It looked like his entire body wilted; ears drooped, shoulders sagged, the phone he had fought so hard for looked heavy in his limp hand. All of him looked utterly defeated, a sight so polar opposite from the feisty hanyou who prided himself on his strength. Miroku thought back to the time he has visited Inuyasha on a job site, purposefully coming early to catch a glimpse of his best friend and possibly embarrass him; He found him in the center of the action, the construction sight little more than dirt and steel, Inuyasha hoisting up the heavy metal himself, then bracing it as his employees came round to assist. Finishing quickly, he called for his crew to go to lunch, walking over to him with sweat on his brow and a smile. He looked more like a god with his Herculin strength than a half demon; In that moment, Miroku was convinced he was invincible. Now Inuyasha looked like a shell of the man he once was. Miroku stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do next or how to approach.
"Did you know?" The hanyou asked, gaze fixated on the wall in front of him. Miroku swallowed hard before answering.
"Kinda. Sort of." Miroku combed his hands through his damp hair.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Inuyasha asked wearily.
"Oh, yeah, I'm going to be the one to break it to guy who just got released from the hospital with brain trauma that the ex girlfriend he's fixated on has started dating."
When Inuyasha made no signs of movement, he wondered if what he said registered at all. Sighing, he walked to the dresser, leaning against it. "I knew she was seeing someone. I'm not sure how serious it is."
That finally got Inuyashas attention; he turned lethargically to look at him. When he said nothing, Miroku continued on, desperate to ease the tension.
"I know she's gone out a few times with him, that's whats Sango said at least." Hearing her best friends name, the dog demons ears perked up.
"What does Sango say about him?" He asked. Miroku pressed his lips together, letting out a long winded hmmmm.
"Honestly?" He asked. Inuyasha nodded, saying nothing. "She thinks he's okay. A little conceited perhaps, but Sango thinks hes good for her. She needed to move on. And he…he seems to really like Kagome." He finished with a shrug.
"But does Kagome likehim?" He blurted in a rush, the first burst of energy he had seen in a while. His golden eyes seemed bright and fragile, like Mirokus answer could make or break him. He knew he had to tell him the truth, give him a dose of reality, but he had to do it delicately.
"Dude, she wouldn't be seeing him if there wasn't somethingshe liked. Maybe it's best to let her go." He crossed over to the bed, taking a seat near his oldest friend and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Kagome was a mess when you guys split. She's finally putting her life back together. Maybe you should just let it be, you know? She's moving on and you can too. If you don't want it to be with Kikyo fine, but-"
Inuyasha let the words rattle around his brain as he let Miroku prattle on, paying very little attention to what he was saying. Once he suggested he should stop pursing Kagome he had very little interest in hearing the rest. Knitting his brows together as he tried to piece together this fucked up mess he was in. So Kagome was with some guy, and was probably happy. Probably.
When they were together there was no question as to how she felt. She was always giving him smiles, small touches that were discrete yet intimate, just enough to let others know she was his, and he was hers. They were happy together, he knewit. He would come home from work, still sweaty and dirty despite cleaning up before leaving, and she would never shy away from his embrace, laughing as she shriveled up her nose, directing him to the shower with a playful push. They would go to bed together, sometimes separate, yet still wake up tangled in each other. And as for the bedroom- well, he could stake his life on it that she was happier with him. He brought his attention back to Miroku, still in the middle of his sermon.
"-There's plenty of other women out there, man. Kagome's great and all but its time to move on."
Seriously? He was telling him to let Kagome go off and be with some asshole, just like that?
"You want me to let her go?" He spat. "No way in Hell."
Miroku frowned. "You already did. I know you don't remember man, but the world has kept spinning. It's been a long time for all of us since you two split. Its not fair to her to put this on her, not when she's finally getting over you."
Was he being selfish? It wouldn't be the first time he was accused of it.
But the idea of letting Kagome go…
He wasn't sure he could do it.
From everything he'd gathered, their break up hadn't been easy on Kagome;
"I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can let her go. Especially to some conceited prick. I cant give her to him." His voice was raw, cracked.
"She's not yours to give away." His tone was firm. "She's not a toy or something you own; she makes her own choices, Inuyasha." Its not like this was easy on her either." Miroku sighed. "Even as hurt as she was, she still came running to see you in the hospital. I'm sure she still has some lingering feelings for you- it would make sense. But shes just starting to move on." Miroku's voice grew sterner. "Maybe you could get to her. Maybeyou could break her and this guy up, and squeeze your way back in her heart. But does she deserve that? Doesn't she have a right to be with who she wants? Just because you cando something, doesn't mean you should."
Maybe he was right.
Maybe he should let her be. He knew in his heart, in his gut, his soul called for her; that if he somehow recovered his memories he wouldn't regret his choice to send Kikyo away, to try and pursue Kagome to the ends of the Earth. As certain as he was that shewas who he wanted… He couldn't say the same for her. Did she even want him? Back then, without a doubt, but now…? Who the hell was he to judge for her? The details of their demise were sparse, but he obviously did a number on Kagome. If he did half the things she and Miroku were saying he did, what right did he have to love her? Should he let her go?
It would hurt like fucking Hell.
Inuyasha looked down at the phone in his hand, the picture of Kagome still lighting up the screen. She was wearing a white summer dress, a floppy sun hat shielding her from the harsh sunlight. She was in a field of sun flowers, the yellow glow surrounding her, a stranger with blue eyes and a white smile by her side. She had asked him to go with her, practically beggedhim to. He dismissed the idea easily, not wanting to go just for a pictures sake. Kagome had insisted that they could pick the flowers, that the farm looked like it came out of a dream, but Inuyasha was unmoved.
She looked spectacular; he wished so badly he had gone with her then, taken the time to do the little things. And she was right; the pictures were amazing- shelooked amazing. Studying the picture, he couldn't help but wonder: is she happy?
"I swear I know this fucker from somewhere." He grunted, finally pulling his eyes from the image of her. Every time he saw it, it felt like his heart was shattering. He was afraid to scroll further; he didn't know how he'd handle if it if he saw her in the arms of another man, another demon.
"That's Koga." Miroku supplied. "They work together. He's the gym teacher at her school."
Fuck.
So she spent her entire day, Monday through Friday around this guy? Was he making moves on her while they were together? Did he try anything? That fucker probably slipped right in when they broke up. He probably saw an opportunity and pounced. He-
"Slow your roll." Mirkoku cut through his spiraling thoughts. "I can already see where you're going with this. You're going to give yourself wrinkles if you think this hard." Miroku stood up and promptly grabbed the phone from his hand. "She met him a like 2 months ago. He's a new teacher at her school."
Inuyasha frowned. For some reason, that didn't make him feel better.
"Come onnnn." Miroku drew out the word. "You've been given a second chance at life here! A do over! Any mistakes you made In the last six months, fuck, you don't even remember them! We should be celebrating. It's a miracle your alive, and okay. We need to be living it up. So what if Kagomes dating. You should date too!" He was practically bursting with energy. "I'll take you to a singles bar."
"Pass, thanks." He commented quickly, immediately disliking the idea. His best friend laughed, knowing what his reaction would be. The fact that he didn't say 'I'm not single, asshole' was already an improvement on their earlier conversations.
"Just think about it. If you're going to disrupt her life, make sure its worth it. Now in case you didn't notice, I need to finish getting ready, so get out."
As he was pushed out of the bedroom (literally) Inuyasha couldn't help but wonder:
Should he let her go?
He knew he didn't want to. Everything in him screamed not to.
But was it just selfishness?
For the first time, he needed to asked himself "what is best for Kagome?"
He wasn't sure he was going to like the answer.