Revealed

Missing scene for "Revelation"

I always tried to pinpoint the episode where things changed between them. After rewatching, I'm pretty sure that Daniel's death and how Jack deals with it is a pivot point in their relationship.

It's his way of self-defense. By now, she knows him well enough to look under the surface of discipline and military control. Nevertheless, it hurts because it's a reminder of how duty will always come first. With Daniel gone, it becomes clear what fragile balance the construct of SG-1 is. She had always thought of it as a family—professional but still family. The guys understand her better than her real family does. Now she's not sure if she was the only one thinking that way. Because they just lost a family member and all Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c do is act as if nothing has happened.

Yes, Daniel is not dead but ascended. But first of all, what difference does it make? He's gone. And secondly, maybe everyone who dies ascends. She's not religious, never believed the aunts and neighbors who said her mom was in heaven now, but with what happened to Daniel, she's not sure what to believe in anymore. She tries not to think that her mom is ascended too, but the thought keeps creeping into her head, drugging her with another sorrow.

Sam hurls her left boot into a corner of the dressing room. It ricochets off a locker door with a loud bang.

"Sam?"

Of course. She slips once, and Janet is there.

"Yeah," Sam says and gets up to collect her punished boot.

"Isn't it a bit early to go back on a mission?" Janet says while she towels through her wet hair.

Janet is a good listener and a good advisor. Sam knows that. Just like she knows that Janet mourns the loss of Daniel just as much. Maybe she even feels guilty because she couldn't save his life. And yet Janet doesn't understand it at all. She's not part of SG-1. She hasn't been through the things they have been through. She is a supporting actor who makes an appearance once in a while. Talking to Janet won't help as talking to Teal'c or the Colonel would. And if Sam is honest, only Colonel O'Neill can help her deal with this. She needs him. And it makes her even more angry at him.

"Try to tell that Colonel O'Neill," Sam scoffs and finishes lacing her left boot.

"Still not talking?"

Sam huffs as an answer and slips into her BDU jacket. Janet is getting ready to say something else. Judging by how long it takes her to find the right words, Sam isn't sure if she wants to hear what comes next.

"When you were in a coma after the entity transported your mind into the computer, he didn't leave your side," Janet says, and her words send a chill to Sam's core.

"He didn't talk to anyone either. He just sat there and looked at you."

"Janet." Sam needs her to stop.

"It's his way of mourning."

"Janet."

"I'm here to talk," Janet says, and when Sam turns around, she can see the honest sorrow in her friend's face. For a moment, Sam's anger dissolves, and she manages a small smile.

"Maybe we can have dinner when I'm back? With Cassie?"

"That would be nice. She misses Daniel too."

Sam nods and turns around, afraid that Janet will see the tears that have gathered up in her eyes.

"Sam," Janet's voice stops her before she exits the room. "Be careful."

It is as if Janet's words manifest for the first time that their job means danger. It had always been a known thing. Obvious for military personnel—even more so for SGC personnel. Usually, they didn't tell each other to be careful and stay safe. Because those words mean nothing. You can't do your job and be careful and stay safe. Janet knows that. But Daniel's loss has changed things, shown what it means to go through the gate, even on a seemingly easy mission.

Intergalactic travel used to be fun. They would take turns at flying the ship, shared stories, played games, slept. Nothing special, but Sam holds fond memories of them. Now, without Daniel and Colonel O'Neill basically not speaking this two-day trip reminds her of the time her dad had taken her and Mark to her grandparents right after her mom's death. They had spent eight hours in the car without saying a single word. Mark angry at Jacob. Jacob too hurt to interact with his kids. And Sam mad at both of them and the rest of the world.

Besides a Kelno'reem, Teal'c is flying all the way, and Sam hangs out with him as much as possible. The earlier conversation with Teal'c restored some trust into the men she calls her family. Similar feelings must bubble somewhere deep down in the Colonel, and Sam is determined to get to them. She does not realize what demons she can summon if she digs too deep.

O'Neill has not left the back room of the cargo ship since they departed. Sam doesn't want his company, but she's been up for the past 21 hours and can hardly keep her eyes open. Carefully, to not wake him, she walks in and takes off her jacket.

"I was about to order you to rest," the Colonel says as he rolls around. He watches Sam unlace her boot and pull it off her left foot.

"Just like you ordered me to forget about Daniel?" Sam snaps back.

At least she didn't throw the boot at him, she thinks, but judging by the look on his face she might as well.

"Carter," he growls, and it sounds like a threat.

But she's done letting him push her away.

"What if it were me?"

It's not fair. Sam knows that, but she doesn't care. She needs him to talk to her. She needs him to come out of the shell he snailed into and be there for her. She needs him not to be her CO, but to be the man that is everything for her.

"Carter," he sounds dangerous, and the look he throws at her is intimidating. He can scare people with that look, consistently does, but not her. Not now. She pinches her eyes and glares right back at him. A quiet challenge to let him know she's not backing up — not this time.

"You wouldn't be stupid enough to put your hand in there," he finally says. The words come out cautiously as if he's afraid the wrong words lead him into the trap Sam has set out.

"It was a heroic act. Daniel saved the lives of millions." No, not backing up.

"Carter, I'm not having this conversation."

"Right. You don't have any conversation about it. You just expect me to go back to normal and act as if nothing has happened."

"Exactly, Major."

Usually, pulling the ranks works for her. Just that this anything but usual.

"Would you just move on and pretend it didn't matter if it were me?"

She regrets the words as they leave her mouth. This has nothing to do with Daniel anymore—she knows, and he knows. But losing Daniel has never only been about Daniel. It had been about SG-1 and in a greater sense about him and her. About what they once felt for each other. About the trust and believe she has in him, and that is severely shaken right now.

"It would not make a difference," he says with a steady voice and steady eyes.

His words are a punch thrown at her with full force, leaving her airless and in pain. He gets up and is about to flee the room but then comes to a stop. Without turning around he says, "This is the job we've decided is more important than anything else."