A/N: *shows up fashionably late*. Sorry for the delay in updating. These last few chapters are going to be coming at you slow. Life has decided to challenge me to a duel. And much like Alexander Hamilton, I don't have a great track record when it comes to duels...

Chapter 18:

The Wounds of Time

As the days passed Emily's anxiety started to get the better of her. She checked in with Caleb every day to see if there was any news. The only news he had was that Peter was still on a ventilator with no change in his condition. It wasn't looking good for him.

It made Emily's heart hurt for his little girl. She hoped the kid was okay. She remembered how hard Samara had clutched her hand on the way to the hospital. And the way she'd cried when her aunt called out for her in the waiting room. It had sparked memories of her own childhood.

After Emily's dad had been killed her entire family had been hauled off to the hospital. The doctors had examined her. And the police tried to talk to her, but she'd refused to say a word. She had gone silent for nearly a month.

The first words she'd said had been to her big brother. It hadn't been anything groundbreaking or important. She'd just walked into the kitchen one day at lunch and sat down at the table. Ethan had been eating a grilled cheese sandwich. She'd stared at it and then looked at him with her big brown eyes and quietly asked,

"Can I have a bite?"

He'd been so shocked to hear his little sister talking again that he'd given her the whole sandwich. He didn't pressure her to say anything else. After she finished eating he took her outside to play on the swing set. They'd started talking about Kool-Aide and what their favorite flavors were. He'd gotten a piece of Emily back that day, though she never was the same kid she was before the shooting.

Ethan never asked her to talk about what happened to their father. He just made her life as normal as he possibly could.

Emily thought a lot about her brother while she and Alison were cooped up in the cabin. Being secluded brought back a lot of memories for her.

Bouncing around from place to place had become her new normal after she'd run away from home with her brother.

The first few weeks after Ellie's death had been rough. They'd been terrified he would track them down. They'd paid for everything with the cash they had saved up. They stayed on the run, never staying in one place for more than one night.

Emily's cuts and bruises from the fight had been pretty bad. Her fingers were swollen from where she'd broken her nails trying to get out of the closet. She'd clawed at the wood so much that her skin was sloughing off. She'd had a large gash on her temple from where he'd smashed a lamp over her head. She'd also had a concussion and a black eye.

They had no way of knowing at the time, but she'd had a fractured rib from where he'd hit her with the fireplace poker. It had left a large gash in her side that had gotten infected. She'd had a fever for two days. Ethan just kept dousing it in alcohol and cleaning it, hoping it would get better.

Emily remembered trying to concentrate on the physical pain to forget her emotional pain. The mental pain that had been inflicted upon her was worse. Because she'd watched what happened to Ellie without being able to do a damn thing about it. Her little sister had begged for Emily and Ethan in her last moments. Emily would never forget it. She'd never forgive herself for not being able to save her.

Emily had blocked a lot of their time on the run out of her mind. It was too painful to open up those memories. But she remembered bits and pieces. She remembered being sick. She remembered Ethan gently cleaning the gashes on her cheek and bandaging her hands. She remembered him holding her hair back when she puked. And she remembered him talking her down from a panic attack in a motel bathroom two weeks after Ellie's death.

Emily had been jolted awake one night, hearing her sister's screams. She had seen the room closing in around her and had stumbled into the bathroom. Ethan had heard her sobbing minutes later.

When he'd walked in he'd found her sitting on the floor with his pocketknife. She was holding the blade in her palm and was squeezing it so hard that her hand was bleeding from the pressure.

"Emily, what the fuck…"

"He killed her, Ethan." She'd sobbed, unable to breathe. "He tortured her. She was in pain. She was afraid."

"Give me the knife."

He'd quickly moved to his knees to get to Emily's level. He'd grabbed her fingers and tried to pry her hand open. She had a hell of a grip on the blade.

"Hey, look at me." He'd firmly grabbed her chin. When she saw her brother's eyes she started to let reality back in. "Let go."

Emily opened her fingers and dropped the bloody knife to the floor. Ethan quickly moved it out of her reach and grabbed her hand to see how bad the cuts were. Fresh blood was dripping down her hand on to her wrist, flowing in several little streams against her skin. Before he could get a better look, Emily leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, crying into his chest. He could feel her shaking. She held her injured hand out behind his back, her blood dripping against the tile floor.

"He fucking killed her."

Ethan held her tightly. He could only imagine what Emily had seen. He'd gotten home after it had happened. He'd heard Emily screaming and had gone straight to help her. It was only after Emily went to attack their stepfather that he'd seen Ellie's body. She'd been dragged into the living room, where he was watching TV with a beer in his hand. He'd just left the little girl lying there like a discarded piece of trash.

"I couldn't protect her."

"No, it wasn't your fault."

"She didn't do anything wrong."

"None of us did. None of this is our fault. You know that."

"This feels like it's never going to go away. This pain feels like it's in my veins. It's in my veins and I can't get it out. It itches and it hurts and I feel like clawing through my skin to get to it. But I could bleed myself dry and it would still be there. I know it would."

"It's okay, Em. You're going to be okay. We are going to be okay."

"You were right. We should have left. She would have been safe if we ran."

"Or he would have caught us and it would have been ten times worse. She's gone. We can't change that. But you and I…we're still alive."

It was a comment that shouldn't have made her angry, yet it infuriated her. Because they weren't the only ones still alive.

"I want him dead." She growled under her breath. "I want him to suffer like she suffered…like WE suffered."

"One thing at a time." Ethan helped her up. She sat against the edge of the rusty old tub while he grabbed a first aid kit.

Emily's tears had dried. She had a rigid angry look on her face, like she was resolute in her threat to kill him without a second thought.

"We can't let him get away with this." Emily stared at her brother as he assessed the damage to her hand.

"We won't. But we have to be smart. He knows what he's doing. He could kill us, too, and make it seem like we just disappeared."

"I don't care if he comes after me. Let him. I'll fucking take him with me."

"No." For the first time in weeks, Ethan snapped at her. "I won't lose you, too. Do you understand me?"

Emily didn't answer.

"God damn it, Emily. I swear to God if you do something reckless…"

Emily saw fear in her brother's eyes, and it scared her. Because her big brother was fearless. She realized she was being selfish for even considering a suicide mission.

"I won't." She interrupted him. "I wasn't thinking."

Ethan nodded in understanding.

"It's okay. We've been through a lot."

"How are you so calm?"

"Because I don't have the luxury of falling apart." He knew his sister needed him. He forced a pained smile on his face. "Only one of us can break down at a time."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just make me a promise that when I do finally crash…you'll be there." He applied an antibiotic salve to the cuts on her palm and fingers. "Don't ever leave me."

"I promise." There was a quiet pause. "What are we going to do, Ethan?"

"What we always do. Survive. We can only move forward." He gently rolled a gauze bandage around her hand. "What do you say, kid? You and me against the world."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

Ethan had forced her to go lie down while he cleaned up the blood. He knew they had to keep moving. They would be leaving in the morning. And the last thing they needed was for someone to discover the blood and contact the police.

After he'd finished he went to check on Emily. She was in the bed furthest away from the door, curled up on her side staring off into space.

Ethan had rustled through his things for a vial of antibiotics he'd gotten from one of his old coworkers. After Emily's first infection he didn't want her to go through anything like that again. So he'd bought a few different prescriptions off of his buddy.

He gave her a capsule and a glass of water and told her to take it. She sat up and did what she was told.

He put the pills away and dug some snacks out of his bag.

"Eat." He'd tossed a bag of chips and package of little chocolate cakes at her.

"You're not even going to read me the chef's specials?"

"Just eat your fucking expired Ho Hos, smartass."

"How can I resist the pitch for that five star meal?" She'd popped open the bag of chips.

"Shut up." He'd laughed, sitting on the twin bed next to hers.

She'd opened the plastic wrap with the little cakes inside and gave him one. They'd tapped their desserts together like they were toasting with glasses and then took a bite.

Emily still remembered how stale and dry they had been. They'd forced the food down.

"Next time I'll spring for the Vienna sausages. Everyone knows they don't go bad." He'd made a face.

They'd finished up their snacks. Emily had lied down in her bed. Ethan had never seen her look so defeated. He would carry the guilt he felt until his dying day. He stared at her, not knowing how to help her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It wouldn't have done any good." She'd blinked back tears. "He would have just hurt you, too."

She could have lost both her siblings that day. In a sense, she was glad Ethan hadn't seen what she'd seen. She was glad he didn't have to bear the weight of the scars she had on her heart…the trauma she would carry forever.

She sniffled. Her nose was stuffed up from crying. She looked at her brother.

"Why did this happen to us?"

The question broke his heart. He didn't have an answer.

"I don't know."

They'd laid in their beds that night, exhausted and heartbroken. Neither one of them spoke for almost an hour. It was Ethan who finally broke the silence. He'd rolled over to face his sister to see if she was still awake. She was peering back at him. Seeing her in pain made him irate. Her pain was one of the few things in the world that could set him off, because he'd seen it so often. It had become a trigger for him. It unleashed a murderous rage.

"What he did…" He spoke with an eerie calmness. "He deserves the worst imaginable pain that could be inflicted on him. One day we'll come back. And we'll destroy him. We'll skin him alive. He'll get what's coming to him. We're going to get him. I promise."

Emily nodded. She believed him. She believed that a reckoning would come, and they would be the ones to bring hell on Earth down on his head.

The way Ethan spoke to her about it showcased a side of him that she rarely saw. His vulnerabilities were right below the surface, but he kept them at bay…for her.

That was the night that Emily had promised herself she wouldn't ever fall apart again. She didn't want Ethan to have to take care of her. She knew they wouldn't get through it without one another. So she'd started suppressing everything, burying it inside.

She'd channeled her pain into constructive things. She'd used her turmoil as a way to survive boot camp with her brother. She'd held on to her anger to serve as a source of rage when she was on the battlefield. It had served her well. It had shaped her, molded her.

Eventually, they found their calling and had no desire to go back. The pain stayed at a manageable distance.

But pain never stayed buried forever.

Her pain had come back the night she'd tried to assault Alison. All the dark little corners of her mind had suddenly burst open, sending her trauma firing through her brain. It had cracked her open and bled her dry. Literally. She was still trying to come back from it.

Pain was a strange thing. The harder someone held on to it, the deeper it cut. And like Ethan's knife, she'd gripped it so hard without even realizing it. And it had sliced her to the bone.

Sometimes she felt the darkness closing in on her and all she could see was the bad things she'd done. Other times, her mind felt split between two worlds, the heaviness of her past and the spark of light that Alison provided in her present. Her head and her heart were in a constant battle.

Alison could see Emily fighting her way through the smog on the battlefield every time she looked into her eyes. She knew how much Emily struggled. She could feel it. And Emily didn't try to hide it. She wasn't afraid of letting her in anymore.

That morning was no different. Alison looked over at Emily and she saw the deep conflicting agony of her living nightmares. Alison knew there wasn't much she could do...except be there for her.

"What are you thinking about, Em?" Alison ran her fingers through her long dark locks.

Emily turned to face her. She appreciated the quiet moments they had together among the loud chaos in her head. They were on the couch drinking their morning coffee, a blanket draped over their shoulders.

Alison was in a silk robe that Shana had picked up on a trip into the city. Emily was in a pair of old sweats she'd grabbed at the motel before they left town. Shana had gotten her some clothes, too, but Emily didn't feel comfortable in them.

It had been six days since Emily had let Alison take control in the bedroom. Giving herself to the blonde so fully had opened something up inside of her. The feelings that had surfaced had scared the hell out of her. But at the same time, it had been liberating. She had never let herself be vulnerable before. It was hard to do.

"Hey…" Alison touched her cheek. "You okay?"

Alison was still careful about how and when she touched her. Even though she was breaking down some of her walls, she knew they had a long way to go.

"I'm fine. Sorry. Just…lost in your eyes." Emily gave her an innocent kiss on the lips.

"You're cute, but trying to distract me won't work. You can't hide what's going on inside of that head of yours from me. Not anymore." Alison lightly touched the tip of Emily's nose with her index finger. "You look tired." Alison laid her temple against Emily's, turning just enough so they could see one another. "You've been taking your meds, right?"

"Yeah. I've just had a little trouble sleeping the past few nights."

"I told you to wake me if you were having bad dreams."

"And I told you that was stupid. There is no reason for both of us to lose sleep."

"You're a pain in the ass." Alison rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I like watching you sleep." Emily put her hand against Alison's knee and smiled at her.

"That's creepy." Alison scrunched her nose up in disapproval.

Emily saw a tiny smile she was trying to contain. It was really cute when Alison tried to exude a serious tone. She was like a tiny dog trying to act like a big badass.

"You drool sometimes." Emily pressed her fingers against Alison's knee, squeezing until the blonde giggled.

Emily knew exactly where she was ticklish and she used it against her on a daily basis.

"Shut up. I do not."

"You do." Emily grinned. "You get like this little dribble…" She traced her index finger from the curve of her lip down the side of her jaw.

Alison's face turned red. Sometimes she wasn't sure if Emily realized the kind of power that she had over her. It was one of the strongest feelings in the world.

Alison leaned forward and kissed her. She pulled back, her lips lingering over Emily's.

"Wake me up next time. Maybe that's not the only place I'm dripping from. And maybe you can do more than just stare at me," she said suggestively.

"You mean you're not tired of me yet?"

Alison took her hand, stroking her fingers. Her fingers were like magic. She loved them.

"Never." She kissed her fingertips.

Emily wrapped the blanket around them. Alison pushed herself closer to Emily's warm embrace.

"This is so weird." Emily craned her head back and looked up at the ceiling.

"What?"

"Happiness." Emily slowly dropped her gaze and peered at Alison. "It's never lasted in my life. The last time I was happy…when I was truly happy was the day I watched my brother get his karate belt. My dad had me in his lap and he kept tickling me and my mom kept shushing us both and telling us not to be disrespectful to the little munchkins running around and kicking each other."

She smiled softly. The memory seemed so distant. She'd been buried in so many bad memories that she'd lost some of the better ones.

"Dad told me that we'd better not bring dishonor to my mom…or she wouldn't let us go out to eat at our favorite restaurant." She sighed. "Sometimes I wish I had misbehaved or something and we never would have gone to that restaurant. My dad would still be alive. They'd all still be alive."

Except Ellie. She only existed because of what happened to Emily's father. She was the only good thing that had come out of that terrible time.

"That's not how it works."

"I know, but it doesn't stop me from wondering how different my life would have been if we hadn't gone out to eat that night." She looked at Alison and smiled. "But then I never would have ended up on the path that led me to you. Not saying it was the best path, but…we're here. And I wouldn't change that."

"It was a hell of a hike for you to get here. And I think about that every day. I know how much of a struggle it's been for you. I know that you fight battles every day that you don't tell me about. I also know that you keep fighting because of us. I want you to know that I am always here if you need someone to lighten the load."

Emily smiled. The blonde cared so much, and it meant more than she could ever possibly know.

"It's funny. I've spent my entire life facing some of the scariest shit in the world, but nothing has ever scared me more than this, more than us…" She took a thoughtful breath. "Being here with you…like this…it's terrifying."

"Why?"

"Just knowing why we're really here."

"It doesn't matter what drove us here. We're here."

"I know. But part of me feels like it's really fucked up to enjoy this…because I'm afraid I'm going to lose it when he finds us."

"If he finds us."

"It's when. Believe me." She slunk down against the sofa. "I know things about him that he doesn't want anyone else to find out. And he'll destroy the entire world to make sure I don't get that chance."

"Look around. The world is still here."

"For now."

"Sooner or later we're going to figure something out and he'll end up behind bars or six feet under." She clenched her jaw, thinking of the things he had done. "Preferably six feet under."

Emily's expression softened. Knowing that Alison would go to the ends of the earth for her made her feel like she could take on the world.

"You're hot when you're mad."

"I must be fucking smoking right now then." Alison uttered dryly. "It's only a matter of time. We'll get him, Em."

"I hope so."

"What does Caleb say?" Alison questioned.

"Not much." Emily took a sip of coffee and put the mug down.

"Gee, I can't imagine what it's like to have someone in your life who only communicates with monosyllabic expressions." Alison poked her teasingly.

Emily smiled. Alison made her smile. It was just so her.

"He's not saying much because he doesn't know anything. The trail is cold, which means he's probably not in town anymore. He's planning his next move."

It made her shudder. Alison moved closer to her, though she didn't mistake Emily's shivering for her being cold. She knew what was really shaking her to her core.

Alison linked her arms around Emily's bicep and laid her head against her shoulder.

"We're going to be okay." She kissed her shoulder.

"We're going to be okay." Ethan had promised the same thing.

It was painful to hear. But Emily just smiled appreciatively at Alison.

Emily laid her cheek against the top of Alison's head. They sat in silence for a while. They were both exhausted. They'd gotten used to being together in little moments of comfortable silence.

Emily lifted her head and moved the blanket down. She'd been sitting for too long and her body was starting to feel stiff. She stood up to stretch.

"I'm going to whip up some breakfast. Any requests?"

"I think the kitchen is pretty bare, so whatever you feel like making." Alison moved to get to her feet. "Shana is bringing some groceries by. I'm going to hop in the shower before she gets here. Make whatever you want to make." Alison smiled, grabbing the tie on her robe. "Unless you want to join me instead."

The offer was beyond enticing. But Emily's mind was going a million miles a minute. She couldn't stop thinking about the pact she'd made with her brother. She couldn't stop worrying about the future.

"I…need to think right now."

She hated herself for saying no, but Alison understood.

"Just as well. If we hit that shower wall one more time it's probably going to bust open."

Emily chuckled under her breath as she watched the blonde saunter off. She really loved staring at her ass as she walked away from her, and Alison knew it.

Emily took a quick walk around the cabin to get some fresh air, and to make sure the perimeter was secure. Then she went into the kitchen to scramble some eggs and make the last of the bacon. Just as she was finishing up the bacon she saw Shana's car pulling up the driveway.

Shana stepped out of her car. She waved when she saw Emily watching from the window. Emily waved back and walked towards the side door. She opened it up as Shana started climbing the steps to the porch. She had four reusable grocery bags in her hands. She was doing her best to keep her balance.

"Here, let me help with that." Emily stepped forward. She reached out to take some of the groceries from her.

Emily's arm bumped against something firm on Shana's side. Shana discreetly tried to pull back. Emily noticed her tense stance. She had a strange feeling wash over her. She saw something register on Shana's face, but she couldn't quite tell what it was. But it was enough to keep Emily from turning her back to her. She stepped aside and motioned Shana inside.

"After you." Emily forced out a smile.

Something was wrong. Shana was hiding something.

"Thanks." Shana walked through the door, watching Emily out of the corner of her eye.

Emily shut the door behind them, watching Shana's every move. She'd developed a sense of survival when she was in combat. She could always tell when there was something lurking in the shadows, like an animal of prey who knew when a predator was around.

But Shana was Alison's friend. Shana didn't know anything about Emily until Alison had called her two weeks ago. What danger could she possibly pose?

Shana could feel the tension in the air. She didn't like the way Emily was looking at her.

"Where's Alison?" Shana looked around curiously.

"Showering. She felt the compulsive need to be clean…" aka, wash away the stench of sex.

Emily put the bags on the counter. Shana turned to the side and did the same. Emily stared at her hip. She knew exactly what she'd bumped up against that had Shana so nervous.

"I didn't mean to interrupt breakfast." Shana glanced at the food Emily had prepared. She laughed, though it sounded more like a nervous chuckle than a sincere laugh. "You know, Jason used to make these little devil faces out of the bacon, eggs, and pancakes we had every summer. He loved being inappropriate. Alison and I thought it was hilarious…"

Emily had stopped listening the second she realized what Shana was hiding. Shana looked up and saw Emily staring at her. She subconsciously moved her hand towards her side.

Emily purposefully knocked a jar of tomato sauce to the floor.

"Sorry." Emily tried to stay cool. "I've been a little off my game. Haven't been sleeping much."

"I can imagine why." Shana leaned over to pick the jar up. "You and Ali have been through a lot. And with your stepfather still out there…"

That was all Emily needed to hear. She hadn't told Shana who was after them when they met. No one had been privy to that information.

Shana realized she'd made a mistake the second she'd taken her eyes off of Emily. The brunette had trust issues. She knew what Emily had gone through. But it was too late for her to say anything, because by the time she was upright with the jar Emily was already ripping her side arm away from her.

Emily's face was a solid expression of resolve. She steadied Shana's gun and aimed it at her before Shana had a chance to react.

"What are you really doing here?"

"I can explain everything. Just put the gun down. I don't want anyone to get hurt."

She knew the dangers associated with PTSD. She knew that if Emily snapped when she was holding a weapon it could end in disaster.

Shana calmly put her hands where Emily could see them.

"This is not what you think." She slowly started to turn her back towards her.

"What are you doing?" Emily kept the gun trained on her.

"Reach into my left back pocket. It's where I keep my badge."

"Badge? In what? Forestry and gardening? Amish Butter Making?"

"I'm FBI."

Emily tightened her grip on the gun as she let the words process. Why was there an FBI agent standing in Alison's family's cabin? And how did she know about Emily's home life?

"You're a fucking cop?"

"I'm a fucking fed." Shana corrected her. "Alison knew you wouldn't let me help if you knew the truth."

"She went behind my back?"

Emily wasn't sure how to feel. She understood the urge to protect someone you loved, but she felt like she'd been deceived. She'd shared everything with Alison. She'd let her in. And the whole time, Alison was talking to the cops behind her back.

"Not initially. It didn't start out like that." Shana tried to get her to lower the weapon.

Emily followed her motions. She watched her carefully as she pulled her badge out to show it to her. Emily nodded and pointed the weapon towards the ground.

"I didn't know anything about any of this. When Alison called me for help she just said the two of you were in trouble…that someone was after you. After I talked to you the night we met your story registered in my mind for some reason. And it hit me. I remembered reading about a case in law school about a family of siblings. The youngest was killed and the other two ran away. They never used names, but when we met I knew it was you. It was just a gut feeling."

She saw the skeptical look on Emily's face.

"You can trust me, Emily. We're after the same man. I know what he did to you…to your brother and sister."

Emily felt a sting of betrayal. She had told Alison about her family in confidence. She didn't want her blabbing to complete strangers, especially not one with a badge and a gun.

"I know he killed your sister," Shana said. "And I think he might be after you because you know what really happened…"

"What did Alison tell you?"

"Same thing you told me. He's after you. And now he's after her, too. I only figured out who he was after I did a little digging. I got my hands on some files to try and confirm my suspicions about what really happened."

"Which is what, exactly?"

"He killed her, didn't he? And you saw it happen." Shana had seen it in Emily's eyes the night they met. She had seen that look of pain before many times on the job. "That's why you and your brother took off. You told me you were army and that you didn't normally run from things. So…something terrible must have forced you on the run in the first place. I think he abused the three of you. And I think he took it too far with your little sister one day. And you saw it happen."

She looked at the gun, which Emily was still clutching tightly. She nervously wet her lips, her eyes locked on the weapon.

"I'm just trying to help."

Emily sighed. After a moment of hesitation she reached out to give Shana her gun back. She had trouble letting it go. She loosened her grip and Shana took the weapon back, holstering it before Alison could walk in and freak out.

"Alison wasn't lying. I am here for you two," Shana said.

She wanted to reach out and touch Emily's arm, but she could see by her body language that she didn't want to be touched.

"She shouldn't have involved you." Emily stared at the ground, a cold look in her eyes.

A part of her, a large vengeful part, was disappointed that Shana knew. Because if the FBI got involved she couldn't torture him and kill him like she wanted to do. If they took him alive she would be forced to stare at his face every day in court. She would have to relive everything, over and over. She wasn't sure she could survive that. Because she wouldn't have a choice. She'd be the star witness.

"He won't get away with it," Shana said softly.

"He already has." Emily was still staring at the floor. She was afraid if she looked anywhere else she would lose control. "If he finds out you know he'll just kill you, too."

"I'm aware of the risks…"

"Oh, really?" Emily finally peeled her eyes away from the ground. "And what about your wife?"

"She knows what I do is dangerous."

"So…all that shit about the bed and breakfast and getting married in Vermont…"

"That's all true. We do the B&B on our off time, because it's nice to have something that's ours, you know?"

"You've really known Alison since she was three?" Emily questioned skeptically.

"I have."

"All that stuff about calling her parents out on their bullshit?"

"It's how I wound up doing this." Shana laughed. "Jason told me that day that I was a fearless little shit and that I'd make a great cop. He was teasing, but it always stuck with me. We were close. I know everything about that family. Everything." Her tone changed. And Emily knew why. "You think I don't know the truth about Jason and Alison and what happened to their parents?"

Emily clammed up. She had no intention of saying anything that could incriminate Alison and her brother.

"Relax. It's not a set up." Shana saw the look on her face. "There is no wire. This is just you and me talking. All I'm trying to do is prove to you that I'm not a threat. They are like family to me. Family protects family. And that extends to you given the way Alison feels about you…and the way you feel about her."

"You don't know anything about the way I feel." The reaction had been a reflex. When people got too close her knee-jerk response was always defensive.

She felt like shit the second she said it. Shana wasn't deterred by her hostility. She'd expected it. She knew Emily felt backed into a corner. She understood.

"I know that Alison is important to you."

"I'm probably the worst thing in the world that could have happened to her. And you want to help me?"

"The fact that you told me to prioritize her over everything else told me all I needed to know about you. It also serves as a reminder that you're not the only one in danger. You have to remember that he's not just after you. If you want Alison safe you'll let me help you."

Emily knew Shana was right. But she was torn, because she didn't trust Shana…and she was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that Alison had broken her trust. Emily pinched the bridge of her nose and pressed her lips into a tight thin line. She dropped her hand and then stared at Shana.

"Alison's safety is the most important thing here." She glanced at the breakfast she'd made. "I'll do whatever you want. Just…give me some time to digest this."

"Of course."

"I'm going to check on Ali. You can help yourself to a plate if you're hungry." Emily motioned to the food. "I have a feeling we've got a lot to talk about."

"Take your time."

Emily made her way to the main bedroom. She could hear Alison flittering around. She stopped in the doorway and peeked in, watching as Alison went back and forth trying to pick a top to wear.

Only Alison DiLaurentis could be on the run from a psychopath and fret over what to wear to a casual breakfast. It was cute, and it made Emily smile, but it didn't curb her anger.

Alison pulled her shirt on just as Emily was opening the door. Alison smiled when she saw her.

"Hey. I heard voices downstairs. Shana must be here already."

"Yeah. About that…" She moved forward and closed the door.

Alison looked at her in concern.

"Everything okay?"

"You lied to me." Emily glared angrily at the blonde, though it was hard to be mad at her, because Emily had lied to her so much. "About Shana."

"Oh." Alison's face dropped. "Em…I…" She wasn't sure what to say. She knew how much betrayal hurt Emily. "I was just trying to help. And it's not like we can't trust her."

"It's not about that." Emily felt herself tearing up, though she didn't know why. Anger. Frustration. Exhaustion. "You want me to be honest with you…about me, about my life…about everything. You get pissed at me for keeping secrets and not telling you the truth. And then you do the exact same thing. You hire hitmen and bring in the feds. You can't hide this kind of thing from me."

"Would you have accepted her help if I had told you?"

"We could have talked about it. We could have figured it out together. That's…that's what this is. That's what we are, right?"

"I'm sorry, okay? But it's not like you haven't had your fair share of secrets."

"You know how hard trust is for me. You know how important it is to me…"

"I do. But what's important to me is that you don't get yourself killed. I can't go through it again, Em." Her eyes were brimming with tears. Emily could see the pain in them, pain that existed because of her. "I'm already struggling as it is."

Emily opened her mouth to reply, but she wasn't sure what to say. Because Alison was right. She had put her through an unspeakable amount of anguish. Even though it had been her life on the line both times, Alison had suffered just as much…if not more. Because Alison had been aware of everything that was happening. She had watched her face turn blue under the bridge. She had seen her bleeding to death in the motel. Emily had put Alison through her own battlefield of hell. And when she looked into Alison's teary blue eyes Emily realized that she wasn't the only soldier standing in the room.

Alison had fought for her. She had saved her life more than once. Their relationship dynamic was taking a little bit of getting used to. Even though Emily was used to diving headfirst into danger, she had the blonde to think about now.

"I should have known that." Emily sat against the edge of the bed. "I should have realized…" She looked up. Alison sat down next to her. "This is all new to me. I'm still trying to figure out how to do this…how to be part of a unit that isn't bonded together by death. It was different overseas. It was even different with my brother and sister. This is…" Love. You love her. Just say it. "It's just different."

"I know." Alison put her palm on Emily's knee. Their eyes met. "But you trust me, right?"

"More than anyone."

"Then let's go talk to Shana."

Emily exhaled a frustrated breath. The number of people involved was starting to make her uncomfortable. But only because she didn't want anyone else to get hurt.

"Fine." Emily stood up. She helped Alison to her feet. "You know, I look forward to the day when we don't have any more secrets."

"Why? What else are you holding back? Are you secretly married? Who is this girl? I will fight her." Alison threatened. She had a tiny smirk on her face.

Emily smiled. It was impossible to stay angry at her.

She followed Alison's lead. She buried her fears, and she thought about her promise to her brother. There was a very dangerous man out there, and she needed to do whatever it took to take him down.

They walked into the kitchen to find that Shana had loaded three plates full of food and set the table for them. She'd poured orange juice into a pitcher and put it in the center of the table. She'd put most of the groceries away. Shana glanced at them.

"That didn't take as long as I thought. At the very least I assumed you'd bang one out to make up," Shana said with a casual shrug.

"We're saving it for later." Alison replied dryly. "What's with the Martha Stewart act? You do realize you're not our maid? You didn't have to go all out."

"Yeah, especially considering I tried to kill you ten minutes ago." Emily walked towards the table.

"You did what?" Alison faced Emily in disbelief.

"I may have pulled a gun on her."

"What?"

"She didn't shoot me. It's all good. Water under the bridge."

"I saw her gun and assumed the worst. Pulling weapons on people in the kitchen is kind of what I do." Though pulling a knife on Alison wasn't nearly as dangerous as pulling Shana's gun on her. She looked at Shana. "It's how I say 'hello'. Welcome to the club. Thanks for finishing up in here. You really didn't have to."

"Side effects of running a bed and breakfast. Can't turn it off." Shana put a plate of toast down. "Besides, I know we've got a lot to talk about. Might as well do it with food."

Alison looked at Shana and then at Emily. She felt like she was in The Twilight Zone. Emily pulled a chair out for Alison and motioned for her to sit down.

"I can't believe you pulled a gun on our guest." Alison frowned at Emily as she sat down.

"Guest?" Shana scoffed. "Girl, I've seen your ass flapping in the breeze out the window of a Rolls Royce going 90 down the interstate. I think we're beyond 'guest' at this point."

Emily lifted her brows in intrigue.

"You know what?" Alison faced Emily. "You should have shot her."

"Maybe next time."

"Funny. You two are funny." Shana rolled her eyes.

"Don't bring a gun to an Emily fight." Alison shrugged.

"Or a knife. Or a fist. Or...anything really. I've got a terrible habit of going feral on people." Emily frowned.

"To be fair, you two are running from a psychopath." Shana stepped up to defend Emily.

"Right." Emily nodded, taking a seat next to Alison. She faced Shana. "What do I have to do to get you to blow his head off?"

"Can we at least break bread before we start with the murder talk?" Alison looked at Emily. "I get that this is important, but I'm hungry. And if you're going to keep jumping my bones every five minutes and draining every ounce of my bodily fluid, I need to refuel."

Shana lowered her head and laughed. Emily looked at her, slackjawed and smiling.

"I can't believe you're giving me shit about pulling a gun on her and you're out here spilling our sex life in front of her like some uncultured streetwalker." Emily gave Alison a hard time.

"Jesus, you two are perfect for one another." Shana shook her head in disbelief.

They eased into the conversation. Alison could tell how uncomfortable Emily was talking about everything, so she did a lot of the talking. She followed Emily's cues…picking and choosing what to tell Shana. Every so often Emily would interject into the conversation, but she felt totally overwhelmed telling Shana personal things. Shana could sense her hesitation.

"I know how hard this must be for you, Emily." Shana put her fork down. They'd made their way through their first helping of food and were working on the second. "I know it took months for you to open up to Alison, and I know it's not easy talking about your past. I want you to know that everything you tell me is strictly between us. It helps me get into his mindset. Makes it a little easier to predict his moves."

"I appreciate this. I really do. So don't take this the wrong way. But if I can't predict what he's going to do there is no way you're going to be able to." Emily put her arms against the table and lowered her hands.

"We can if it's something we control."

Emily furrowed her brow in thought, trying to figure out what Shana was getting at.

"Like a set up?" Emily questioned. "I don't know if he's dumb enough to fall for that."

"How badly do you think he wants to kill you?"

Alison cringed at the question. It bothered her. She hated being reminded of why they were hiding out. They were both looking at Emily. She didn't have to say anything for them to know the answer. Shana picked up her cup of coffee and tipped it against her lips. She lowered the mug.

"Bad enough to let his anger fuck him up, right?" Shana guessed.

"Maybe," Emily replied cautiously.

Alison saw her swallow hard, her throat bobbing as she fought back her nerves. His anger had fucked Emily up when she was younger. Alison knew it wasn't easy for Emily to think about him losing his temper. She put her hand on top of Emily's, lacing their fingers together. Emily shot her an appreciative look.

"We just have to pull him out of the shadows. Then we can nail him," Shana said.

"He's been waiting years. He has the patience to wait this out, too. He's not just going to walk into our hands…" Emily was struck by a sudden idea. "Unless we give him what he wants…"

"What are you talking about?" Alison didn't like the way the conversation was going.

"What if we use me as bait?"

"Absolutely not."

"That's actually not a bad idea." Shana nodded, pointing her index finger at Emily.

"Shana." Alison growled in disapproval. She didn't want Emily to put herself on the line. "What if something goes wrong?"

"We do stings like this all the time. We just need the right location and the right incentive."

"Then I want to be there, too."

Shana and Emily answered simultaneously.

"Not a good idea."

"Fuck no."

"Statistically speaking he's more likely to apprehend her if she's on her own." Shana explained.

It made Alison's stomach churn. She thought it would upset Emily, too, but when she looked at the brunette she saw a steely look of determination on her face.

"How fast can we get this in motion?" Emily asked.

"We're not done talking about this." Alison glared at Emily.

"This could be our only chance." Emily had a soft expression on her face. She knew Alison was terrified. She knew she should be terrified, but all she could feel was the anger she'd been holding on to. The idea of revenge…of making him pay. It fueled her. "I know you're scared. But I'm not. I can't keep looking over my shoulder at every turn. I have enough demons to worry about without him bearing down on me. So if I can do this…for my brother and my sister…for myself…I'm going to do it." She looked at Shana again. "What do we need to do?"

"We need to put you out there. He needs to know where you are."

"This is insane." It was pissing Alison off that neither one of them was listening to her.

"I've got a friend in town. He can circulate it to the right people," Emily said.

"God damn it, Emily, I said no! We're not doing this." Alison angrily slammed her palms against the table.

The dishes rattled. A fork fell to the floor. Shana and Emily quieted down and looked at the blonde. Her face was bright red. She expected Emily to continue ignoring her…or tell her to shut up. But Emily just took her hand and looked at Shana.

"Can you give us a few minutes?"

"Sure. I need to make a call anyway."

"Shana, I swear if you put this in motion while we're talking I will tell everyone about the skinny dipping incident at the lake when we were thirteen."

"Ouch. Bringing out the big guns, huh?" Shana stood up, reaching for her cell phone. "Relax. I just need to make a call to the plumber. We've been dealing with low water pressure at the B&B."

Shana walked across the kitchen towards the side door that led to the wrap-around porch. She walked out and walked out of view.

"So…skinny dipping?" Emily lifted her right eyebrow curiously.

"Not now. This is not a fucking joke." Alison huffed angrily. "Why do you always do this?" Tears were stinging her eyes. "Why do you always decide you're okay being put in a life or death situation?"

"Look, I get that this scares you. But I'm used to this. It's what I've been doing my whole life…"

"That doesn't mean you have to keep doing it!"

Emily could hear the fear in her tone. She could hear the scars she'd given her. She could hear her pain.

"This is different." Emily replied calmly. "I am not going into this alone. And I'm not in a bad mindset. I'm doing this because this is the only way."

"You're doing it because you don't care if you die." Alison pressed her lips together, fighting back her frustration.

"That's not true." Emily took her hands. "I know I've fucked up in the past. I know you have no reason to trust me on this. But I want to come home to you. I want the reality of our forever."

"It's not enough. It's too dangerous. I don't want you doing this." Alison argued, her voice cracking.

Emily sighed. She stared at the floor in thought and then slowly looked up to meet Alison's gaze.

"It's not your decision."

"Fuck that. This affects me, too. We'll find another way."

"Ali…"

"Would you let me do it if you were in my position?"

"Hell, no." Emily laughed, a harsh dark noise catching in her throat. She saw Alison glaring at her and she cleared her throat. "But he's not after you. He didn't do the things to you that he did to me…" Her voice broke, and it softened Alison, "…to my family. I know you care. And I know you hate him and you're angry. But this is bigger than all of that. He destroyed me. He destroyed my brother and sister. He destroys everything he can get his hands on. And that's why I will fight to the death to make sure he never gets his hands on you."

"He would come for me, too, you know. We could use me instead."

"I already watched him kill one person I love. I can't go through that again." Emily reached up, putting her hand against Alison's cheek.

The difference between Alison being in danger and Emily being in danger was that if Alison died, Emily wouldn't be able to go on. She wouldn't be able to live without Alison. But if something went wrong and she died, she knew that Alison would make it. She knew that her friends would keep her from falling.

"This is happening whether you want it to or not. So you can either help us or you can step aside. I have put you at risk for way too long. And I'm not going to let you get hurt. Not because of him. I've hurt you enough."

"Because of what he put you through."

"Yeah. And I'm ready to put it to rest. I'm ready to be done with this. So, are you going to let me take the lead here or am I going to have to pay Shana to knock you out and drag you by boat to a totally different country? Because I will do that."

Alison dropped one of her hands to her side. She groaned out a guttural sound of disapproval and glared at the ground. Emily had made up her mind, and Alison knew there was nothing she could say to talk her out of it. Just like she'd done the night in the bar, Emily was going in swinging with complete disregard for what could happen. And just like that night in the bar, Alison was just going to have to try her best to back her up.

"You could get hurt."

"I know. But I'm going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening. I'm done collecting scars." Emily lowered her hand, moving her fingers to grip Alison's chin, gently tipping it up. Alison looked up, meeting Emily's eyes. "What we have…I don't want to lose it. I have to do this to move on, Ali. I have to do this for myself...for us."

Alison clenched her jaw.

"I am not okay with this."

"I know." Emily traced Alison's jaw with her fingertips. "But I'm hoping you can forgive me one last time."

She leaned over and moved towards her. Alison followed her motions. Their lips met tenderly. Alison reached up and gripped the side of Emily's neck. Emily pulled back and looked into her eyes again.

"Promise me you'll come back in one piece." Alison rubbed her thumb against the underside of Emily's jaw.

"I'll write you letters every day from the trenches." Emily smiled.

"Don't be a smartass." Alison rolled her eyes.

"You like my ass any which way I present it to you."

"Yeah, and if you come home with a bullet in it I'm going to kill you."

"And then you'll kiss it and make it better."

Alison laughed and then shoved her. Staying angry at her was impossible. They bickered on a regular basis, especially since they'd been cooped up. But neither one of them stayed mad for long.

They saw Shana at the door and waved for her to come back in. Emily told her to go ahead and put the plan into motion. Alison sulked as Emily walked out of the room to call Caleb.

"This was not what I had in mind when I asked you for help." Alison frowned at Shana.

"She is one strong-willed woman." Shana glanced at Emily's empty seat. "I see what you see in her. She's badass."

"She bites off more than she can chew. I'm really worried about her doing this."

"Of course you are." Shana put her hand on Alison's shoulder. "You love her." Alison looked up at her. "But I've got you, Ali. I've got her." Alison put her hand on top of Shana's. She was still terrified, but knowing she had Shana watching their backs helped. "You two deserve a normal life. This is your shot."

"I just don't want it to get Emily shot." She glanced at Shana. "Again."

"What?"

"He didn't just shoot at us the night he ambushed us in town. A bullet actually hit her."

Shana gawked at her.

"You conveniently left that part out. How is she still standing?"

"It went through her side. It's pretty much healed at this point." Despite all the physical activity they'd been doing around the cabin. "Emily thinks he was just fucking with her that night. She says that if he wanted her dead she'd be dead. What if this time he actually shoots to kill?"

"I don't think he will…"

"But you can't know that for sure."

"Psychopaths like him…they have a pattern. I think I've almost got his figured out. From what I've gathered he likes to see her suffer. And he likes to see it from up close. He might fire potshots at her, but he's not going to kill her from the shadows. It's fucked up, but he likes to be up close and personal to see the pain. And I don't plan on letting it get that far. We'll move in long before that."

"What if he figures out that it's a trap? What happens to Emily then?"

"She'll be wearing a Kevlar vest. She won't be completely vulnerable."

"That won't matter if he aims for her head."

"Look, this is going to come to a head sooner or later. At least if we do it this way we can control things. I know you don't like this. But she's ready to face her past. You've got to respect that."

"I know. But it still sucks."

As Alison sat in the kitchen fretting over everything that could go wrong, Emily was trying to work up her nerve to call Caleb. She knew that once she talked to him there was no going back. She sat against the edge of the bed tapping her fingers against her knee. She stared at the phone. It was still a weird thing to see. No one had landlines anymore, especially not personal ones. You usually only saw them in places of business.

"God, I'm being such a sissy." Emily shook her head and grabbed the phone. She dialed Caleb's number before she could back out.

He'd barely gotten out a "hello" before she interrupted him.

"Caleb, I need a favor."

"Of course you do. You know, you never call me just to ask me how my day is going."

"How is your day going?"

"None of your fucking business." Caleb smarted back. Emily laughed. "What can I do for you?"

"I need you to spread the word about where we are to Peter's circle. I don't care how. I just need it to circulate to all the wrong people. I need it getting back to him."

There was a quiet pause on Caleb's end.

"Are you out of your mind? The whole reason you're there is to keep you two safe while we find him. The last thing you need is him finding you. Then you'll have to run again."

"I know how it sounds. But Alison has this friend, Shana. She's FBI. And she has this idea…"

"You willingly talked to the FBI?"

"I didn't know she was FBI, dumbass." Though, something about Shana had seemed off when she first met her. She should have trusted her instincts. "Alison introduced me to her and her wife. We had a really nice dinner together."

"Since when are you domestic?" Caleb snorted. "If you're being held against your will by your fellow lesbians say the phrase 'ugly cat sweater'."

"Okay, first of all, I'm offended that you would go with anything other than 'ugly pug sweater'. And second, if I was being held against my will by these women I would never leave."

"Damn. I want in on this orgy."

"Sorry, Mr. Robot, you're not our type." Emily didn't even try to be gentle about it.

"I bet that place smells like a strip joint."

"Smells better than that. There are no men here to make it smell like cheap cigars and desperation."

"You wound me with your words," he replied sarcastically. "I don't know why you'd ever want to give up the orgy life."

"Because I'm tired of running. I didn't realize how hard this was going to be now that I've got someone I care about. My priorities are different. I never thought I'd have priorities, but I do. I realized it when I was talking to Shana the night we met. She already knew that we were in trouble. Because Alison called her for help when we left town. And she agreed to help us while we were here. I didn't know she meant this kind of help. Turns out she's been doing an investigation. And she thinks we can trap him."

"Thought you didn't want him taken alive."

"Never said I wasn't hatching my own plot. They may set it up, but I don't plan on letting him walk away from me. I want him taken out in a body bag. So I offered myself as bait. Should get me close enough to him."

"You are certifiable."

"Yeah. Alison thinks so, too. And you're both right. I mean, I have been committed more than once." Emily glanced at the scars on her wrist. "But it's about more than just getting back at him. This is about my life. And Alison's life. I want our lives back. I want her to be able to live without being afraid of my past coming back to hurt us. And I want this to be over. I just want to be done."

Caleb considered her reasons.

"You trust this Shana girl?" he asked skeptically.

"I trust Alison."

"Okay." That was all he needed to hear. "Tell me what you need me to do."

She told him her idea. He agreed to get it in motion. She told him to be careful and he told her the same.

When they hung up Emily sat in the quiet room. She leaned against the edge of the bed, one hand against the mattress and the other against her knee. She was shaking. It was starting to feel real.

All she could think about was the conversation she'd had with Ethan in the motel about justice and revenge.

"He'll get what's coming to him."

She stared at the floor. She'd reached the point of no return.

She couldn't stop the inevitable. The cold icy clutch of pain that her past had over her had to end. She'd been fighting through a flurry of frozen ice alone since Ethan died. She'd stumbled through the darkness slowly freezing to death. But something had happened when she went home. A warm ember had sparked a flame that curbed the chill. The ice was melting.

She wasn't alone anymore.

A/N: The support in your reviews humbles me. Thanks for always being so nice to me, even though I put these poor girls through so much trauma.

Side note: writing Shana has been fun. I like to imagine all the dirt she has on Alison. Here's to hoping she comes through for Alison and Emily.