A/N: Thank you all for keeping me sane in an insane world. Creating these stories and sharing them with you all keeps me going. Only a few pages left to turn. A few chapters to go. I may or may not have one more story in me after this one if you guys are down for it.
Chapter 17:
Vulnerability
Neither one of them slept the first night at the cabin. Emily tried to burn off her energy on the treadmill in the exercise room in the basement, but it only stimulated her adrenaline more.
She obsessively checked her gun and ammo. She paced the hallways like an antsy prison guard. If they had been followed she would be ready. She wouldn't be caught off-guard again. She listened for noises. She peered around the shades. She felt like she was back in combat, waiting for an enemy to jump out at her.
She heard shuffling from the bedroom. She rushed towards the noise, terrified that someone had slipped past her and was trying to hurt Alison. She was relieved to find Alison walking towards the door. She'd gotten tired of listening to Emily pacing.
"You really need to get some rest." Alison walked over to her. All the moving around couldn't be good for her injuries.
Emily put her weapon down on the dresser.
"I'm fine. I've done twenty-four hour shifts before." She could see the 'but you were shot a few hours ago' ready to spill from Alison's mouth. "Yes, even after being shot. Army makes 'em strong, babe."
Alison started to reply, but she paused, her mouth twisting into a smirk.
"What?" Emily asked.
"You called me babe."
"I can go back to blondie if you prefer it." Emily closed the distance between them, pulling Alison in for a hug.
"I'd prefer for you to come to bed." Alison pushed her palm against Emily's hand and curled her fingers into Emily's. "It's four in the morning, Em."
"He won't sleep until he finds us."
"He won't find us here. This place is off the map." Alison smoothed some of Emily's hair down. "Besides, if he's going to kill us I'd rather be well-rested. I don't want to go to my eternal rest looking like a dime store whore in a fight with a blow dryer."
"Oh, Ali." Emily shook her head with a smile. "You're worth at least a dollar." She wrapped her arms around Alison's waist and kissed her forehead.
"Emily Fields, you can take that dollar and shove it."
"Ooh." Emily lifted her brows. "Tell me where."
Alison giggled and pulled her towards the bed. She fell backwards on to the mattress, taking Emily with her. Emily felt a jabbing pain in her side when she hit the bed. Alison saw her flinch. She reached up and stroked her cheek.
"Does it hurt?"
"Comes and goes. Nothing I can't handle."
"You are the most stubborn woman I've ever met."
"Look on the bright side." Emily mirrored Alison's actions, cupping her face. "I'm too stubborn to die."
Alison scowled at her.
"You're not a cat. You can't keep using up your lives like you've got more to fall back on."
"I never thought I had more to fall back on." She looked at the ceiling, remembering the feeling of hopelessness she'd felt back in that motel bathroom. The first time she'd tried to kill herself she'd just been pissed. But when she was alone in that bathroom all she'd felt was an overwhelming darkness. "That was the point. That's why I did what I did. I didn't think I'd survive."
Alison turned to her side, propping herself up on her elbow.
"Are you glad you did survive?"
Emily looked at Alison. It was such a loaded question. Because if Alison had never met her, the blonde never would have known this much pain. On the flipside, if she'd never met Alison Emily never would have known love. She couldn't imagine not knowing Alison. She couldn't imagine her life without her.
"I'm glad that I met you. I'm glad that you're in my life." She smiled as she reached up and brushed Alison's hair gently with her fingers. She looked into Alison's eyes. "And you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen."
"Don't try to change the subject by sweet talking me."
"I mean it. Truly. I'm not talking about just how beautiful they are. Because there is more to you than that. When I look into your eyes I see…hope. I see determination…and love. And an unyielding tenacity. Even if you know someone is a lost cause, you still believe they have a chance."
"I don't believe in lost causes." Alison leaned over her. She moved towards Emily's lips, stopping to let her mouth hover over Emily's. "People can be lost. But they're not lost causes. They're just people who have yet to be found…those who have yet to be shown the light."
Emily considered Alison's words. Sometimes she made her see things in a completely different light.
"Okay, would you just kiss me? You sound like a gospel song right now." Emily teased.
Alison laughed softly and pressed her lips against Emily's.
"You do have a habit of making me shout out loud to God." Alison lowered her tone to a sultry whisper.
"In that case, let me take you to church." Emily kissed her neck. She slid her fingers underneath Alison's night shirt. She could feel the goosebumps against her skin.
"You have a bullet hole in your side." Alison reached down and cupped her chin, trying to stop her. "Two of them…"
"So? That doesn't affect my mouth." She pulled Alison's shirt up. "Consider it a dying woman's last wish."
"That's not funny, Emily."
Emily placed a kiss on her taut stomach. When Alison felt Emily's lips against her skin she lost all sense of control. Emily slowly kissed her way down until she reached the band of Alison's pajama bottoms. She slowly lowered them, kissing her pelvis while simultaneously slipping her fingers below her panty line. She moved her fingers against Alison's hips, slowly pulling her bottoms down. She kissed the sensitive bud between Alison's legs.
"Em…" She shuddered.
"Still want me to stop?" She placed strategic kisses against Alison's inner thighs. Emily increased the pressure between her legs.
"I'll shoot you myself if you do."
Alison slid her hand over her face and moaned. She bit down the fleshy part of her palm as she bucked against Emily's mouth. Her fingers slowly slid up over her heated face and into her hair. She tugged on her hair, pulling roughly as she threaded her fingers through it when she felt her orgasm hitting her.
By the time Emily was done with her, Alison had gone beyond shouting biblical names. She'd even resorted to a bunch of dirty talk she didn't realize she had in her.
After her fourth orgasm, Emily finally let up. She wanted her to be able to rest. She slid up next to Alison. Emily's body was throbbing and sore, but she never let on that she was hurting. Every second she'd been between Alison's legs had been worth it.
She pressed a kiss against Alison's temple.
"Oh my God." Alison panted. "How do you even have the stamina after what we went through tonight?"
"I've always got it in me for you, blondie."
Alison slithered close to Emily's side, gently wrapping her arms around her, careful to avoid her injuries.
"You must be exhausted." Alison snuggled against her.
"I could go again." Emily grinned at her.
"Yeah, well, my vagina needs a break before it breaks."
She kissed Emily's sweaty forehead. They stared at one another. Alison could see a fire in Emily's eyes. She was still riding high.
"You realize you have tits, too?" Emily palmed her right breast.
"I don't think it's physically possible for me to come again right now. There is no come left in my body. I'm come-less."
They both laughed. Emily kissed her again. Alison ran her thumb underneath Emily's jaw.
"I'm not going to be able to sleep." Emily glanced at the ceiling.
She was in new surroundings. She'd just been shot. She didn't have the safety and comfort of her routine. Even though she had Alison, she felt alone and isolated. She felt insecure and paranoid.
"So we'll just stay like this until morning." Alison nuzzled her cheek against Emily's shoulder.
Alison dozed off, but Emily stayed awake, remaining vigilant.
When she saw the sun peeking through the curtains she quietly slid out of bed. She wanted to make Alison breakfast, but there wasn't a lot to choose from. Since the cabin had been vacant for so long the only thing they had were non-perishable canned food and boxed items. She found a coffee maker and an unopened bag of a fancy cocoa blend. She also found a box of unopened pancake mix and an untouched bottle of syrup.
Alison deserved a five-star meal, but pancakes and coffee would have to do.
She went to work, quietly trying to make their breakfast. It was so weird to not have Lupo at her feet, waiting on her to drop something on the floor. She missed the big lug, but he would serve a better purpose at Aria's.
Emily didn't think that anyone would go after their friends. They were small game compared to her. But she felt safer knowing that Lupo would destroy anyone who tried to hurt Aria's little girl.
She had a feeling the people in Rosewood were safe. He was done playing games. He was coming for her, and she knew it. She knew it, because she knew he would never let her live…especially not knowing what she knew. All she had to do was come forward about what had really happened the night Ellie was killed. She was the only person left in the world who knew what a monster he was, and he wouldn't stand for that.
Emily pulled the pan off of the stove, flipping a pancake on to a plate. She made a few more before shutting it off.
She quietly marveled at the fact that rich people didn't have to worry about cutting electricity and water on and off, even at an uninhabited cabin in the middle of nowhere.
She pushed the pan off of the hot burner and went to check on Alison. She heard a quiet mumbling sound coming from the room. Emily pushed the door open and saw Alison on the cabin's phone.
"Yeah," she said into the receiver. She smiled and waved at Emily.
The first thing Emily had done after they had skipped town was call Caleb to make sure that he could hack their phones so they couldn't be tracked. And even with that, they'd put their phones in airplane mode and had been using the cabin phone to communicate with people.
"Shana wants to know if we need anything from the store." Alison covered the phone's receiver.
"The kitchen is pretty bare. Maybe some fresh foods. Fruits. Milk. Strawberries. Whipped cream. Chocolate. Stuff like that." She winked at Alison.
"You get that, Shana?" Alison asked. There was a pause and then Alison snickered. "Shut up. Not everything is about sex."
But her eyes told a different story. She looked at Emily like she was picturing her without her clothes on. For a few brief moments they forgot that they were on the run. They forgot that this was survival.
Alison listed off a few more items that they were going to need and then she hung up. She stood up and walked over to Emily without saying a word. She pecked her lips.
"Good morning," Alison slipped her arm around her. It felt so right being with her.
"Morning. I made pancakes and coffee."
"You're the one who gets shot, and I'm the one who gets pampered." Alison scoffed.
"It's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be. I've healed from potshots before."
"Did he shoot you?"
"Pretty sure he's been stalking me, so I don't think it was some random mugging…"
"No. Not last night. When you were younger. You said you'd been dodging bullets for half your life, before you were in the army…"
"He took shots at me and Ethan for practice, but never hit us. He did it to keep us in line. He wanted us to be afraid of him. But all it did was piss us off, which got us in more trouble."
Alison's face turned red in anger. She huffed out a growl.
"I swear to God if I ever see him…"
"If you ever see him I want you to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction." Emily cut her off. The fact that Alison was so adamant about squaring off with him scared her, because the blonde had no idea who she was up against. "I will never let him lay a finger on you." Emily slipped her index finger up against Alison's arm.
"And I'll never let him hurt you again."
Alison had the cutest look of determination on her face. Her brows were furrowed in an angry sort of concentration. Emily didn't doubt her protective nature for one second. In fact, it was almost worrisome to know that Alison would step in the line of fire for her. Because they were dealing with a monster who wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger.
They heard a ding from the kitchen, an alarm to let them know the coffee was done. Even though she'd set the timer, the noise still startled Emily. Alison saw her jump. But after a few seconds she was able to breathe again.
Emily grabbed Alison's hand and pulled her towards the kitchen. The table was already set. Alison stared at the stack of pancakes.
"If this is what you do with limited supplies, I can't wait to see what you can pull off with the actual groceries that Shana is bringing."
Emily chuckled softly, but there was a nervous undertone. She glanced at Alison.
"You're sure we can trust her, right?"
"I've known her since we were in diapers together. We spent summers in Atlanta with our fucked up families. I designated her as trustworthy when she called my dad a sanctimonious ass when we were seven."
"Okay, I like her." Emily grinned.
"She said it to his face."
"She's going to be our maid of honor."
"And she threw a dinner roll at his head."
"Can I marry her instead?"
Alison rolled her eyes with a laugh.
"I just want you to know she's on our side. Shana isn't afraid of much. She left home when she was eighteen to get away from her family. She ended up meeting some girl in New York who stole her heart. They've been running a bed and breakfast together up here ever since."
"That's…"
"The gayest shit you've ever heard?" Alison guessed.
"I was going to go with romantic, but yeah, it really is. The only way they could have made it more cliché was to do it in Vermont instead."
Alison snickered and then a string of laughter filled the air. She looked at Emily, amused. Emily's brow creased in confusion.
"They got married in Vermont." Alison giggled.
Emily nearly doubled over in laughter.
"Please tell me they have two cats and a subscription to The Home Shopping Network."
"Just one cat. And a Pug. And they hate HSN. They call it glorified advertising. But Shana likes to ironically wear flannel and sell Amish butter at a roadside stand."
"This is the greatest day of my life." Emily snickered.
It was so strange to feel such joy after such an immense amount of pain and fear. It felt weird to feel normal with Alison when she knew what was creeping around in the shadows.
"Did Shana say when she's coming by?"
"After she and her wife close up shop."
"Oh, the wife is coming, too? We could make an orgy out of it." Emily lifted her eyebrows playfully.
They ended up not making an orgy out of it. Instead they just had a nice dinner together that night. After sitting down and talking to Shana, Emily realized that Alison was right to trust her. Alison had only told Shana the bare minimum, but she knew that someone was out to hurt them, so she offered to be their eyes and ears around town. She said she didn't mind picking up anything they needed.
"I appreciate it." Emily smiled timidly at her.
It felt so fucking weird to be running from a madman with a gun one night and then chatting over entrees the next night.
"Still not sure if you trust me?" Shana could sense her uneasiness.
"Don't take it personally. I don't really trust anyone."
"I get that." She looked over at her wife and Alison chatting by the kitchen counter. She kept her eyes on Alison, but she addressed Emily. "She's been through hell, with her family and all."
"I know." Emily looked at the ground.
She stared at the gap between her feet. Sometimes she felt guilty for not walking away from Alison that night in the bar. She felt guilty for letting her fall in love with her, and for loving her back.
Shana slowly turned to face Emily again.
"Level with me. How bad is it? Alison was always a really good liar and I get the feeling that she's downplaying this."
Emily hated opening herself up to new people. But she knew what was at stake. When she felt the bullet tear through her side 24 hours earlier all she'd been able to think about was what would have happened if it had hit Alison.
"Full disclosure?" Emily asked.
"No bullshit."
Emily eyed Shana. Alison said she trusted her…and Emily wanted to trust her, too. Something about the way Shana carried herself made Emily believe that she'd seen some shit in her life, too.
"The man that's after us is extremely dangerous. The reason we left Rosewood was to draw him away from our friends. He's after me. And he'll use anyone he can to get to me." She linked her fingers together in her lap. "I'm army. It's my nature to stay and fight. But with him…I don't know how. Because he won't just hurt me. He'll hurt my friends and force me to watch. But without me in town he has no reason to stay. It's a sick twisted game for him."
He'd done it to her when she was little. Even when she hid from him, he found her. And it was always worse when she tried to hide. She feared what was going to happen if he caught up to them again.
"I think he knows about Alison considering he came after us both last night. And I'm pretty sure he put another one of my friends in the hospital after a severe beating."
She didn't have proof that he was the one who had gone after Charles, but it was likely. It could have been anyone associating with Peter, but the hate and the meanness…that was something she was all too familiar with.
"I've been careful about who I associate with, because I was afraid something like this would happen."
She was worried about Hanna and Mona, because if he'd been at the club that night he'd probably seen them together. And she was worried about Spencer and Aria, too, though she'd spent a significantly less amount of time with them.
"I've got a friend back in town. He's keeping an eye out. But we're both pretty sure he's going to follow me. I don't know how long it will be before he figures out where we are. When I was younger I stayed on the run with my brother. We never stayed in one place for very long. But I don't want that kind of life for Alison. And I'm tired of running." She looked at the woman who had saved her more than once. "Alison deserves better than this. The most important thing to me is her safety."
"I've known that girl her whole life. And the way she looks at you…no way she'll ever leave your side."
"I know."
Emily looked at Alison. The blonde smiled at her. Emily smiled back, putting on a show for her.
"I know you don't know me, but I need to ask you for a favor." Emily faced Shana again.
"Any friend of Ali's is a friend of mine. Whatever you need."
"If he shows up, I don't care what you have to do…you knock her out and drive her as far away from here as possible. Because he will kill her. It doesn't matter if I'm ready for him or not. He's always found a way."
Shana tapped the edge of her glass in thought, letting the new information sink in. She didn't respond.
"If you don't want to get involved, I wouldn't blame you," Emily said. "I get that you have a family. Ali and I…we can figure it out."
Shana coolly took a sip of her drink.
"Nah, it's all good. I just wanted to know if you really are who Alison says you are."
"What exactly did she tell you about me?"
"You're loyal. Fiercely protective." Shana looked at her friend. "And you put everyone else before yourself. I don't doubt that if something does go down she'll be your first priority."
"Yeah, well, she saved my life. The least I can do is return the favor." Alison was only in this mess because of her.
Maybe being with someone worth dying for was what love felt like. Maybe it's what being alive felt like.
"So, other than getting her wrapped up in this bounty on your head, you been taking good care of her?" Shana asked.
"We take care of each other." Emily replied, staring at Alison across the room. She was radiant. Looking at her, no one would ever know she was on the run.
Emily wasn't sure when it had happened. Maybe it was the night they met when she woke up to find what she thought was an angel hovering over her. Maybe it was when they fucked in the hospital. Maybe it was the first time she looked into her eyes when they were together…when she really looked. But at some point, she had fallen for her.
It took her longer to admit than she cared to think about. Because they could have had something more. Something different. But now that she was able to hold her and look at her and be in her presence without all of the pain hanging over them…now that she had her she wasn't going to lose her.
Getting shot was an eye-opener for her. Because for the first time since she could remember, she had been afraid of dying. Having that bullet rip through her was different than every other time she'd come close to death in the past.
Back before Alison, getting shot only fueled her anger. Now it drove her love. It opened up a world of possibilities they could have lost if the bullet had shifted just a few inches to the left or right.
She looked at Alison and she wanted to live.
"I know that look." Shana laughed. "She's got you in her orbit."
She's my entire fucking universe.
"You're reeled in for life on Planet Alison, my friend. She does that to people."
"Wait, did you two…" Emily suddenly found herself jealous. She'd never been jealous before. She'd never cared enough to be jealous.
"Oh, God no. We would have killed one another. Though it would have been nice to tongue her in front of her snobby elitist parents for good measure…"
"Did you really call her dad a sanctimonious ass?"
"Oh, yeah." Shana grinned. "That was a fun dinner. I called her mother an oppressive plastic bimbo, too. I was insulting at a middle school level that day." She looked over at her friend and her wife. "You don't have anything to worry about, lover girl. Ali and I were never a thing. Bossy blondes aren't my type."
"She is pretty bossy." Emily stole another glance at Alison.
She was bossy, persistent, and controlling. But Emily wasn't annoyed by those qualities. They only made her feel more attracted to her.
Alison could feel Emily's eyes on her from across the room. There was a subtle difference about the expression on her face. She'd seen it in Emily's eyes when they'd first gotten to the cabin. It was strange how one of the worst experiences of their lives was bringing out the best in their relationship. Though, that's what the threat of death did. It drove out people's true feelings. And judging by how often Emily had pushed her over the edge last night, the feelings were pretty fucking strong.
o ~ O ~ o
The next several days went by without incident. Shana checked in on them occasionally to make sure they didn't need anything. Alison checked in with Aria to make sure everything was okay back in town. She was very careful about telling her where they were. She just said they were spending quality time together. Aria told her that they were long overdue for a relaxing vacation.
Alison had to stop herself from cynically replying that it was the opposite of relaxing. Emily was more on edge than ever. Every little noise made her leap out of her skin. She couldn't sleep. She was "on" all the time.
But they had been spending quality time together. And spending quality time together equated to a lot of sex. Emily fucked Alison in every room, on every surface…in every position. It relieved a lot of their tension.
At first, Alison had been wary about letting Emily be so physical while she was healing from her gunshot wound, but Alison found out that she was able to function just fine. And Alison couldn't say no to Emily when she was touching her.
They screwed in the shower. They defiled the countertops. They nearly ripped apart the living room furniture. Alison didn't realize it was physically possible to orgasm so much. A crime scene investigator would have had a field day taking a black light to their cozy little cabin.
Emily fed her strawberries and drizzled hot chocolate against her breasts, leaving Alison a sticky screaming mess as her tongue worked her body. She bent her over the couch and took her from behind. They nearly broke the tile in the shower because of how hard they were going at it. They broke the Pilates machine in the basement. They were untamed and wild and raw, and everything they needed to be.
Alison was careful about when and how she touched Emily. She knew that despite how close they'd gotten, Emily still had problems being physically touched. She could always see it in her eyes if she was uncomfortable. Every so often when their bodies were twisting and writhing together Alison would instinctively reach between them, running her hand along Emily's abs and against her chest or she'd press her fingers in between Emily's legs.
Getting lost in the moment happened, and she couldn't stop herself. Sometimes it was fine. Sometimes Emily was okay. But other times she'd cry under her breath. Alison would always pull back when that happened.
Alison had never felt a desire to taste and touch anyone more than she did Emily. She wanted to feel what it was like to have Emily clenching around her fingers and spilling into her mouth. But she knew she wasn't ready. So instead, she just let Emily focus on her.
Emily left no part of Alison's body untouched...unkissed. She tasted every inch of her. The entire cabin started to smell like sex, and the pheromones in the air only drove them to fuck more.
But they didn't just sleep together. The thrill of the danger looming over them and the heightened emotions they were experiencing also opened up lines of communication that had been blocked.
Spending such a vast amount of time together forced them to get to know one another in a way that they never had before. Every conversation felt like the last words they would ever speak. Every time they were physical it felt like the last time. Every moment felt like the last.
Emily held her tenderly afterwards. She kissed her forehead and played with her fingers. She massaged her shoulders and kissed the back of her neck. She told her she was beautiful and strummed her fingers through her hair. She caressed her cheek and stared into her dark lust-filled eyes. She cradled her. She never wanted to let her go.
The one thing she still couldn't do was tell her she loved her. But Alison didn't care. Because she knew that eventually, those three words would come. And hopefully she would be coming when they did.
A week into their marathon fuck-fest they took a break to enjoy a romantic dinner that Emily had been planning long before they had been used as target practice. She'd wanted to take Alison out to a nice restaurant before they'd been forced to skip town, but since that option was out she decided to put the cooking skills she'd learned from Ezra to use.
She made Alison stay in the living room while she set up the kitchen as a little mock restaurant. She'd asked Shana to pick up a few things. A nice tablecloth. Candles. Flowers. All things she considered extravagant. But Alison was worth it.
She'd found some expensive dishes and cutlery. She'd even wrapped up some fancy napkins with flowery bows. The finishing touch was the romantic music she put on.
Alison was blown away by the set up. She was even more impressed by the dinner. Emily had made lemon herb salmon with pepper flakes and roasted potatoes with asparagus. Alison practically licked her plate clean.
"You must not have liked it at all." Emily pointed her fork towards Alison's empty dish.
"I'm about to pull an Oliver Twist. Please sir, I want some more?"
Emily reached across the table and took Alison's hand. They smiled at one another.
"You're adorable."
"Yikes. Adorable is so not the vibe I was going for tonight."
Emily chuckled and leaned across the table to plant a kiss on Alison's lips. Emily smiled when she looked into her eyes. Sometimes she forgot they were on the run when she looked at Alison. Having a romantic dinner with her girlfriend seemed ridiculous when she considered the situation they were in, but it also felt right.
Alison squeezed Emily's hand. She pushed her chair back and stood up and grabbed both of their plates and walked towards the sink with them. She walked over to the refrigerator and started rooting around. Emily watched her open and close the cabinets.
"What are you doing?" Emily walked up behind her.
"You took care of dinner. I'll take care of dessert." Alison looked over her shoulder.
"The only dessert I want is standing right here." Emily wrapped her arms around Alison's waist and kissed her temple.
"Mind out of the gutter, Fields."
"Fields? You've never called me that before." Emily laughed.
Alison spun around so that the fronts of their bodies were pressed together. She lifted her eyebrows and gave Emily a seductive look.
"You like that, soldier?"
Her tone and the dedication she was giving to the words sent a flush of heat coursing through Emily's veins. She took a breath to try and keep her libido in control. Alison always looked hot when she was grabbing the reins. The slow music was setting a mood that was certain to end up with the two of them in bed together.
"Okay, Ali, you're going to have to back up off of this a little bit, or else I don't know if I'll be able to control myself." She pressed her fingers against Alison's side, slowly moving in to kiss her.
When their lips met, Alison was the one who took control. She gripped the side of Emily's neck and kissed her with a determined passion. They slowly parted, but their bodies stayed connected. Smooth jazz echoed in the air. They embraced one another and the beautiful stylings of Ella Fitzgerald led their motions. Dancing felt like a freedom they'd never had before.
Emily pulled Alison into her body, wrapping her arm around her back, holding her close. Alison walked her fingers down Emily's arm until they slid effortlessly into Emily's. She clasped her hand. She wrapped her other arm around Emily's body. They pushed their connected hands away from their bodies and starting waltzing to the beat of the music.
Their eyes spoke more than words could. Midway through the song Alison laid her head against Emily's shoulder and sighed. She let Emily lead her. She was content to let her take control.
When the song came to a close Alison lifted her head and smiled at Emily. She kissed her again.
"Shower and then meet me for lights out at o'21 hundred." Alison uttered against her mouth.
"We're going to have to work on your military lingo." Emily grinned into their kiss.
"Are you giving me lip, cadet?"
"Only if you want it." Emily smirked. She nipped on Alison's lip before pulling away.
"Seriously, I want to do something nice for you." Alison glanced at the items she'd pulled out. "Go relax."
Relax.
Emily didn't even know the meaning of the word. She almost laughed at the absurdity of the suggestion, but she didn't want to hurt Alison's feelings. So she did the only logical thing she could think of. She walked the perimeter of the cabin to make sure it was secure and she double checked her gun's ammo. Making sure that they were safe was her definition of relax.
When she was satisfied she went to their bedroom. She sat down against the bed and leaned back against the pillows.
She reached for the phone and dialed Caleb's number. Their conversation was short. It always was. It had been the same thing for the past week. Not knowing where he was was worse than knowing where he was. She started to second-guess herself, wondering if maybe she should have just stayed in town and tried to draw him out.
"Knock, knock?" she heard Alison call from the hallway.
"Who's there?" Emily fired back.
"Funny." Alison pushed the door open. "Are you decent?"
"Sorry to disappoint you, but yes."
"Oh." She walked in carrying a tray of small strawberry cheesecake bites and two cups of hot cider. "Was my army foreplay really that bad?"
"No." Emily tried to humor her. "No, it was cute. Like…a baby deer learning to walk for the first time."
"Ouch." Alison sat down against the edge of the mattress, food still in hand. She put the drinks on the nightstand.
"Hey, you don't have to prove your sexiness to me." Emily reached out and put her hand against Alison's thigh. "I will take you anywhere. Anytime." She looked at the tray of stuffed strawberries. "So, what's on the menu…besides you?"
"My grandmother's no bake strawberry cheesecake bites." She grimaced and lowered her head in shame. "I probably should not have mentioned my grandmother in bed. I am really off tonight."
"I have succeeded in fucking your brains out of your head, haven't I?" Emily was surprised when Alison's face flushed. She couldn't tell if the blonde was turned on or embarrassed. "Hey, you brought strawberries and whipped cream to bed. That's a win in my book."
Alison moved on to the bed next to her. She held the tray in her lap. Emily looked at the little treats. Alison had hollowed out the center of the strawberries and had filled them with cream cheese and powdered sugar. She'd sprinkled the top with graham crackers. She delicately picked one up and moved it towards Emily's mouth.
"Open."
"What, you're not going to tack a 'soldier' on the end of that command?" Emily teased her.
"Don't make me force you to drop and give me twenty."
She smirked when she imagined Emily in between her legs moving up and down doing pushups while her tongue skirted her core each time she moved. She could practically see her muscles bulging.
"Amateur." Emily rolled her eyes. "I would have gone with fifty."
"We wouldn't want that gunshot wound to flare up and interfere with our sex romp."
"That's true." Emily nodded, slowly closing her eyes and opening her mouth. "You did propose to me the last time we had one of those. I can't wait to see what you have planned next."
She felt Alison brush the strawberry against her lips and she closed her mouth around it, gently sucking until she tasted the cream cheese mixture. Alison pushed the strawberry forward until her fingers were in Emily's mouth.
Emily opened her eyes and looked at her with a grin on her face as she traced her hot tongue over Alison's soft silky skin. Alison felt a pulsing sensation between her thighs. She slipped her fingers out and pressed her lips against Emily's lips. She tasted Emily's pleasure and the sweet tart flavor of the treat in her mouth.
"Well?" Alison asked curiously.
"Delicious." Emily licked her lips. "The perfect blend of sweet, tart, and creamy."
Emily reached for another strawberry, but instead of putting it in her mouth she held it up in front of Alison's lips.
"Your turn."
Alison leaned forward with a smile, her lips closing around the tip of the strawberry. Her teeth cut through the fruit and she ate the smallest bite. Emily held the berry against Alison's lips as she gently gripped it with her teeth.
Emily leaned forward and put her lips around the protruding fruit and slipped her lips against Alison's. They both bit into a portion of it and then pulled back to chew.
They went back and forth with the fruit for several minutes before they finally gave in to their desires and met in a heated kiss. Alison moved the tray aside and lied down against the bed, Emily following her motions. They lied side by side, facing each other.
Emily felt like the only time that her mind was quiet was when she was in the moment with Alison. The pressure of her past and present colliding melted into thin air. She raked her fingers through the blonde's soft locks and her fingertips traced her cheek.
She gently put her hand underneath Alison's shirt, touching her abdomen. Alison scooted closer to her. Emily slowly moved her fingers down against her dress pants. They were tight. Emily could feel her every curve.
Alison didn't stop her, so Emily popped the button and slid the zipper down. Her fingers slipped down the front of her pelvis. She wasn't wearing any underwear, which Emily had come to expect. Moving her fingers in between her pants and her folds was a tight fit, but it made Alison's pleasure build very quickly.
Alison felt Emily slip her fingers inside and curl them deeply. It didn't take long for her to reach her height. She hooked her thigh over Emily's leg and pushed forward to get her to go deeper. She felt a tight pressure in her stomach. The second Emily's palm hit her clit she fell over the edge.
She threw her head back and bit her lip as she moaned under her breath.
Every time. Emily smiled to herself as she watched Alison in the midst of her bliss. She knew how to get her there every time.
Alison closed her eyes and took several heaving breaths to curb the dizziness. When she stopped shaking she pressed an innocent kiss against Emily's lips, holding it until she felt Emily pull her hand out of her pants.
Emily made sure Alison was watching as she brought her fingers up to her mouth and licked them clean. Without breaking eye contact Emily smirked at her.
"Great dessert. You should bake for me more often."
Alison playfully swatted her and laughed. She moved in for another kiss. Emily surprised her by pulling her in for a full body hug. Alison pushed into it, snuggling against her broad chest.
Emily held her in her arms as Alison cuddled against her. She would take the snuggling as long as she could get it. She listened to the sound of Emily's breaths as her chest gently rose and fell. She was quiet, in thought.
Alison moved her head back just enough to get a glimpse of her eyes.
"What's on your mind?"
Emily had so much on her mind she didn't know how to answer. Ever since she'd come back home all she'd been able to think about was her pain. She'd been running to try and escape her past for so long. The only thing that made sense to her was Alison. The only thing that made her feel safe was Alison. It was odd to know that someone was gunning to kill her, yet she was content to just stay in bed with Alison and hold her.
"I wish this was permanent," Emily said.
"What do you mean? You mean…us?"
They'd been fucking like crazy for over a week and Emily was suddenly iffy on the prospect of their future?
"No." Emily touched her cheek. "That's a given." Alison was her one constant in life. "I meant this." Emily glanced around the cabin. "This. Us. Here." She looked at Alison again. "Happiness."
She'd never been this happy before. It felt so fleeting. She was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"Why can't it be forever?" Alison asked.
"I like burying this in sex as much as you do, but you know we can't stay here forever."
"Why not? I'm perfectly content letting you have your way with me like this for the rest of our lives."
Emily would be perfectly content with that, too. She couldn't get enough of Alison. But she hadn't forgotten that they had a psychopath after them.
Or maybe they didn't. Maybe he'd given up.
Wishful thinking.
Now that he knew she was alive he wouldn't stop until he found her. He liked watching her suffer. He liked seeing her in pain. Pain and suffering got him off.
She knew that sooner or later she was going to have to face him. She was going to have to kill him. The only other option was faking her death. It's not like she hadn't considered it. But that would mean leaving Alison behind. Because she couldn't ask Alison to leave behind her life…her family. She couldn't ask her to disappear with her. Alison had Jason. She had Aria and Spencer and Cece. She had people who depended on her. She had Hanna and Mona and Charles. She had her hotline. The very hotline that had saved Emily's life.
"You have a life. You have friends. Family. You can't just disappear. What about Lupo? He would be crushed."
"He'd be a great road dog. He could be our guard dog."
"He couldn't guard a fence post." Emily rolled her eyes. She kind of missed the large furry beast. "Has Aria said how he's doing?"
"I don't think Ellie and Holden are going to give him back without a fight. I'm sure they'd be happy to babysit him until we could send for him. I have plenty of money. We could build our own little place off the map somewhere."
Money was no object. Everything had gone to Alison after her parents were killed. Even Jason's trust had automatically deferred to her. Some of it had been used for his legal fees, but there was still a hefty sum left. He told her he didn't want a dime of it. He wanted her to have it.
"It could just be you and me and our own little bed and breakfast." Alison smiled at Emily.
It sounded so normal. Sometimes Emily forgot that Alison didn't understand how much danger they were truly in. Alison trusted that Emily would protect her. But Emily had failed at protecting people before. She knew that even if they ran, if they hid, he would find them.
"We could be like Thelma and Louise." Alison snuggled against her. "Us against the world."
"You do realize they both died at the end of that movie, right?"
"Fine. I'll be the Bonnie to your Clyde."
"Also dead. What, are you going to say Romeo and Juliet next?"
"I'm trying to have a moment here with you, you idiot."
Emily didn't have to be told twice. She smiled at the blonde and moved her hand up against her face. She pushed her lips against Alison's. They were warm and soft and inviting.
She could feel Alison's body heat against hers and she was sure that nothing had ever felt more right. When she pulled away she took a moment to look at her, to admire her.
"As much as I love this, we can't run for the rest of our lives." Emily cupped her cheek.
Alison sighed.
"I know."
"It's not going to stop. He's not going to stop."
"But we can be here…in the moment, can't we?" Alison laid her hand against Emily's hip, her fingertips grazing her bare side. She could feel the rough edges of where her gunshot wound was scabbing over. "All we have is right now."
Emily swallowed hard. Feeling Alison's fingers against her tender skin made every hair on her body prickle. Her warmth seeped into Emily's heart. Emily looked at Alison. It was like she was touching her soul.
She reached up, trying to ignore the tight ball of nerves in her stomach. Because she did want to be with Alison in the moment. And she wanted more, but she was terrified of asking for it. She straightened Alison's hair, pushing it away from her face. Her cheeks were still flushed from their encounter.
She looked down and saw Alison's free hand curled close to her chest. Emily moved her hand down until their palms met, lacing their fingers together. The closeness of their bodies forced their hands snugly between them. She looked into Alison's eyes, feeling a deep connection, a connection she had been terrified to let in.
She was afraid to let anyone in, especially when it came to love. But the longer they spent at the cabin and the more that the shadow of danger started to loom over them, the more Emily realized the gravity of their situation. She realized that every time could be the last time. That's why they'd been so frenzied in their lovemaking. And she knew that Alison was right. All they had was that very moment.
"You're right." Emily looked down at their linked fingers.
She'd kissed her fingers numerous times. She'd felt them against most of her body. Most. Not all. She knew how careful and kind those fingers were. She stared at Alison's hand, realizing just how often her hands had been a place of comfort and safety.
Alison watched her curiously. She couldn't tell what Emily was thinking. Sometimes she had quiet moments when she disappeared into her thoughts. She was soft-spoken and gentle. And there was a nervous flicker in her eyes, but the look on her face was one of determination.
"I want to do this," Emily said softly.
"Do…" Alison wasn't sure what she meant. "What? Disappear into the night together?"
Emily was trying to tell her that she wanted her…that she was ready. But she froze. Because sometimes her past was louder than her future. She subconsciously held Alison's hand a little tighter, and she concentrated on the feel of Alison's fingers against her side. It held her down. The weight of her pain was not nearly as strong as the gravity of Alison's love. And that's how she knew she was ready.
"I want to know what it feels like…" I want you to fuck me. I want to feel you. Just fucking say it, you pussy. "I want you…"
She wanted to experience it just once. She wanted to feel the same exhilaration she saw on Alison's face every time they were together. She wanted to know that pure joy. She didn't want every intimate touch to remind her of her past. She wanted a new future. A future where he didn't have the power. She wanted Alison to feel every inch of her.
But instead of "fuck me", something else came out,
"Make love to me," she blurted out. Jesus, I sound like SUCH a fucking girl…
"What?"
Emily wasn't sure she could say it again, so instead she leaned forward and kissed her. As their lips moved in tandem Emily moved Alison's hand up to her breast. She pushed her palm down lightly so Alison was cupping her. She moved Alison's other hand away from her side and down over her thigh, towards her pelvis.
She pulled back and peered into Alison's eyes as they both caught their breath. She nervously licked her lips, her eyes flickering down as she pulled her hand away from Alison's.
Alison's body reacted almost instantly. She'd wanted Emily for so long. She stared at her hand against Emily's bosom. Her fingers curled into Emily's inner thigh. She could feel Emily's heat through her clothing.
She looked at her and saw a soft vulnerability in her expression. Her eyes were dark and full. Her lips looked swollen, completely tantalizing. But then Alison thought about the fear and panic on her face the last time they'd tried. She'd seen the way Emily had instantly been transported back to her youth. She'd seen the moment it became less about her touch and more about what he'd done. She'd seen the terror on Emily's face. And she didn't want to see that again.
"Are you sure? The last time…"
"I wasn't ready then." Emily interrupted her. The longer Alison made her wait, the more she ached for her. Something about knowing they could die at any minute dulled her fears. "Alison, you've made me feel things I've never felt before…things that I didn't know I was capable of feeling. If this was our last night on Earth I'd want to spend it with you, like this…"
She moved in for another kiss. Talking to her and sharing her feelings was more terrifying than the thought of letting Alison have all of her. It was easier for Emily to speak with actions. She gripped Alison's side, trying to pull her closer as she rolled on to her back. She pulled Alison on top of her.
Emily moved her arms up over her head, pulling her shirt off and exposing her breasts before Alison could say a word. She moved her hand towards her pants. Alison placed her palm on top of Emily's hand, slowly stopping her.
"I just want you to be sure. I want you to know you don't have to prove anything to me. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this."
Alison was just as nervous as Emily, maybe more-so. Because she didn't want Emily to feel like she had to rush into this.
"I want this."
Alison moved her hand away and let Emily continue to undress herself. Emily slid her zipper down and pulled her pants down, kicking them off of her ankles. Alison watched her, marveling at her exposed body. Everything about her was beautiful. Her skin. Her tattoos. Even her scars.
Emily was hyperaware that Alison was watching. She moved her fingers away from her boxer briefs and pushed Alison's shirt up. Alison obliged, helping her get the clothing off. She wasn't wearing a bra. Neither of them had been sporting bras the entire time they'd been in hiding. There was no point.
She helped Alison get her pants off. Alison laid against her skin, their bodies molding together and giving off a warm spark that only happened when they were connected. Their ribs met, their breasts pressing together as they kissed.
Alison gently caressed her breasts and took in her heated sighs of pleasure. As Alison fondled her chest Emily reached down to grip her boxer briefs, her fingers slipping into the elastic band. She kept her eyes locked on Alison's as she rolled them down her thighs.
Something about being able to take her own clothes off made her feel more powerful, more in control. It was her choice. She was more determined. More confident.
Alison had seen her naked before, but this was different. Emily knew it was different. And she could feel that difference. She was exposed in a way that she'd never been before.
Alison hooked her thigh over Emily's and their bodies grazed one another, their wetness already pooling, making each other's skin slick. Alison moved her leg, gently pushing against Emily's center. Emily responded by gripping the back of her neck and deepening their kiss.
Alison could feel Emily's body trembling. She pulled back to make sure she was okay. Emily smiled at her and cupped her cheeks and pulled her back in to their embrace.
Alison kissed the side of her jaw and lined her neck with kisses. She gently nuzzled the soft spot behind her ear and sucked on her earlobe. She felt Emily cupping her breasts and she continued to nibble lightly against her neck. She bit down just hard enough to leave a red mark and then she soothed it with her tongue.
They took it slow, making sure to take their time with one another. It was a different kind of connection than all of the other sex they'd had. Their fingers explored every crevice and contour of each other's body.
Alison was gentle. She was careful. She wanted Emily to know what true love actually felt like. She wanted Emily to feel as good as she had made her feel every time they'd been together.
She dipped down, keeping her gaze locked on Emily's soft brown eyes as she kissed her way down her chest to her taut stomach. She peppered kisses down to her bellybutton, stopping to pay special attention to the jagged scar along her side. She had no idea if it was from overseas or if it had happened at home. A lot of her scars made Alison think twice now. She knew that some of them had been from her beatings at home. And she knew at least two that were self-inflicted.
She grasped Emily's palm and kissed her knuckles. She let her lips linger against Emily's hand and then moved to kiss the angry pink scar that was still healing on her wrist. She kissed her way up along the scar. And she tried to take Emily's pain away. She tried to make her remember that she'd survived her scars.
Emily reached up with her other hand and raked her fingers through Alison's hair. The motion forced Alison to stop and look at her. She was trying not to get too caught up and go too fast. She continued her descent along her body. She stopped when she reached the wetness coating her thighs.
Alison could smell her. It ignited a fire inside of her belly. She had wanted to taste the brunette for so long. She pressed a tender kiss against the inside of Emily's thigh, glancing up to make sure she was still okay.
She didn't seem like she was distressed, so Alison pushed her lips against the edge of Emily's core. Emily jumped in surprise, but didn't pull away. Alison's nose brushed her clit. It sent a shockwave of pleasure through her body, something she'd rarely ever felt before.
Alison held Emily's thighs down as she ran her tongue against her. She heard Emily gasp loudly and she pulled back.
Alison moved up and hovered over Emily's body, slowly lowering herself on top of her. She held herself up with one arm and pressed a kiss against Emily's lips. She slipped her hand in between Emily's legs, but stopped when she reached her entrance. She looked into Emily's eyes with a kind softness that made the brunette appreciate the depth of her love.
"Em…"
"I'm ready." It was all she could say between their heated breaths as they exchanged kisses. "I trust you."
"Keep your eyes on mine. I want to see you." She wanted to make sure that she didn't push her too far. She wanted to be able to see the emotion in their encounter. She wanted to be able to see if she got uncomfortable.
Emily felt her chest tightening, but she couldn't tell if it was her arousal or the start of a panic attack. They were so close. And Emily wanted her so badly. She was practically grinding herself against Alison's fingers.
Alison could sense her nerves, so she pulled her hand away from Emily's center and gently took Emily's hand in hers. She gripped Emily's fingers and put them against her wrist and moved her hand back down between her thighs.
"You have control, sweetie. You tell me what you want."
Emily nodded, kissing her eagerly. Part of her just wanted it over with. But the other part of her wanted to savor it, to let Alison make her feel the things she'd never had in life.
Emily moved her palm against the back of Alison's hand and moved Alison's fingers along her center, coating Alison in her wetness. Alison followed her prompts, moving as she moved and touching her in the way she wanted to be touched.
Emily stopped at her center, pushing Alison's fingers to go further. Alison circled the sensitive flesh before she gently prodded forward. She kept her eyes on Emily's as she pushed into her and pressed her thumb against Emily's clit.
Emily wasn't sure how to react at first. She wasn't sure what she was feeling. Because she'd never felt it before. She'd never felt the gentle nature of someone who cared…who loved her. Alison didn't move. She waited on Emily.
Emily snaked her arm up against Alison's back and curled her fingernails into her skin as she rose up just enough to take control of their encounter with a heated kiss. She gently moved against Alison's hand, trying to get used to the feel of her fingers.
She could feel her insides pulsing. Alison could feel it, too. And she wanted nothing more than to move, but she waited. She let Emily acclimate to the new feeling.
Emily could feel her body begging for more. She could feel a heat coursing through her veins. She felt beads of sweat dripping along her skin. Her muscles were aching in the best way. Her limbs felt like they were going numb.
She pulled back to take a breath and touched Alison's face. She kept her eyes locked on Alison's as she let go of her wrist. She let go of the control. It was terrifying. It was exhilarating. It was everything she'd never had, everything she never knew she was missing.
Alison immediately felt the shift in control. She felt Emily giving herself to her. She was tentative at first, and Emily could sense her resistance. And she realized it wasn't just about her being okay with what Alison was doing. Alison had been intimidated, too. Because she didn't want to hurt Emily.
Emily pulled Alison in for another kiss.
"I'm okay," she said, assuring the blonde that they were fine…that she was fine.
Alison pulled her fingers back and then pushed forward again, curling them against places that hadn't been touched yet. Emily felt a jolt rock her body. She felt it in the tips of her fingers. She moved with Alison's motions, helping the two of them find a rhythm. Alison's eyes never strayed from Emily's. She saw a wave of pleasure washing over her.
Emily arched her neck and groaned. She had never known it could feel so overwhelmingly wonderful. She'd never known that it didn't hurt.
She felt her breaths quickening, her breasts heaving against Alison's chest, their bodies bouncing together. Emily started to feel dizzy, and it was getting harder for her to catch her breath.
She was torn between her pleasure and knowing that she couldn't breathe properly. And for a brief moment she was thrust back to all the times she hadn't been able to breathe when she was younger.
Alison saw the rising panic and she kissed her.
"Just look at me." Alison gripped her cheek, their faces inches apart. "Focus on me. It's just us, Em. It's just you and me." That fucking bastard couldn't hurt her anymore.
Emily nodded and the panic slowly dissipated. The love she saw in Alison's eyes grounded her. She was almost at her peak and she could feel herself teetering over the edge. It was terrifying, because it was new. Her body had never reacted this way before.
Alison used her hips to thrust forward, pushing her fingers deeper, her palm rubbing against Emily's tightened bundle of nerves. She curled her fingers as she used her hips for force, bringing herself to her height as well.
A surprised gasp slipped from Emily's lips and Alison swallowed it before pulling back to watch her face. Emily's eyes stayed on Alison's as her body fell into a natural state of bliss. Alison stroked her cheek as she came, letting her ride it out as she quietly let her own orgasm consume her. She circled Emily's clit, sending aftershocks of pleasure through Emily. Alison leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Emily's lips.
"I love you." Alison pushed her forehead against Emily's as she gently moved inside of her, helping her ride out the shock.
Emily's cheeks reddened. She still wasn't used to hearing the words. Before she could overthink it, Alison smiled at her.
"It's okay. You don't have to say it back." Alison lightly ghosted her lips over Emily's.
She felt Emily gasp against her mouth as she held her fingers down against something inside of her that made her body stiffen and jerk in pleasure. Alison felt her breaths quicken as she came again.
She held her lips against Emily's as Emily let go. All the tension she'd been holding on to was fading.
She felt Emily's body twitch and then slowly start to relax. It took her several minutes to catch her breath. She couldn't move at first. A fiery numbness took hold of her body. When she finally regained feeling in her arms she wrapped them around Alison and rolled forward, pushing Alison's bare back against the mattress. She kissed her and pulled her into her chest, cradling her. She wanted to be close enough to feel her heart beating. She wanted to see if it felt like hers, which was fluttering wildly in her chest.
Emily closed her eyes and let herself get lost in Alison's body. In her touch…her scent. Holding her close felt different now. The pheromones and endorphins had given her a high like no drugs or alcohol had ever given her. She felt something, and though she was sure of the feeling, the word got caught in her throat.
Love.
She pushed her chin against the top of Alison's head and pressed kisses along the part in her hair. Alison smiled and kissed the top of her chest.
The room was silent. Alison could tell Emily was overwhelmed and wasn't sure what to say. So she let the quiet intimacy speak for the both of them. They stayed entangled, just holding one another for nearly twenty minutes, neither of them uttering a word.
Emily was trying to understand the beauty of it. She was trying to understand the pleasure. She closed her eyes and tried to hold on to the feeling. It didn't take away the entirety of her past pain, but she could see a ring of light around the darkness. Alison was her light.
Alison was the first person she'd ever let touch her. It had been the first time she'd been able to block out all the horrendous things in her past. She had let go of control and she had let herself feel. And it was starting to scare her, because she couldn't stop it. Was that what love was supposed to feel like?
Alison pulled away from her tight embrace so she could look at her. She saw a flurry of emotions in her dark brown eyes.
"You okay?" Alison reached up and laid her palm against Emily's sweat-soaked cheek.
"Yeah. I'm…it's just…you were my first…"
"What?" Alison drew back in surprise. "I thought you'd been with other girls…"
"I have. I've fooled around a lot, but you're the first person I've let touch me like that…since him…"
Alison could see her starting to shut down at the thought of it.
"You didn't let him do anything." Alison reminded her, gently taking her hand. "That wasn't your choice." She stroked Emily's cheek. "He didn't take anything from you. It was yours to give and you didn't give it to him." What he'd done to her wasn't sex. It was assault. "This…" She held her tightly. "This is what it's supposed to be like."
Emily could see a spark in Alison's eyes, a stubborn determination to do everything she could to erase all the painful reminders of her youth…to help her take ownership of her scars, the way she had with her tattoos.
"I know you feel like you're in pieces, but to me you've always been whole." Alison lifted Emily's hand and kissed her knuckles.
Emily had been told all of this in therapy dozens of times, and logistically she knew that none of what had happened to her made her any less of a woman. But she'd never felt it. Not until tonight.
Alison letting her own it and go at her own pace had taken some of the fear out of it. Knowing that she had control had helped her let go of that control. It had been a long time since she'd let her walls down. She didn't realize the damage she was doing to herself by holding on to her emotions. She'd gotten so wrapped up in the world around her that it was easy to push it away.
She'd spent her entire life protecting other people. She'd forgotten about protecting herself. But she didn't feel the need to stay guarded around Alison anymore. It wasn't just about her patience and her understanding. It was about trusting her. It was about knowing that Alison would never do anything to hurt her. It was knowing that Alison would drop everything and run away with her if she asked her.
Alison saw the best version of her. Alison didn't see the broken shards that she'd tried to piece back together. She saw a beautiful fragmented piece of colorful glass that let in the light and created a rainbow of scattered colors that brightened the world.
But Alison had gotten one thing wrong.
"You're wrong," Emily said softly. Alison looked at her curiously as Emily moved forward to brush her lips against her forehead. "I wasn't complete until I met you."
Alison had given her more than hope. She'd given her a life. She'd given her something worth fighting for.
And Emily knew she was going to have to fight for it. But in that particular moment all she wanted to do was forget the impending doom and hold her girlfriend. So that's what she did. She held her. She caressed her. She loved her. They snuggled and drank the hot cider that Alison had made.
Emily savored it. She opened herself up to Alison in ways she hadn't before. The blonde's touch had always had a way to her heart…a healing element. She'd felt it the night they met. But she'd never been able to completely let her in.
Now that she'd opened up and latched on, Emily didn't want to ever let her go.
A/N: Trust, consent, and control go a long way. I know it took a long time for them to get there, but I wanted to build on the importance of the time it takes for abuse survivors to get into a mentality in which they are ready. Obviously, it's different for everyone, but I've found from talking to people who have survived that the most crucial part of being intimate is being mentally ready, and moving forward with a partner who understands their needs.
In a way, this chapter was one of the hardest ones to do, because I wanted to try and get the sensitivity of it right. It was also a really fun chapter to do because of their playful moments. And Shana and the Vermont thing.