She fell in love with him because she has seen him at his absolute worst and watched him come out stronger on the other side.
They had always been friends, well kind of. Possibly, just acquaintances? He tolerated her, possibly out of respect she guessed. She could never really narrow it down because thinking on it too much only caused her pain. For her... he was simply untouchable.
At moments through out school, he always had a plate full. He battled his own demons she could relate to well, there was never an appropriate time for her to say anything of the sort to him about her feelings, it didn't seem important. She honestly didn't think he'd care enough to return the feelings anyway, so she was smart enough to just suppress it.
.
Fiona swirled the dark amber remains around the nealy emply glass that dangled from her finger tips.
It was the night of their graduation and her entire seventh year class gathered to celebrate their survival of school and toast to their future. The morale inside The Three Broomsticks was high as everyone excitedly clunk their glasses together in unity.
She didn't normally drink, this was perhaps her third, maybe fourth time in her entire life. But she needed to see if she had any feelings left in her. Possibly, if she drank enough fire whiskey, some sort of emmotion would appear... because she felt empty.
Without hesitation, she willingly accepted a lab research job in Canada. She was going to leave with a clear head. She was going to start an amazing new life not tethered by the past she hated so much. So why did it feel like something that tasted like regret gurgled in her throat?
"C'mon Fi, don't act so glum, we'll still see eachother... you act like my apparation skills are unworthy..." Fiona's dearest friend Pansy sat beside her.
Fiona swallowed uncomfortably, the whiskey compelling her to realize things she forced herself to forget years ago.
Pansy was betrothed to Draco, they were meant to live their lives together happily from as early as either of them can remember... That's why Fiona's crush had to be squashed before she even understood it. Unfortunately for her, it only grew over time. The more she witnessed him become a capable and worthy man, the harder she fell in love with him.
"I'm fine," Fiona told her as soberly as she could muster.
She is fine.
.
Fiona was the opposite of sober and the full definition of pissed. It didn't take much time for her to feel the walls close in uncomfotably and for her to search out solace.
The cool air from outside burned her lungs, but she was gratful to gulp it down. It comforted her to no longer share air with the happiness inside.
.
Draco smiled when he realized it was just Fiona who burst out the back door. He chuckled as he watched her dramatically gulp air.
He's always deeply respected her for her steely exterior. He knew for a fact she lived a practically torturous existance being a Ravenclaw and the fifth daughter in a family of Slytherins and Death Eaters. He knew she harbored some of his own personal secrets and deeply admired her for her strenth.
They never seemed to be at the right place or time to form a bond. He knew if time had ever allowed it, they could have been close.
"Alright there Fiona?"
Fiona froze, her world whirling for multople reasons, "Draco?"
He was leaning against the brick wall, looking at her quizzically.
Her breath began to feel harboured, fighting rapidly to keep pace with her heart, "No... no. I'm not ok."
He didn't expect that. He pushed away from the wall to look at her intensly. Not once has she ever shown an inkling of vulnerability, did she mean that? He realized that some drink had altered her usual pristine appearence. "I didn't know you drank..."
A light laugh escaped her, it sounded almost pathetic, "Yeah, I'm trying something new..."
She heaved a breath, unsure of what to do with herself. All her feelings were at the tip of her tongue. The firewhiskey was violently threatening to to ruin the last seven years of her life... and he looked concerned?
"I leave tomorrow for Canada," she suddenly blurted.
"For how long?"
Even in her state, she found it sweet that was his first question, "Indefinately... I found a really good job."
Draco felt a saddness he didn't expect. He wasn't prepared for the thought that he may not see her again. He scrutinized her closer, her ususal pale skin was tinged pink with drink, her normally coifed chestnut hair was dishelved.
Instantly... he regretted never telling her how he felt.
It was just... different with her. She wasn't an ordinary girl, almost like she was too good for him and he knew it.
He assumed they would all attend Uni together, sudden desolation filled him.
Fiona didn't know how to dissect his silence, her decision-making skills could no longer be trusted. She frowned, she could no longer mask herself.
Draco watched in astonishment as her eyes began to blink rapidly and her teeth started gnawing on her bottom lip. She was... about to cry! He felt as if he was witnessing a unicorn birth. He wasn't even aware she was capable of shedding tears!
The moment her mouth gaped open and her cries rang out he encased her. It was all he could think of to do. He pulled her against him tightly, trying to muffle the whimpers, his shock still persistant.
"Fiona? What's wrong? What's... why are you crying?"
It was hard to understand because she was pressed so hard into his chest, but he's sure he heard, "Everything!"
He didn't understand what was happening, it was hard to grasp watching her express emmotions. He waited, he didn't let go. He just waited until she felt she could speak again.
Fiona's world was spinning out of control. How?!
How does she find herself in his arms on her very last night? Her life was cruel.
It took a few minutes, but her breathing eventually evened out and he pulled back just far enough to look into eyes.
"Are you sad about leaving your friends, or about leaving Hogwarts?"
His eyes enlarged when her frown deepened and it looked like the tears would return. This time though, it was visible her eyes were beginning to lid and her body was trying not to sway. She drank too much.
"I'm... sad about leaving you..."
Draco felt like lightening struck his body, a shift in his world at her words and what they meant? He wanted to ask her more, he wanted to beg her to clarify... but her head was lulling. She needed to be put to bed.
.
Fiona blinked rapidly, staring at her blue canopy. She had no memory of getting back to her bed...
She sat up, her heart racing. The feeling of having no control was foreign to her. She's never had holes in her memory.
Last night... was awful. She was sad, she mostly sat alone... she drank... a lot. She drank too much!
Flickers of Draco in an alley flashed through her thoughts, but maybe that was just a dream. The longer she urged herself to think hard about her night, the more she remembered, she definately spoke with him.
Did she... really talk to him the night before? Panic formed tightly in her chest!
.
Draco had fallen into silence since he heard her words. Did she mean what she said? Did she... like him? Did they waste all their time apart when they could have been together?
He never chased his feelings for her because he considered her a loyal friend. Yes, she was Pany's best friend, but he also repected her greatly. Plus, she never once gave the impression she cared for him. She treated him utterly plutonic to the point that it would infuriate him. Through all the years, his subconcious led him to believe they would be nothing more than a fantasy, but he still wished she showed jealousy or compassion just once. He'd rather have her as his level-headed, cold-hearted friend, than not have her at all. And letting her become aware of how he felt would change that for the worse.
The clock in his room chimed one p.m. and he knew at once that she had already boarded her train and was well on her way to becoming very far away from him. His only comfort was that he was able to place a gentle goodbye kiss on her forehead and tuck her safely into her bed.
Still, he wandered to the train station, his mind becoming absent. It was making him reel with how hard he was taking her leaving.
.
Fiona sat at Hogsmeade Station on a wooden bench.
Her mind was knotted now... but she knew that time and space would untangle it. That was precisely why she made the decsion to leave in the first place. It didn't matter what she said to him, she was leaving.
She was leaving because she loved him, but he... belonged to her best friend. She was leaving because staying would only rip her apart. School was over, her obligation in that place was fullfilled. They couldn't be together, they didn't belong together. Whatever she said to him the night before didn't change a thing, it didn't...matter at all.
"Fiona?"
Her heart thumped an uncomfortable hiccup.
No...
There he was. Standing beautiful in the daylight, a dream she did not deserve.
"Dr-Draco? What are you doing here?"
He walked up to her with a purpose, a determination in his shocked eyes she wasn't expecting, "You're still here?"
Her shoulders shrugged, she was not ready to see him, "Graup was sleep walking or something, broke a track..." Except, she was sober now. She could control herself. So she inhaled, allowing her mask of stone to settle again.
Draco didn't plan out any words, he was absolutly convinced she was gone, so to see her before him... it was hard to articulate.
Fiona stood up and squared her shoulders, she shoud at least squash her embarassment before she left, "I'm sincerely sorry if I said or did something stupid last night... I drank outside of my means..."
He smiled, despite the circumstances, it was so good to see her. "So... you don't remember what you said?"
The color drained from her face, but she never gave any infliction away, "Whatever it was, just disreguard it as drunken ramblings, please."
"I liked you better last night, at least you were honest with me."
"What?" Fiona felt her jaw slacken, she couldn't believe his casualty. She felt petrified, what did she say?!
"You didn't lie to me, you were honest."
"About what..." she wondered aloud. How was he making her come undone?
"About how you really feel about me..."
She searched his wide, honest eyes, she caught his lip quiver for a moment and she knew it wasn't easy for him to say.
"Please...just tell me what I said," she told him with her eyes averted in embarrassment.
When she looked back he was deadly serious, "After... you cried in my arms... you told me you were sad to leave me..."
How did her own mouth betray her so visciously? "I..."
He smirked, she wasn'y denying it. Then he sighed, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"What?" she yelped in surprise.
He was calm, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes toward the sky, "I should have told you sooner too..."
She felt surreal, his words spun around her.
A loud whistle broke her astonishment. The train, it was there. She was leaving soon.
"Told me...?" Her voice didn't sound like her own, like a distant echo.
He smiled small, his eyes were quite bright, but a saddness lurked behind them.
"That I care about you too..."
The sound of silence was thunderous, she couldn't fathom he...? Her lungs burned and she struggled for a quick gasp, "What?"
Draco wanted to cry. No, the cruel irony was not lost on him. It was a tragedy. Another whistle from the train joustled them.
She looked into his eyes, "But what about Pansy? You're betrothed to her..."
"Is that why you never said anthing? Why you never gave me even the smallest clue you cared at all? Out of loyalty... to her?"
Fiona's face was back to the grave facade she kept almost all the time. Realty came back to it's rigid form, "Of course."
Draco swallowed the bitter pill harshly, Pansy was like a sister to him... he never intended to marry her, not once. He set his jaw firm, "I never planned on marrying her..."
"But she thinks-"
"I've tried telling her, you know how-"
"She's stubborn."
She nodded, her realization giving her an odd comfort and hurting her at the same time...
A silence streched between them and then finally, the third whistle blew. She looked down, unable to process what exactly was happening, "I have to go now..."
Draco's heart bottomed out. She was really leaving before they even had a chance...
He had no words, he couldn't stop her, he had no clue what she was thinking...
"Of course... have a safe trip... and good luck."
Again, breathing was difficult, her heart was unyielding, absolutely no connection from brain to body. She turned and took a step.
The urge suddenly kicked her in the stomach and she turned back to him abruptly.
He watched her carefully, surprized she turned back around. Her mouth was slightly agape and she licked her bottom pink lip quickly. He knew she had more to say, but wouldn't express it sober.
Fiona had no idea why she turned around, well she did... but she thought she told her body to protest, so why did she do it still? In one day he has taken all her self control.
Draco inhaled as she came in quick, her lips chastly pressing against his own. The moment disappeared instantly, just like when one wakes from a dream. He touched his lips in disbeleif, the pain of knowing he'll never have the feeling again gutting him.
"I wish...you would have told me sooner too..." Her eyes seemed a thousand years old.
This time, she fought with her deepest courage to not turn around. Tears welled in her eyes and she refused to let another person ever see them again... To think... school could have been so different...
"Goodbye Draco."
Draco watched until the train was a tiny dot in the distant, the pain of watching a piece of his heart leave gutting him.