Chapter 3: The Science
There was an eternity of silence between the three of them before Sora finally spoke with a timid voice, "You're fucking kidding me, right?' He looked up at Riku fully expecting him to be playing a joke on him. It most certainly wasn't funny. But when he looked at Riku's face, he knew that it wasn't a joke. "No way," he continued to say, "I don't believe you…what do you mean? Oh my god, did he put you up to this? But how? You can't be serious…" The questions had no coherent logic anymore. Sora fell back onto the table, defeated, mind racing. I must be dreaming one of those weird dreams again… He blinked over and over, hoping to wake up. But every time he opened his eyes he was still in the fluorescently lit doctor's office with posters of babies all around him. And then, suddenly, he felt like he was going to pass out. "Riku, I think…I'm going to be sick…" Within seconds a small trash bin was thrust into his arms and he leaned over it and, as quietly as he could, threw up in it. This time the vomit had not come from feeling sick to his stomach but rather the overwhelming panic that had settled into his body. He barley felt Riku rubbing his back. He looked around the room to see Cadence pacing back and forth, occasionally looking at the screen. Sora finally took a breath and seemed to regain a bit of his wits.
"Sora, do you have any unusual medical history that runs in the family? Was there anything unusual about your birth?"
Sora could barely comprehend the questions being thrown at him. "Uh, no I don't think so…about either of those things. My dad's side has high blood pressure, though."
She wrote it down. At this point, anything would help. Sora tried to think of anything in his family or personal history that could explain this.. "I mean, my grandma got cancer when she got older. I did drugs when I was younger…oh god, the weed, I smoked the other day, is that bad? It's definitely not good." Sora's head was spinning.
"Well, there was that thing about your twin," Riku suddenly piped up.
"Wait, what thing about your twin?" Cadence asked.
"Oh yeah, well when I was in the womb, my mother said that I had absorbed my twin," Sora replied, hoping this was something but Cadence's brow only furrowed more and she went back to thinking.
Sora turned to Riku who was looking at him like a small child that had just been in a bike accident. "Ri, what the fuck is happening?"
"I don't know," Riku shook his head. "I mean…I guess, somehow, you are pregnant." The word hung in the air once again. Sora began to laugh, beginning to really look crazy at this point.
"That word…" Sora chuckled, "this is insane! I can't be-"
"Sora," Riku had never looked so serious in his life.
Now Sora felt the tears coming back to him, the reality was setting in. Fresh tears fell from his eyes, fast flowing. "B-but how?" He asked desperately.
Riku just shook his head and wiped away Sora's tears with his thumbs. He could barely hold back from crying himself. What was he even feeling at this point?
"Well –" came Cadence's voice form the corner. Sora had almost forgotten she was even there. Both of the men looked at her. "This may be an incredible stretch…" she looked halfway between concerned and deeply intrigued.
"I mean Cadence, I think we'll take anything at this point," Riku said softly. Sora wiped his eyes.
She cleared her throat before continuing, "Well you said that you had a twin…and well, it's possible, albeit incredibly, incredibly unlikely – like one in a million chance, trillion even, that when the twin was reabsorbed – which is a fairly common thing in twins – well, that some cells crossed over to you. Obviously, you must have had a sister."
Sora felt weird talking about the twin that he never had. He never even really thought about it except maybe right after his mom initially told him. He didn't even know the gender. He couldn't imagine having a sister…what if he had though? Now she had come back in such a mysterious way.
"But I mean, it would have had to have been at the exact right moment," she continued incredulously, "for it not to have harmed you. It would have had to happen, even still, when you were still amenable to such changes in your own body. The cells, obviously, must have been reproductive in nature and therefore, as you were growing inside your mother's womb, you developed … well, you developed a semi-functioning uterus of your own, one that would have been your sisters."
"Semi-functioning?" Sora asked.
"Well, I only say that because it doesn't function in the exact same way as a typical uterus would. Right now, it appears as though it is working very similarly to a uterus found in a woman, but of course that is something we will have to watch carefully, if you decide to move forward with this."
Sora squeezed Riku's hand harder. Neither of them had really thought about that option. They didn't know it was even possible.
"Y-you mean…I could keep it?"
"Well, there are so many variables, Sora. It's really hard to say if it will even survive much longer. Dare I say, if you were to miscarry, well I'm not exactly sure what would happen. From what I can see on the sonogram, the organ has made a small connection with your large intestine, directly after your rectum…this is how you were inseminated."
Both men blushed at the thought. They immediately thought of that night, a few weeks ago that had been the last time they made love. And oh so good it was.
"Why this time though, Cadence?" Riku asked thinking about all the other times it could have happened just as easily.
"Again, I'm not one hundred percent sure. We are embarking on many speculations. Of course it's not like the medical community hasn't seen intersex individuals…but one with a working uterus like this. Carrying a baby, no doubt. It's remarkable. But anyway, my guess is that there is a combination of things going on. One, it is simply luck that you would get pregnant on this go around. Although, once again, it's one in a billion chance, that chance has struck. Two, the organ has probably been prompted or activated by something. As men get older, not saying that you are old by any means, but even so – as they age, their testosterone levels slowly decline in the body. This may be why the uterus has found a proper environment at this time."
"So, Dr. Kinsey, is this baby even mine? I mean, is the DNA just from my sister?"
"Hmm, that is an excellent question. There is no way of knowing. It could be that way. Or it could be that since the organ developed more with you, that the eggs inside were created with your DNA. It very well could be, as extraordinary as it is, that this child has three official parents." Dr. Kinsey looked more astounded with every word she spoke. "Such a thing can only be checked once the baby is born."
"Okay, okay, okay," Sora couldn't believe what was even happening. He had to get answers. All of them. "So lets saaay that I was to have this thing, how could I even do that? Obviously I can't have a baby out of my butt."
Dr. Kinsey smiled at this. "Well, of course not. But I don't see why we could just do a simple C-section as we do with many of our moms." The words "moms" hung in the air for a few seconds before she continued. "Of course, like I said, if you were to miscarry…well, we'd have to operate immediately. You could go into sepsis if the cells and everything wasn't removed properly. We would have to keep an incredibly close eye on every single aspect of this pregnancy, that is for sure. However, it is remarkable how far it has come so far. You seem to be exhibiting rather normal, albeit exaggerated, symptoms of a normal pregnant woman. The uterus is a bit lower than normal, but so far I can't see that that would be too much of a problem. We will have to do some tests on hormone levels and to see how the amnio fluid is fairing along. I am a little worried about the elasticity of your skin as well as certain bone structures that you lack. But I think we can see how that goes as we go along. The baby is doing remarkably well. It is at a healthy size, perhaps a little small as well as a strong heartbeat."
Riku and Sora looked at each other, worried, wondering what the other was thinking. "A-and what if, we decided to …to get rid of it?"
Dr. Kinsey contorted her face to a more severe look. "Well, I could do an operation. It would be pretty simple. However due to this unique situation, I cannot say with certainty that the womb would remain in tact and it might have to be removed." This is all she left it to, however. "I would advise you both to go home and think about this. Get some sleep on it. It is a big decision. I would like to do some further testing, if you should decide to keep it."
The room was silent, all of them were deep in thought. Dr. Kinsey thought about all the science and medical knowledge she had in order to best serve her patients. Sora didn't know what to think, he was worried and excited and confused all at the same time. And, well, Riku was thinking: "Wait a minute, Cadence. This is too important to be left unsaid." Both the doctor and Sora had no idea what Riku was about to say.
Riku suddenly became very serious and had a defensive look in his eye. He pointed at her, "you cannot – I repeat – cannot tell anyone about this."
"Riku, I – I don't want you to think that I would ever do anything to create harm for you or Sora. But talking with my colleagues might be a necessary step."
"Well, we will have to revisit that when we get to it. We haven't decided on anything at this time. But I cannot have Sora become a science experiment and being shipped away for the purposes of research. This is our life and our baby. If you tell anyone…we'll sue."
"Okay, okay. You have my word. We will proceed with caution but bare in mind that I may need assistance. But I will try my very best to help you both with this."
Riku nodded in acknowledgement. But he knew that this could not get too far outside of this room or else Sora would be taken away from him and for who knows how long.
"Can we go home now?" Sora finally asked. "Will everything be okay with the baby for now?"
"Well, it seems to be. Let me grab you a few sheets on foods to avoid. Make sure not to drink alcohol, caffeine, or smoke."
Sora thought of the weed and felt a pang of guilt. Damn, I'm already bad at this.
"I would also advise to limit any strenuous activity; we just aren't sure of the fragility of your uterus at this stage. Limiting contact with chemicals of any kind would also be advisable. I can get you a prescription for a very mild nausea medicine. If you have any pains, just take Tylenol. Drink plenty of water and try to get some food down you."
"Okay," Sora lowered his gown and hopped off the table, grabbing his clothes on the chair. He was exhausted from this day and had little energy left to give. He heard Riku and Cadence whispering about something in the corner but didn't have the energy to listen. "Riku, I'm ready to go."
"Okay, babe. Cadence?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you," Riku gave a small smile to his boss before leaving the room. She nodded in return and handed Riku the sheets of paper.
The ride home was silent. Sora looked out the car window, trying his best to gather his thoughts. He wanted to talk to Riku because he was scared but he also just wanted to sleep. This was a lot to handle. Riku didn't want to push Sora into talking, so he patiently waited. When they got home Sora immediately turned to the bedroom. "Can I get you anything, So?"
"Ehhghhh…" was all that Riku could hear in reply.
"I'll take that as a no…" whispered Riku as he walked into the kitchen. He then took a magnet from the refrigerator and pinned the sheets of paper to the front. He decided to put on a pot of water for some tea.
Sora practically fell into bed. He never wanted to leave. A few minutes later, Riku came in with two mugs of tea. He took off his clothes and crawled into bed with Sora. "I brought you some tea if you want it." Sora looked up at the ceiling, baring holes with his gaze. He didn't dare look at Riku…he was too afraid of what expression he might find on his husband's face. Riku probably wants the damn thing…but, do I? He began to think about the future, as a flood of non-existent memories washed over him. He thought about rocking the baby to sleep, feeding him or her in their highchair, playing with the toys…watching Riku play with their child. The last one sent an intense jolt through his veins and his heart felt like it was melting. Finally, Sora mustered the courage to look at Riku who was just looking down at the duvet cover.
"Riku?"
Riku looked up rather quickly, the anxiety that was racing through his own body kept him on high alert. "Yeah?"
"So…"
"So."
Sora closed his eyes briefly before finally asking, "What do you think?"
"What do I think? I just want to know what you think."
"To be perfectly honest, I …really…don't know."
"Me either," Riku sighed.
Sora felt relief wash over his body as Riku agreed with him. He was sure that Riku would be more pro-baby. "You don't?"
"Well…no, not exactly. I mean…it's all so complicated. We haven't really spent much time discussing kids."
Sora felt guilty as he had been actively avoiding the conversation for some time. "Yeah, I know. I guess I always thought that you wanted them…right?"
"Not if you didn't," Riku reassured. He was trying to sound as on-the-fence about the whole thing as he could. Deep down it was true that he sometimes dreamed of having a family with Sora…and the thought brought him a lot of joy. But, if Sora was unhappy with having kids, then so was he because all in all Sora was his family. Riku wanted to move to comfort his lover but was unsure if Sora wanted to be touched at the moment. "Do you?"
Sora was finally being faced with the question he tried so hard to avoid. "I-I don't…know. I guess this is a different sort of situation than I originally thought though…I mean, I always thought that if we were going to do it, we were going to adopt."
"Right," Riku responded.
"And that was kind of hard for me. I'm not sure why but I just couldn't imagine us having – rather, I just felt like there was a disconnect for me, which sounds awful but it's the truth."
"Did you ever think about surrogacy, then?" Riku prodded.
Sora furrowed his brow, "No, I don't know…maybe. I imagined it once or twice, but it was always with your sperm and an unidentifiable woman. I just don't know, it was too vague. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to give up having just us…"
"I know, it's scary…" Riku thought about this, too. He had to admit that the time with Sora was so good and he wasn't sure how to bring a third person into the fold. Sora looked at Riku when he said this and realized that they were both on the same page all along.
"But," Sora said.
Riku's heart leapt, "but?" They looked each other square in the eyes now, both looking for answers.
And before he knew it, Sora was saying something he never thought he would in a billion years. "But, I mean, this is kinda a small miracle, really…if you believe in that sort of thing."
"It's more than small, Sora," Riku felt it was okay to reach out for Sora's body. They both were laying on their sides looking at one another and Riku rested his hand on his lover's hip, pulling slightly. They both inched a bit closer to each other. Sora's leg instinctively jutted between Riku's legs.
"Well, it's pretty small right now," Sora smiled as he just couldn't help himself.
But that was it for Riku – as if this one tiny act of humor said it all. First a huge smile slowly crept over his face and he let out a small chuckle. Quickly, though, the happiness, anxiety, and excitement exploded inside him and he couldn't take it anymore. Tears welded up in his eyes and he reached around to press into Sora's back so there would no longer be any space between them. Riku kissed the top of Sora's forehead and they embraced.
"Riku," Sora muttered into Riku's chest. "I can't breathe…"
"Oh sorry!" Riku quickly loosened his grip and Sora pulled away enough to look into his husband's face. They both smiled. Sora wiped away the tears that spilled onto Riku's face. Sora's heart was melting so fast as he couldn't deny how happy it made him feel to see Riku so happy. The last time he cried was on their wedding day…
"So," Sora started shakily, "Riku? Do you wanna have a baby with me?"
That just started it all again as Riku pulled Sora's face up and showered it with what seemed like hundreds of kisses. Sora started to laugh as Riku continued. "Yes," Riku finally whispered, "Oh god, yes, I wanna have a baby with you." Riku, who was now hovering above Sora, leaned down to kiss those soft pink lips. "A-are you sure about this?" Riku dared to ask.
"I mean, it's so crazy…it's a miracle that I can even have one, so I mean I have to try," Sora ended the statement more as a question.
Riku flopped over onto his back again, "But I just…," sadness crept into his voice suddenly, "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you." He said it in such a way that Sora knew that he really meant it. Sora glanced over at his lover and saw Riku worriedly staring up at the ceiling. Sora knew what Riku must be thinking and wanted to get happy Riku back.
"I mean, it is our choice, together. Cadence said it would be difficult and I don't doubt it, but she also said it was going well so far and this is always the hardest part of a pregnancy anyway. We know the risks…I know the risks and it would be a shame not to try."
Riku's face melted into a sad smile as he turned his head to look at Sora once more. He could only nod in agreement, even though he knew that he would probably blame himself if something bad happened to Sora in this whole process. It was his dick that got them into this trouble after all.
Sora cupped Riku's face in his palm as they simply stared. Their facial expressions "saying" each emotion that popped into their racing minds. They did this for an hour until finally Sora turned over to be small spoon to Riku's big spoon. Riku couldn't get close enough to Sora, he wanted to embrace his partner for eternity. The day had left them with little energy and so they finally laid down to rest. Riku cautiously, not knowing what Sora would think (but honestly, he just couldn't help himself), crept his hand along Sora's side and, as gently as possibly could, rested his hand on top of Sora's bellybutton. On top of their baby. Sora moved slightly but didn't protest and Riku relaxed. After a minute or so, Sora untucked his own hand from underneath his head and rested in squarely on top of Riku's.