Chapter 4: Secure
The headlights of the mustang illuminate the quiet road as he takes the last turn back to their holiday home. A brown paper bag with two bottles of red wine and a few nibbles his only company, resting in the passenger's seat. He's eager to get back to her, not willing to surrender a single second of this time away together, memories of the hour or two they'd spent tangled up in bed after dinner dance behind his eyes and a wave of goosebumps cover his skin.
He's said it before, over and over, how once they took the plunge, it had felt like they'd always been together, so while their relationship has only been official for a short while, he feels a deeper connection. The type of link you expect to see in a married couple. It elates him daily, he's always felt close to her, but at the same time just out of reach, but she's here now, as she once said to him, and she's not going anywhere.
Harvey had expected almost, to feel a new sense of anxiety in this relationship, one which stemmed from his long present abandonment issues, considering Donna had always been the focal point of his fears.
But strangely he doesn't, a sense of security building stronger inside him with every glance, every touch, every kiss. It's a type of inner peace he hasn't felt in a long time, but that's just the wonder of her.
His stream of consciousness follows the flow of her, until, before long, he's pulling into the drive way, noticing the flicker of the fireplace through the opaque window blinds. He's reaching for the shopping bag when suddenly a ringing catches him by surprise, a vibration buzzing from within the dashboard, prompting him to open the glove compartment.
Donna's phone tumbles out, screen lit up and ringtone piercing the silence before it shuts off abruptly. He presumes she must have left it behind earlier and reaches down to retrieve it from the ground, the screen relighting at the same moment, several text messages appearing, all from the same contact, a woman labelled Jane – casting.
The fact that he doesn't recognize the name is what draws him in to read the messages, plenty of texts demanding that Donna take her call:
Opportunities like this don't come around often.
This could be big.
It's always been your dream Donna, this is your chance!
Harvey finds himself frowning at the words, confused as to the context when suddenly the phone begins to buzz again, and without thinking he's swiping to answer the call.
The woman on the other end of the phone begins rambling before Harvey can even draw a breath, "Donna! Thank God you finally answered, I've been trying to keep a few auditions on hold for you but if you don't give me an answer soon, I won't be able to anymore, there's one role in particular that is absolutely to die for –"
"Sorry, this is Harvey Specter, her boyfriend, she left her phone in my car." He explains.
"Oh, Mr. Specter! I've heard plenty about you, it's nice to –kind of- meet you, you must be so excited for Donna." She exclaims down the phone.
"Yeah, of course, what –" he plays along, not wanting to seem out of the loop.
"Well when I heard she'd been suspended I was heartbroken for her, but then all these perfect and oh so Donna roles kept crossing my desk and I just took it as a sign! When I spoke to her she seemed so eager, I'm so delighted she's decided to return to the theatre world."
His lips part, jaw falling slack, a million thoughts race through his mind, why would she hide this from him? Why would she come out here with him, to meet Gwen if she had no intention of working with them?
Anger and hurt worm their way into his chest, as he realizes that Jane is still babbling.
"She's just made for the stage, you must be very proud."
The truth is he is, he always has been proud of her acting abilities, God knows she's fooled him with them more than once or twice. He'd love to see her return to the stage, deep down, he knows he wants that for her as much as she does, but resentment at her secret keeping and an old manifestation of contempt at the thought of them not working side by side anymore clouds his judgement and he finds himself hanging up the phone with an abrupt goodbye.
He trudges up the stairway that leads to the front door, brown bag tucked under his arm as he fumbles with the lock, shutting the door with a loud bang, not quite a slam, but enough to make his presence known.
"Hey," he hears as he enters the kitchen and living area, Donna perched on the couch and smiling up at him, though he thinks he see her expression falter, as though she's already managed to read his mind, "Thank God you're back, you won't believe it but that associate of Gwen's was lurking -"
He drops the bag of groceries on the kitchen counter with an abruptness that startles her, stopping short as she frowns at his turned back.
"Harvey, is everything alright?" Genuine concern evident in her voice.
He reaches into his pocket, retrieving her phone and holding it in the air as he turns slowly to face her, a sort of quiet frustration radiating from him.
"Just got off the phone with your friend Jane," he says with indifference, as though there were nothing wrong, watching as he face falls in realization, "when were you going to tell me that you have no intention of moving to Striker's firm with me?"
She takes a deep breath, instantly regretting not telling him about the opportunity she'd been offered the moment she'd found out, "Harvey, this is a misunderstanding, let me explain."
"You know what, I don't want to hear it." He shakes his head, never raising his voice, keeping it low, and it almost hits harder that way, as she hears the hurt laced in his tone, "Did you think I wouldn't support you? Is that what this is about? Because you know I would-"
"No, no it's not that," she pleads with him, "the offer came along the same day as you were contacted by Striker, I was conflicted, I - I didn't know what I wanted."
"But you do now?"
"What?" She breathes.
"You said you 'didn't know' which implies that now you've made your choice." She can't seem to decipher the tone of his voice, leaving her flustered, but faced with telling the truth nonetheless.
"I want to take the acting job, I've wanted to tell you but -"
"Jesus Christ Donna you don't keep things from me!" He yells defensively.
"I thought you said you'd support me." She spits back.
"Yeah, well that was before you decided to lie and make a fool of me, how is this going to look to Gwen? We've wasted her time."
"Harvey this is what I wanted to tell you, but you won't Goddamn Listen!" She huffs exasperated, "I don't think either of us should be going there, we don't know her well enough, and we're about to sign our careers away into her hands, her associate is already out to get us, and if that doesn't speak volumes to -"
"Bullshit Donna, you're only saying all of this because you don't want to go." He scoffs.
"I wouldn't do that and you know it," he does, but he's blinded by his anger at her, "I have a bad feeling about this -"
"So I'm supposed to make career choices now based off your feelings?" He asks mockingly.
Her eyes cold as she replies, "It's always paid off for you before."
He knows she's right, the comment was stupid, her gut feeling having saved their asses more than once or twice.
"But even if you won't take my advice, nothing's stopping you going to work there without me."
The words hit like a ton of bricks, knocking the air from his chest, his old fears rising again and threatening to overwhelm him, 'without her'. It's always daunted him, the fact that one day he may be without her, but since they'd gotten together the fear had diminished. But now, it seemed to return tenfold.
He shakes his head, pushing off the counter and heading back in the direction of the door, he can hear her fast paced footsteps following him, but he doesn't stop.
"Where are you going?" She asks and he can hear the waver in her voice as he pulls the door open, making him feel a stab of guilt in his abdomen.
"Out." He grumbles.
"Harvey, please."
But the echo of the door slamming is the only response she receives.
XXX
Hi! I'm back, sorry for the wait but I've had terrible writers block on top of being abroad on holiday. I hope this chapter was up to standard!
More to come...