatively.
Chapter 15:
The Art of the Truth
Emily couldn't believe her luck. They had just found their stride and now she felt like she was belly-flopping into the water without any control.
They'd been through this song and dance before. Only this time Alison hadn't gone looking for her medical records. Some idiot at her doctor's office had fucked up, and the information fell into her lap.
"When the hell were you going to tell me?" Alison looked at her in disbelief. "Were you even going to tell me or were you just planning on dying on me in the middle of the night?"
"I was trying to protect you…"
"This isn't something you can protect people from!" After all they'd been through together, especially with Emily's health, she couldn't believe that the brunette would keep her in the dark. "How could you not tell me your liver was starting to fail? How could you hide that from me?"
"I didn't want you to worry." Emily reached out to her, but Alison threw her hands up and shook her head. "I've been fine. It's early stage at this point. And we both know there isn't anything I can do. I just have to keep taking my medications to keep me comfortable."
"There are things they can do. They have live donor transplants."
"I don't have any living relatives that could do that."
"Well, did you even consider a regular transplant? Early intervention is key. We could get you on the list…"
"Be reasonable. I'm not a viable candidate. Not with my history." She ran her fingers over the thick bulbous scar on her left arm. It was still pink and fresh.
"You're taking steps to better your mental health. You're not drinking or doing drugs. And you served this country. They would take you."
"I can't take a healthy liver away from anyone else." Emily sighed, looking down at her feet. "I did this to myself. There are people out there who are more deserving. Moms with three kids. Children with degenerative diseases. People who were struck down in the prime of their lives who deserve it. I'm not more worthy than they are."
"You are to me." Alison's voice cracked. How did she not get that? "You don't get to just give up. Not after everything…not with what we have…"
"I understand that you're angry…" Emily gently gripped her arm.
"I'm not angry." She ripped her arm away from Emily. It startled Emily, because Alison never pushed her away. Not even when she was at her worst. "I'm disappointed."
That's just another way to say you're pissed off.
"I know. I get that…"
"No, you don't. You never have." And before she could stop herself, the emotions she'd been holding in since Emily's suicide attempt started spewing out. "You don't know how exhausting it is to love someone who is buried in the dark…who doesn't care whether she lives or dies. You don't understand the impact you make…what you've done to my heart. Because it's like a piece of me belongs to you. And it hurts to watch you wilting away. And I know it's not your fault. But I also know that you feel something. And I thought that would be a reason enough for you to want to live."
"I do. It's just…my mind…" Emily grimaced, "…it doesn't work like that. It has nothing to do with wanting to. Because if I had my choice I would choose you every time. But there's a part of me…it takes over sometimes."
"I know. And I accept that part of you, Em." She moved forward, reaching out to touch the brunette's face. "What I can't accept is losing you. I jump every time my phone rings. I sit at work wondering whether or not you're okay. I worry every night that you won't come home. I spend every moment wondering if this moment is the last. Because I love you," she said tearfully. "And it's fucking exhausting."
"I never intended to hurt you." Emily hated that she'd done this to Alison. She hated that she'd made her cry. Again.
"You never do…" Alison muttered.
Alison looked into Emily's eyes, and she just couldn't help but think of the three little words she'd said to Emily just hours ago. She didn't fault Emily for not telling her the same thing. She understood the connotations of what the words meant to her. But it still hurt. After she'd said it she'd been drowning in endorphins. She hadn't been able to process Emily not saying it back. But now that she'd all morning to stew in her emotions, it felt like the end of the world.
"You know, you've never once said it back." She dropped her hand and rocked on her feet. "And it's fine. You don't have to. Because like I've said before, I know you do. I know who we are. But I wish you could see that it's not just something I say lightly. Last night…it was my first time ever saying it during…"
Emily was the first person she'd ever said those three little words to. She'd been in relationships before. She'd fucked a lot of women. But she'd never been in love with them. Not like she was in love with Emily.
Emily wasn't sure what to say. She knew that Alison had taken a huge leap of faith with her. And she knew it probably wasn't easy for her to say. Emily opened her mouth to reply, but then struggled to find the right words. After a few seconds she sighed.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Emily. Just be honest with me. It's all I ask."
The silence in the air felt like an unsettling ominous cloud hovering over them. Emily had no idea what she could say to make things better. She wanted to go back to last night. She wanted to see Alison's pure joy, not her pain.
Alison's phone cut through the tension in the air. She grabbed it without looking at Emily.
"I have to go." She shuffled past her. "I have to get to work."
She stopped long enough to look over her shoulder. Emily could see the pain in her eyes.
"Ali, can we please just talk about this?"
"I need some time to cool down." She leaned forward, kissing Emily's lips lightly. It felt like a pity kiss and Emily could feel the difference. "We're okay, Em. I just…I need some space to breathe here."
"Okay." Emily wanted to respect her feelings, so she took a step back.
"Don't forget about your appointment with Doctor Sullivan at ten. I asked Cece to swing by and give you a ride. It's on her way to the hospital."
Great. So she can kill me for breaking your heart.
Alison disappeared through the back door. Emily stood on the porch for a few seconds, too stunned to do anything.
When she finally came to her senses she rushed after Alison. But the blonde had already grabbed her things and was halfway to her car. By the time Emily reached the driveway Alison was already driving down the road.
"Fuck." Emily grumbled to herself, staring out the front door. She whirled around and slammed it, "Fuck!"
She had something magical with Alison. And she'd managed to screw it up. She trudged into the guest room. She paced the floor until she felt the static electricity starting to burn her feet.
Every instinct in her brain was telling her to pack up and leave before she caused more damage. She had the inclination to run when shit hit the fan. But then she looked at her surroundings, and she realized how much it felt like home. Not because of the roof over her head or the warm bed. Because of Alison. Her home was with Alison.
And despite the fact that she'd screwed up, she knew that Alison still loved her. And she wanted her. She knew that what they had was something important.
So instead of running, she stayed. She took a shower and got changed and waited on Cece to come by to chauffeur her to her appointment with her shrink.
She expected some shiny fancy car, but Cece pulled into the driveway in an old used hybrid. It looked like the wind could knock it over.
Cece rolled down the window and waved to Emily.
"Hey, hot stuff. How much for an hour with you?" She pulled her sunglasses down and made a lewd face.
Emily rolled her eyes. Cece was a lot like Hanna. The two of them in a battle of wits is something she would pay to see. And she would have no clue which one of them to bet on.
"I take it you're my babysitter?"
"I like to think of it as more along the lines of community service. Because I'm not getting paid." Cece motioned for Emily to climb in the car.
Emily walked over to the passenger's side and opened the door.
"I can pay you for gas." She sat down.
"Your money is no good here, soldier." Cece faced her. "Damn, rough night? You're looking a little green, Calamity Jane."
"I'm fine." Emily mumbled. But she wasn't. She felt like shit. She was sure guilt played a factor in it. "Ali and I were up late."
"Ah ha. So it was that kind of late night." Cece lifted her brows mischievously. "The world is our oyster. Where to?" Cece put the car in reverse.
"I don't suppose we could Thelma and Louise it over a cliff? I'd rather do that than therapy."
"Not without going on an epic crime spree first. And I don't have enough time to become an outlaw before work."
"So? Ditch."
"No can do, bandita. I'm assisting in a kick-ass surgery today. Wouldn't trade it for the world."
"Well, look at you…moving on up. Seems like just yesterday you were doing scut work."
"That was yesterday. And every day. It's just a part of it. I find stains on my scrubs and don't know what they're from half the time. Don't know if I want to know. Sometimes I think Alison was the smart one for going into psych." She glanced at Emily. "Speaking of, you better be kidding about the cliff thing."
"I was."
"You know Ali would kill me if I let anything happen to you."
"I was just fucking around."
"I get that you're using it as a way to relieve some of the pressure, but don't say shit like that, brown eyes. Something happening to you is her worst nightmare. And I don't want you fucking with my girl's heart."
Too late.
Emily leaned back against the seat. She just wanted to go back to last night. She wanted to hold Alison in her arms again. There had been a fleeting moment where she hadn't felt any pain. In fact, she had felt love…or what she assumed to be love.
"You okay over there?" Cece asked.
"Never better."
She made small talk with Cece and floundered through her appointment with her head shrink. Doctor Sullivan always had her do stupid mental exercises that put her on edge.
She took the bus back to Alison's neighborhood, choosing to walk the last few blocks to try and clear her head. She couldn't stop herself from obsessively checking her phone. Alison usually checked in, but since she hadn't Emily texted her.
"Can we talk?"
She didn't get a response. It bothered her. She knew that sometimes Alison got too busy to talk at work, but she really didn't want the blonde to be angry at her all day.
"Ali?"
Still nothing.
It made her feel antsy. She paced around the house for a few minutes, Lupo following her every move.
Her thoughts were running rampant and she couldn't stand it. So to burn off some energy she took Lupo and went for a jog.
She went by Peter's house, but he wasn't there. She overheard his mom talking on the phone about going to his daughter's career day at school. So her search stalled for the day.
She ran her frustration out. By the time she got back her entire body was throbbing. It wasn't uncommon for her old injuries to flare up, but she was really feeling it. When she leaned over to put a fresh bowl of water on the floor for Lupo she felt a dull ache in her side.
Great. Just fucking great.
She stumbled, reaching for her ribs. She gripped the counter as she pushed herself into a standing position. She waited a few seconds for it to fade. It dissipated, but she went to lie down to give her muscles a rest.
Lupo walked into the room holding one of his stuffed toys. He always brought her a toy when he sensed something was wrong. Emily smiled at the dopey dog and pat her hand against the bed to invite him up next to her. He hopped on the mattress and then stood next to her, dropping the toy against her chest.
She laughed and teased him with the toy for a few seconds before she let him grasp it in his teeth again. Despite her side pain, she played a short game of tug of war with him. She let him win and he plopped down on the bed next to her, chewing on the slobbery toy. He eventually got bored and rolled up against Emily, shoving his head into her so she'd scratch him between his ears.
His antics calmed some of her anxiety. But then she remembered that Alison was pissed at her. And it all came crashing down again.
Her phone buzzed from the end table and she grabbed it.
"What?" She answered angrily.
"Hello to you, too." She heard Caleb's voice on the other end. "Sorry. Am I interrupting one of your pity parties?"
"No, I welcome the interruption. Maybe it will keep me from continuing to fuck everything in my life up."
"What's up?"
"Making stupid decisions and doing dumb shit. Just the usual."
"I thought you were doing better."
"It's a continuous process. But it's not really something that's on my mind much anymore. Nature is going to do it for me."
"What are you talking about?"
"My liver is shit. Ali keeps talking about a transplant, but I don't know. I already know what my chances for that are. I don't want her to get her hopes up."
"Shit, Em."
"Don't turn into a pussy on me. I'm fine right now. People live for years with this kind of thing. The advances in medicine can basically keep people walking zombies."
"Guess I won't notice much of a difference since you're already a brainless twat."
"Fuck you, Rivers." Emily huffed out a laugh. "Nice one."
"See? I can't do this with anyone else. I don't want you to go expiring on me."
"I'm not a carton of milk."
"You sure? Because you're sour as hell."
"That's just my natural charm." She leaned back against the bed. "So, what are you blowing my phone up for?"
The line was silent for a few seconds. Emily felt his mood shift.
"Caleb?"
"Yeah. I'm here." He seemed conflicted. "I got a hit on something and I thought you might want to know about it."
More silence.
"You can't just say something like that and then clam up."
"I don't want you going and doing something crazy to get yourself killed."
"Believe me, there is no chance of that happening. Every time I try, this annoyingly perfect blonde woman pulls me back from the brink of it." Even if she is pissed at me right now. "Don't be a dick. Just tell me what's going on."
"I've been keeping an eye on that phone line. I've tapped it. I listen in from time to time."
"You've got way too much time on your hands."
"I overheard this guy talking to Peter. Sounds like they're setting up a meet tonight for something shady, which is par for the course. But something about this guy rubbed me the wrong way. I traced the number he was calling from and was able to ping a location. Checked the CCTV cams and got a pretty clear shot of him."
Emily's heart started racing. Was he saying what she thought he was saying?
"You got a picture of him?" Her mouth suddenly felt very dry.
"Yeah, but…"
"Send it to me."
"I don't know if that's such a good idea."
"Send me the fucking picture, Rivers."
Caleb sighed.
"Okay," he relented. "But I want you to stay on the phone with me."
Emily ripped the phone away from her ear and stared at the screen, waiting for the message to come through. When the message popped up with the attachment she closed her eyes and took a breath to mentally prepare herself.
Unfortunately, nothing could have prepared her for the rush of the past that came back to her when she clicked on the photo.
The image was grainy, but his face was unmistakable. When the picture flashed on her screen she saw every night he was drunk. She saw every time he raised his hand to her and Ethan. She saw everything he'd ever done to them.
She saw the monster who killed her little sister. The photo was black and white, but she could see the bloodshot eyes she knew so well. She saw his face. His angry beady eyes. Everything about him made her skin crawl.
Emily felt a wave of nausea wafting over her and she stumbled out of the bed and into the bathroom, still gripping her phone. She thought she was going to puke, but nothing came up. She felt her stomach tense up.
"Em? You still there?"
"Yeah." She glanced in the mirror and saw that her face was nearly white.
The shock had hit her harder than she was prepared for. She heard a whine from the doorway and she saw the dog staring at her in concern.
"It's him, isn't it?" Caleb asked. "The guy you're looking for?"
"I was hoping he was in the fucking ground."
She put the phone down and hit the speaker button. She turned on the tap and let the cool water fill up her hands and then splashed her face.
"We have people we can hire for that." Caleb was dead serious. He didn't know what the man had done, but he had Emily's back no matter what.
Emily took a breath.
"No." She reached for a towel to pat her cheeks dry. "It has to be me." She clicked on the photo again. It was like a trainwreck she couldn't tear her eyes away from. "Where are they meeting?"
"Down by the docks."
Sounds about right.
When she'd been out by the warehouse following Peter she'd gotten a really slimy feeling about that place.
She glanced at the photo again and something caught her eye. Her heart clenched in her chest.
"Fuck. He's outside the pharmacy on Fifth."
"Yeah. So?"
"Alison works right down the street." She thought about how Alison hadn't replied to her. Had he found out how close they were? Was he going to use Alison against her? "When was this taken?"
"Around ten."
"I swear to God if he did something to her…"
"He didn't say anything in the phone call that indicated he was going to do anything to Alison."
"What exactly did he say?"
"Something about closing out a deal."
"I've got to go." Emily grabbed her phone.
"Emily, don't…"
But she cut him off, hanging up the call. She hit the speed dial for Alison. The call went to voicemail. It made Emily want to throw her phone into the wall.
She rushed out of the house, calling the closest Uber she could find. She told them she'd pay double if they ran all the red lights. She called and texted Alison on the way.
When she got to the office she was disappointed to find that Alison wasn't at her cubicle. She asked around, but no one seemed to know where she was.
She tried Alison's phone again, but she got her voicemail again.
"Shit," she uttered.
"Emily?" She heard a familiar voice.
When she spun around she saw Aria standing behind her with a concerned look on her face.
"Aria. Hey."
"Is everything okay?" Aria reached out to touch her, but stopped at the last second.
"Where's Ali?"
"She's out in the field today. She's helping out one of our partner's social workers."
"Oh."
It wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. What she wanted was for Alison to be safe in her office, sitting at her desk, and being grouchy about their fight.
They were supposed to spend the day sulking, as per usual when they fought. And then Emily was supposed to make it up to her by making her a gourmet dinner and rocking her world in bed.
"Is everything okay?" Aria could see the pain on her face.
"Yeah, it's just…she's not answering her phone."
"Being out in the field with social work requires being present and in the moment. She either left her phone in the car or it's off." She watched Emily carefully. She could see that she was agitated. "Do you need to talk? I mean, I know I'm not Ali, but…"
"No. I'm fine." Emily glanced towards the exit. Her next stop was the motel. She needed to get her gun. "Just tell Alison to call me when you see her."
She bolted before Aria could ask any more questions. Aria tried to follow her, but Emily was already gone.
Aria grabbed her phone and called Alison. She didn't want to alarm her, but she'd seen enough unhinged people to know when they were in trouble. She wasn't the least bit surprised when she got Alison's voicemail.
Alison's phone flashed from inside the darkness of her purse in her car. She'd left it in the parking garage outside of the downtown office building she'd gone to for her meeting. She hadn't meant to leave it in the car, but by the time they left to go out on location it was too late to go back and get it.
The phone screen blinked, the alert flashing "5 new voicemails".
Several were from Emily. And one was from Aria. But the most crucial voicemail that she got…the one that would be too late to do anything about, was from her brother. It was short and simple and to the point:
"We found him. It's being taken care of."
As Emily was speeding towards her motel to get her gun, Jason's old army buddy was loading his own weapon and heading to the docks. The sharpshooter had gotten word that the man who had been torturing Emily was going to be there. He didn't know Emily would be there. Or that he was going to make a fatal mistake.
Emily decided to take her brother's service weapon. She thought it was only right that Ethan's gun fire the deadly shot. They'd fantasized about taking him out for years after he'd killed Ellie.
She ran her thumb across the handle of the gun. She felt strangely calm. She was on a mission. She was motivated. There was no way she was letting this golden opportunity slip through her fingers. She had to see this through, not only for herself, but for Alison. For Hanna and Aria and Spencer. For Mona. For Charles. For Cece. For everyone in her life who gave a damn about her…for everyone she cared about.
She sat on her motel bed, a bed she hadn't used in months, and she thought about how she'd never really had a place to call home. But something she'd come to learn was that home wasn't a place. It was a feeling.
She wasn't sure why she hadn't been able to close out her tab on the motel room. It's not like she ever used it. It was basically just a storage space. It also gave her somewhere to go if she needed a break from everything else in her life. It was a safety net. And it made her feel connected to her brother.
She'd spent a lot of her time hiding in motels with Ethan before they'd joined the army. They'd basically lived off of snacks from the vending machines and canned beans and hotdogs they bought at gas stations.
Ethan had taken it upon himself to take care of her, and she'd done the same for him. They'd made a pact that if they ever saw him again they would destroy him. She had never realized that she'd destroyed herself in the process of dealing with her anger and her pain.
She stared at the bathroom where she'd slit her wrists. The blood had been mopped up and the mirror had been replaced, but she could still see the thick red substance pooled on the floor from that night. She could still see it, even though it wasn't there.
She was surprised the motel hadn't kicked her out after that night. Then again, there was shadier shit going on, and an attempted suicide wasn't even on their radar. It was part of the reason she'd chosen the motel. They looked the other way for most things.
She looked at Ethan's gun.
"I'm sorry I fucked everything up," she said quietly. She hated herself every day for not being able to save him. "I'm going to fix it. I promise I'll fix it."
She saw the reflection of a shadow in the gun and when she looked up she could have sworn she saw her brother standing next to her. The empty room felt alive with a restless air.
She holstered the weapon and then glanced at her phone.
Still nothing from Alison. She pulled up her messaging app. Her fingers hovered over the keypad. Part of her wanted to tell Alison she loved her…just in case something went wrong. But how did you sum something like that up in a text?
"Thanks for everything. I love you. Just wanted you to know in case I get my head blown off."
Alison deserved more than that. She deserved better.
She stared at the empty text bubble and decided against it. She grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from the desk next to the bed.
"Alison, I just need you to know that if I could do it all over again, I would. Everything we are…everything I am…it's because of the love that you gave me. You gave me the courage to live when I wanted to die. Even when I slipped…you were there to help me back up. You never gave up on me. I've only made it this far because of the night we met. And while I regret what it did to you, I don't regret how it brought us together. I don't know if that makes me selfish. But I'll take selfish over the fear of not knowing you. I know I've never told you this, but I hope you know it all the same…I love you. My whole life, I've never loved anything more. Just know that I always will."
When she finished scribbling she folded the note up and put it in her pocket. Then she grabbed her things and walked out of the motel room.
o ~ O ~ o
Emily got off of the bus a few miles shy of the docks. The place was deserted, which didn't surprise her, because it was obvious that it was a front for something shady at night.
She did a quick perimeter sweep and then found a spot inside of a warehouse overlooking the docks.
She didn't know that she'd missed a hidden room, where Jason's friend had been holed up for hours, waiting on his target.
And he hadn't seen her slip in. He'd seen her outside walking by and assumed she was a jogger. He had no idea that she was the very girl his buddy was paying him to avenge. It wasn't the last mistake he'd make that day.
Emily found a place to hide among the shipping crates. She double checked her phone to make sure it was off. The last thing she wanted was for her phone to go off in the middle of a murder.
When she heard footsteps her adrenaline started coursing through her veins. She readied her weapon. She felt like she was back on the battlefield again. Only this time she didn't have back up.
When she saw Peter walk into view she lowered her weapon. He looked irritated. She heard him utter something about how he was going to 'charge the motherfucker a late fee'. It was a hilarious concept to Emily: a low-life who cared about punctuality.
Peter reached into his pocket for his cell phone, and that's when everything went to hell.
There were three rapid bangs in succession. A bullet went clean through Peter's side and into the crates where Emily was hiding. It whizzed by her ear and she stumbled backwards and hit the floor with a loud crash.
Peter dived behind a pillar, obstructing part of his body. She heard him calling an ambulance from his phone, but she didn't register anything he was saying.
Her head felt hot, but her body felt cold. She could hear the screams of her squad. She tried to cover her ears, but it didn't do anything. Her entire body started to tremble. She curled up into a ball as the memories of her combat days flashed through her mind. She closed her eyes and started breathing rapidly. She felt herself careening back into the restaurant, hearing the sound of the gunfire and watching her dad fall to the floor.
She clutched her gun as she tried to push her panic away. She pictured Alison's face. The blonde was her focal point. She counted to three. Fuck counting to ten. She didn't have the time.
After a few seconds she managed to flip over on to her stomach. She crawled towards the edge of the crates to get a look at her surroundings.
She looked around for where the shots had been fired from, aiming her gun, waiting for any kind of movement. It was second nature to her. She didn't even have to think about it.
She knew it was probably him. She knew he'd probably set a trap for her. She wasn't getting out alive, and she knew it. But she was ready to take him down and go down with him.
She heard Peter groaning, and she reacted just like she would have back in an active firefight. She crouched under the cover of the crates and moved closer to him. She wasn't sure what the hell was going on. She could see him lying behind a shelf, but he was still partially exposed. She could see that he was hit in the stomach and back. And despite how horrid he'd been to her, all Emily could think about was his little girl. She had once been that little girl. And she knew she couldn't leave him.
She took several deep breaths and then moved out of the cover, leaving herself open and vulnerable. She grabbed Peter's arms and dragged him behind the full cover of the crates, giving them both shelter.
He moaned in pain and opened his eyes.
"I should have known it was you." He gripped the hole in his stomach. "Come to finish me off?"
"I didn't fucking shoot you." Emily kneeled next to him. "Don't get me wrong. I wanted to. But I didn't pull the trigger."
She pulled off her jacket and wrapped it around her hand, shoving it against his wound. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his skull.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he groaned, blood spilling from his mouth.
"I'm trying to save your life, so shut the fuck up."
He couldn't believe that she was trying to save his life. He had basically gift-wrapped her for someone who wanted to see her dead. He had set a monster loose on her.
"You still got that military blood coursing through you, don't you, Fields?"
Emily felt her muscles tense.
"You know me?"
"Not formally. Name's Pete. I know of you. Through him. Recognized you at the bar. He had a few old photos of you he used to show at poker night." He let out a grunt of pain when he felt Emily push down on his wound roughly.
"You sold me out? To him?"
That's why Caleb found that photo of her at the dance club in their text exchange. He really had been there that night.
She felt like punching Peter in the face. She knew he was a piece of shit. She knew he was twisted. She knew that he was doing illegal things. But to realize that he'd ratted her out to someone who had tortured her for years…someone who had killed a child…he was the lowest of the low.
"Where is he?"
"Dunno."
"Did you know I was going to be here? Did you set me up?" Emily purposefully pushed against the wound on his stomach.
"Christ, ease up. No."
"Did he know?"
"This was just business."
"Yeah, that business worked out so well for you. He pumped you full of led…"
"Come on, you know better." Peter scoffed. "This wasn't him. It's not his style. He likes to get up close and personal."
The words made Emily shudder. Because it was true.
"Then who the hell did this?" She looked around.
The warehouse was quiet. Whoever had fired the weapon was either waiting on another clean shot, or they had slipped out during the chaos.
"It wasn't supposed to go down like this, kid. Guess it's kind of poetic in a way. If you had just killed me when you came for your gun none of this would be happening." He coughed, sending blood splatter all over the place. "How did you even find out I was meeting him here?"
"You're not the only one with friends in this town."
She'd known about the meeting. She didn't know that Peter had known who she was, or that he'd been in contact with her stepfather about her. It was almost enough for her to walk away and let him bleed to death. But then he said something that reminded her of why she hadn't killed him in the first place.
"My…my daughter. She's in the car. If anything happens to her…"
"You brought your daughter?" She was disgusted. "Jesus."
"Sitters aren't always reliable."
"When you're meeting a fucking psychopath you spring for the sitter." Emily snapped.
"You're seriously questioning my parenting skills right now?"
"They're shitty. So yes."
"This hurts like a motherfucking bitch." He grit his teeth.
"You really don't think this was him?" Emily asked.
"If he wanted me dead I'd be dead." He glanced down at the blood covering his shirt. "Though it looks like I'm heading that way anyway." He leaned his head back. His eyes started to droop closed.
"Stay awake."
"Fucking…shit," he muttered, his eyes still closed.
"Don't make me hit you." She'd take a lot of pleasure in rearranging his face.
"Stay with my daughter. Cops scare her."
Cops scare me, too. Emily could relate.
She knew they couldn't be far. Peter had managed to get his call into emergency services right after he'd been shot. She just had to hope that they got there before he died.
She tried to keep him alert and conscious. She heard the sirens in the distance. And she knew that whoever had fired those shots was long gone, because there was no way they would risk being there when the cops got there.
She felt like bolting, too. Because she knew how it was going to look. She had a gun on her and there was a man bleeding out from multiple gunshot wounds. She already knew exactly what she had to do. It didn't take long for her to form the story in her head.
She could easily lie with a stone cold expression on her face. She'd learned that in endurance training for the army. They'd trained her never to give up when she was being questioned. At the very least, the cops' questioning wouldn't involve torture.
The police were the first to arrive. They came running in, guns drawn. They were shouting commands. Emily calmly and concisely guided them to where they were. She kept her hands against Peter's injuries.
"Hands where we can see them!" One of the officers shouted.
"I can't. I can't take pressure off of his injuries. He's got three gunshot wounds. One through and through."
"We'll provide the medical assistance, ma'am. Just take a step back and put your hands where we can see them."
Fuck you and your 'ma'am' shit. I'm more man than you could ever pretend to be.
When she saw a man in a police uniform all she could see was the man who had abused her, and it brought out the worst in her.
"I'm retired military," she said. "I have a service weapon in a holster on my right hip. I'm giving you permission to disarm me."
One of the officers slowly walked forward, gun still drawn on her. Emily didn't move. She knew moving meant the difference between life and death. The cop bent down and found the holster. He slipped the gun away from her. He checked the ammo.
"Full magazine." He glanced at his partner. He turned back to Emily. "Do you have any more weapons?"
"No, sir. I just bring one with me when I go jogging."
"Step away from the injured party." The officer was a little more relaxed now that he could see that Emily wasn't going to cause any problems.
Emily slowly lifted her hands. Peter's blood dripped backwards down her fingers and through her knuckles, creating several streams of the substance oozing down her arm. She noticed that one of the blood trails followed the same pattern as one of her suicide scars.
She saw one of the officers staring at the scars. She could see a look of empathy in his eyes. It annoyed her. She hated it when people looked at her like that. She felt like lowering her arms, but she knew if she moved she'd get shot.
Emily took a step back and let the officer tend to Peter's injuries. Another officer escorted Emily a few feet away and immediately started the questioning.
"Mind telling me what happened here?" He asked. He still had an itchy trigger finger. She could see him squeezing his holstered weapon.
"I jog out this way some evenings. My brother and I used to come here when we were little." There was no way they could fact check that since her living relatives were dead. "I was finishing up my run and I heard a noise in here. Thought it might be someone in trouble. I had an uncle who worked in a warehouse like this and a bunch of crates collapsed on him once. I was just trying to make sure that no one was hurt. I heard the gunshots and hid out behind the stacks over there. I saw him get shot and then saw him drag himself away from the gunfire. I got him back here and started applying first aid."
Peter was coherent enough to verify her story.
"Saved…she saved…" He mumbled as they worked on stopping the bleeding.
"Did you see who fired the shots?" The officer asked.
"No."
"Did you at any point discharge your weapon?"
"No, sir. I learned never to discharge unless I can see the enemy. And I didn't see anyone. I know you have to follow protocol here, so I encourage you to check me and my clothes for gunpowder residue. I have nothing to hide."
The officer nodded. He seemed satisfied with that.
"Do you two know each other?"
"No." She knew when Peter recounted the story he wouldn't tell the officers about their previous run-ins, because he was a criminal and criminals didn't tell the full truth.
"And what did you say your name was?"
Emily froze. She didn't want anyone in the department to go digging into her past and find him. She panicked and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"Emily DiLaurentis. Taking my fiancee's last name."
He scribbled her answer down.
"And a phone number where you can be reached?"
Shit. Her phone was still off. There was no telling whether or not Alison had tried to call.
She rattled her number off to him. He jotted it down in his notepad. He glanced up from over his pen and looked at Emily's arms again.
"Must have been pretty bad for you overseas."
"It's bad everywhere." Emily looked around at the bloody scene.
"I hear you. I did two tours. Then I came home to this. Hits harder when it happens on your home turf." He tapped the pen against his pad. "I get why you came running. Hard not to run towards it, isn't it?" He lowered the pad and pen. "When did you get back?"
"It's been about six months."
"I'm going to guess those aren't battle scars." He motioned to the scar on her right wrist.
"All of my scars are battle scars. Just from different battles."
He didn't push her for anything else. They watched as the paramedics loaded Peter on to a stretcher.
"Daddy?" They heard a scared little voice behind them.
All the sirens and flashing lights had drawn his daughter towards the chaos.
"Hey there." The cop approached her. The little girl whimpered and shuffled backwards. "Whoa, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."
The girl took another step back. She looked like she was ready to run.
"Cops scare her."
Emily didn't want her more traumatized than she already was. And she didn't want her running through the streets scared and alone when there was a psycho with a gun on the loose.
"Um…Officer?" Emily asked. "You mind if I give it a try? Maybe she'll respond better to a woman. Our mothering instincts, you know…"
She felt a pang of pain realizing that she'd probably never be a mother. Sometimes she'd look at Ellie when she was sleeping and just fall in love with the idea of having a child of her own.
"The uniform can be intimidating." The cop agreed.
"Hey, sweetheart. What's your name?" Emily made eye contact with her.
"Samara." She looked up at Emily with the saddest little expression on her face that Emily had ever seen. "Is my daddy going to be okay?"
"They're taking really good care of him." Emily slowly took a step towards Samara.
She didn't back away. Emily took another step. Then another. She leaned down in front of her.
"Hi." Emily smiled.
"What's your name?" Samara asked.
"I'm Emily."
"Are you and my daddy friends? He has a lot of friends."
"I bet he does."
"Where is your mommy, honey?" The cop asked from behind Emily, still keeping his distance.
Emily thought about the conversation between Peter and his sister.
"Since the rugrat's mom died I'm all she's got."
Emily saw the sadness in Samara's eyes and she felt like decking the cop for bringing it up. Then again, he had no way of knowing that her mother was dead.
"She's in Heaven." There were tears in her eyes.
"Want to know a secret?" Emily asked.
Samara nodded.
"So is mine." Emily tried to make her feel better.
"She is?"
"Yeah."
"Do you miss her?"
"Every day."
"Me too."
Emily had established a rapport with her, which was more than the cop had been able to do. She glanced back at him. He looked like he was getting impatient.
"Samara, who do you stay with when you're not with your daddy?" Emily asked, though she already knew the answer.
"My auntie."
"Do you know your auntie's phone number?"
"No," she said sadly. "But my daddy gave me my phone for emergencies." She reached into her little pink backpack and pulled her phone out. "He said my auntie and my gram are in it and if I'm ever in trouble I should find a grown up I trust to call them."
She looked at Emily and then at the cop. She handed the phone to Emily.
"I want to go with my daddy." Samara whimpered when she saw the ambulance pulling away.
Emily saw herself in Samara. She knew what it was like to be that terrified little girl.
"Have you ever gotten to ride in a real police car?" The cop questioned. "I'll let you play with the lights," he said with a soft smile.
Samara grabbed Emily's hand.
"Can you come with me?"
Emily didn't mind. She knew they'd have to question her, so she glanced at the officer for permission.
"We'll all go together," he said.
Samara held Emily's hand with a tight grip as they walked out of the warehouse towards the awaiting vehicle.
When they walked out into the light of the setting sun a pair of eyes watching from an adjacent lot fell upon them. He'd gotten there just as the shots had gone off. He'd been watching the scene unfold. When he peered through his binoculars he nearly dropped them in surprise. He kept them trained on the young woman holding the little girl's hand.
"I'll be a son of a bitch…" He chewed on his cigarette.
He laughed gruffly. He hadn't seen Emily since that night in the club. He'd assumed she'd skipped town the second she saw him there. He never thought he'd see her again. He'd attacked her little gay friend in the hopes that it would draw her out of hiding, but some blonde had showed up at the hospital for the boy instead. He hadn't waited long enough that day. They had been minutes from crossing paths, but he'd left before she showed.
But he'd found her again. And this time he wasn't letting her get away. He had plans for her. He knew he couldn't do anything right away. Not with the cops being so close to her. He'd gotten away with murder once. He wasn't sure he could do it again, especially not if the police discovered his link to her. He certainly couldn't kill her now that she was a witness to whatever the fuck had happened to Peter.
He started up his car and waited for the officer escorting them to the hospital to pull away from the crime scene. He kept his distance as he followed them to the hospital.
He watched them go inside. He saw through the big open doors as the little girl broke away from Emily and ran into Peter's sister's arms. The cop who had driven them there was talking to the woman. Emily moved away from the open windows, out of view.
"Come on, you little shit," he muttered. "Where are you?"
He pulled his car off to the side of the building and grabbed a baseball cap from his back seat. He walked in the side entrance and weaved through the hallways until he got to the ER.
Emily was talking to the officer who had driven her and the little girl to the hospital. The cop had taken samples to see if she had any gunpowder residue on her. The results eased his mind about her. He gave her back her weapon and told her they would be contacting her with further questions.
Emily didn't realize how much she was shaking until she sat down in a waiting room chair. The sound of the bullets. The feel of Peter's hot blood against her hands. It was taking her back to every firefight she'd ever been in. And to know how close she'd been to getting vengeance for her sister and brother…and it had slipped through her fingers. It pissed her off. She had no idea he was right around the corner.
She felt her phone poking her from her pocket. She'd been so amped up that she had completely forgotten to turn it back on. When she powered it up she found several text messages and voicemails, all from Alison, increasing in worry. Alison had gotten Aria's message and Emily's calls and she was freaking out.
"Shit."
She hit the speed dial. Alison picked up almost immediately.
"Emily? Thank God."
"Hey." Emily spoke calmly into the phone. "I need you to meet me at the county hospital. I…"
"Oh my God. What happened? Are you okay?"
Alison's panic swiftly reminded Emily that Alison didn't have the context of the situation.
Fuck. I'm an idiot.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have led with that. I'm fine. I'm not here for me. It's a long story."
"I'm on my way." Alison didn't ask questions.
The anger that had swept her away that morning was overshadowed by her concern. She had been stewing all day, and she had a lot she wanted to say to Emily. But she buried her anger and frustration so she could be there for Emily. Because that's what they did.
That's how they worked. Emily tried to protect her. And she tried to protect Emily. She knew that they were going to have to have a conversation about their communication, but the only thing that mattered to her in the moment was making sure that her girlfriend was okay.
o ~ O ~ o
Alison texted her when she pulled into the parking lot. Emily walked over to the double doors to meet her. Alison ran into Emily's waiting arms.
The man in the shadows watched. So that's who that woman was. Had Emily found herself a little pussy? Well, he could fix that.
Alison looked at the blood on her clothes.
"You scared the hell out of me with that call." Alison gently cupped her cheeks. She kissed her and then glared at her. "I'm still pissed at you. But I'm so glad you're okay."
"I didn't mean to freak you out. I came by your office earlier to talk to you about this morning…"
"Forget this morning." She glanced at the stains on Emily's shirt. It made her feel uneasy, because all she could think about was the day she'd been in the ER covered in Emily's blood. "What happened?"
"Not here, okay?" Emily looked around.
They walked out. Emily didn't say much until they got into the car.
"Whose blood is that?" Alison shut the door.
Emily reached for her phone. Without saying a word, she pulled up the picture that Caleb had sent her earlier. She handed it to Alison.
"It's him." She didn't have to explain who she meant, because Alison could tell by her tone.
She reached out and touched Emily's hand.
Jason's message suddenly made sense to Alison. He'd said something about how his friend had found Emily's stepfather. Had she gone out to confront him? Had she been there when Jason's friend caught up with him?
"Is he dead?" Alison glared angrily at the image of the man who had hurt her precious warrior.
"He never showed. The gunfire probably sent him packing."
Alison's head snapped up. A numbing sensation shot through her muscles.
"What?"
"He was supposed to be meeting with some guy out at the docks. But before he showed someone took a bunch of potshots at the guy. That's whose blood this is."
Jason's friend had fucked up.
That moron shot the wrong guy?
Or had Emily's stepfather shot him? Had those bullets been meant for her? Why had she gone out there alone? Why hadn't she told her? Had that been what all her missed calls were about?
"Is he going to be okay?" Alison asked.
"I don't know. But if he dies the cops are going to be all over me."
"Why? You didn't do anything wrong."
"But I was there. And they won't let that go. They'll use me until they find the person who did it or they'll pin it on me. And when the cops look in to me…it'll be open season on my head for the fucker to come after me."
If Jason's friend had been the one who screwed up, it would be Emily who paid for it. Even though Emily was innocent, Alison knew that the cops prying into her life would really unsettle her.
"Did you see anything?" Alison asked.
"Only the bullets whizzing by my head. Just like old times."
"Fuck, Em. What were you doing there alone?"
"What, are you going to interrogate me now, too?" Emily scoffed.
"Don't you snap at me, Emily Fields. I'm just trying to get a clear picture."
"I still don't really have the clear picture. It happened so fast. The cops don't know anything about why I was there. I told them I was jogging…"
"Well, if you need someone to back you up on that…"
"No. I'm not going to have you perjure yourself for me. Just stick with the truth. You didn't know I was out there."
"What else did you tell them? Anything important?"
Emily DiLaurentis.
She rubbed the back of her neck. She could feel it heating up as the blood rushed to her cheeks.
"I kind of told them my last name was DiLaurentis."
Alison turned to look at her with a smile on her face. It was really hot to picture Emily with a ring on her finger.
"Oh. Is that something that you're…um…interested in?"
"I didn't want them to have my real name in case he still monitors the cases." She smiled at Alison. "But I don't hate the idea."
She took Alison's hand. Alison kept one hand on the wheel. She glanced at Emily.
"Are you okay?" It couldn't have been easy for Emily to be around violence and carnage again.
"I've been through worse." Emily shrugged it off.
But Alison could tell she was visibly shaken by it.
"I thought we were past this." Alison huffed. "Don't push me away. Did you not hear anything I said to you this morning?"
"I'm not pushing you away, Alison. I just haven't processed any of this yet."
Alison didn't pressure her on it any further.
When they got back to the house Emily went to hide her brother's gun. She texted Caleb to let him know things had not gone according to plan and she asked him to see if he could find another lead.
"Come by my place and we'll talk."
Emily went to take a shower. She played out the evening with Alison as normally as possible. They had a quiet dinner, and since the weather was warm enough they went for a quick swim. Emily knew that it would relax Alison enough to fall into a really nice deep sleep when they went to bed.
She waited until Alison was out cold and then she crept out of bed. She'd purposely worn a dark pair of sweatpants to bed. She went to grab the matching sweatshirt. She pulled Ethan's gun out of the dresser.
"What else are you hiding from me?"
She nearly dropped the gun when she turned around and saw Alison standing in the doorway. Emily put the weapon down on the dresser.
"I promise this is not what it looks like."
"Really? Because it looks like you brought a gun into this house without telling me after I explicitly told you not to. That was one of the very first things we ever talked about."
The anger that Alison had suppressed earlier was back with a vengeance. Emily knew how she felt about having guns in the house.
"I had it on me today. After everything that happened I just…"
"I don't want to hear your excuses, Emily." Her voice came out more tired than angry. "I'm trying with you, but I…"
"Just let me explain."
"Why? So you can just make up some bullshit story that I'll buy because I'm a fucking idiot?" Spencer was right. I'm blind because I love her so much. I couldn't even see what was happening right in front of me…
"Hey, you're not." Emily moved over to close the distance between them. "I have never lied to you. Not about this. I swear. My guns have always been at the motel. But when I found out he was here…that he was that close to us…to you…"
"So, that's where you were going? To get yourself caught up in another shoot out? Because I've got to tell you, I am really sick of watching you die."
"That's not…" Emily shook her head in frustration. "I was just going to go talk to a friend about my next move…"
"There is no next move here." Alison put her foot down. "You don't get to go out and play gunslinger anymore. You watched a man get shot today. You could have been shot today."
"That used to be a normal Tuesday afternoon for me." Emily regretted it the second she said it. She saw Alison's face redden in anger. "Sorry. That…" She grumbled. "I'm just frustrated. I was so close. I was so close to ending this."
"Emily, this is serious. The police are involved. What do you think is going to happen if they catch you snooping around in the shadows with a gun?"
Emily understood why Alison was so upset. But she had her own pain she was still trying to manage. Emily closed her eyes and sighed. She opened them back up, feeling the sting of tears prickling against her eyelids. She ran her fingers through her hair.
"It's never going to stop until I do something about it. The pain is never going to go away as long as he's still alive."
Alison sighed. She wanted the bastard dead, too. But not at the expense of Emily's life. She wanted to tell her about Jason's friend. But she knew that if she fessed up it would only motivate Emily to get to him first. And it would undoubtedly get her killed.
"Killing him isn't going to get rid of the pain. It's still going to be there."
Alison was right. Emily knew she was right. But that didn't change the fact that he was still out there. Much like her pain, he lurked in the darkness, waiting for her to be at her most vulnerable before attacking. She couldn't do anything about her inner demons. But she could do something about him.
"I can't do anything about my pain. I know that. But I can't rest until it's over. Not until you're safe. I'm trying to protect you." She reached out to her.
Alison felt something inside of her snapping. All her life people had been trying to "protect" her. They rarely gave her a choice in the matter. They just all assumed they knew what was best for her.
"I don't need your fucking protection." She gripped Emily's wrists tightly before throwing them back and shoving her roughly against the wall. Emily was stunned at the motion. "I'm sick of everyone treating me like I can't take care of myself. My parents. My brother. Spencer. Cece. You…"
"I'm not saying that…" Emily reached for her again.
"Don't!" Alison screamed through her tears.
Her emotions were consuming her. She felt betrayed. She felt lied to. She felt used. She felt afraid…afraid for Emily.
Alison threw her fists against Emily's chest and started beating wildly. Emily grabbed her wrists and tried to settle her.
"Alison…"
Alison ripped one of her hands away from Emily. She pulled her hand back and whipped her palm towards Emily's face, making contact with her cheek. Emily barely felt it because her adrenaline was running so high. She let Alison use her as a punching bag. She knew how it felt to be on the other end of heightened emotions. She understood.
"Fuck you, Emily." Alison sobbed.
Emily grabbed her wrists again, squeezing tightly as she pulled Alison's entire body into her embrace. Emily held her, her own body trembling.
"You don't know how lucky you are that you're still alive." Alison's body shook as she cried. "You almost died. In my arms. You were dead. I don't want you to die. You can't die."
Emily had been waiting for Alison to lose it for quite some time. The blonde had held it together remarkably well since the night she'd found her in a pile of blood. But she knew that there was a pain lurking beneath the surface.
Emily had been able to sense the pending explosion that morning. Alison had been the rock for so long. Emily knew she had to get it out. She cradled the back of her head as tears of frustration streamed down Alison's cheeks.
Alison pulled away again and was getting ready to start screaming again. But the second she raised her hands, Emily moved forward and slid her palm against Alison's cheek. She moved so close to her that their noses were just inches away.
Alison's eyes widened in surprise. She saw something in Emily's expression. She looked into Emily's soul. Emily was letting her in. She held her gaze, showing Alison every vulnerable cell in her body.
It was Alison who initiated the kiss. She pushed into it so violently that Emily's back hit the wall with a loud thunk.
"You're not going anywhere." Alison breathed heavily against her mouth, gripping the collar of her shirt, pulling her close.
"Okay." Emily let her take control.
She could tell that Alison needed this. She could tell that she needed to seize control before she wildly spun out.
Neither one of them made the conscious movement towards the bed. It was a spontaneous subconscious motion. They moved across the room, their lips crashing together, the sounds of their grunts and breaths filling the air. Their hands were wandering across each other's curves. Emily ripped Alison's gown off over her head, leaving her completely nude.
Alison gripped the bottom of Emily's sweatshirt and pulled it up over her face. Emily had changed out of her sports bra, leaving her breasts exposed. Alison licked her lips and gripped the drawstring of her sweatpants.
She tugged on the elastic band, testing to see how Emily would react. She didn't resist, so Alison took it a step further, slipping her fingers inside her boxer briefs. She maintained eye contact with the brunette as she moved her hand down, leaving it against the front of her pelvis.
Emily bit her lip, driving Alison wild. She'd never seen her this exposed before. She pulled her hand out of Emily's pants and tugged them down around her ankles, her underpants falling with them.
Alison felt a hot passion surging through her. She caressed Emily's abs and kissed the side of her neck, stopping occasionally to nip at her skin. She felt Emily shudder when she reached the sensitive flesh of her chest.
"Are you okay?" Alison asked.
"Yeah."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
Alison peered at her. It was the first time Emily had ever let her have an ounce of dominance. It was erotic and enthralling, but at the same time, it was terrifying.
"You are so beautiful." Alison stared at her perfectly proportional chest. She'd seen her breasts before, but this time felt so different. Before she went any further she took a moment to gently cup her jaw with her palms. "I want you to understand what I see when I look at you, Em."
She moved in for a more sensual kiss. It was less demanding. She pushed Emily towards the mattress and Emily fell backwards, gently pulling Alison with her.
Alison crawled on top of her, her breasts moving directly in front of her face. Emily couldn't resist reaching out to kiss them. Alison leaned in to it. She threw her head back and sighed when she felt Emily's tongue against her.
She felt Emily's hand gently gripping her cheek and she glanced down at her. She put her hand on top of Emily's hand and slowly pulled it towards her mouth. She slipped Emily's index finger in between her lips and started to suck on it. The hot flesh of her mouth sent a direct spark of heat in between Emily's legs.
Alison opened her mouth wider and pulled her middle finger in, her teeth grazing Emily's skin, her tongue swirling around it, sucking gently. Emily watched with lust in her eyes.
Alison pulled Emily's fingers out of her mouth and kissed her palm with a sweet smile on her face. The way she alternated between sweet and sultry was making Emily burn with desire.
Alison pressed her lips against the bottom of the scar on her right wrist and slowly kissed her way up, leaving no inch of her skin untouched.
Alison moved her thigh against Emily's center, eliciting a gasp from the brunette. The sensation was like nothing she'd ever felt before. Because she'd never let herself feel before. She moved with Alison's motions, their bodies connecting in ways that Emily had been closed off to for years. She felt her hips buck into Alison.
"Can we try?" Alison laid her hand against Emily's thigh.
She wanted more than anything to make Emily feel as good as Emily made her feel. She wanted to feel Emily around her fingers…to taste her.
Emily felt a twinge of panic in her chest. She had never let anyone inside of her. She'd always been the giver in sex. She had been spicy in a lot of ways. She kept it hot with her fuck-buddies. Toys. Strap-ons. And the magic of her mouth. But she had never let anyone touch her. She'd rarely even been able to please herself without remembering the pain of what he'd done to her.
Alison could sense her anticipation.
"It's okay if you don't want…"
Before she could finish her thought, Emily put her hand on top of Alison's, holding it between her legs. She leaned up to kiss her.
"I want to." Emily pushed her forehead against Alison's.
Their noses brushed together as Alison pushed down to capture another kiss. She held the embrace for a few seconds before she slowly started peppering kisses down Emily's jaw. She kissed her neck, which sent chills through Emily's body. She slowly moved down to her chest, glancing at Emily to make sure she was still okay.
"I'll go slow." Alison kissed the divot in her chest, right next to where shrapnel was lodged underneath her skin. "Tell me to stop and I will, okay?"
Emily swallowed a knot in her throat and nodded.
Alison slowly moved her hand down in between Emily's thighs. She was dripping wet, but Alison knew that it wasn't just the physical aspect that Emily needed to be ready for her. She needed a delicate mental touch, an emotional connection. So she hovered above her, placing gentle kisses against her lips as she gently drew circles in between her legs.
Feeling the contact of Alison's fingers against her core opened up doors to her past that she didn't want open. Her chest started to heave when she felt Alison slide her fingers through her wet center, carefully testing it out by dipping the tip of her index finger inside.
Emily kissed Alison back, her lips crashing against the blonde's with an intense passion as she tried to distract herself from the ball of tension in her stomach. Her tongue swirled against Alison's as their mouths moved together in a delicate balance of control.
Alison put pressure against Emily's tight bundle of nerves and moved her fingers against her entrance. Her eyes were focused on Emily's as she ran her fingers through the slick moisture gathered there.
Emily felt her body getting heated. She wanted Alison more than anything, but her mind wouldn't let her feel the joy of her love. Instead, she felt pain. It was strange the way her brain dissociated. She knew it was Alison, but her mind thought it was someone else.
When Alison pushed her fingers forward Emily recoiled and a broken strangled cry erupted from her chest.
"Stop." She held her hands up, pushing against Alison's shoulders. "Stop. I can't."
Alison immediately pulled her fingers back and put her hand against Emily's hip. Emily's chest was trembling as she tried to catch her breath. Alison rolled off of her. She put her palm on Emily's face and the brunette flinched.
"It's okay. We're not going to do anything you're not ready for." Alison kissed her.
Emily saw so much adoration in her eyes. She had shifted from domineering to kind, from lust to love. Emily smiled at her and rubbed her thumb against Alison's jaw. She leaned up to kiss her and then pulled back. She slipped her arm underneath Alison and pulled her close. She kissed her forehead.
"Can I just hold you?" Emily asked.
"Always." Alison pulled the covers up, tucking them around the two of them.
The heat from their bodies burned through the thin sheets. Feeling Alison's skin against hers was just what Emily needed. Alison leaned into her neck, gently pressing a kiss against her collar bone. Emily rested her chin against Alison's head.
"Ali, I'm sorry…"
"Don't apologize. I never want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."
"Not for that. For everything I've put you through. I'm sorry I lied. It was just an instinct. It's something I've had to do my whole life. It's second nature, and sometimes I just can't help it."
"I know you're trying." Alison sighed. "I am, too. But we can't keep backsliding. I love you. But sex can't fix everything. We have to have honesty. And trust."
"So, what do we do?"
"We keep trying." Alison put her palm on top of Emily's knuckles. She laced her fingers in between Emily's fingers and squeezed her hand. "Can you promise me that?"
"Yeah." She kissed the top of her head. "Yeah, I think I can."
Emily wanted nothing more than to keep that promise. She wanted to protect Alison's heart. She knew she'd damaged Alison in a lot of ways, and she wanted to fix it.
Alison made her crazy, but in the best way possible. She was crazy about her, and she felt the need to protect her. She didn't know how to put it into words just how far she would go to keep her safe. Because Alison was all she had left.
Unfortunately, her love wasn't a secret anymore. Because he'd seen everything outside the hospital. He'd seen the way that Emily had latched on to the blonde. He knew that the girl was Emily's heart. And now he knew exactly how he could hurt her. He just had to wait for the right moment to do it.
A/N: We're getting down to the wire. It's hard to believe there are only a few chapters left. As always, your support has meant so much. Given that PLL fanfics seem to be a dying fandom I just wanted to thank everyone still here.