Brace Part 1
Missing scenes from Grace. First part for this episode from Jack's perspective. Sam's point of view to follow.
As so many times before the blue puddle forms and as so many times before, it symbolizes hope. Hope for a missing team member to come back home—fairly unhurt if that's not asked too much. When the first report from the Prometheus came in, Jack was ready to gear up to get Carter at any damn planet they needed to go. Hammond had held him back—with a suspicious side-eye and the tone of a boss that sensed a problem. Now, the shape of a nurse separates from the event horizon, then a gurney and finally her face. She is pale, a big gash on her forehead, unconscious. It only takes seconds for Janet to be by Carter's side, to check her vitals and push her off the ramp out of the gateroom. All before Jack can get a proper look at her. His instinct is to follow them and be there with her, but before he can move, Hammond steps in front of him and says, "Colonel, a word in my office?"
"Yes, Sir," Jack answers and follows Hammond. He nods to Teal'c and Daniel, who still stand in the gateroom as if not knowing what to do with themselves. There's curiosity in Daniel's eyes and some weird eyebrow raise coming from Teal'c. He looks as if he knows what Hammond wants from Jack, but Jack doesn't have time to notice because an uneasy feeling is stretching und crunching his stomach.
"Close the door, Jack," Hammond commands as he sits down and rubs his face. Jack has seen Hammond in many situations—from Armageddons to losing men and women to making impossible decisions. In each case, General Hammond had impressed Jack with courage, grace, and indestructible sereneness. Today the sereneness is gone. Hammond looks tired and exhausted even though the Prometheus has returned, and Carter is back. For maybe one rotation of earth around its axis, there is nothing to worry about besides the ever-looming danger of the Goa'Ulds. And yet the look on Hammond's face tells the story of a new threat.
"As you are aware, we're weeks from Hayes's inauguration," Hammond says finally.
"I didn't vote for him," Jack laments, but Hammond dutifully ignores him. "Once he's in office, he will be informed about the Stargate Program, and as it goes for any other department, he will decide who will be responsible for the SGC."
Jack doesn't like where this is going. Over the years, they not only had to save the world, fight snakes and techno bugs—they also had to fight the people they tried to keep alive.
"Senator Kinsey will be briefing the President and is planning on using this in his favor," General Hammond continues.
Jack's eyebrows fly up and a groan escapes him. Kinsey is worse than Anubis, Ba'al and Apophis together. Throw Nirti in the mix, and the Goa'Uld might win this evil contest by a hair.
"The SGC has always been under special observation, but with this coming up, Kinsey is trying to dig up dirt."
"Any new accusations or the same old stuff?" Jack asks, bored by this boomerang of a man and his fixed ideas.
"Jeopardizing the planet, favoritism, insubordination," Hammond lists the usual, and Jack can't stop himself from throwing a little joke that won't quite land. He says, "I don't know who would be acting insubordinate around here."
"Fraternization," Hammond shoots out deadpan, and it hits Jack right in the guts. Jack O'Neill is a man that is not easily surprised, but Hammond's last words catch him off guard.
"Excuse me?"
"There has been a lot of interest in reports regarding incidents with you and Major Carter involved. There's a quite colorful report from Dr. Lee accusing Major Carter of losing control when you went missing."
Jack's thoughts jump back to the way he had found her in the Tel'Tak. Teared up and in despair, and then he remembers his most recent conversation with Teal'c in the locker room after he might have lost his cool a bit.
"And now I just finished reading a report from SG-3 describing your behavior in search of Major Carter as 'aggressive and exasperated.'" Hammond is doing air quotes, which seem like an insult not only from Kinsey but also from his very own boss. Jack's immediate instinct is to deny all allegations, but then he remembers how he had barked at Hammond and well: insubordinate—check. Showing too much concern for Carter—check. Jack swallows his anger, but it gets stuck in his throat where it will hang for the next couple of hours.
"Sir. There is nothing between Major Carter and me," Jack says—it doesn't sound convincing even to himself.
"There have always been rumors about the two of you. I never gave much about them, because you never gave me a real reason for concern. But then she went missing, and you lost control in a busy gate room."
"She's a valuable…"
"Cut the crap, Jack. We both know that's only half the truth."
Jack is not sure what's more surprising, Hammond's outburst, or the fact that he knows that something is up.
"General, we're team members. I admit we're closer than other teams but on a purely professional level. We never broke any rules."
A sigh fills the room, and Hammond shakes his head. "Jack, I'm sorry we have to do this. You and your team saved the world more than once, and yet rules and regulations still apply to you. I know your team means a hell lot to you, and they have proven over and over again that they are willing to break all the rules to save you. Which is okay to some extent for Dr. Jackson and Teal'c, but Major Carter being Air Force and a woman makes things messy. While I believe you, others might not. Despite the truth, allegations alone can end both of your careers."
Jack gasps for air to say something but Hammond cuts him off, "I know you care about your career more than you are willing to admit. The funny thing is you might even recover from allegations, while Major Carter, who is probably more brilliant than the both of us and has a bright career in front of her, would not come back from this. After all, the Air Force is still this chauvinist club." Hammond pauses for a moment and watches how the information is sinking into Jack, then he continues, "But all personal consequences aside, we're battling someone who wants us all gone from this program. We haven't been fighting this war and sacrificing our lives just to be replaced because of an inappropriate relationship between a Colonel and his Major."
The words still ring in Jack's ears when he sits at Carter's bed. He waited until Hammond left the base to risk going to her finally. All he wanted was a quick glance of her face—the reassurance that she was back and safe. But then somehow he closed the door behind him, pulled out a chair and now he's been sitting here watching her sleep for the past hour.
A movement pulls Jack out of his thoughts. Carter blinks and finally opens her blue eyes he has come to associate with all the world's goodness.
"Hey," he says, and his plan is clear: he's going to be as normal as he can be. Quick small talk—just like usual—then out. The prove that Hammond and all those other eggheads horribly wrong. Only as always, when it comes to a plan, it's doomed from the very beginning and completely loses track when she says, "Jack?"
Jack?
His name on her lips does things to his insides nothing else has done before. And then he knows: Hammond is right, Kinsey is right, all the gossipers are right. This is a problem.
"Excuse me?" he manages to say and gets up to leave the room as soon as possible.
"Sorry, Sir," Carter says, and he tells himself it's headache pain that shows on her face and not disappointment from his rebuke.
"Yes, well, a massive concussion will tend to disorient one," he says and steps at the foot of her bed. She looks exhausted and drained and lost, and she looks at him as if he's the answer to all the questions that are rambling through her head. It's a look he can't deal with right now. One the man in him had wished to see, but the Colonel trying to fix things can't deal with. Somehow he manages to have an almost decent conversation without breaking apart. He is proud of the cake banter, made it all sound normal, and about letting her know that he's there for her—and he is. He will always be. Just even less obvious than before.
He's in the car driving and almost halfway to his cabin when he pulls over at a small motel. The sun is just coming up and bruises the sky in a purply-blue. Tiredness crawls up in his body, and he drops onto the small bed in the stuffy motel room with all his emotional heaviness. Love can go away, he thinks. It needs time. It needs consequence. It needs ignorance. And it definitely needs to stay locked in that room. Lately, they have been playing with the key ever too often. The lake she'll never going to see will be the place he's going to drown them in.
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